Two Peas in a Bucket
by ceeray3
Summary: How do Booth & Brennan handle their separation? Can they overcome the situation that brings them back together? Will they work together and triumph over the changes in their lives? Or will Booth's disability rip them apart?  Post Season 5.
1. Reflections

**Just going to jump into the deep end with this. I need the distraction of a different kind of terror right now! The beginning is short. My first foray into fiction of any kind. I swore I'd never write Bones. (It's on Twitter, I'm not kidding!) I want to thank a couple of people, but if this sucks and you hate it, don't blame them! GCatsPjs & Thnx4theGum...y'all are awesome. Really.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Bones, just addicted to it.**

Reflections

Booth looked down at the hand he grasped so tightly. He didn't want to let go, couldn't let go, but knew he had to. Was he moving on or was he letting go hoping she'd come back to him? He looked up into her eyes, the eyes of the woman who had come to mean so much to him, and his heart exploded. He felt it. He'd always said these feelings existed. Truly believed they existed. But she was the one who'd proven to him just how overwhelming and powerful they could be. How they could literally define his concept of the world and his place in it. Somehow, he'd wrapped his whole life around her. She was right. As badly as he hated to admit it, he needed to gain some perspective too. He had let his feelings for her consume him.

Booth's voice reflected his fears as he made a vow to meet her at the coffee cart. Their coffee cart. He squeezed her hand even more as he made his promise, as if the strength of his grip could help dissolve his fears, and felt her hand return the pressure. She smiled as she confidently returned the same promise to him. Coffee cart. One year.

He'd known this was going to be difficult. Who was he kidding? He'd known it was going to be worse than the night he'd taken a chance. But this? This was ripping his heart out. A year? How was he going to survive a year without talking to her every day? Without running ideas by her to get her take? Without teasing her and laughing with her? He looked into her eyes. God, he was going to miss those eyes, that smile...everything about her.

It was time. It was time to move on. It was time to let them both get the perspective they needed. It was time to figure out if they could make it without the constant companionship they'd grown used to over the years. She had a plane to catch. He had a job to do. He straightened his hand and gently tugged it from her grasp. He was going to be strong if it killed him.

He turned and walked away from his life. He knew the sound of a heavy metal door slamming shut was only his imagination, but he winced just the same. The sound triggered an onslaught of memories, each one coming faster than the last. All of the times she'd looked up at him from the bones of victims in the lab. The pain in her face when he had to tell her Ripley was dead. The fear in her eyes while she waited to see if she'd successfully manipulated twelve people into doubting her father was a murderer. With each step he took, another memory flooded into his mind. Flashes of meals at the diner. Celebrations at the Founding Fathers. Every single one of her smiles. But the sound of that slamming door stopped on the memory that lead them to this moment:

He had been so nervous. He'd had so much to lose. But Sweets had been right. Booth was the gambler. It wasn't gambling if you had nothing to lay on the table. Their partnership would go on forever, just like it had been, if he didn't make the first move. His fateful statement rang through his mind again, "I believe in giving this a chance." Her panicked look and desperate, "No! No!" followed. That night he'd been so sure that things could be different for them. So ready to show her a different life. But she'd been just as sure as he had been. Her words now echoed through his mind. "I can't change. I don't know how. I don't know how."

He stopped. Was this it? Here, in this airport? Was this the last time they'd be 'them'? He needed to see her one more time. Just one more glimpse of her parting figure. He turned, worry and fear etched in every line of his face, knowing he might be looking for the last time on a life he loved more than he'd ever thought possible. What he saw caused him to pause. She slowly turned, her eyes sought his and that beautiful face of hers reflected the same worry and fear as his. What did it mean? She had been so confident just a minute ago. He looked into her eyes, the eyes he desperately loved and would miss more than he could express to even himself. For the first time since that night all those weeks ago…he felt hope. He turned and walked away from her, toward his new life.


	2. Kids

**A/N: I need to add my thanks to MiseryMaker1 for tolerating my questions!**

Booth made his way to the day room where everyone gathered to hang out and relax at the end of the day. He'd been in Afghanistan just over a week now and so far it had lived up to his expectations...he'd been absolutely miserable. He'd learned his way around post, but hadn't really interacted with many of the soldiers there. He had purposely avoided getting to know them. The first thing he'd noticed when he'd arrived was just how unbelievably dry and hot this place really was. He'd allowed himself to forget, had actually pushed memories of this place and places like it out of his head. They had come back in a rage the minute his foot touched the ground. He'd gotten settled in pretty quickly though and met the group of soldiers he'd be responsible for training. He'd even begun to remember their names without the aid of the patches on their uniforms. Training hadn't gotten really intense yet, he still needed to fully assess their current skill levels before they'd be going out on missions. He had a very short window of opportunity to do everything he needed before they'd all be put to the test.

Thoughts of Corporal Parker and so many other soldiers entered his mind. He'd become good friends with everyone he'd been with before. Especially Parker. He was one of his first partners. Partners had a responsibility for each other. Lives depended on it. Booth could feel the onslaught of memories he'd had that day as if it were yesterday. Booth had known how dangerous the mission was, but he had just wanted to get the bastard. He had been concentrating so hard on making a clean shot that he'd let his guard down just a moment. And in that one moment, he'd let Parker down in the worst of all possible ways. While Booth's gut had served him well since childhood, he sometimes resented what it had to say. He had known what it was saying the second Parker was hit. He'd tried. He'd tried with everything he had in him to save Parker. He also knew his efforts would be futile. They were too far away. Just too far away. He prayed. He cursed. He begged. He ran until his legs burned with the effort and then ran some more. And the whole time he was having silent conversations with God and with his gut to shut the hell up and help him save the boy draped over his shoulder, he was telling Parker everything would be okay. He was going to be fine and they'd be laughing about this over beers one day. The blood running down his back from where Parker was slung over his shoulder screamed louder than even Booth's gut though. How could he have been so careless? He'd let one moment of selfishness rule his mind and his partner had lost his life. He was going to make sure these kids knew that partners came first. And he would make sure that none of them would ever be his friend. He knew he was protecting himself and he was sure Sweets would have something annoying to say about that if he were here, but he also knew the likelihood of making it back to DC without losing one of these guys was pretty slim. He had to keep his distance this time if he was going to be any good to these soldiers. Emotions were no good in the field.

As Booth's stomach rolled, he was reminded yet again of another reason for an awful week. He'd picked up a bug, probably from one of the hundreds of stupid petri dishes the squints kept at the lab. He'd been making what felt like hundreds of treks to the bathroom since he'd arrived and he was not happy about it. One, he didn't like being sick. At all. And having _that kind of ailment_ was absolutely mortifying. He refused to say the words, even in his own thoughts. Two, he was here to teach and lead these guys and it just didn't make a good impression when he was constantly having to fabricate excuses to leave the area so he could secretly make yet another trip to the damn john. Alpha male tendencies...he could hear Bones now trying to explain to him with her ten dollar words how ridiculous it was to be so alpha male concerning bodily functions he'd rather not discuss. He let out a frustrated sigh as he made a quick detour, yet again, before heading to the day room. He'd gotten a cursory knowledge of the soldiers' technical abilities, now he wanted to get a feel for personalities. While emotions may not be good in the field, a knowledge of what reactions to expect from each of them was necessary. He had to know who he was dealing with. What better way to get that knowledge than just watch them as they hung out at the end of the day. Once work was over, they relaxed and forgot they were soldiers for a while. Those were the kids he wanted to study.

Booth moved to sit in a chair at the edge of the room and began laying out supplies to polish his scope. The commotion around the room paused momentarily when he stepped in. The guys were a little surprised to see him there since he'd not made any effort to spend time near them outside of duty hours. Booth glanced around the room and for the first time he noticed, really noticed, just how young they all were. As he got to work, the level of activity returned to its previous level. It was unnecessary for Booth to work on his scope, it was in pristine order, but then he was a perfectionist and he had an example to set. This was his purpose now. His mission. Technically he may have been sent to train these...men...but the orders may just as well have said he was here to protect them. As far as he was concerned, that was what he was here to do. Teach them. Protect them. At all costs. He'd made a promise to Bones, but he'd made a promise to these kids...wait...to these men, as well. It was so hard to remind himself to think of them as men. Some were fresh out of high school and had only learned to drive a few years ago.

As he sat there, he let his mind drift back to DC and the memories it held. Sometimes memories were what kept men going in a place like this. If he were at work, he'd be tempted to think of kids the same age as these soldiers as snot nosed brats. Hell, even twelve year old Sweets garnered little outward respect from him. Seriously though, who could blame him with Sweets' childish exclamations of "Dude" and "Wicked Evil" and all the rest of the nerdy exclamations he always used. The kid brought it on himself.

Another one of those kids in a grown up job crossed his mind. The little State Department punk who had to decide whether or not Booth would be the best agent for the Yuri Antonov case they had originally thought was about diamonds. The hint of a grin crossed his face as he remembered the first time he'd met Harold Prescott. He'd been professional...at the beginning.

Charley had shown the kid to Booth's office. Booth could tell he was State before Charley ever opened his mouth to relay that information. The kid just had that eager glint in his eye, like he thought he was going to waltz into Booth's house and call the shots. Booth had that uncanny ability to read people both quickly and accurately and he appreciated that talent. Especially then. He sized up his new visitor and felt like a mouse had just been dropped into his lion's den. He was going to enjoy this.

Booth had found over the years that it was usually, not always, but usually easy to start initial meetings off on the right foot, the 'Booth foot', when he towered over people. Booth now used the rather dramatic height difference between them to knock some of the glint out of the little punk's eye. He also threw some intimidation into his swagger for good measure. Of course, to outward appearances, he was being nothing more than absolutely professional, rising to meet a colleague at his door in order to shake his hand, albeit quite firmly! The bob of the boy's adam's apple let Booth know his tactics were already working though. He started innocently enough. "What can I do for you...?" he trailed off, raising his eyebrows as he inclined his head, waiting for the young man to introduce himself.

The kid raised his chin a fraction of an inch before answering. "Harold Prescott," he stated, with all the snobbish authority the name implied. Booth had half expected to hear 'the third' follow the name, and was almost disappointed when it wasn't added. Clearly the young man felt...what was the word Gordon-Gordon had used...entitled! These people just got under his skin and he couldn't help going after them sometimes. "I'm with the State Department," he added for Booth's benefit. He had no idea his clarification was completely unnecessary.

Booth nodded, "Yuri Antonov?" At Booth's question, Harold's eyebrows furrowed. Then he looked pointedly over his shoulder at Charley, obviously indicating he'd rather speak to Booth privately. Booth chuckled a bit when he realized the kid thought he was running the show. He stood just a little taller, gave the boy a look that could vaporize much stronger men, and then let Harold know the only person who would be dismissing Charley would be himself. "You're here in my office and you're holding a couple of files. I hope I'm correctly assuming that you are bringing some information to aid in my case?" Booth threw in a hint of annoyance just for good measure, slightly stressing 'my' each time he said it. Ah, now he had Harold's attention.

Harold's throat bobbed again. "Yes. Yes...I did...I am. I brought a file...a couple of files actually." Harold stammered. Charley grinned. He'd seen Booth intimidate men before and enjoyed watching the show. It was time for Booth to demonstrate to both these men he could take control of a meeting without uttering one single word. In a moment, Charley would be gone, Harold would fold and Booth would be sitting behind his desk thoroughly enjoying himself.

Booth glanced to Charley, raised his eyebrows and gave his head a slight shake to let Charley know he was wondering why he was still standing there. Charley took the hint and quickly scampered away. Harold watched the short exchange a little nervously. Once Charley was gone, Booth turned his glare back to Harold. Without a word, he pointedly shoved his hand near the boy's chest to indicate he'd like to have the files...Now. Harold quickly handed them over. Booth snatched them away and turned to walk to his desk. He couldn't help the slight smirk that crossed his face at how quickly Harold had caved. Like stealing candy from a baby!

Booth had controlled the rest of the meeting quite easily. He'd especially enjoyed scaring Harold when he'd made his remark about Booth being old. He'd show the boy old! Harold had just been lucky Booth didn't feel like demonstrating the fact he could break him like a twig.

What had been even more amusing about that case? Not only having to deal with ten year old Harold, but watching him spar with twelve year old Sweets. He'd been annoyed at the time, but thinking back on it now, their exchange caused half of a grin to show on his face.

"You're really going to trust something this important to a kid?" Harold had asked? His holier-than-thou attitude having returned with a vengeance. Sweets had given it right back to him with, "Oh me? At least I tuck myself in at night. Okay?" Booth would never admit it, but he'd grown fond of Sweets and had actually been kinda proud of the kid for not letting the State Department shmuck intimidate him.

Booth chuckled slightly as he pulled out of his reverie to look around the room again. They were so young. He thought about when he'd first joined the Army, only a kid himself. When he'd signed that form and had taken the oath to support and defend the Constitution of the United States so help him God, he hadn't felt like a boy. He'd felt like a man and resented being considered less of a man because of a number attached to a calendar. When he'd made that oath, he'd taken on the responsibility of a man, the responsibility of protecting a nation. The guys in this day room weren't like Sweets or Harold. They were like Booth. They were like Parker. Willing to leave their families behind and travel to all parts of the world to protect what they believed in. Willing to lay down their very lives if necessary. He needed to remember to treat them with the respect they deserved. They'd signed up to do the same job that had made him the man he was today. The same job that had made Parker a hero. Now it was up to Booth to equip them with everything they needed to survive. To give them everything he had to give.

Except for his friendship. Nobody here was getting that.


	3. Mail Call

Chapter 3: Mail Call

Booth sat, still polishing his scope, still watching the men, still remembering the past. He was pulled from his thoughts when one of his young charges came in to announce mail call. The guys jumped up eagerly to collect the letters and packages that had been delivered. Mail usually came pretty regularly, but the latest transport plane had been delayed. It was clear the men were anxious to discover what awaited them.

They hated to admit just how much they relied on these reminders of home, of normal life. They often had spirited debates over which was better, receiving a letter or getting a package. Men who argued the advantages of packages reminded the guys who preferred letters that they often bartered for the very contents of those packages. And with email? Video calls? Almost instant communication? Why waste time with a handwritten letter? They had much better ways to communicate instead of waiting on snail mail. Snail mail was for their grandparents.

Those that argued for letters reminded everyone else they had the advantages of both. They had their cake and were eating it too. They got both the letters and sometimes parts of the packages through their bartering activities. What they'd never really admit to any of the other guys is that each one simply cherished the tangible reminder of the person who'd sent it. Girlfriends gave lipstick kisses and hugs in the form of cute hearts drawn at various points in the letter. Half the time, if the soldiers closed their eyes, they'd swear the girl was standing in the room with them, so powerful an effect the scent of perfume on paper had. Friends kept friends up to date with the latest gossip of home. Mothers and fathers said all the right words of comfort, reminding them how proud some people were of the duties they took so seriously. Just looking at a mother's hand writing, without ever reading the first word, could bring such a sense of comfort. Yeah, these guys wouldn't trade a hand written letter for a package of 'goodies' that would be gone in no time. They'd have their letters long after the contents of the package were gone.

Booth watched from his chair across the room. He was amused by the easy going arguments the guys were having. He watched as they quickly opened the packages and letters. He was happy for them. Things like this might help them avoid living the hell he'd sent himself into when he had returned to the States last time. He was older this time around. Remembered the pitfalls that sent him spiraling down into a world of gambling. He was acutely aware of how easy it had been to fall into that trap and he didn't want it for these...men. Geez, it was going to be hard to remember. He knew he'd slip up eventually and call them boys. He hoped his behavior over all would demonstrate his resolve to treat each of them with respect.

Booth was also a little envious of the men. He'd only been there a little over a week. Not long enough to receive any letters or packages. He knew Parker and Pops were probably already writing letters even though they didn't have an address yet. The ones he'd sent to them a couple of days ago would supply that information for them. Pops would remember how important letters were from his days in the service. Booth looked to be getting lots of letters from Pops and that was just fine by him. He figured he'd probably get an email from Bones at some point talking about all the excitement of her dig. He might even get some from the squints. But so far it had been quiet. Not a word from anyone. It was just too early. But it was lonely just the same. He knew he'd made the right choice in coming here. Another of those gut moments. He had sensed it was going to change his life. He wasn't sure how, but he just knew it. Besides, how was he supposed to keep on doing his normal FBI job carrying the guilt the Army had been so successful in instilling in him? His good old guilt ridden Catholic upbringing did that enough. Now he had the Army after him as well?

He thought about what life would have been like had he decided to stay once Bones had left. How was he supposed to work without Bones? He chuckled wryly, lost in his musings. He'd never been so happy to see someone's backside, literally, when she'd walked away from him after that first case. She had driven him absolutely insane. Fast forward six years later and she'd somehow managed to become a part of every aspect of his life. When he woke up, he wondered if Bones was already at the lab. When he drove around, he wondered if she was being safe. When he ate, he called Bones to remind her to do the same. Hell, most of his life was spent with her. They spent their days working together. They spent their nights eating and going over cases or just hanging out. Dammit. He was supposed to be moving on and even here on another continent, his thoughts continued to center around her. And this damned mail call wasn't helping. Until now, he'd not been around for the mail party. He was glad he hadn't been because it only made him miss his life more. He sucked it up and just kept working on his scope, concentrating on the banter around the room instead of missing home. Missing Bones.

A few minutes later, a shadow entered his line of vision. "Sir?" Booth looked up to one of the young men, Williams, standing in front of him. All the guys called him Fish for some reason and they hadn't let Booth in on how he'd come to have that nickname. He hesitated a moment, deciding how to answer.

"Yeah, Williams?" The man straightened almost imperceptibly, but enough for Booth to notice...right, decision made...Fish from now on.

"You have a letter, sir," he said as he handed Booth an envelope.

"What?...How?..." Booth stammered before he remembered his role here. He really did not need to verbalize his confusion...or show it. He plastered a blank look on his face. "Thank you," he said with a finality and nod that let the soldier know he'd been dismissed.

"No problem, sir," Fish said with the smallest of grins before he turned back to the group. Booth looked down at the envelope. It was a plain white envelope with his name and new 'address' typed on the front. No return address. At this point, he wasn't sure what emotion he should be feeling, but he knew that somehow in the last thirty seconds a swarm of butterflies had managed to take up residence in the general location of his stomach.

A thousand questions began fighting for supremacy in his mind and a look of worry crossed Booth's face unconsciously. Letters in plain envelopes could never be a good thing. A sudden sharp pain stabbed Booth in the stomach, he closed his eyes lightly, trying to move past it. _"Oh no, not again,"_ he inwardly groaned. Wouldn't this stupid bug just go away? Maybe this time it was just nerves. Yeah, nerves over this letter...had to be. Who was the letter from and how had it gotten to him so fast? The questions wouldn't stop. _"This is ridiculous," _he thought, but continued worrying about it anyway. Plain envelopes usually carried bad news and he didn't want to get bad news in front of this audience. He couldn't bring himself to open it. He needed to be alone.

Parker? Nothing from Parker or about Parker would come in this format. Besides, it wouldn't have had time to get here yet. Pops? No. The FBI? Jeffersonian? No and no. The Army would have used official stationary. What the hell was this? He suddenly realized the eyes of his men were surreptitiously watching him stare at the envelope. The previously raucous banter had decreased to the point Booth could no longer make out the details of conversations. Booth regained his composure, nonchalantly laid the envelope to the side and returned his outward concentration to his rifle scope. He would wait to read the letter in private and demonstrate a little discipline in the process.

He continued working on his scope while question after question plagued him. Worry ripped through every nerve ending. Why a letter? Something really bad would have warranted a phone call surely. Years of hiding emotions in the interrogation room allowed him to keep a stoic expression. He hesitated again after realizing the men were openly watching him. He could have heard a pin drop. Did they seriously have nothing better to do? He drew in a deep breath and held it. His brow furrowed and he pursed his lips as he looked up. He only released his hold on his lungs when he slowly scanned the faces in the room, not bothering to hide his annoyance. At his challenging glance around, the men quickly realized they were about to get reamed...and quick...if they didn't leave Booth to his thoughts. The hustle and bustle suddenly returned to their previous levels. Satisfied he was no longer the center of attention, Booth returned to his task as the myriad of questions returned to his mind. Who could the letter be from?

Once Booth had spent what he figured was a sufficient amount of time waiting, he took advantage of his new rank. He had his own quarters that would allow him some peace and quiet in which to read the unexpected letter away from prying eyes. He gathered his scope, polishing supplies and the letter that seemed to have developed a taunting attitude where it lay on the table beside him and headed away from the day room.

He chuckled just slightly as he walked the hallway, realizing how crazy it was to get so worked up over a letter. He thought about what Bones would say. His smile widened. He was sure she'd have a derogatory statement to make about psychology. She would remind him that it would serve no purpose to get worried about the content of a letter when it was in his hands, could be opened and read immediately. Why analyze the feelings about what the letter might say instead of simply reading the letter? He was glad nobody else was around to see his full grin at imagining bickering with Bones over this situation.

A sharp pain hit his mid-section, causing his step to falter. Wow, he was either more stressed than he'd realized or that stomach bug had just gotten a lot uglier. He'd love to be able to yell at one of the squints and blame them for making him sick. He knew that wasn't the case, but it would still make him feel better to vent. And they'd give it back just as good as they got, so they'd all be even, right? He continued his trek toward privacy. As he entered his quarters, he immediately put the envelope down and began to put his scope and supplies away. One of his golden rules as a sniper was to care for his rifle like it was another member of the team.

He grimaced at that thought. Member of the team? Had he really just thought of his rifle that way? Instead of an extension of himself? The longer he was here, immersed once more in the military life, the more he realized just how far the squints had begun to convert him. Hell, they hadn't begun, they'd succeeded. Were he at home, he might have been amused. Here? Knowing the lives of so many people depended on him? Feeling as crappy as he did? The thought made him irrationally angry. Angry with them, but mostly angry with himself for letting them succeed. He couldn't afford to be soft and these little moments made him feel that way.

He ran a frustrated hand through his hair and then down his face, getting his focus back. He had to stay focused. He also had a letter to read. As he turned to pick it up, another stab of pain tore through his stomach, enough to double him over. _"What the hell?" _he thought.

He straightened up, a totally different question on his mind now. Was he going to make it to the bathroom? With a sickening immediate knowledge that he was going to throw up everything he'd eaten since stepping foot in this god forsaken place, he turned and ran to the john. He stayed there for what felt like years, until he had nothing but bile and dry heaves to offer. He sat on the floor long after it was over just to make sure it was over. He wiped the sweat off his brow and weakly stood up. He slowly made his way back, praying his luck would hold and he wouldn't meet anyone in the hallway this time either.

"Sir?" called a familiar voice.

"_Jesus. Christ. I just can't catch a break right now,"_ Booth thought to himself. Luck was obviously not on his side. He turned and waited to see what Fish needed this time. Fish paused, taking in Booth's hunched posture and sweat drenched shirt.

"Yes...Fish?" Booth answered. Fish's mouth twitched up in the beginning of a smile as he heard the Sergeant Major use his nickname, but he quickly wiped it away as he remembered Booth's appearance.

Fish continued hesitantly, raising his eyebrows in question, "Sir, are you okay? Do you need help?"

"No, Fish. I do not need help," Booth stated emphatically with as much of a glare as he could muster at this point, then paused, waiting to see what Fish had to say. When Fish continued to stand there, his frustration rose. "Did you need something?" he asked.

Fish immediately began to shake his head. "No sir. Sorry to bother you sir." He hurried away, trying to invoke as little of Booth's wrath as he could.

Booth couldn't even bring himself to feel guilty about being rude. He could only think of getting back to his room, lying down, reading that damn letter and then possibly dying. This was not how he'd envisioned his first week here.

He allowed himself a moment of pity for his situation as he shuffled back. He loved Bones and had finally admitted he wanted a relationship with her. She'd rejected him and had run for the hills...again...like she usually did when confronted with emotions she'd rather avoid. He knew, he really did, that the stupid dig in the Mapoopoo...oh, he so needed to not think that word again right now. He begrudgingly thought of the correct name...the dig in the _Maluku_ Islands was a golden opportunity for Bones. But this was his pity party and he resented the hell out of that _opportunity_. He resented that she left him. Now he was here, a continent away from his life and his son...and Bones. And to top it all off, because of this stomach bug, he felt like he was going to get the opportunity to once and for all put to rest his debate with her over whether or not God existed.

He made it back to his room without meeting anyone else. Thank God for small mercies. He picked up the letter and gingerly sat on the edge of the bed. He looked once again at the envelope, as if this time it would reveal secrets. It didn't, so he turned it over and opened it.

Inside he found another envelope, plain with no marking at all. This piqued his curiosity even more. He unsealed the second envelope and pulled out a single folded piece of plain white paper. He could tell before opening it that it was a hand written note. Who in the world? How? What? He unfolded the paper and sucked in a sharp breath. There, in front of him, in this awful place, was hand writing he'd recognize anywhere.

He slowly exhaled and whispered one word..."Bones."


	4. Maluku Islands

**A/N: Thanks so much to MiseryMaker for her wicked editing skills! A big thank you to Docsuez for helping me make this more believable. And special thanks to Thnx4theGum & GCatsPjs for their suggestions, their support and for allowing me to torment them with my questions! They all make me want to be a better writer. These ladies rock! I hope you readers like the story.**

Temperance walked with a purpose in her stride toward the baggage claim area. Daisy, excited though she was, struggled to keep up. Normally Brennan packed very lightly and didn't have to check any bags, however she'd be gone for a year this time and had to check her large duffel. She was still overwhelmed that she was here. The dig in Maluku was potentially a once in a lifetime opportunity and could change the way the world remembered history. Even she was a little surprised she'd agreed to give up a year of her life though. Ten years ago, she'd never have considered a project this important to be a sacrifice...a year of her life. She'd have jumped at the chance and never thought twice about it. Even five years ago she would have jumped at the chance. Now? That was the $64,000 question on her mind.

She smiled slightly as she walked, thinking of the approval that would have shown on Booth's face at the fact she'd gotten one of his colloquialisms correct. She still had no idea why that particular dollar amount was significant. She found herself wishing Booth were here with her. She enjoyed bickering with him. She was sure she'd have been able to drag him into an argument over some small detail in his answer. She'd never admit it to him, but she often made statements she was sure he'd become indignant about so she could start one of their 'sessions'. He pushed her to consider new ideas, but they also gave her an outlet for pent up frustrations. She had a feeling this year with Daisy would cause her to miss her daily bickering sessions with Booth even more. Theirs was a give and take partnership they both depended upon, yet they'd both given it up for a year. It bothered Temperance that she couldn't just leave for the dig without a second thought; thoughts of what she was leaving behind were all that occupied her mind.

She looked up to see her name along with Daisy's on a sign being held by someone she assumed would be their driver. She introduced herself and the trio walked to the conveyor belt which had just started offering her flight's luggage. She grimaced when she saw Daisy pointing out her suitcases. She had dressed as though she were ready for a safari, but her two large matching cases were black with large hot pink polka dots. Temperance tried to give Daisy the benefit of doubt and reminded herself it was Daisy's first major expedition. Those suitcases were very impractical, but she remembered advice she'd received from Angela and Booth over the years and refrained from saying anything to Daisy.

Temperance saw her large wheeled duffel coming around and grabbed it herself rather than relying on the driver to do it for her. As hers was the last bag to be collected, they headed toward the small SUV parked outside in the loading zone. Temperance walked to the front passenger door, but stopped midway, causing Daisy, who'd been following her closely, to bump into her. She gritted her teeth and turned toward Daisy.

"I'm so sorry Dr. Brennan. I'll be more careful and watch where I'm going," Daisy hastily apologized.

Brennan pursed her lips briefly before replying, "See that you do please. Your concentration will be vitally important in the weeks and months to come."

"Oh! I know! I'm just so..."

"Miss Wick," Temperance allowed the sternness to show. "I'm looking forward to a quiet scenic ride to the dig site. I would like to familiarize myself with our surroundings. I suggest that you do likewise."

"Great idea, Dr. Brennan! I just know I'm going to learn so much more from you this year!" Her eyes were wide with enthusiasm.

They climbed into the vehicle and buckled up for the ride. As they rode along, Daisy started to interject interesting little tidbits of information she'd learned about Maluku.

After five minutes though, Brennan had had enough of her chatter. She turned to glare at Daisy. Daisy took one look at Brennan's face and recognized the need to be quiet. She stopped mid-sentence and turned to look out the window. Temperance turned to face forward and enjoyed the rest of the ride to the site in peace.

As they pulled into the camp, a relatively short man with a dark round face rose from his chair to greet them.

"Ah, Dr. Brennan!" he said as she climbed from the vehicle.

Recognizing him from a picture she'd seen on the internet, she grinned. "Dr. Hasani! It's such a pleasure to finally meet you in person," she said as she moved to shake his hand.

He grasped her hand with both of his as he warmly smiled. "Yes! Yes, it is indeed a pleasure!"

She slightly turned toward Daisy who had climbed out to join them. The driver had moved to the rear of the SUV to retrieve their luggage.

"Let me introduce Miss Daisy Wick, one of my...associates." Brennan stumbled slightly over that last word. It suddenly struck her that Daisy was not her student in this setting. Why had that not crossed her mind before now? For some reason she could not fathom at this moment, the sudden change in Daisy's role was going to make it so much more difficult to tolerate her constant giddiness.

Daisy's eyes were wide with excitement, clearly delighted by Brennan referring to her as her associate rather than student. She grinned even larger as she reached out to grab Dr. Hasani's hands.

"I'm so looking forward to working with you on this project Dr. Hasani. It's going to be absolutely amazing!"

Dr. Hasani chuckled at her enthusiasm. "Yes, Miss Wick, that is what we hope for." He turned to look at Temperance. "Why don't I show you to your quarters?"

"Yes, I'd appreciate that." Brennan stated as she turned to grab her bags.

The driver was already helping Daisy gather her bags, which looked very out of place in this location. Their first stop was a rather large tent structure.

Dr. Hasani stood to the side and indicated with a wave of his hand for Daisy to enter. "This is your tent. I'm afraid we are required to share living quarters at this early point in the expedition. We'll be setting up a series of semi-permanent residences later. However, most will still have to share living areas as we're trying to minimize our impact on the area."

Brennan nodded appreciatively. "That will be fine. Thank you Dr. Hasani." She started to walk toward the tent with Daisy.

"Oh, no, Dr. Brennan, you are not staying in this tent," Dr. Hasani stated.

Brennan paused and glanced around trying to figure out where she would be staying. Daisy looked at her a little uncertainly.

Temperance turned to Daisy. "I'll meet you for dinner later, Miss Wick."

Daisy's grin returned. "Sure, Dr. Brennan!"

Brennan turned to Dr. Hasani with a question in her eye. Dr. Hasani smiled, "Right this way Dr. Brennan."

She returned his smile. "Temperance. It's Temperance Brennan. You may call me Temperance if you wish."

He smiled at her and nodded his head. "Temperance," he stated as though trying it out. She smiled again.

As they continued walking down the path, he turned to her. "Your associate, Miss Wick, is very young and enthusiastic!" He chuckled and shook his head a little.

Brennan's look was one of resignation. "Yes, I have found her...reactions...to be distracting at times." She paused as she considered Daisy. She then nodded her head with a slight downward turn of the corners of her mouth as she added, "However, she has demonstrated a superior level of knowledge considering her lack of practical experience. I think you'll find her addition to this project to be a wise decision. I would not have recommended her otherwise."

Dr. Hasani smiled as he listened, realizing that some of the rumors about Temperance, her directness one of them, were apparently true.

"I'm looking forward to working with both of you." he stated.

She just smiled and gave a nod of her head. She took a couple more steps when she suddenly realized she should return Dr. Hasani's expression of interest in working together. She drew in a breath to begin speaking when Dr. Hasani stopped by another much smaller tent structure.

"Here we are Temperance! It's smaller, but there are only two of you in this tent, while Miss Wick's tent sleeps ten. Dr. Marlena Marshall is the head of the archeology department at the College of Southern Nevada. She is your roommate."

Brennan shook her head. "I've never heard of her." she said matter of factly.

Dr. Hasani smiled. "She has not been in that position very long."

She nodded. "I look forward to meeting her."

Dr. Hasani started to back away. "I'll see you back at the front of the camp in an hour? We can take the grand tour before dinner."

She inclined her head and smiled, "Yes, I'd like that." She watched Dr. Hasani turn and walk down the path. She drew in a breath, picked up her bag and pulled the flap back to enter her new home.

Temperance paused a moment to let her eyes adjust to the decreased light after she stepped into her tent. She glanced around as her view came into focus. As tents went, it was a nice sturdy four walled dwelling. She could stand upright without any problems. Booth would even be able to stand with room left over.

The sudden thought of Booth gave her a pang of sadness and reminded her how lonely she felt missing him and her friends. She'd never before felt sadness when leaving for a dig. Booth had been right about there being more than one kind of family. She'd been fine at the airport when she was saying goodbye to her small unit of friends, although it had been slightly more painful than she'd expected. She knew the ache of an absent family and was feeling that same loneliness and isolation now. The only thing that made it tolerable was the finite nature of the separation. She knew they'd be together again in a year. She'd work with them almost every day of her life...in a year.

One year. That amount of time had seemed so short when she was first presented with this opportunity. Now, having arrived at the beginning of that year, without Booth, it suddenly seemed much longer. She wondered where he was and what he was doing. She'd already found herself thinking of him quite often in the short time they'd been apart. When she'd said goodbye to Booth, he'd held her hand so tightly.

She shook herself from her thoughts not wishing to relive those moments in the airport and looked around. There was definitely a division to the two halves of the tent. Dr. Marshall's side looked lived in with her belongings inhabiting her space. Brennan was left with the right side, which appeared very spartan in comparison. The rear of the tent was cordoned off with a richly decorated folding privacy wall. She left her bags and walked the short distance to the back. There was an ornate pitcher and bowl sitting on a simple cherry wood stand that had a connected mirror. She made a mental note to ask Dr. Hasani where she would be able to get water later. A small French Provincial table and chair were there as well and an open area to change clothes in. She turned back to the rest of the tent and decided to go ahead and unpack her things.

She grabbed her bags and took them to the large mahogany four poster bed where she placed them after pulling the mosquito netting aside. They had supplied a heavy wooden trunk in which to store her belongings. One of the things she always loved about these digs was the lavish nature of the living quarters in what usually were temperate conditions. It wasn't always this way, but she would appreciate these comforts for the next year of her life. It didn't take her long to find a place for everything and she stowed her empty bag out of the way at the front corner of the tent. She almost decided to go ahead and explore the camp on her own before meeting Dr. Hasani. She often did that at the beginning of a dig. She preferred to evaluate the environment alone and without distraction. This time she decided to wait on the official tour so she could take advantage of the solitude. As she pulled the netting back on her bed, she saw a previously unnoticed envelope on her pillow. It had her name written on the front and she opened it with a furrow on her brow, wondering who'd left it.

"_Ah," _she thought, _"my new roommate."_ She read the letter to herself.

_Hello Temperance! _

_I knew you'd arrive while I was away at a conference for a couple of days. I hope you don't mind that I took the left side of the tent. It's just a thing I have! I like the left! I'm really looking forward to working with you! In fact, you're practically one of my idols! I will be back to camp the day after you arrive and we can really get to know each other then! Welcome to Maluku! _

_Marlena _

_(Or you can call me Marly which most people do! I'm cool either way!)_

Temperance groaned. Apparently she'd been paired up with Daisy's twin. At least Daisy had the respect to call her Dr. Brennan. She'd offered to allow Dr. Hasani to use her first name, but there was something fatherly about him and she found herself liking him instantly. It was what she felt in her gut.

Thoughts of Booth flooded her mind again. This time she laid back on the bed and gave in to them.

_She had just said goodbye to her friends but was holding out until the last moment to leave. Booth had told her he would try to make it to the airport but it was possible he wouldn't. She desperately wanted to see him one more time. The moment she saw a uniform, she knew it was him and he'd been such an impressive sight. She'd always found him physically appealing. Something about that uniform, though, had caused both her heart and respiratory rates to increase. He was a very attractive man. _

_However, the weight and enormity of that uniform crashed into her as well. Knowing he was going back to the military was one thing. She'd found that actually seeing him standing there...in that uniform...made it more real, more dangerous. Men in uniform often came back in flag draped caskets. She suddenly realized he was going to war. Losing him became a possibility for the first time. _

_She'd asked him not to be a hero and he'd taken a step even closer to her with such an intense look in his eyes. Her first thought was that he was going to kiss her again. She'd suddenly become so terrified of losing him that she would have welcomed his kiss. Even returned it. To be close to him. To hold on to him. To have that memory if she lost him. _

_Instead, he'd grabbed her hand and she'd held tight, trying to let him know through her touch how much she cared. How much he meant to her. Thankfully he'd started talking of their future together. She didn't need to waste energy on worry. They'd meet again in one year at their coffee cart. She was so relieved to be reminded of that. She'd gripped his hand with the same intensity that she held on to their future together, the same intensity mirrored in his eyes. Then he was gone._

_She'd watched him walk away and had instantly missed him. A glance over his shoulder drew her eyes to the flag hanging against the far wall from the ceiling. _

_Booth. _

_In uniform. _

_The flag. _

_A casket._

_She'd felt the pain of losing him once and felt it again as she watched him walk away. It ripped through her with the same rush as when they told her he had died._ _ She turned to leave._

_No. She had to get away from these thoughts. Bury them. They were too painful._

_It was Booth. He'd be safe. He had to be._

_Coffee cart._

_One year._

_She couldn't lose him. Not now. She loved him. She loved him? Did she? Her mind raced as she walked away. Yes, she did love him. Her life would never be the same without him. She continued toward her gate._

_Uniform._

_War._

_Caskets._

_Booth._

_She could lose him. He could die and she'd never see him again. Never see his smile. Never bicker with him. Never feel another one of his guy hugs which she'd come to rely on._

_Booth could die._

_It hurt so much. Her chest ached with the pain of her thoughts. She struggled to hold the tears in her eyes. She had to see him one more time...just in case. She had to have one memory of what he looked like after she'd realized she loved him._

_When she turned, he was already looking at her. She should have known. Booth was the heart of their partnership. If she was in this much pain over leaving him, then he surely was in pain as well. _

_She drank in the sight of him standing there. She loved him. She couldn't lose him. Not now. He had to be safe. He had to come back. Her heart couldn't take any other outcome._

The pain in her chest from reliving those minutes pulled her from her memories. She reached up to wipe at a tear sliding down toward her temple. She couldn't bear to think about any other scenario than the one they had planned. Coffee cart. One year. She held onto that thought as if it were armor. She looked at Dr. Marshall's letter in her hand and sighed. She almost dreaded meeting her now.


	5. The Letter

**A/N: Thank you again to Docsuez & MiseryMaker for their help! This would not be posted otherwise! And thanks to GcatsPjs and Thnx4theGum for telling me to blow the thing up when I first wrote it! It's a much better chapter because of their direction!**

Chapter 5: The Letter

Booth sat on his bed just staring at the letter without reading it for a moment. Bones. She'd written to him. When had she written to him? How did she have the address? God, he missed her so much. Her image entered his thoughts. Her face. Her smile. Her eyes. His stomach clenched. With everything that had happened in the last 20 minutes, he couldn't tell what was causing it. He cleared his thoughts, ignored his discomfort and began reading.

_Booth,_

_By the time you receive this letter, you will be in Afghanistan and I will be on the Maluku Islands. I sincerely hope you are doing well. I know your decision to leave was difficult and that you didn't make it lightly. I hope your difficulty in leaving does not impede your success as an instructor, although I doubt it will. You seem to be successful in most things you choose to do. It is a commendable trait and something I truly admire about you._

_Before writing this letter, I found that I was unhappy. I know it wasn't due to my own decision to go to Maluku, because my reasons are sound. However, I couldn't, and still can't, figure out the underlying cause for my unease. However, I talked with Angela and several years ago she accompanied her father when he visited soldiers stationed in Iraq. They were present when soldiers received packages and letters from home. She called it 'mail call'. I admit I do not understand the name. 'Call' would imply a telephone conversation, but she assured me it referred to letters. Angela explained that it was important for soldiers to receive handwritten letters, that they somehow are better than electronic forms of communication. I wanted to make sure you would have a letter at mail call as well. I know it must be a good thing because I felt better, happier, after realizing I could do this for you._

_If you were here, I'm sure you would be able to explain the significance of all of this, most especially of the phrase 'mail call'. Have I ever told you that I appreciate your willingness to clarify things to me? I do, even if I don't say so. I've learned so many things during my partnership with you Booth. Our friendship means so much to me. You mean so much to me. More than I ever thought I could care for someone again. I don't ever want to do anything that would jeopardize our partnership. I'm so afraid of letting you down. I feel like I fail you often and wonder why you've continued to work with me sometimes. I hope you know our time together is precious to me. I find that I already miss your being here and we've not even left yet. I've also found that although I'm very excited at the prospect of the Maluku project, I'm already looking forward to returning to the work we do. I honestly think this time away will give me a renewed sense of accomplishment as we strive to find justice for the victims we identify._

_Since I don't have the address to send this letter to, I'm going to ask my publisher to ensure its delivery. If successful, you should have it within a couple of weeks of your arrival. Thinking of the surprise on your face makes me smile. For I'm quite sure my letter will be a surprise and I find myself anticipating your reaction!_

_I hope you remember, Booth, that we have lives to return to in DC. It's only one year, which in the grand scheme is really not that long. I would like to know I have a partnership to return to. I know you say things have to change but I hope they don't. I know you use your metaphorical gut with these situations but I sincerely hope that your gut is wrong this time. I hope we can be 'us' again. I need our friendship. I need you. Please promise me you will stay safe. Please promise me you will not be careless with your life. I need you to return Booth. I'm tired right now. The job we do can be overwhelming sometimes, but I need it and I can't do it without you. Please promise me you'll come home._

_I'm sure before we leave, we'll arrange a place and time to meet again at the end of the upcoming year. If you don't suggest it first, then I will! I wonder if you'd like my choice of meeting places? Regardless, this letter should find us both a little closer to that point in time._

_Until then, please stay safe._

_Your partner,_

_Bones_

Booth, miserable though he was, sat in stunned silence, happier than he'd been since he'd arrived. It truly amazed him sometimes how far she'd come in the years he'd known her. She would never have written to him when he'd first met her. Now she'd gone out of her way, not only to write to him, but to get her publisher to find out where he was and make sure her letter arrived quickly. And what she'd said in that letter? She cared. She needed him. In his heart, he'd always known she did. She'd demonstrated it so many times, but she'd actually written it down in black and white and told him this time. She'd even asked him to come home. Home. That's what it was. Anywhere Bones was, was home. She was the most amazing woman he'd ever met.

Wow, he still had trouble believing what he was holding in his hands. He looked at the letter again and read through a second time. He could hear her voice saying the words to him as if she were sitting next to him. He briefly wondered what location she would have picked since he'd been the one to suggest the coffee cart. Every time he turned around, she surprised him. He'd loved her before he'd even realized it himself, but in this moment, he loved her more than he thought he ever could before.

Booth's stomach cramped yet again and a wave of severe nausea had him wondering if he'd be making another trek to the bathroom. God, he wished it would quit and let him enjoy this moment. He put the letter down on the bed beside him and bent over holding onto his stomach, willing the pain to go away. Still, he couldn't help himself, he had to turn and look at the letter to remind himself it was real. The nausea reached almost unbearable levels. He was going to have to go. Damn it. He picked up the letter and took it with him, knowing that having a little piece of her with him would make him feel better...well, as much as he could as he hovered over a toilet yet again.

An eternity later, he was making his way back to his room. This time Fish was walking toward him. Booth could tell the boy needed to talk to him. His eyes told the story his mouth had not yet had the chance to relay. Booth was in no mood to have any kind of conversation, but right now he just wanted to get it over with. Fish smiled and continued to walk past him. Booth stopped. "Hey Fish. What'd you need earlier?"

Fish paused, looking at Booth uncertainly. "I just...well...I sorta know you. I know about you." Booth studied the boy's face a little closer and couldn't recall ever meeting him before. He was good with faces, but this one escaped him other than the time they'd spent together in training. He squinted ever so slightly, "Hmm. I'm sorry, I don't remember."

Fish smiled a little wistfully, his eyes looking into the distant past, before focusing again on Booth. "Well, you wouldn't. I was little. I was only six years old at the time." This information surprised Booth and immediately distracted him from his misery. He started doing math in his head. That would have to have been when he was in the Army before. He slightly shook his head, "Six years old? I'm sorry, I still don't know what you're talking about." He waited for Fish to continue.

"Yeah. Corporal Edward Parker? Teddy? He was my brother. Well, my half brother." Booth's eyebrows shot up. This was Teddy's brother? This was the kid who Parker lovingly complained about? The kid who had followed him everywhere and copied his every move? He couldn't believe how small the world truly was. Fish swallowed deeply and continued. "I saw you at his funeral, sir." Booth remembered that day clearly. He was at a loss for words and felt like the air had been knocked out of him. He could only manage, "You're Parker's little brother?"

Fish grinned and nodded. "Yep. That's me." Booth grinned and nodded as well. He studied Fish's face and could now see the resemblance. Same dark blonde hair. Same fair coloring with freckles sprinkled liberally. Even same build. Fish studied Booth's face as well and looked at him with an intensity he'd not shown until now. "I remember you standing there in your dress blues. You were so tall, so serious. My mom had to go talk to the funeral director and told me to stay where I was." He chuckled sadly as he looked down to the floor. "I went up to see Teddy. He looked so different. He didn't look like my brother. All I wanted was my brother back and I started to cry." At this point, he looked back to Booth's face.

Booth nodded, "I remember." He could have continued the story himself, but he could tell Fish needed to do the talking right now. Fish's face lit up a little at the knowledge Booth could recall the moment. "You put your hand on my shoulder and smiled at me. You told me Parker was a good man, a brave man and you could tell I was brave too." The corner of Booth's mouth lifted at the memory right before his face contorted just a little at the pain in his stomach.

"Hey, I'm not feeling the best right now," he started. Fish immediately interrupted, "I'm sorry, sir. I didn't mean to bother you." Booth shook his head, "No, no. I'd really like to talk to you, I just need to sit down." Fish nodded, "Sure, sir." Booth knew he needed privacy for this conversation. He thought of all the places they could go...very few...even fewer near a bathroom. "I was headed back to my room, let's just go there." Fish's eyes darted to the side as he thought about that suggestion, but turned to follow as Booth started down the hall. He opened his door, kicked the stopper into place to hold the door open and walked over to his desk on the far side of the room. He motioned for Fish to take the extra chair near the door. He briefly considered putting Bones' letter away in the desk, but realized he'd rather have her with him for this conversation.

He rubbed the envelope with his thumb, drawing strength from it. "You were brave, you know. The only time I saw you cry was when you were there by yourself." Fish relaxed and smiled. "You were brave too, sir. When you got up to speak, you talked about how proud you were of Parker. How knowing him had made you a better person. The way you described him...I remember thinking I wanted to be just like him. I wanted to be like you. That's why I'm here today." Outwardly Booth smiled as though he were happy with that thought. Inwardly he immediately felt the weight of added responsibility. Fish was here because of Parker. Because of him. And he was responsible for this boy's life. He had to get it right this time. He couldn't let Parker down again. Fish didn't know it, but he became Booth's number one priority that very second.

They continued to talk and reminisce. Moving from the funeral to Parker's various idiosyncrasies. They laughed when they both recognized similar traits, listened intently to those traits they had known nothing about. They told stories of different escapades. Fish told him how their mother would talk of Parker and Booth frequently, He had grown up hearing stories of their bravery and what good men they were. Booth was a little embarrassed with the praise and felt guilty for not keeping in contact with Parker's family, but he welcomed the opportunity to talk about him. He had never really been able to do this before, not with anyone who had known him just as well. He hadn't realized he needed to be able to relive these memories, the good memories. He had let go of the guilt on the ship that would have taken his life had it not been for Parker's ghost, but he'd never gotten over the regret. Now he could feel its weight lifting in small increments.

Fish excused himself after a while and shut the door behind him. Booth sat at his desk and smiled. For a day that had started out so miserably, it had certainly ended positively. He had found his focus in meeting Parker's little brother...for the second time. Focus he desperately needed out here. Most importantly, he had a letter from Bones. He grinned. A letter from Bones. He carefully pulled it back out of the envelope. He knew he'd be reading it so often that it would be worse for wear soon.

He read each line. Sometimes more than once. He pictured her face. Heard her words as if she were sitting right next to him. He poured all his hopes and dreams into reading her letter. He read between the lines and came to conclusions that matched his desires. She was just tired. Tired of the job. Not of him. She needed him as much as he needed her. His heart soared and the world disappeared.

As he read and re-read the letter, words began to jump out. Partnership. Friendship. She learned things. For someone as fact driven as Bones, who craved knowledge with such intensity, learning things would be important. Doubt began to take root in his mind as he read the letter yet again. Accomplishment. Strive for justice. Job. It was a job to her. She wanted to return to the partnership...to the work they did...because she wanted justice...not him. He quit reading and looked around his room, his heart sinking with each beat. He was here because she didn't want to be there. She didn't want to be with him. Once again her words silently screamed through his mind. "No. I can't change. I don't know how." He looked at the letter. How could he have been so stupid? Bones was trying to be a good partner because Angela had told her to do it. She would never have written this letter had she not been prompted. She was only trying to live up to social expectations. He loved her for trying. No. He didn't love her. He appreciated her efforts. He was never going to move on if he couldn't start controlling his own thoughts. He didn't need this. He especially didn't need it here. He had soldiers to protect. He had Fish. He had to focus on this life in this moment. Not the past. And he had to learn to let go of his feelings. He took one last look at the letter before sliding it back into the envelope. He swallowed the lump in his throat and cursed his chin for wavering. He opened the bottom drawer of his desk and slid the envelope to the back. He had to let go of Bones.


	6. Friends & Family

**A/N: Thank you to the folks who promise to tell me if this sucks too bad! MiseryMaker & Sirenizzed. And another thanks to SuperSquint for giving me the perfect word to use! Y'all rock!**

Brennan continued to recline on her bed and glanced over toward Dr. Marshall's side of the tent. There were picture frames that held smiling faces, all of which were young. There were flowered and pink scarves over her drawers and table. There was a small vase with fake flowers in the center of the nightstand. Who brought fake flowers to a dig site? She didn't see how it would be possible for the two of them to adapt to each other and they hadn't even met yet. She looked at her watch. She had another 30 minutes before she was supposed to meet Dr. Hasani. She glanced at Dr. Marshall's letter again. She sounded so much like Daisy it was painful. She let the letter drop on the bed beside her as she thought of another letter that carried much more significance to her...and to someone else.

_Brennan had been sitting at her desk trying to catch up on emails. It was difficult to concentrate. Life was going to be so different. She was going to Maluku...Booth was going to Afghanistan. A whole year. It was for the best. She knew it was. Her reasoning was sound. She needed perspective. Her job at the Jeffersonian was a dream come true, but somehow over the years, it had morphed into a mission she'd never anticipated. While it had been challenging and rewarding, it had also been emotionally draining. She was surrounded by death. Fresh death. Not the ancient death she had expected to handle. And the victims weren't just the ones lying on her exam table. There were living victims as well. People reliving their nightmares because she and Booth showed on their doorstep. Every face she had to see made the job more difficult...even though Booth was by her side. But even their partnership had become awkward. It no longer felt natural. She was constantly worried she would inadvertently say or do something that would send the wrong message to Booth. She knew she just needed time to let her mind do what it did best...think through problems and issues and come to logical, satisfactory conclusions. She needed time away from her liaison with the FBI. She needed time away from her partnership with Booth. She just needed time._

_Why, then, did she feel like her chest was going to collapse when she thought of leaving? Why did she feel close to tears every time she thought about being separated from Booth? What did all these physical reactions mean? For they were definitely just physical reactions to chemicals that had been released into her body – but why? She found it all so confusing. She knew she was making the right decision. Why was her body betraying her like this?_

_She was lost in her thoughts and didn't hear her visitor pause in the doorway. Angela stood there silently watching the wheels turning in Bren's head._

"_Almost there," she thought. "She's almost there." She just needed a gentle shove in the right direction. This year was not going to be a slight push for Brennan. It was going to be a major wake up call. Angela wasn't sure which direction in life her two friends would end up taking, but she was going to do her best to make sure they were together when they went. Who ever said manipulation was always bad? Certainly not her!_

_Angela smiled. "Hey Sweetie!"_

_Startled, Brennan jerked in her seat and spun to see Angela standing there._

"_Hi Ange," she said with a bright smile. To most everyone else she would seem quite happy. Angela, however, could see exhaustion written all over Brennan's face._

_Angela pursed her lips. "Don't Bren."_

_A genuine look of confusion crossed Temperance's face. "Don't what?"_

"_Don't try to cover. Don't hide from me."_

"_Angela...I...don't know what that means. I'm not hiding. I'm sitting in my office in plain sight where you found me quite predictably and easily."_

"_Bren, we've been friends a long time now, haven't we?" Angela asked. _

_Temperance considered her for a moment before answering. "That would depend on your definition of..."_

"_Bren!" Angela's shout cut her off. She changed tactics. "I think you know by now that I can see when something's bothering you and something most definitely has you distracted. Now 'fess up missy. What's going on?" Angela crossed her arms and her expression showed Brennan she wasn't going anywhere until she had received a satisfactory answer. She could also tell Angela would see through any denial she attempted to voice._

_Brennan sighed. "It's the same thing I talked about with you before Ange."_

_Angela crossed the office and sat down in the chair across from Brennan. "Okay?" she questioned encouragingly._

_Brennan let out an even more forceful frustrated sigh this time. "I'm still worried Angela. I thought my decision to go to Maluku would make everything better. That it would provide some relief. However, I find that I'm even more worried now." She glanced around the room then back to Angela._

_She pursed her lips before she continued. "I know the discoveries we might make in Maluku could have a major impact on history as we know it. It was a good decision to go. A logical decision."_

_She paused and a look of worry crossed her face. Angela waited patiently for her to get everything off her chest. _

_Brennan continued, "I...but...I...well, rather than my usual excitement at the prospect of being associated with a major project, I'm...I'm...I don't know what I am,' she almost wailed. "And I find that very frustrating."_

_Angela smiled. "These feelings are normal Bren."_

_Brennan looked at Angela as though she'd just spoken a foreign language. "How can it possibly be normal to feel worse after making a good decision?"_

_Angela chuckled. "Just trust me Bren, it is. You've got family now. Your life isn't just about you any more."_

_A stronger look of confusion crossed Brennan's face. "I don't see how that's relevant. Russ, Amy and the girls live in another state. Dad is busy with his own life. We talk often, but they are hardly a part of my daily routines."_

"_Oh Sweetie," Angela smiled as she cocked her head to the side, "that's not the family I'm talking about."_

_Frustrated, Brennan crossed her arms. "They are my family, Angela," she insisted._

"_Yeah, Bren, but so are we," she said as she waved her arms wide to indicate the building around them._

_Brennan nodded, "Oh. You are referring to Cam, Hodgins and yourself."_

"_Yes. And Booth." Angela looked at Bren, daring her to argue the point. _

_She glared at Angela. "Ange..."_

_Angela interrupted, "Bren, there really is more than one kind of family and we're all a part of your life now." Brennan remembered the time outside the Diner where Booth had said those very words. She had believed him then and now Angela was repeating those same sentiments._

_She could also tell Angela was in 'teaching' mode. She relaxed back in her chair to listen, knowing arguing was useless and would only prolong the conversation. Besides, Angela often had an understanding of human behavior that Brennan found quite insightful at times. She decided to listen to what she had to say._

_Angela sensed the change in Brennan's attitude and leaped at the chance to get to impart some of her wisdom. "Before, when you went on these wild expeditions," she began, but was quickly interrupted by Brennan._

"_I would definitely not classify them as wild Angela," she challenged. Angela raised her eyebrows and looked pointedly at Bren. "Ah, that wasn't the point," Bren paused, proud she understood Angela's expression. "Continue."_

"_Thanks," Angela said sarcastically. "As I was saying, when you left for projects before, you weren't really leaving anything behind. You were just relocating. This time...you're leaving a lot behind." _

_Angela could see Bren was absorbing what she was saying. She continued, "You have family this time. And you have friends who are family. You have a job that you love whether you realize it right now or not."_

_Brennan interrupted again. "But Ange, that job is part of the problem. It's why I'm leaving."_

"_It may be part of the problem, but that's not why you're leaving honey." _

_Brennan looked at Angela in confusion yet again. "I don't know what that means."_

"_Oh yeah you do," Angela stated emphatically. _

_Temperance broke in angrily, "Angela, I am an intelligent woman. Despite what you and others may think, I don't enjoy telling you I do not understand things. I don't say it to provide entertainment for you or anyone else. It is simply a statement of fact. Perhaps if you'd do a better job in explaining things to me, it wouldn't be necessary for me to make that statement as frequently as I do."_

_Angela realized she was on the right track and had hit a nerve for Brennan to get so agitated. "Okay, let me spell it out for you then. Yes, your job is getting to you. But so is Booth. You're going to miss him and your 'partnership slash relationship slash whatever it is' when you leave."_

_Brennan opened her mouth to protest, but Angela cut her off. "Let me finish before you argue with me." Brennan pursed her lips and glared in frustration but didn't say anything._

_Angela realized she'd won that small battle. "You've got all of us, but Booth is something special. What you have with him is special. It doesn't come along every day, Bren. You can't ignore it and you're beginning to realize that. It's getting uncomfortable for you and this dig is providing the perfect opportunity to get away from those feelings. You're running, Bren. We both know it so don't bother denying it. Only this time, you're actually afraid to lose what you're running from. You're afraid of losing Booth."_

_Brennan sighed in resignation as tears welled in her eyes._

"_Oh Sweetie!" Angela got up and walked around Brennan's desk. Brennan stood to meet her as Angela threw her arms around her best friend. "It's okay Bren. It's going to be okay. You're going to Maluku and when you come back Booth will come back from Afghanistan. You guys will be fine. Everything will be fine. Okay?"_

_Brennan struggled to contain her emotions and just nodded against Angela's shoulder. One of the things she appreciated about her friendship with Angela was the fact that words weren't always necessary. Angela was right. She was terrified of losing what she had with Booth. Would this year away change them? Would they be able to go back to what they had right now? Well, maybe not right now, but what they'd had before he'd asked her to give a relationship with him a chance? Booth had been right about her reluctance to embrace change. She had appreciated their partnership more than she'd ever told anyone. To change it, to lose it, was more than she wanted to bear. Their partnership and friendship had meant more to her than any of the relationships she'd ever had. To risk everything and begin a relationship with Booth? It would be wonderful in the beginning. She knew it would be. She also knew she could never sustain the kind of relationship Booth had talked about over the years. Working on this dig was the chance of a lifetime. It was a good career decision to make. But what if it cost her Booth? Which of those outcomes would mean the most to her...30, 40, 50 years from now? Receiving international recognition for historic discoveries or her partnership with Booth? She already knew the answer. But she also knew this job and the uncertainties in her life were slowly draining her. She knew she had to get away, had to be able to look at the situation from a distance. She would be able to think more clearly. And then they'd return to what they had. Yes, she just needed some time. Her decision was solidified once again and she immediately felt better._

_Angela just held onto Brennan and let her stew over their conversation. She finally pulled back to look at her friend with a brilliant smile and a twinkle in her eye. "Now," she said, determined to lighten the mood a bit, "you're going to write to your soldier, aren't you?"_

_Brennan rolled her eyes. "Booth is not my soldier, Angela. However, we have agreed to keep contact through email."_

"_No, no, no! Bren, you have to write real letters."_

_Brennan shook her head. "What? Why?"_

_This time it was Angela's turn to sigh. "I went on tour overseas with my father once. One of the tour stops was to see some soldiers in Iraq. We were there for mail call."_

"_Mail call? How can mail be distributed through the telephone lines? Or is that vernacular for email?" Brennan asked._

_Angela laughed. "No! Mail call is when all of the real letters and packages are delivered to the soldiers."_

_Brennan scowled. "That does not make any sense Angela."_

_It was Angela's turn to be frustrated. It would take forever to explain the term to Brennan and that wasn't the point. She decided to gloss over it. "I don't know Bren. It's just what they called it. Probably because the guy who delivers the mail calls out to all the soldiers that it's arrived. I don't know. That's not the point here."_

_Brennan shrugged, deciding it didn't matter for now. She could find out later. Booth would tell her._

"_You should have seen them Bren," Angela continued. "They were so happy. Every one of them." Angela paused wistfully. Brennan could tell Angela wasn't seeing the office around them, but her memories from the past. "Their faces lit up and they smiled and laughed." This time it was Angela who teared up. "And for a little bit of time, in that awful war zone, they had joy and peace and...and they were just so happy Bren. You have to do that for Booth. You just have to." Angela sounded so desperate for Brennan to understand._

_She nodded. "Yes. Okay Ange. I'll write letters to Booth too." If she could help Booth feel better about the war zone he was going to, she would do whatever she could. Letters were easy. She could do letters. In fact, letters might be an excellent way for her to communicate with Booth. She had always been able to organize her thoughts better and show more of her feelings. She often thought letters were more honest. There was something to be said for the atmosphere they created, how they allowed the writer to feel close to the recipient while at the same time permitting a physical distance which created a sense of safety. Letters could allow people to communicate without instant ramifications. It would also be a good way to remind Booth of what they could return to once the year was over. _

"_Good. Good." Angela smiled as she hugged her friend again._

_Brennan pulled back and returned the smile. "Thank you Angela. Thank you for being you."_

"_Hey, what are BFF's for?" Before Bren could say anything, Angela leaned in and whispered, "That's Best Friends Forever!"_

_Brennan smiled and laughed. She glanced over her shoulder at the mountain of paperwork sitting on her desk. _

"_Yes, yes, I know." Angela smiled. "You have tons to do! I'll leave you to it. Don't forget the letters, okay?"_

_Brennan genuinely grinned. "I won't."_

_Angela turned to walk away. She knew that writing letters to Booth would be more personal for Brennan. She knew that even though Bren was running to Maluku to get away from Booth, as long as she wrote those letters, she wouldn't succeed. Those two just had to find a way to get together. _

_Brennan sat back down at her desk. For some reason she didn't understand, the idea of writing letters to Booth made her feel better...happier. She thought about him and the smile he would get when he received a letter. She wanted to be able to do that for him. An idea formed in her head. She quickly reached for her phone._

Brennan smiled again at the memory as she lay on her bed. As she rose to get ready for her tour, she wondered if Booth had received her letter yet. She wondered if he'd been surprised and if he'd smiled. She really hoped he had. Once again, she felt happy to be here. She would have the time she needed to analyze her life. She would be at the forefront of a potentially world changing discovery. She had a life to return to once the year was over. She would be able keep the contact with Booth she truly needed through her letters. They would demonstrate her changing feelings just as her first letter had. Now that she knew she loved Booth, she could begin to let him know slowly. This time away from each other would also help her ensure her feelings were real and not a fleeting moment of panic at not seeing Booth every day. Each of these points were a step in the right direction. Now, more than ever, she knew she'd made the best decision.


	7. The Phone Call

**A/N: I can't thank you readers enough for your responses! You have no idea how it makes my day to find out people enjoy this story! You give me the incentive to write. I appreciate every single one of your comments...so much! I appreciate those of you who are following the story. I can't help but be a little gobsmacked sometimes! Thank you. Thanks to everyone who helps me with this story. Y'all push me to be a better writer. And MiseryMaker...if they throw things...I'm ducking so they'll hit you! **

Booth had been up most of the night. He'd quit even trying to drink water. Every time he did, he ended up making another trek to the bathroom. He hated being sick. He knew it was ridiculous, but it made him feel weak. He was determined to make it through training though. If he still felt bad at the end of the day, he'd go to the doctor. The thought made him groan. He hated going to the doctor even more than he hated being sick.

He got dressed for the day and out of habit headed down the hallway toward the nearest coffee maker. When he realized what he was doing, he stopped and hung his head. He couldn't even have his coffee. This day was going to be crap. He turned and headed out to meet his soldiers. They got started with their tasks and training seemed to be going good. Throughout the day Booth began to notice he was slowing down. He was feeling weaker by the second. He knew a trip to the doctor was inevitable at this point. Despite how awful he felt, he was pleased with the progress the men were making. They were attentive and eager to learn and they caught on quickly to everything Booth explained to them. This was the military and they were required to listen to him, but it was obvious they wanted to hear what he had to say. He was beginning to feel better about the eventuality of them going into the field. They'd been making such good progress that Booth hadn't noticed the time.

They had just finished up one of the training modules Booth had developed when Fish walked up to him hesitantly. Since he'd been the first one brave enough to talk to him, he'd become the unofficial liaison between Booth and the rest of the men. "Sir?"

"Yeah, Fish?" Booth questioned.

"Um, we were wondering if we were going to get a break? Some of us need to hit the head."

Booth looked at his watch. "Yeah, this is a good breaking point anyway." It was well past time lunch was served and he'd forgotten to release them for break. He'd been losing his concentration all day and this was just another thing that had slipped his mind. Not one of them had complained though. He hadn't been the slightest bit hungry either, which hadn't helped him notice the time passing. He felt a little guilty.

He turned to the men and decided to give them a little extra time. "Be back in 60," he hollered.

The group didn't have to be told twice. They quickly put their gear away and headed out for the johns and a late lunch. Booth stopped to watch the men retreat and realized how exhausted he was. He was incredibly thirsty too, but even the thought of drinking made his stomach cramp again. He considered going back to his building to rest, but the way he felt right now...it seemed more like a 20 mile trek. He decided to just sit and rest at the training site instead. At this point he didn't care how hot it was. Or that he didn't have a comfortable chair. Or even that he felt like he'd been run over by a freight train. He was just too exhausted to care about anything. He didn't even care about the fact he'd have to go to the infirmary later. Maybe they'd have some magic pill to make all this go away. He was glad they were open all day though because he really wanted to finish out the day's training session. He was sure he could make it. Just a few more short hours. He could do anything that long. He'd done worse for longer. Training was a snap.

Booth slowly shuffled over toward the side of the training area. He paused for a moment before pulling Bones' letter out of his pocket. God he was such a glutton for punishment. He couldn't even make it out of his room this morning without turning back to get it. He needed to lock that part of his life away right now, but he just couldn't handle the idea that a part of her was here with him in this hell hole and he didn't have her with him. How moronic was he that he allowed this piece of paper to be his rock? That he held onto hope despite what Bones said in it? How much damage was he going to have to undo when he got to the end of this year holding on to that letter like his life depended on it? It was already getting a worn look to it from the number of times he'd opened it yesterday.

He unfolded it and read it again trying desperately to remember she wanted only their partnership. It still amazed him though that Bones had gone to such great lengths to do this for him. He needed to write back to her. He was glad they had email, even though he hadn't used it, but he wanted to write a letter to her too now. He decided to do just that after he went to the doctor this evening. Another wave of exhaustion passed over him again. He was tired. Physically and mentally. He was just plain tired of thinking, wondering, worrying about Bones. The lack of sleep he got from replaying the letter over and over in his head had him more worn out than he felt like he'd ever been. Being sick wasn't helping. He tucked the letter back in his pocket, laid back on the ground and put his cap over his face for shade. He'd take a nap while the men ate and he'd be ready for the rest of the afternoon.

**B&B B&B B&B B&B B&B B&B B&B B&B B&B B&B B&B B&B B&B B&B B&B **

It was late afternoon when Brennan came back to her tent to rest. If she were honest with herself, she'd admit she was actually seeking refuge from Marlena and Daisy. The two had become fast friends instantly and were a little overwhelming at times. As she pulled the mosquito netting back and plopped down on her bed, she allowed a huge sigh to escape.

Brennan had developed a pattern to her days. She rose early to work at the site before breakfast. She took a mid-morning break and a mid-afternoon break. She went to meals either earlier or later than everyone else. Her entire schedule had developed around the amount of uninterrupted time she could tolerate in the presence of the two bubbly friends. She longed for her lab where she could instruct the two in appropriate behavior. Here, though, she was a colleague. An equal...despite her superior knowledge. She wriggled into a more comfortable position and stared at the pattern on her blanket. It was during these quiet moments that she allowed herself to remember her DC life and DC family. During the day she had a job to perform and several, most especially two, people to keep focused. Times like this, the alone times, were hers. As was usual, her thoughts turned to Booth.

It had been five weeks. He most definitely should have received his letter by now. She didn't understand why she hadn't received something in return. It was irrational, she knew, but she had hoped he would notify her somehow. Why hadn't he written back? Why had he not sent an address for her to use? Even an email would have been quite easy to send. Why hadn't Booth responded? Why hadn't he contacted her at all? Was it something she'd said in her letters? She'd made a point to write once a week since she'd arrived. She'd gotten the address to send them to from her publisher. She'd written six letters to him now and he'd not sent one word back. Maybe he was just really busy with his trainees. He'd always made time for her in the past though. Even to the point of being annoying. He'd said before he left that it would be at least a month before he'd go out in the field with his soldiers. He should have access to email still. Maybe he wasn't receiving the letters. That's what it had to be. They had left each other on good terms. At least she thought they had. But the Booth she knew would never ignore her like this. She'd try emailing him. Yes, that was the next step. Just a quick message to see how he was doing and get the correct address. Just a quick message to help her feel closer to him again. The loneliness and emptiness she'd been feeling had begun to wear on her. She knew if she could just talk to him, she'd find reserves of energy.

Just the thought of a potential solution to her problem had her excited and she raised up on her elbow to reach for her satchel and laptop. She paused when she heard someone running outside, which was unusual. The pace in her Maluku life was so very different than the fast pace of her DC life. She recognized that she had done her usual compartmentalization tactic because she kept referring to her DC life and her Maluku life in her thoughts. Suddenly Dr Hasani's assistant burst into the tent causing her to jump and sit up quickly.

"Thomas!" she yelled. She couldn't believe his highly inappropriate behavior.

"Dr. Brennan! There you are,' he said breathing heavily from his exertions. "Come quickly!"

Temperance scrambled off her bed to follow Thomas, wondering what had happened at the dig site. A cave in of one of the walls most likely. She thought they'd done a better job of supporting the dirt walls. She'd just have to be more vigilant. She turned toward the dig site as she stepped out of the tent.

Thomas turned the opposite direction and began to jog toward the front of the camp instead.

"Thomas? Where are you going?" she asked, looking at him in confusion.

He turned back to her. "You have an important phone call Dr. Brennan." He waved his hand indicating she should follow him and turned to continue down the path.

She couldn't figure out who would be calling her. Maybe the Jeffersonian needed her to consult on some findings. She really didn't think it necessitated Thomas rushing around like a mad man though. She would discuss this with him after her phone call.

She quickly walked to the area Dr. Hasani had claimed as his office. He looked up as she entered. "Oh good, Temperance, you have a very important call."

"Thank you Dr. Hasani." She picked up the receiver as Thomas and Dr. Hasani left the room.

"This is Dr. Temperance Brennan," she stated expectantly. The last voice she expected to hear burst through the phone.

"Tempe. Thank God. They found you. Finally."

"Jared? Why are you calling me? They said it was important." She gripped the receiver a little tighter. She couldn't figure out why Jared, of all people, would be calling her. It could only have something to do with Booth. She waited for him to elaborate.

Jared wasted no time with pleasantries. "Tempe, he...he had a heatstroke." Brennan's stomach lurched inside her body as her lungs struggled for air. Her concentration took a blow. Heatstroke? Despite what people thought, they were often fatal. She knew that. "What? Where is he?"

"Tempe..." Jared paused for a moment struggling with what he was about to tell her. The line had a great deal of static, but she could still hear his deep inhale. He let out a huff before continuing, "...Tempe, it was bad. Really bad. They...they..." She couldn't tell if he had paused again or if the line was breaking up.

Her mind reeled as she listened to the fluctuation in the intensity of the static. No. Not Booth. He had to be alive. He had to be okay. Her mind stopped functioning as she saw his image as clearly as if he were there with her. Her heart raced as she started to breathe faster and gripped the receiver as if it could save her. No. This couldn't be. No. No. She closed her eyes and shook her head. "Jared?"

Jared's voice continued when the line interference decreased, "...and they called in a priest for last rites." Temperance felt like she'd just been hit in the chest with a baseball bat and she stopped breathing. She felt weak. She stumbled to Dr. Hasani's chair and collapsed. Tears immediately streamed down her cheeks as she desperately denied what Jared was telling her.

Suddenly the line went dead. Temperance sat in shock and denial. Her fear came timidly at first, "Jared?" Silence. Panic set in. She didn't know where Jared was or how to call him back. "Jared?" No. This was not happening. This could not be happening. She shook her head in disbelief again. She couldn't hit the button to hang up. What if he came back on line? She raised her voice, "Jared! Are you there? I can't hear you. Jared! Please say something! Jared!" She was met with silence and the knowledge she had no way to contact him again. She resorted to what seemed a normal reaction in this situation and she frantically tapped the receiver button to close and reopen the line.

Dial tone. Temperance couldn't have stopped her tears at that point if her life had depended on it. Her mind refused to cooperate with her and one word kept repeating itself...No. Her shoulders began to shake in rhythm to her sobs. She dropped the receiver on the desk and raised her hands to cover her face as she continued to shake her head. No. She was alone. She couldn't be alone. She needed someone here. She needed Booth. She began to cry uncontrollably.

Booth. His smile. His constant reassuring presence. His support. His friendship. His love. Gone. In one quick moment, Brennan's life had changed forever. She would never be the same. Booth. He couldn't be gone. No. She refused to accept it. She cried openly and began quietly chanting one word over and over as if it could turn back time. "No...No...No...No." In this remote land, she had never felt more alone in her life. She should be home. She should have stayed home. If she had stayed, he would have stayed. Her eyes flew open and every ounce of air left her lungs as her epiphany struck her full force. This was her fault. Oh god, this was her fault. No. Booth. He had done nothing but give his life and his heart to her. Her fear in the face of his death was laughable. What had she done? At this realization, her mind shut down and she simply stared at the phone. Seconds ticked by and she couldn't move...couldn't think.

Time ceased to exist.

She was jolted out of her daze when the phone suddenly rang. She grabbed it quickly. "Jared?"

"Yeah, Tempe, it's me. I don't know what's wrong with the line. I'm really sorry about that." Temperance uselessly wiped at the tears on her face. Seconds ago she had been desperate to have contact with Jared. Now that she had it, she didn't know what to say. Jared saved her.

"Listen, I don't know how much you heard of what I was telling before. Did you hear that Seeley had a heatstroke?" Temperance nodded her head, fresh tears welling up in her eyes. "Tempe?"

Brennan's voice came out in a hoarse whisper, "Yes. I heard you."

Jared could hear how badly she was affected by this news. He knew she and her brother were closer than any two people he'd ever known. He continued, "Well, it was bad and they had pretty much given up hope." He tried to lighten the mood and chuckled with his next statement. "You know Seeley though. He never quits. At anything." Brennan creased her brow and shook her head in confusion at Jared's words. His mood sombered when he didn't get a response from her. "Somehow he survived and he was transferred to Germany." Brennan's mind grasped one word as if her life depended on it. "Jared, he survived? He's alive?"

"Oh god Tempe, I'm so sorry. Yeah, he's alive. He's going to be okay. In time. God, I didn't mean he died. It was just bad. I'm so sorry I didn't say that first. Tempe...God..." Temperance couldn't stop herself from crying again. Tears of joy. Tears of anger. They poured down her face. He was alive. He was alive! She was still so hopeful of this news and fearful of his answer that her next question came out as a whimper, "Where is he?"

Jared paused for a moment. "Well, he's on his way to DC now actually. He started out in Germany." He really was alive! Temperance could tell from the tone Jared was using that he was leaving details out. She knew there were varying degrees of severity with heatstrokes. But if Booth was on his way to DC, he must be fit for travel. However, it must have been bad enough for him to be discharged and sent home like that. "Jared, what aren't you telling me?"

"He's okay Tempe. Well, the doctors say he will be okay. He's in the hospital. Well, he will be." Brennan's patience ceased to exist in that moment and her mind screamed for a more coherent answer. "Jared! Stop giving me vague statements and tell me what I need to know right now."

"Okay. Okay. He had the heatstroke and got transferred to Germany. After about four weeks, they decided he was stable and ready for therapy so they're transferring him to DC. That's where he's headed now." He rushed into his next statement, "I called you as soon as I knew he was headed home." He worried about telling Tempe the details like that. He was breaking a promise in calling her. He knew she needed to know though and knew she valued black and white facts. Of course he'd botched it up like everything else he did and he'd let her think he was dead. He'd never forgive himself for that. "He's going to be okay Tempe."

Brennan's stomach lurched yet again at this new information, a million questions ruling for supremacy in her mind. The most glaring bit of information she'd heard though was how much time had passed. "Four weeks? Jared, when did this happen?" She knew when it had to happen. She'd written one letter a week...five letters since arriving here.

Jared sighed again. He'd known this was going to be a difficult call to make and one that Seeley was going to make him pay for sometime. "He'd only been there for a week when it happened."

Temperance could hardly digest the information. She'd been going about her days as usual while Booth had been in the hospital? For four weeks? She should have been by his side the way she knew he'd have been there for her. She was furious at the injustice of getting robbed of being there for him.

"Why am I just now finding out about this? Jared, why didn't you call me? How did it happen? Booth isn't careless. He would have taken the appropriate measures to ensure he was hydrated. This doesn't make any sense." Brennan's tongue couldn't keep up with her taxed mind and she blurted out her thoughts as they hit her.

"I don't have a lot of information, Tempe. They said he was sick. Some kind of stomach thing. He was dehydrated and went out to train. The soldiers found him after a break." Jared stopped talking then weakly continued, "He's going to be okay."

Brennan got angry with his answer and his overuse of the word 'okay'. "Jared! How bad was it?" She heard him draw in a deep breath and release it. "Tempe..."

She could tell he was going to try to avoid details. "No, Jared! Now!" She heard him draw in another deep breath. This time he held it. She could almost hear his indecision over the phone line and opened her mouth to further persuade him to speak when he released it along with the beginning of his explanation. "Well..." he paused again. Brennan's frustration was rising to epic levels and she had no patience to wait to see what he would say. She moved on to her next question. The only one that mattered right now. "He's in Washington?"

"Yeah. Well, no. He's on his way. He should get here today sometime."

"I need to go Jared. I need to make arrangements to return to DC." Jared began to talk again, "Tempe, wait."

Temperance stopped him, "No! I need to go." Jared interrupted her, "Tempe!" Her temper was running short and she yelled in frustration, "What?"

Jared knew he was fighting a losing battle, but he tried anyway. "They aren't going to let you in to see him yet. They're going to want to get him settled in. Why don't you let me see how he is and I'll call you with an update the second I know anything. Just wait."

"They'll let me see him. He's my partner. I have to see him." She paused, the need to affirm her relationship with Booth taking over her thoughts. "Jared, he's my partner. I...I have to go." She had already begun thinking of the arrangements she needed to make in order to leave when Jared tried another tactic, "You don't need to be starting out traveling in the middle of the night. Just let him get settled before you try to see him."

The frown Brennan was wearing deepened. Brennan was not about to allow Jared to tell her what to do. She was furious with Jared for not calling her sooner. Furious for letting her think Booth was dead. Furious with his lack of details. "No, Jared. I need to leave now."

Jared hated this whole situation. He especially hated what he was about to say to Temperance. He knew she wouldn't want to hear it. He didn't want to say it. One day, when he was able, Seeley was going to kick his ass for even telling her about him being in the hospital. He pulled out the last card he had to play. The one he thought would stop her in her tracks. "Tempe, he doesn't want to see you."

"I don't care," she screamed just before she slammed the receiver into its cradle.


	8. 30 Hours

**A/N: Thank you so much to everyone for continuing to read this story. To those of you who are commenting...I adore you! As always...thank you so much to the people who guide me & support me in this endeavor! Y'all rock and I wouldn't be writing if it weren't for every single person involved.**

Chapter 8: 30 Hours

Brennan's mind raced. Heatstroke? She still didn't understand how it could have happened. Especially that quickly. How was Booth doing now? She had to get to him. He needed her. He had always been there for her and she had to do the same for him. Four weeks ago? The soldiers found him. How long had he gone without medical attention? Had the doctors taken sufficient care of him? Which hospital was he going to? She hadn't asked for that information. She hadn't gotten the details she needed. She'd been so careless in her panic. One word slipped from her mouth, "Booth."

The same flashes that crossed her mind while she'd thought he was dead, surfaced again. His smile, followed quickly by the sight of him getting shot right in front of her. Standing by his gravesite the day of his funeral. Late nights waiting for him to wake up from a coma. A ship that sank within moments of him getting on a helicopter. A refrigerator explosion. She had come so close to losing him before. Here she was again. No. These thoughts were useless. She didn't need them. Not now. Not when she had just come to realize her feelings for him. She hadn't even known he was in the hospital. She was so angry. The last five weeks had not weakened the love she discovered in the airport as she'd feared they might. Every day without him had only made her miss him more. Now this...this overwhelming need to be near him. She had to get to him. Her mind began to race with questions again as her chest began to ache with the stress. She didn't know where Jared had called from. She couldn't call him back. Irrelevant. She paused, trying to regain her focus when she recognized her emotions and chaotic thoughts were getting the better of her. Action was needed now...not useless worry.

She needed to find Dr. Hasani and let him know she would be gone for the foreseeable future. She needed to pack and get to the airport. Hopefully there would be a flight soon. She started to feel better, a little more in control. She nodded her head, took a deep calming breath, then marched out to find Dr. Hasani. She didn't have to go far. He and Thomas sat in the chairs a short distance away from the tent. They looked relaxed, just sitting there talking. She had a fleeting moment of resentment. How could they be so calm when Booth was in the hospital? Which hospital? How bad had it been? How was he now? She mentally kicked herself again for not remaining on the phone with Jared. Why hadn't she just stayed on the phone?

She came to a stop halfway to the men as she realized her emotions were getting out of control again. She took another calming breath and forcibly stopped her mind from flitting erratically from thought to thought before continuing the short distance. Dr. Hasani's face was instant concern the second he saw her, "Temperance?" Brennan turned her eyes to him, "Dr. Hasani. I apologize for the short notice, but I'm needed in Washington. I must leave immediately." He nodded, "Sure. Sure. Is something wrong? Is there anything I can do to help?" His fondness of her had grown in the short time he'd known her and he hated to see her so obviously distressed.

Temperance found herself opening up more quickly to Dr. Hasani's concern than she normally would. "My partner is in the hospital. I'm needed there. If you could arrange...?" she trailed off thinking off all the things she needed to get done quickly. His nod grew stronger, "Say no more, Temperance. Go. Go pack. I will have Thomas get the SUV ready and we'll drive you to the airport." She gave him a shaky smile, "Thank you."

She turned and started toward her tent. Dr. Hasani watched her brisk walk turn into a jog after a few steps. He'd been around Temperance and listened to her tales of escapades with her partner. Booth seemed to be all she talked about some days. He recognized love when he saw it. He shook his head and said a short prayer that the man Temperance loved would be okay.

Brennan arrived at her tent and looked around. She decided her carry on satchel was all she needed. She had more clothes and toiletries at her apartment. Her laptop was already packed in the satchel she used to carry it to the main tent, which had electricity. She glanced around and saw nothing vital she needed. If she didn't make it back, she could have Daisy pack her belongings and ship them. As if she were summoned, Daisy's voice rang outside the tent. Her cheerful, "Dr. Brennan!" was like a knife slicing through Brennan's skull. "Dr. Brennan? Are you in? You simply must come see what Marly and I found!" Dr. Marshall had apparently decided to accompany Daisy and she hollered next. "Yes Temperance, you must! It's amazing! We didn't want to continue without you being a part of this! I just can't believe it!"

At this point, no new find was as important to her as getting to Booth. She grabbed her satchel and jacket and rushed out of the tent. Her sudden appearance caused both the women to jump. "Dr. Brennan?" Daisy questioned. Temperance explained, "Miss Wick, I'm leaving indefinitely. I may require you to pack and ship my things at a later date. I trust you will be able to handle those arrangements?" Daisy did a double take, glanced at Dr. Marshall and stammered, "Uh, yes, of course Dr. Brennan. What's wrong? What happened?" Temperance considered just walking away. It was what she wanted to do, but Daisy, despite her annoying traits, deserved an explanation. "Booth is in the hospital in Washington. I'm returning to see him." She realized she had now told a second person that Booth was in the hospital and she didn't even know which one. Daisy stood wide eyed, wanting to ask for more details. One look at Dr. Brennan's face told her it was not the wisest decision. Dr. Marshall began to speak, "Temperance, I'm so sorry. Is there..." Daisy grabbed her arm and gave a quick negative shake of her head. Dr. Marshall took the hint and stopped talking. The women turned to face Dr. Brennan. Daisy simply nodded, her pony tail bobbing, "I'll take care of anything you need, Dr. Brennan." Temperance nodded herself, "Thank you Miss Wick." She looked at her colleagues for the briefest moment, then turned and hurried toward the front of the camp where Thomas and Dr. Hasani were waiting.

They made quick time to the airport and she was able to secure a seat on the next flight out. She would be on her way home in less than an hour. She felt quite fortunate to be able to be leaving so soon. It was late afternoon now and she would be traveling for over 30 hours. Booth would have been in DC for two days by the time she got there. Her flight was announced overhead. She thanked Thomas and Dr. Hasani for their assistance and apologized once again for leaving so quickly. Then she turned to make her way to the gate.

She had to figure out where Booth was exactly. She dug her phone out of her pocket as she walked and opened the address book. She quickly found the number she needed, but paused before hitting the green send button. Angela was always the first person she turned to when Booth wasn't available, but she was in Paris with Hodgins. Who could she call? Dr. Saroyan. She would know how to find Booth. Temperance assumed he'd be at Walter Reed, but she wasn't going to take the chance of not knowing for sure. She found the number and dialed, forgetting about the time difference, hoping it wouldn't go to voicemail.

After the second ring, Cam picked up, sounding a little sleepy. "Saroyan." Brennan had never been so happy to hear her voice and rushed through her request, not letting the other woman get the first word out. "Dr. Saroyan, it's Dr. Brennan. I don't have time to explain much. I couldn't anyway because I don't have details. I received a call from Jared. Booth is on his way to a hospital in DC. I need you to find out which one. I am at the airport...excuse me a moment."

Cam listened as questions flurried through her mind. She heard Brennan speaking in the distance and heard the unmistakeable conversation of a boarding gate. She had obviously lowered her phone as she boarded a plane. "I'm back Cam. I'm on the ramp to the plane. Can you find out where Booth is?" Cam nodded her head, forgetting that Brennan couldn't see her, before speaking out loud, "Uh, yeah, sure, of course. What happened?" Temperance sucked in a quick breath. "I only know he had a heatstroke." Cam drew in a sharp breath of her own at the statement. "Oh my god." Brennan continued, ignoring Cam's exclamation, "I should arrive...Yes, thank you...I'm sorry, I'm on the plane now and need to go. Please Cam. Find him. I'll call at my first layover." She was so thankful for Cam's help, she hadn't even noticed her uncharacteristic use of her co-worker's first name.

She walked almost to the rear of the plane as she looked for her row. She could not believe her misfortune. A woman holding a sleeping infant had the aisle seat. She gestured toward the window seat to let the woman know she needed to pass. She smiled and said, "Oh, ok, just a sec." She pulled the baby to the side so she could unbuckle her seatbelt and then scrambled out of her seat into the aisle to let Temperance by. A child's voice sounded, "Mommy! Mommy! Can I take my seatbelt off too?" Brennan looked to the row behind hers where two children sat. The older of the two sighed in an exaggerated manner, "No, stupid. We haven't even taken off yet." The woman pursed her lips before scolding her son, "Morgan, please don't speak to your sister that way. Stacy, keep your seatbelt on honey. It's not time to take it off yet." The little girl pouted, "But why did you take yours off?"

Temperance took her seat, stored her satchel under the seat in front of her and listened to the conversation taking place. The mother continued to stand in the aisle, "Because I had to let the nice lady get in her seat. Now be a good girl and stay there, ok?" The little girl frowned and crossed her arms dramatically, "Okay Mommy." The woman sat back down beside her and smiled. "Sorry about that." Brennan looked at her in confusion, "Sorry? For what?" It was the woman's turn to look confused. "Um," she sighed, "I'm not sure actually. I guess it's something I automatically say." The woman shook her head, "I don't know." Brennan was not in the mood to talk to the woman so she just turned back to look through the window, thoughts returning to Booth, as the woman got settled in her seat.

"Mommy," the little girl called, "when are we going to fly? I wanna fly." The woman turned her head to the side a little to look between the seats, "In just a few minutes honey." Just as she turned back to the front, the little girl called out again, "Mommy, I'm thirsty." The woman didn't bother to look back this time, "Hang on a few more minutes, okay?" Once again, the child called to her mother, "Can I get my game out Mommy?" The plane started pulling back from the gate. "Mommy! The plane is moving! Morgan! It's moving! It's moving! Is it going to make all those noises the last plane did?" The children continued to talk and bicker. The woman sighed yet again and slumped in her seat, still holding the sleeping baby boy. Brennan was trying desperately to ignore it all, yet failing.

Brennan turned to look at the infant in the woman's arms, marveling at how he could sleep through the commotion. A half-hearted smile crossed the woman's face as she glanced toward Temperance. Her smile became one of apology as she said, "The noise I guess." Brennan's gaze rose to the woman's face, "The noise?" Her embarrassed smile widened slightly, "Yeah, we make a lot of noise. I'm sorry." Temperance had no desire to converse with the woman. Booth was the only person she could be concerned with. As she thought of him, she realized Booth would be giving her his classic 'say something nice, Bones' look. It's what people did in these situations. She smiled forcibly, "I've heard nothing but a normal familial conversation." There. That surely would have made Booth happy.

She turned back to the window, not seeing the curious expression the woman gave her. This would be the longest 30 hours of her life. She hoped the woman wasn't traveling to Washington because she had expended all of her good will in that short exchange. She also hoped her connecting flights would be more peaceful. She vowed to pull out her sleep mask if the woman insisted on conversing further. The only thoughts she was capable of any more were those associated with Booth...Booth. Her stomach tightened and her chest sank as his name crossed her mind. She unconsciously reached up to rub the tension out of her temple.

As the plane taxied to the runway, she watched the hurried activity of the airport, ignoring the flight attendants' demonstrations. Her partner was lying in a hospital bed. How could these people continue to function as if nothing had happened? How would they have even the remotest of notions of a complete stranger on another continent? It was illogical to resent the actions of these people. But she did. She resented every one of them. And she resented her mind for betraying her with this feeling. She was stronger than that. The woman beside her shifted and bumped Temperance's leg. She found herself resenting the intrusion along with everything else about this flight.

As the plane took off, she remembered it would be an entire day and then some before she landed in DC. Why had she chosen to go so far away? It was too far. Too far from home. Too far from Booth. Her decision to leave had been an emotional one. She recognized that now. And once again, she was paying the price for giving in to emotions. For giving in to fear. Booth was her partner. They had been through so much over the years. Had he ever once given her any indication that he didn't care about her or her feelings? Never. Quite the opposite, in fact. He had always treated her with respect. Even when they fought, he showed respect. He had nurtured her interest in the process of solving crimes. He metaphorically watched her every step to ensure she didn't fall. Her life was better because Booth was a part of it. The more she thought about Booth and the time they had shared, the happier she felt, although she could not rid herself of the nagging sensation of guilt. He wouldn't have been there if she'd been brave. He'd been brave. He hadn't actually said the words, but she knew...he loved her. The evidence was clear. Decisive. She knew something else now as well...she loved him too.

The woman next to her shifted and bumped Temperance's leg again. Her unconscious smile disappeared. Why could there not have been a first class seat? Why could the two children behind her not quit talking? Why did she even have to be on this plane? Why had the Maluku remains been found? Why couldn't life just be back to normal? She wanted normal again so badly. She wanted to be back with Booth again. "And for you ma'am?" the flight attendant asked. Temperance was deep in her own thoughts as she watched wisps of clouds go by. "Ma'am?" the flight attendant repeated. She suddenly felt the pressure of a hand touch her leg. She jumped slightly as she turned to see why she was interrupted. Why couldn't she just be left alone? She looked at the woman's hand on her arm and then glanced up to see the flight attendant waiting patiently. Even Brennan realized appearances could be deceiving. Why did the flight attendant have to look so cheerful? Could she not sense the world had changed? Irrational anger swelled in Brennan. She opened her mouth to recite her usual order when she realized she had no desire to eat or drink. The thought of ingesting anything was almost rancid. That surprised her. She had automatically moved on to analyze her body's reaction to stress when the flight attendant's eyebrows rose. The first indication of impatience. Temperance frowned slightly, wondering why the woman had to be there bothering her at all, "Nothing. Thank you." The flight attendant smiled and moved to the next row. Temperance glared at her back.

The woman next to Brennan shifted, bumping her leg...again. Temperance was deathly still as her eyes moved from the flight attendant over to her. The woman smiled encouragingly, "Are you okay?" Brennan was already irritated and her eyebrows dove toward her nose. "Of course I am. Why would you ask that?" The woman's smile waned slightly, "Well, you seem a little upset." Brennan considered her statement. How could this woman even know what behavior she displayed when she was upset? Right now she just wanted to yell at the woman to leave her alone. Instead, she muttered, "I'm fine." She turned back to the window to watch the setting sun. How would her life change when next she saw it? How had it changed already? She had no idea what to expect when she landed and that thought scared her. Booth. Where was he? What was his condition? Why did she feel like crying? It was absolutely useless to allow these questions to keep cycling through her mind, but she felt powerless to stop them. She just needed the turmoil of thoughts to stop. She couldn't think rationally with all of these questions screaming their way into consciousness.

The baby next to her let out a wail. His mother cradled him closely as she reached for her bag and balanced it on her leg. As she dug through it for whatever item would calm the child, he grew more furious and began to wave his arms. Normally Temperance would understand and forgive the infant for utilizing this particular communication method. Today, the crying just made her angry at the entire turn of events that had situated her on this plane. If she had to fly coach, why couldn't she be sitting beside Booth...laughing...talking...just enjoying their shared time? _"Because he's in the hospital,"_ her mind taunted her.

"Would you mind?" the woman asked. Brennan glanced at her, "Mind what?"

"Would you please look for Sean's pacifier? I know it's in there somewhere." The baby began furiously struggling in his mother's arms. Her tone immediately changed from frustration to the expected soothing tones mothers used in these situations. She started lifting the bag toward Brennan as she tried to calm the boy. "Shh, it's going to be okay. Just give Mommy a second. Shhh." She didn't wait for Brennan to answer as she hoisted the bag in the air over the infant's head. Temperance had no choice but to grab it. She glanced at the woman again, who smiled at her and said, "Thank you so much." Brennan looked down at the bag. The woman continued to bounce the baby in her lap, "I'm pretty sure it's in the main section in the middle. At least I think so." Temperance grabbed the two sides of the opening, pulled them apart and looked inside. All of the normal paraphernalia used in the care of infants was there. She moved diapers and a blanket to the side. A rattle fell over and made its signature noise. No pacifier. She shifted the contents to the other side. Again, no pacifier. Temperance looked at the woman struggling with the now enraged child and felt her own sense of urgency rise.

"Could it be in another compartment?" Brennan asked. The woman simply nodded as she patted the baby's back and continued to rock him. Brennan unzipped the next compartment and looked in. Sitting next to the treasured pacifier was a purple elephant. Baby Andy. Booth. She stopped breathing as tears leapt to her eyes. She grabbed the pacifier and handed it to the woman as she swiftly stood up and placed the bag in her seat. The startled woman slid back and moved her legs as far to the side as she could in the cramped space. Brennan dashed to the comfort and quiet isolation of the bathroom. She stared at the latch she had just used to lock herself in, trying not to let the tears fall. She took a deep breath...then another one...concentrating on slowing the world down and simply existing for the moment. Feeling only slightly more calmed, she turned to survey the damage in the mirror. Her red rimmed eyes stared back, oozing with fear and tension. It was the same look she had seen a few years ago when she'd first thought Booth had died. The same puffy red eyes. The same fear. The same panic. All of the work she had done to calm herself vanished in an instant and she watched the liquid pool in her eyes before slowly draining over and down her cheeks. She didn't want to relive those moments. She held her breath as long as she could, the last vestige of control. She felt her chest convulse as her lungs screamed for oxygen and the sobs began. She opened her mouth to release the spent air and inhaled deeply. It served as the green light for her emotions as they broke free from her control and came pouring out. She helplessly watched as her face crumbled, mirroring her chaotic thoughts in the reflection she saw. She had reached her limit and gave in to the tears. She was too mentally exhausted to fight them right now.

As the seconds ticked by and became minutes, the release seemed to buoy her resolve. Positive thoughts began to insert themselves between the painful ones. Booth had to be okay. But he was in the hospital. No, he had to be okay. What if he wasn't? He'd had close calls before though and made it through. He always made it through. A voice in the back of her mind taunted her yet again. "_He may never be the same again_." No. It was not even a consideration. He would be fine. They both would be fine. She just had to get this damn plane to DC. Everything would work out as soon as she got home. It had to. She looked in the mirror. The strength she thought she had completely lost was once again beginning to shine through the moistness on her face. She raised her chin slightly, feeling a little confidence return. Booth would be okay. Booth would be okay. She began chanting that thought repeatedly. A knock on the door broke her concentration before she'd had a chance to get it firmly in place.

She hastily grabbed some tissues and cleaned up her face as best she could, not feeling the determination she longed for. She needed to be alone, not trapped in an airplane with so many other people. Despite knowing it was physically impossible, the plane felt like it was getting smaller by the minute. She needed some space to just breathe. She looked again to her reflection. There would be no way to hide the evidence of her outburst. She would just have to keep her head down as she walked the gauntlet back to her seat. Maybe people wouldn't notice. She opened the door and tried to scoot quickly by the person who'd interrupted her when she felt a hand grab her arm. "Aren't you Temperance Brennan? I thought I saw you come back here! I love your books! I'm reading one now! Would you mind signing it for me?" Temperance didn't look up. "Maybe later. I'm sorry. I have a headache and need to sit down." How many things were going to go wrong for her?

She felt her self-control slip again, caught in a war between desperation and anger. Why did she have to be on a plane returning home from half way around the globe? Why had she let her fear drive them to opposite sides of the planet? Why had she lost control and fallen in love? Now she had to contend with a family who couldn't be quiet. A fan who probably wouldn't leave her alone. Booth lying in a hospital bed. She had no where to go. No where to hide. And her mind was betraying her with these unwanted emotions. She was stuck in a flying tube with no escape…for hours. As she continued down the aisle, more eager to get off a plane that she'd ever been in her life, she wondered how she was going to keep from falling apart.


	9. Heatstroke

**A/N: I'll be headed to Parris Island to see my son! He's just about to finish Marine Basic Training! I can't wait to see him! I've got the next chapter mostly written and will try to post while he's home, but please forgive me if I don't. I want to spend as much time with him as I can before he leaves again. **

**I need to thank LJLanham for her help on this chapter! She's awesome with dialogue! I also want to thank MiseryMaker for her help & encouragement...as always! If you guys aren't reading their stories...you're really missing out! Thank you so much for taking the time to read this! I appreciate each and every one of you!**

Cam heard nothing but silence and realized Dr. Brennan had hung up on her. She didn't even bother to close her phone and let her hand drop to the bed. Booth just had a heatstroke? Her mind began to race as she scrambled to sit up on the edge of her bed. He was on his way back to the city? That didn't make any sense. If he was going to a hospital here, he'd probably be taken to Walter Reed. But if he'd only just had the heatstroke and it was serious, he'd have been sent to Germany, not the states. Did that mean it hadn't been serious? Just bad enough to get sent back? What in the world was going on? She needed answers. She needed to get in touch with Booth's family. Someone the doctors would call. She hit the button on the side for the address book, scrolled to the entry and hit the button to send the call.

He answered on the first ring, "Cam." She knew it must be somewhat serious if he'd been waiting on her call.

"What's going on Jared?" She heard him sigh through the line.

"I figured she'd call you," he said resignedly.

"Yeah, well, she's on her way back. Now tell me what happened to Seeley."

She heard an even longer, even deeper sigh. "He had a heatstroke Cam."

"How bad was it?" she asked the automatic question that sprang to her lips.

Jared had no desire to have this conversation even though he knew it was unavoidable. He almost wished he hadn't answered the phone now. "Pretty bad."

Cam gave a sharp nod of her head in acceptance. "And he's already in DC?"

"No. He's being transferred now. He's probably already in the air actually." Cam listened to his answer, wondering if he was being deliberately evasive.

She called him on it, "That doesn't make any sense Jared. Soldiers with serious health issues are sent to Germany first. What aren't you telling me?"

Jared's defenses automatically rose. "I only found out a few days ago myself."

"A few days ago?" she asked, already upset with those few words. Days? Why was he just now contacting them?

His answer burst angrily through the line, "Fine, it's been longer than that, okay?" This information shocked her. She'd been expecting for him to defend himself over her disbelief at not hearing about this for days, not an admission of an even greater time period.

She knew she wasn't going to want to hear his answer, but she asked anyway, "How long Jared? When did this happen?"

"Cam, he's my brother…he made me promise not to say anything. After everything he's done for me, I had to do what he asked. He's gonna kill me for telling you guys."

She could hear the defeat in his voice and she didn't care. She needed answers. "Jared. How long?"

He paused, at war with himself for breaking a promise to Seeley. "Four weeks."

Cam's eyes popped open at that information. "What? Did you say four weeks?" she stressed that final word as she yelled at him into the phone.

Jared tried to rush into his explanation, "Cam, just listen."

"No. Jared. Four weeks? Why are we just now finding out about this?" She was livid. There wasn't going to be a thing Jared would be able to say to her to get her to understand this.

"He made me promise. The only reason I'm telling you now is because the fact he's not in _that_ particular hospital any more gives me a loophole out of my promise." Cam was angry for the semantics Jared was using, but if it gave her more information about Booth, she didn't care. She waited for him to continue. "He got sick when he first got to Afghanistan and had a heatstroke a week after he got there." He knew all the questions she was getting ready to ask. They were the same ones he'd asked when he first found out and the same ones Tempe had asked when he called her. "It was pretty bad, Cam," he said, repeating the words he'd said to her earlier.

"Just how bad was it Jared?" she asked again. Cam was getting tired of the 20 questions game he seemed intent on playing and she let it show in her demand.

Jared was so tired. He was tired of shouldering this on his own. Of worrying about betraying Seeley. Of knowing Tempe was going to kill him too when she got all the details. He was tired of everything. This wasn't supposed to happen. He got incredibly frustrated even though he knew Cam was only trying to get information about someone they both loved. He couldn't help the edge to his voice. "They gave him last rites while he was still in Afghanistan. That's how bad it was," he blurted out. Did he barrel through all the facts or give her time to adjust to the bomb he'd just dropped in her lap? He waited.

Cam felt as though she'd just taken a gut punch. She swayed slightly and leaned over on her knees. Last rites? She repeated her question out loud, "Last rites?"

Jared decided to tell Cam everything he knew. He sighed yet again, one of the biggest sighs of his life. The despondency in his voice transparent even to his own ears. "Yeah. He almost didn't make it. Apparently they even lost him a couple of times and were pretty sure they weren't going to be able to save him. His brain swelled and his body kept shutting down. They called in the priest one of those times." Jared paused, letting his memory take hold, trying to swallow the feeling of panic he'd had when he first found out.

He started again with the same lame joke he'd told Temperance. "You know Seeley though. He never quits. Ever." His wry chuckle was forced and painful. It felt safe to joke a little though. More normal. Because telling people his brother almost died and then having to tell them what state of health he was in now was one of the hardest things he'd ever had to do.

Cam heard Jared's statement for what it was. He was trying to make this better. For her. For both of them. She tried to help him. She had to remember he was in pain too. "Yeah...he's never been a quitter," she replied. She just couldn't manage to make her brain come up with any other words. She waited for him to continue.

"They got him stable and transferred him to Germany." He paused taking a deep breath. "He's been there four weeks. He's at a point now though where he can begin therapy, so they transferred him back to Washington."

Cam was ready to launch into action. "Walter Reed? When does he arrive?"

Jared dreaded the next part of this conversation. It was going to be the first time he said any of it out loud. Telling Cam was going to make it even more real and he didn't want real, he wanted normal back. "Wait. There's more."

Her eyes darted around the room, seeing nothing. More? More? Wasn't this already enough? Jared was hesitating. Whatever it was wasn't going to be good.

"This heatstroke was really bad. I didn't know they could be so bad. I thought it was just a little heat, a fever maybe, a few days in bed and whammo, back to duty. It wasn't like that, Cam. It was bad."

Cam knew it was bad and she wished Jared would stop saying that phrase. Booth had been in a hospital for four weeks and was only now ready for therapy. She knew what that meant. She needed details though. "Tell me everything, Jared."

"The doctors said it was just like a normal stroke because it had the same effect on his body. His left side is mostly paralyzed. He can't walk. He can't talk. He lost a lot of memory." Jared wanted to weep at the words he'd just uttered. His big brother. Seeley. Broken in a hospital bed. What the hell was wrong with the world?

Cam rescued him from saying more. She had figured it would be this severe given what Jared had told her earlier. "I understand." She paused as she thought of something Jared had said earlier. "But you said you promised him...not to tell anyone. He must be able to talk some? When did you talk to him?"

Jared's voice took on the tone of memory. He wasn't on the phone with Cam any longer...he was reliving the past. "The doctor called me. The one in Germany. I was listed in Seeley's record as next of kin. I was at home just doing the things I always do. I didn't know my brother had almost died on the other side of the world. How can you not know something like that?" He paused as more memories took hold.

"When I answered the phone, I could tell something was different. The line sounded different. The doctor told me who he was, verified I was Seeley's brother and then told me he'd had a heatstroke. Really Cam, did you know they could be this bad? I didn't know." He paused, pain evident in his voice when he whispered again, "I didn't know."

Cam waited, but Jared had become lost in his thoughts. She prompted him, "What then, Jared?"

"He told me Seeley was in the hospital in Germany. I asked to speak to him and the doctor told me it wasn't possible, that he wasn't in any condition to be able to talk. You know...they waited a week to call me. A whole week." Cam's irritation rose. She wanted to remind him that she was finding out four weeks later and that he needed to quit whining, that at least he had known. It wouldn't accomplish anything though, so she refrained. She could tell he was still hurting as much as they all would be soon.

"Then he told me about how they'd almost lost him. He told me about the last rites. That's when it really hit home how bad off he had to be. Maybe that's why he told me. To prepare me. I don't know. He told me Seeley couldn't talk and couldn't walk. God, Cam. It's Seeley! Seeley for chris'sakes!" He paused again, trying to reign his emotions.

Cam wanted to tell him everything would be okay, but she still didn't know enough to know whether or not it would be a lie...and she couldn't lie to him. Instead she said, "I know. I know." This seemed to be what Jared needed to continue.

"He told me they had gotten him stable and he was going to survive. Jesus Cam, they told me he was going to survive," he stressed the last word. "I almost lost my brother." He'd gotten way more emotional relaying this information than he thought he would. He was a man. Men were supposed to be strong. Seeley would have been strong had their roles been reversed. God how he wished they could be.

"He told me a bunch of specifics that I didn't really understand. His brain was still swollen but they had been able to take him off life support." He gave a sad chuckle, "Life support." He sighed before continuing. "He was out of the woods so to speak, but he had a long, difficult road to recovery. They had worked out a system of eye blinks to communicate with him and he had agreed to letting me know, but nobody else. He didn't want anyone else to know yet. I was so afraid that if I didn't do what they asked, what Seeley asked, that they wouldn't stay in contact with me, so I didn't tell a soul." He still felt guilty about it, but in this situation Seeley came before everyone else in the world.

"I found out the next week that it was because he couldn't really remember everyone...he couldn't remember. But I got to talk to him. Sort of. Cam, his voice, he can't speak very well. He had to put so much effort into just getting a couple of sentences out. And it took forever. He had these huge pauses between each word he said, and I couldn't understand him. Do you know how shitty it is to have to ask your brother to repeat something when he can't talk?" He should have known it would hurt like hell to tell someone all of this. He should have expected the ache in his chest. The helplessness. The anger and frustration at not being able to DO something.

Cam broke in, "But you got to talk to him, right? What did he say?"

"He seemed like he was a little confused. But he knew me. He made me promise not to talk to anyone. I think the idea of a bunch of people showing up or calling was just too scary. So I promised I wouldn't say anything while he was in that hospital. I don't think he realized I was using it as a loophole. That the second he left there I'd tell the people who needed to know. They called me a little while ago to tell me he was being transferred. I called Tempe right away. To be honest, I'm more afraid of her than I am of Seeley. She'd kill me for not telling her in worse ways than Seeley will kill me when he finds out I did. I figured she'd call you even though it 's the middle of the night. If you hadn't called me by seven though, I was going to call you next." Cam looked at her clock realizing she had no idea what time it was. Not even four in the morning yet. Jared finished, "She's pretty mad at me though."

Cam still had a thousand questions going through her mind. She was also upset they hadn't found out earlier, but in listening to Jared, she understood why he'd made the decision he'd made. She doubted Dr. Brennan would be so forgiving though. "So he's ready for therapy then? That's good. He'll be okay. When does he arrive? Is he going to Walter Reed?"

Jared was so happy she wasn't yelling at him like Tempe had that he'd tell her anything she wanted to know. He was beat. He'd been living this nightmare alone for so long now. It felt good to finally be able to talk to someone about it. "Yeah, he's going to Walter Reed. He'll get here tonight. Cam, he doesn't want to see anyone. He's going to hate me when he finds out."

Cam knew exactly what Jared meant. She hoped they would be a support, but she knew Seeley. He wouldn't want anyone around. His stress level was going to go through the roof when people came to see him. He hated being weak. This situation was going to get worse before it got better, especially when Dr. Brennan arrived. Finding out when she would be landing was Cam's first task. For now, she needed to let Jared know he was no longer alone.

"Well, you've got us now Jared. You did right by Seeley. He'll know that. And you're doing right by him now in telling people who can be there to support him. He's going to need it whether he knows it or wants to admit it. We've got a little time before the ball gets rolling. I need to find out when Dr. Brennan is going to arrive. I'm going to make some phone calls and I'll let you know anything I find out. Are you going to be okay?"

Jared sighed. "Yeah. I'm just so glad I'm not the only one who knows any more. Thanks Cam. I mean that. I'm going to...I don't know what I'm going to do." He looked around his apartment. "I'm going to take a shower. That's what I'm going to do. And we'll talk later."

"Sure, Jared. Take care." Cam hit the end button on her cell phone and sat staring at it, her mind a whirl of activity. She was usually the level headed one of the team. She was the one who always knew what needed to happen next. Yet she couldn't concentrate. She had time though. A few hours of time to put her game face back on. She got up and walked into the bedroom she used as an office and nudged the mouse to wake her computer up. The first thing she needed to do was find out when one Dr. Temperance Brennan would be descending on this city. She knew the world was going to turn upside down the moment that happened.

**B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B**

Temperance kept her head down and her teary eyes averted from the rest of the passengers as she made her way from the bathroom back to her seat. The two children in the row behind hers were busy with their electronic devices. The mother, holding a now sleeping baby, looked almost as exhausted as Temperance felt and she never said a word as she moved out of the way to let her past. Temperance wanted to keep it that way. She leaned over to pull her sleep mask out of the pocket on the seat in front of her, then slid it on as she leaned back. The solitude she needed now firmly in place, she let her mind wander.

She had always needed time to compartmentalize her feelings and thoughts and this time was no different. Booth gave her a hard time about it sometimes, but in this case it could only benefit him. It would upset him to see her so emotional. What state of health was he in? If he was being sent to the hospital, he had not been discharged. That meant he still needed medical care. How bad had his heatstroke been? Was he okay? He'd been alone for four weeks in a hospital, at least she assumed he'd been alone. He'd been in Germany. Why hadn't Jared called before now? How dare he not call her? He knew the friendship she and Booth shared went beyond the word 'partner' they used to describe it. Temperance's feelings quickly fluctuated back and forth between worry and anger and she felt her control slipping yet again. She had to regain command of her thought processes. She was not weak. She refused to be weak.

Besides, it was best not to speculate. How often had she told other people that speculations on the unknown were useless endeavors? She thought about Booth, how he was always thinking of possibilities for varying circumstances surrounding the crimes they investigated. This wasn't a theory that needed to be postulated about. This wasn't a case that needed to be solved. It was what it was, regardless of her thoughts, and she would find out how he was when she landed. She realized worrying wouldn't accomplish anything…it wasn't going to magically fix Booth and it would only serve to drive her into a less than optimal state of mind. She needed to be in the right frame of mind when she landed. So she chose instead to think about the enjoyable times she'd had with Booth. The happy times. They would have more of those. She knew it. They had to. This was probably just a formality anyway and he'd end up laughing at her hasty return home. For once, she wouldn't begrudge him that amusement. Later, they could talk. She could tell him what she'd discovered about her feelings. How the time away had given her just what she'd needed...perspective. She smiled to herself when she thought of what his reaction would be to her declaration of love. She'd seen his face light up at the smallest things she'd told him...he would absolutely beam at this revelation...and she couldn't wait. Everything was going to work out...it had to. Once she began shifting through some of her fondest memories of their time together, sleep, mercifully, came rather quickly.


	10. Best Laid Plans

**A/N: I've done research into Walter Reed Army Medical Center and I'll try to keep this as close to the facts as possible, but I have had to take some liberties since I've never been there. I hope you'll forgive any deviations from fact. **

**Thank you for continuing to read! Thank you for your patience while my son is here! He got to stay even longer than we thought and he'll actually be here for Christmas! Soooo happy about that! Thank you MiseryMaker for your continued support! **

Chapter 10: Best Laid Plans

Cam curled her bare feet under her as she sat in her chair. It didn't take long for her search to yield results and she had the information she needed about flights leaving Maluku. It was fairly easy to figure out which flight Dr. Brennan had been on since she knew the exact moment she'd been getting on the plane. Knowing she'd have chosen the quickest, most direct route home, Cam was able to figure out the plane would be arriving the next evening. That gave her some time. Time to gather her thoughts. Time to figure out how she was going to handle everything. Time to worry about just how much everyone's lives had changed. The next thought she delved into was Booth. He'd be arriving this evening. Knowing Booth...and the condition he was in...coupled with Jared's promise not to say anything to anyone...she knew he'd not want visitors. However, she also knew he was going to need all the support he could get. Did she go see him tonight, to let him know he wasn't alone or did she wait until the morning? Let him get settled? Dr. Brennan was going to barge in like a maelstrom when she arrived. Of that she was certain. She figured a visit tonight would prepare him for that eventuality. But then again, it gave him a longer time to stress over it as well. She cared about Seeley and his well being and right now she felt responsible for him. She felt like the next 36 hours of his life depended on her decisions. Whether or not that was accurate was beside the point. The weight of her decision was tremendous. She had around 12 hours to figure out her best course of action.

**B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B**

Brennan had one hour on this layover. Just enough time to grab a salad before heading out on the next leg of her journey. She quickly found a restaurant and purchased her meal before heading to the gate to eat. She found a seat as far away from the boarding desk as she could get. She just couldn't handle being around people right now and hoped nobody else would recognize her or ask for her autograph. She felt like she was in a better frame of mind, but she also recognized her inability to completely control her emotions right now. She wasn't sure she would be able to continue to be civil if people started gathering around making demands of her. Luckily it wasn't crowded and she was afforded some semblance of privacy. She pulled out her phone to call Cam to see if she'd made any progress.

**B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B**

Cam sat at her desk at the Jeffersonian still stewing over her decision regarding the timing of her visit to Seeley when her phone vibrated, alerting her to an incoming call. She knew who it had to be, but looked at the caller ID anyway. Since she'd talked with Jared, she actually did have more information than when she'd first talked to Dr. Brennan, but nothing she wanted to relay over the phone. She knew which hospital Booth would be going to, but not when he'd be there. Should she answer the phone? This had to be Dr. Brennan's first layover. There would be one more. She'd have even more information then. Just as she decided to let the call go to voice mail, the phone quit ringing. She knew her rationalization was a cover for her cowardice, but it gave her some comfort that she wasn't being untruthful with herself. However, she still felt guilty about not answering her phone.

**B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B**

Brennan closed her phone and didn't leave a message. Cam would know why she called. Frustration set in. She was miles away and helpless to do anything but wait for someone to answer a phone. She hated not being in control. She was used to getting information she needed almost immediately. Cam had to know she'd call. Why hadn't she answered? Was something wrong with Booth? Once again, she acknowledged the pointless nature of the questions that kept running through her mind. She was getting irritated with her inability to stop them, but right now she was just too stressed and tired to put any more effort into that task. She knew Cam would call her back with information once she realized she'd missed Temperance's call, but she didn't care. She'd try calling again before getting on the plane. She turned her attention to her salad. Just then she heard the woman from the previous plane enter the boarding area with her children. She glanced toward Temperance and smiled. Brennan couldn't help the sag her shoulder and head took. She turned to her satchel and pulled out some papers in order to look busy. She wanted to avoid the woman's concern...she wanted to avoid the woman period. A few minutes later, as she was finishing her salad, she had an idea. She put the papers away, closed the salad container, put the lid on her water bottle and made a quick stop at the trash can before walking to the boarding gate.

The attendant smiled and asked if she could help her. Temperance assumed her best authoritative posture. "Yes. I'd like to upgrade my seat if possible."

The woman's smile grew even brighter. "I'll be happy to check on that for you." Temperance shifted her weight to one leg, adjusting the weight of her satchel on her shoulder as the woman typed away on her computer.

The attendant barely glanced up before she asked, "May I see your boarding pass?" Brennan already had it in her hand and eagerly passed it over the counter. The woman typed some more and asked for her ID next. Brennan had flown enough that she had that ready as well. She pulled it out of her pocket and handed it to the woman. The attendant compared the names and then compared the photo to the woman standing before her.

"Did you want first class Ms. Brennan?" Thinking it might help her cause, she corrected, "It's Dr. Brennan, and yes, first class please." The attendant typed some more.

This time she gave Temperance her full attention. "It just so happens we have one seat available." Brennan let out a sigh of relief. "I'll take it." The woman finished the process and cheerfully handed Brennan her new boarding pass after it printed.

"There you go! You're all set! If there's anything else I can do to help you, just let me know!" Brennan looked at her. Here was yet another person who didn't realize the world had changed for the worse the minute Booth had a heatstroke. It took more effort than she cared to admit to herself to quell the resentment that reared when this woman smiled. She thanked her despite her feelings and went back to her seat to wait.

**B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B**

Cam had not gotten work of any value done all day. She simply couldn't concentrate with all the questions rolling through her mind...all the worry. Luckily the people who would pick up on that and be brave enough to say something to her were no longer around. She glanced at her watch. Dr. Brennan's next layover wouldn't be until the following morning. She had purposely left her phone in her office and stayed away from it until she was sure Dr. Brennan's flight had taken off. She still felt guilty, but knew there was absolutely nothing she could say that would alleviate Dr. Brennan's fears at this point. She just didn't have enough information. On the other hand, what if she had been in Dr. Brennan's shoes? To have a layover, expect some information, little though it may be and then get nothing? To not even be able to talk to someone? She again felt the weight of her decisions...realizing how she was affecting the lives of the people she cared about.

She looked at her watch for the thousandth time that day. It was funny how time could go so fast and yet so slow at the same time. At some point in the day, she had begun assuming she would visit Booth that evening. She wasn't sure when it had gone from being a question to a foregone conclusion. She had already contacted the hospital to find out when visiting hours were over. She knew better than to ask about his expected arrival time. She wasn't family. There's no way they'd have given her that information. She could have gotten the information from Jared, but it wouldn't have changed her plans...plans she'd gone over and over in her head, wondering if she was doing the right thing. It was now 7:30 pm. She had decided to take a cab for the six mile trek to the hospital and was waiting for it to arrive. She could scope out the hospital and figure out the best parking arrangements for future visits. She would wait until 8:30 to find his room and that would give her half an hour before visiting hours were over. She could excuse herself earlier than that if the situation warranted it. She looked around her office. Even though everything looked the same, was arranged the same, somehow it felt different. Memories of times Booth had barged in like he owned the place rolled through her mind. She wondered how long it would be before she would get new memories of those same actions...or even if that was a possibility any more. There were so many questions still. She had no idea what to expect for the futures of the people she cared about...the people who had become her family.

She walked out to the front of the building just as the cab pulled up to the curb. Perfect timing, just like she'd planned. She climbed in and informed the driver of their destination. He nodded his head and paid attention to traffic as he pulled out. "So, you visiting someone there?" he asked.

Cam turned from looking out the window to see the man regarding her in the mirror. "Yes," she answered, hoping that would be the end of the conversation. Her nerves were stretched and frayed. It was taking all her effort to hold her confident demeanor together and she feared if she tried to have some meaningless polite conversation with a stranger, it would distract her enough to break through her resolve. Hoping he'd take the hint, she turned to look back out the window.

Apparently the driver was in the mood to talk though. "Yeah, I had to go visit my sister there. Got injured in a road side bomb. Lost both her legs." Cam didn't know what to say, so she said the only thing she could think of, "I"m sorry."

"Eh, at least she lived, right? Four of 'em died right there. Another one lived for a couple of days, but he didn't make it either. Jessi was the only one who lived. She ain't the same though." Once again, Cam wasn't sure how to answer the man, so she tried to be positive. "Well, I'm sure your family was quite happy to have her home." She prayed traffic would cooperate and they'd arrive quickly, hating right now how people always felt the need to share their own stories. She was still too busy processing her own sad story and just wasn't in the mood to hear more. It always seemed like there were more. She didn't even know whether or not this particular story was better or worse than hers. She hated not knowing what kind of situation she was walking in to. She hated not knowing what was going to happen with Booth. Suddenly they were cut off by another vehicle and the man's attention shifted to all of the 'stupid drivers' on the road. Luckily his long diatribe did not require any more of Cam's involvement.

They arrived at the hospital and Cam paid the driver. A glance at her watch told her the plan was still on schedule. She stood on the sidewalk and looked at the imposing building. She'd been here before, but knowing Booth was on the other side of that door was so hard to accept. It was Booth. Larger than life, full of life Booth. Maybe it wouldn't be as bad as Jared had made it sound. Maybe he had just been overreacting and thinking about it emotionally. It had been very clear he was emotional about it during their conversation. She replayed parts back in her head. Last rites. Can't walk. Can't talk. Memory loss. Would he even remember her? What if he didn't? What would she do? She looked down to the sidewalk trying to get the nerve to take the first step into the unknown. She was going to be strong for the both of them. She looked up to the door, raised her chin and began her trek inside.

She immediately saw the welcome desk and a map on the wall along with directions to various parts of the building. She followed the details of the plan she'd laid out so carefully in her mind and walked to the map to study it. After getting a general overview of the hospital, she walked to the welcome desk and smiled at the woman sitting there, surprised someone would still be there that late. "Hi. I just arrived by cab and I was wondering if you could tell me the best place to park when I drive myself next time?"

"Of course, dear," she said as she turned to pick up the top sheets off the stacks of papers on her desk. She looked back up to Cam and smiled, "My name is Marjorie and I'll be here in the evenings Monday through Thursday." She handed Cam the stack of papers before continuing. "This is information you'll need and parking directions are in there too. Are you here to see a family member?" She had a motherly temperament and made a fantastic welcome receptionist.

Cam took a deep breath and smiled. "No. A friend. A very close friend."

The woman smiled again. "Do you already know the room or have you found that out yet?"

Cam was grateful for the woman's easy demeanor. "No, I don't know the room. His name is Seeley Booth. Uh...Sergeant Major Seeley Booth." The woman turned to her computer and made a few clicks of the mouse before typing. Cam began to wonder if he was even here yet. What if he wasn't here? What if he was? The woman looked up and smiled, "He's on the third floor, Room 351. If you walk just down the hallway there, you'll find the elevators. Go to the third floor and the nurses at the desk will direct you." Cam had trouble breathing. It was real. It wasn't just Jared making a colossal mistake. This complete stranger just confirmed that Seeley was in a hospital bed two floors above her. Her mind went temporarily blank and then she had only one question...Why? She realized she'd been staring at the smiling woman since she'd told her where Booth was, so she thanked her and headed down the hallway.

Another glance at her watch told her she was ahead of schedule. It was only 8:15. She wasn't sure why that bothered her so much, but it did. That elevator ride wasn't going to take 15 minutes. Why was 8:30 so important? She knew why it was...she was desperately trying to delay the inevitable. Desperately trying to control a situation that she really had no control over at all. She didn't want this to be real any more than Jared did. The moment she walked into that room, it was going to be even more real and there'd be no turning back. She hit the button to send for the elevator and waited, doing what everyone always did in watching the lights indicating the floors. She picked the elevator that was farthest away from the first floor and stood in front of it. Fourth floor. Was he going to be mad when she walked in? Third floor. Would he even remember her? Second floor. Maybe he wouldn't be awake. First floor. Why did the elevators travel so fast in this hospital? The doors in front of her slid open. Once again she took a deep breath, raised her chin and tried to quell the rolling of her stomach. She _had_ to be strong.

The ride up was just as quick as the time it took the elevator to get to her and she found herself resenting the efficiency of the building. As she exited at the third floor, she looked around. The waiting area was just like the waiting area in any other hospital. The nurses station was just like every other nursing station. However, instead of seeing the usual scrubs she was accustomed to, the people wore uniforms. Everywhere she looked there were more uniforms. She wasn't sure if she expected to see a lot of visitors waiting or just a few, but she was surprised to see the waiting area empty. She walked up to the desk and told the man she was here to see Sgt. Major Booth in Room 351. He gave her directions and she turned to walk down the hallway.

The same questions kept running through her mind on an endless loop. Was he going to be mad? Would she upset him by showing up? Would he remember her? Maybe he was asleep. If he was asleep, she'd just leave. How bad was this? She hoped he'd be asleep. Once again, the distance was just too short and she was standing outside his room. The door was ajar. She wanted to cry, but knew she couldn't. Maybe it wasn't as bad as it felt like it had to be. Maybe Jared was just confused by the doctor's descriptions. Maybe…maybe…maybe she should quit grasping at straws. She stood and looked at the door for what felt like an eternity as the questions kept pouring through her mind. She started to breathe faster and looked up at the ceiling once again to gain her composure, swallowing deeply. She took a deep breath and blew it through her lips before pursing them and looking back at the door. She took a step forward and reached to knock softly on the door. She waited. Hearing nothing, she slowly pushed the door open and glanced around the room. A hospital room just like any other hospital room. A hospital bed on the left side, just like any other hospital bed. Except this time, Booth was in that bed.

The lights were off and it was dark, but the bathroom light was on and gave her just enough light to be able to see him a little. He was in shadow, but it looked like he was awake and staring at the ceiling. He must have assumed she was a nurse. Or maybe he couldn't hear? Jared hadn't said anything about that. There were no machines. No IV poles. That was a relief. She took a few more hesitant steps forward. Still, he didn't acknowledge her presence, lying completely still. She cleared her throat and then Booth's eyes were the only thing to shift her way. She gave a slight smile, but then realized she was backlit by the bathroom light and he may have trouble seeing her. He still gave no indication of how he was going to take her presence in the room. She had never been so terrified of waiting for his reaction to her. They looked at each for a few moments in silence. She never broke eye contact as she walked up to his bed and Booth's expression never changed. It was unnerving to see such an expressive face devoid of emotion. She reached over the rail to the right hand that laid on top of his blanket. She held it, waiting to see what he would do. His eyes studied her face. When he returned the squeeze to her hand, his eyes filled with tears.


	11. Material Landing

**A/N: I'm so sorry I'm taking so long to get these chapters posted. I promise to try not to have such a long time between chapters once my son has left for his next round of training. You guys have been incredibly patient and supportive and for that, I thank you! Thank you as well for all your kind comments! It really means the world! For the first time, I'm not writing only for myself just for the heck of it...there's actually people who are reading what I write and commenting about it! How cool is that? Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!**

_Brennan stepped out of the airport and went straight to the line of cabs. As she climbed into the back seat of the car at the front of the line, she said, "Walter Reed, please." The driver flicked the meter, put the car into gear and pulled away from the curb. Brennan turned her eyes to the world outside, but she saw none of the lights from the cars they were passing. None of the street lights whizzing by. None of the buildings. Her only thoughts were of Booth. _

_At least she now knew why he hadn't written to her. It wasn't because things had changed. It wasn't because he was trying to distance himself from her. He just hadn't been physically able to reach her. She still worried about the condition of his health. What would she find when she arrived at the hospital? How bad had his heatstroke been? Would he be able to return to work with her? Or would he have to finish out the year he had promised to the Army? What would he be like? _

_She realized none of her worries mattered. Her questions didn't matter. The answers didn't matter. She was on her way to see Booth and that was all that was important. They would be together and together they could overcome even the most insurmountable situations. They had proven it to themselves numerous times in the past. This time would be no different. _

_She remembered Jared's constant use of the word 'okay' and held on to that thought. At the time she had been incredibly annoyed with him, but she now sought refuge in that simple word. Her excitement at being able to see Booth overrode all the worry she felt. She knew that once she could be near him again, her exhaustion would fade away. It had already depleted significantly just at the knowledge she would be with him soon. She briefly wondered if he would be receptive to her change in heart...her changed mind. She decided that question and answer also didn't matter. The only thing that was important was getting to him. As quickly as possible. She had to see him with her own two eyes. She needed to be with him. Her thoughts centered on that goal and remained there until the cab pulled up to the hospital. _

_She paid the driver and walked straight to the elevator. In just the short distance to the second floor, her anticipation had already increased exponentially and she shook her hand nervously to try to expel some of her excess energy. The doors opened and it took all of her self control to not break out in a run. Her brisk pace had her quickly to his door, which was slightly ajar. She knocked but didn't wait to enter...she simply couldn't stop her feet from their trek to his side. She burst into the room and one of the most welcomed sights of her life greeted her. Booth. He was sitting up in bed and turned his head in her direction. The moment their eyes met, he flashed his signature half smile, which she had come to love so much. Her grin widened as she said his name, "Booth!" His smile softened as he answered, "Bones."_

_She rushed over to the side of his bed as her thoughts came tumbling out. "I came as soon as I heard. I'm so sorry I wasn't here sooner. Booth, I'm so sorry. How are you? Are you okay? I missed you."_

_Booth smiled and gave a slight shake of his head as he chuckled. "I'm fine, Bones. You don't need to worry about me and you didn't have to come home."_

_Temperance closed the last of the distance and reached out to hold his hand. "Of course I did Booth." She hesitated only a moment as she tried to keep the worry from bleeding onto her face. "We're partners, right?" She could tell her efforts at controlling her countenance were in vain._

_Booth squeezed her hand tightly and studied her. Doubt flooded into her mind. They were still partners, weren't they? Had he truly reached the point he no longer needed her? She started to breathe harder trying to rid her chest of the weight that seemed to suddenly land on it , barely holding on to the emotions which threatened to spill out. She could feel tears building and she refused to let them fall._

_Then he smiled again and relief spread through her entire body like a fire. "Yeah, Bones, we're partners. And that's what partners do, right?" Brennan let a rush of air leave her lungs as she grinned. He gently pulled her to sit on the bed next to him. He rolled his eyes as an expression of frustration crossed his face. He sighed, "Let me guess. Jared told you?"_

_She nodded. "Yes. He called yesterday. He was most unhelpful. You should consider giving him lessons in relaying information to people. I left on the first flight out after he called and came straight here to be with you. I still don't have any details about the events that led you here though."_

_Booth shrugged his shoulders and gave a slight frown. "Eh, it was nothing. Jared exaggerates. Really Bones. This is just a formality. They're going to release me tomorrow."_

_She voiced her relief at hearing those words, "Really? You'll be released tomorrow? You're really okay? Booth I've been so worried. I didn't know anything." She paused, looking down at their joined hands before looking back to his eyes. "I was just so worried about you."_

_Booth smiled again and gently tugged her toward him and wrapped both his arms around her tightly. "Hey, come here. It's okay. I'm okay." As they embraced, Temperance began to realize just how happy she was to see him. All of her worry had been for nothing. Booth was here, he was safe and now they were together. She began to laugh._

_Booth pulled back to look at her. "What's so funny?" His question made her laugh harder. "I'm just so happy to see you Booth." Her laughter was infectious and he began to chuckle. "Yeah, well, if you're so happy to see me, why don't you spring me outta here tomorrow since I don't have any wheels yet." She didn't even question his metaphor before she nodded her head._

_She returned to Booth's arms and he folded them around her as he'd done many times before. This time felt different. It felt like more. It meant more. She wondered if he felt the same way. She marveled at how safe she could feel when she was close to this man. She let her eyes close as his hand traced a lazy haphazard path along her arm. She felt his chest rise and fall, but then rise a little bit higher before he whispered, "I missed you too, Bones."_

_The next day, after he was discharged, they traveled the road in her Prius. Booth hadn't changed and made fun of her car as she argued for its benefits. He suggested they grab some lunch and their destination didn't have to be mentioned...they knew they would head to the diner. They walked slowly from the parked car and once in the door, they both paused before glancing nervously at each other. Booth smiled, "Our table?" Brennan relaxed immediately, smiled and nodded, "Yeah."_

_They walked the short distance to the table and took their seats. The waitress quickly appeared, but neither of them needed a menu. "It's great to see you two back in here! You're a little early though, aren't you? I thought you guys were going to be gone longer." _

_Booth clearly had no desire to discuss the reason they had returned and Temperance rushed to rescue him. "We'll both have coffee and a slice of apple pie please." The waitress turned to fill the order. Booth's head snapped in her direction, "Bones?"_

_She knew what he was asking but pretended ignorance. "Yes?" Booth lowered his head to the side in confusion. He leaned toward her, resting his arms on the table. "Since when do you eat pie?"_

_Temperance gave him a full smile and poured her heart into her next statement. "I've decided I'm ready, Booth. I'm ready to try new things." Booth studied her for a minute as she tried to convey the meaning behind her words with her eyes._

_Booth gave a small squint as he considered her words, "Yeah?" Brennan smiled, "Definitely." Booth slowly grinned before he reached across to take her hand in his. They both knew what he meant when he nodded his head and slowly said, "Yeah." Their eyes locked and Brennan knew...more than she'd ever known anything in her life...they would be okay._

"_Ma'am?" Temperance was startled when she felt a hand on her arm. She turned to see the waitress standing there and wondered why she was interrupting this pivotal moment between the two partners. "Ma'am?"_

Reality seeped through Brennan's unconscious mind. She opened her eyes and saw the flight attendant standing next to her. "Ma'am? We'll be landing soon. You need to put your seat in the upright position."

Temperance was startled back into reality. She squeezed her eyes before opening them wide to try to shake her exhaustion off. Breathing in deeply, she raised her hand to cover her eyes, using her fingers and thumb to press into her temples. She nodded to the woman without looking at her as she let out a sigh. She rarely wished she could return to her dreams, but this was one time she wished she could. However, the reality was that she was on a plane headed back home to see her partner...knowing nothing other than he would be in the hospital when she arrived. Usually her dreams were the nightmares. She pursed her lips as she thought of the irony. She lowered her hand and opened her eyes, getting used to the light. Several people had their windows up and she could see it was daylight outside. She had one more stop before she'd be home. This was beginning to feel like the longest trip of her life.

She raised her seat and straightened her hair as she looked around. The flight attendant made another pass through with a bag, collecting the last of everyone's trash. The grogginess of sleep didn't take long to wear off and she felt fidgety. She noticed her leg bouncing and immediately stopped it, finding it difficult to sit still. She waited for the plane to land, listening to the various announcements she couldn't care less about. She already knew she had all her belongings. She didn't care they appreciated her using their airline. She just wanted to get off this plane.

Once they landed and taxied to the gate, she took off her seatbelt and stood. She was the first person off the plane, a benefit of sitting in first class and carrying nothing more than her satchel. As she walked up the ramp, she pulled her phone out of her pocket and turned it on. This layover was short and she was going to have to go straight to her next gate. She came out into the main airport walkway as her phone finished turning on. She scrolled to Cam's number and hit the send button as she looked up at the overhead signs to determine which way she needed to walk.

**B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B**

Cam slowly drank her coffee as she stared at the phone resting on her kitchen table. She knew it would ring any minute and she still hadn't decided what to tell Dr. Brennan. She was still reeling from her visit with Booth last night. She'd known it would be difficult after talking to Jared, but she hadn't realized just how hard it would be. She hadn't realized how long the road to recovery would be. Her phone buzzed on the table before it began to ring, the caller ID telling her it was who she expected. What was she going to say?

She inhaled as much air as her lungs would hold and reached for the phone. As she clicked it open, she could hear Dr. Brennan begin to talk.

"Dr. Saroyan? Do you have any news yet?" Temperance asked.

Still undecided as to how much to tell her, Cam swallowed, gave a short nod of confidence and answered, "Yes, I do."

Without waiting for her to elaborate, Brennan immediately demanded information. "Well, how is he? Where is he? Is he going to be okay?"

Cam looked to her ceiling, praying it would help her through this conversation. She decided to play it low key. There was no sense in getting Dr. Brennan upset when she still had hours of travel before her. "He's going to be fine Dr. Brennan. He arrived in DC yesterday and he's at Walter Reed."

She could hear an announcement in the background and could tell Dr. Brennan was walking as she talked.

Brennan waited for her to continue with details. When none came, her frustration grew. "Cam! I need more information. Please."

Cam wondered if Dr. Brennan had realized she'd said her first name. She never did that and it was only another indication of her stress. She decided to gave a high overview. "He had a heatstroke. He was sent to Germany. Now he's back in the States for therapy."

These were all things that Brennan knew from her conversation with Jared. She needed more. She needed every detail. Why did it seem like these two people wouldn't share information with her?

"I already knew all that. What else is there?" Anger and fear were both vying for her attention. She was still hours away and still knew next to nothing about what was going on with Booth.

Cam continued, "He's been admitted as an inpatient. He's in room 351." High level details. Thoughts of last night's visit crossed her mind. She unconsciously frowned and shook her head. What else could she say?

She was almost wishing she had not answered this call either when Brennan asked the question she had feared most. "Have you seen him?" She'd known Dr. Brennan was going to ask. Why hadn't she come up with an answer before now? She was going to want details.

"Uh...yes, I saw him last night. He's doing fine considering what he's been through." She tried deflection then, asking a question she already knew the answer to. "What time will you be arriving today, Dr. Brennan." Thankfully the diversion worked.

"The plane should land around 7:00 in the evening." Temperance thought about that and realized she'd have to grab a cab to the hospital, just like she had done in her dream. If that went the same as her dream, maybe the rest would as well. Maybe the worry she felt in her gut was off and Booth would be just like he was in her dream too.

Her thoughts were interrupted. "I'll pick you up at the airport then. Call me when you land." Just then Cam's phone beeped. She pulled it away from her ear to see who was on the caller ID. "Dr. Brennan, my phone is beeping. It's Jared. I need to go."

"No! Wait! Please!" Temperance didn't have any more news. She wanted to know the details of Dr. Saroyan's visit with Booth.

"It could be news about Booth. I need to go. Call me as soon as you land." With that, she hit the button to switch to the other call. She knew she was chickening out for the second time and she knew how furious Brennan would be. She also knew she'd have a drive from the airport to the hospital with her this evening where she would be grilled about details. It didn't make her feel any less guilty for sidestepping talking to Dr. Brennan though. She consoled herself with the fact today was another day. Maybe Booth would be in a better state of mind. Maybe she would get more information during her visit today as well. She closed her eyes when she answered her call, unsuccessfully willing this day to be over. "Jared?"

Jared's gravelly voice answered her. "Hey Cam. I was just checking in. How you holding up?" Jared sounded like he hadn't slept in months. If he had slept the last four weeks, he probably hadn't slept very well. Cam knew how difficult it could be when someone had to keep a secret like Jared had. All the worry, carrying it alone...it had to have been awful for him.

She decided to keep her answer simple, routine. "I'm doing fine. What about you?" She wondered how he'd answer.

Jared sighed, "Yeah, I'm fine." He paused and Cam started to say something when he kept talking. "Yeah. It's just weird, you know? Why does it all feel so weird? It's like I've been waiting to talk to everyone for a month and now that I can, I don't know what to say."

Cam decided to help him out. She would just ask him a simple question and it would give him the thing he needed to start talking. She already knew he had, but asked anyway, "Have you been to see him yet?"

Jared stayed silent a few seconds before answering. "Uh...No. How big a coward does that make me?" This was not the answer Cam had expected. She expected him to start talking about visiting with his brother. Start talking about the new worries he had now that he'd been in closer contact with him. She understood how he felt though. She'd just taken the coward's way out with Dr. Brennan. "It doesn't make you a coward, Jared. It makes you human."

He gave a short derisive laugh. "I don't know about that. I sure feel like a coward. He's been here since yesterday and his brother hasn't even come to see him? What kind of message does that send?" He didn't wait for her answer, he didn't want to hear it. "What about you? Did you go see him?"

"Yes." Straight forward. No details. She really didn't know what to say to Jared either.

He wanted to ask her how it went, but he was afraid of this answer as well and didn't want to hear it. He switched to a completely different line of thought. "Has Tempe called yet?"

Cam thought about how it was possible to feel the need to be in contact with someone in the same boat, yet not have any desire to talk. It would almost be easier if they could just meet somewhere and sit in silence. She answered his question though, "Yes, she called. I just got off the phone with her actually."

Jared didn't wait before asking, "How mad was she?"

Cam shook her head, not caring he couldn't see her. It just made her feel better. Thinking back to the brief phone call, she answered, "We didn't even talk about that. She just wanted to know how Booth is."

Once again, Jared jumped in with a question. "Did you tell her?"

"No. I'm going to save that for when she lands." Cam still felt guilty at the way she had ditched Dr. Brennan. If she'd been on the other end of the line, she'd be furious and ready to kill. She hoped Brennan had better control over her reactions.

Then Jared asked the question she'd been waiting for since finding out he hadn't visited Seeley yet. The one she still wasn't ready to answer because she truly didn't know what the answer was yet. "So...how was he?"

**B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B**

Brennan stopped walking when Cam hung up on her. She pulled her phone from her ear, verified the line had been disconnected and stared at it in shock. Why? She still didn't know anything about Booth. What weren't these people telling her? She was having trouble compartmentalizing all the emotions she was feeling...anger, worry, anticipation...the emotions were almost overwhelming, but fury was at the top of the list. She started walking toward the gate. A few more hours and she wouldn't have to rely on another soul for information. She'd get it herself. She'd march into the hospital to see Booth...and once they were done visiting, she was going to find both Jared and Dr. Saroyan and tell them exactly what she thought of them at this moment.

**A/N: One final thing to say...I promise you're going to see Booth next! He's been missing the last few chapters and I'm anxious to get him back into the story! I also promise that Brennan will actually get to see Booth soon too! You won't have to wait very much longer! Thanks again for your patience!**


	12. Battles in the War

**A/N: Thank you so much for your patience with my slow updates. My son has left for his next round of training now, so I'm hoping to speed up a little in posting new chapters. I'll tease a little bit and say the next two are already written! Hope you guys enjoy this...drop me a line either way. I'd love to hear your thoughts! As always...thank you so much for reading!**

**Thank you sirenizzed for your input! I appreciate it so very much!**

Ch 12: Battles in the War

Booth was still in the land between dreams and reality. He was resting in the seat of his SUV, driving along, casually arguing with Bones...and it was great. He looked over to her and just grinned. When she asked why he was smiling like that, he told her he was just happy to be with her again. He noticed the sounds in the car were not the sounds he should be hearing. As he turned to look at the road, the SUV hit a bump and he fully woke up. Reality crashed into his mind and he refused to open his eyes. If he opened his eyes, there would be no denying where he was...or why. He realized the irony, but he'd rather be in Germany than here in DC. This place would be no different as far as hospitals went. The bed would be just like the one he'd spent the last month in. The sounds would be the same. People would wear the same uniforms. The food...same. The difference was in the fact he'd have to face a lot of people he wasn't ready to face yet.

If he kept his eyes closed, he could almost pretend he was here because his tour was over. He was lying in his own bed and he'd come home to go to work with Bones. He wasn't here because he'd gotten sick. He hadn't been the most pig headed fool on the face of the planet. He hadn't tried to finish out a work day when he should have been in the infirmary. He wasn't here because he had to come back to the States for rehab. He wasn't here to relearn how to walk. He wasn't here to relearn how to talk.

Why? Why did this have to happen to him at all? Why did they have to send him back to the States so soon? He wasn't ready. He'd tried to tell them he wasn't ready for therapy, but they'd insisted he was. While he knew it may be true physically, they didn't understand he wasn't ready to be around all these people. Why couldn't they have sent him to a hospital in another state? Why'd he have to get sent to his home of all places? He knew most people would be thrilled, but he wasn't. He just wasn't ready. He started getting angry with the situation again, a normal emotion lately, but then heard someone enter his room. In Germany, it had never bothered him when people came in. Here, he would never know who it was going to be. He still had holes in his memory and he knew he was going to end up hurting people...people he knew he cared about, who cared for him in return. He'd had control in Germany. Here he had none...and he hated it.

He listened to the person walk to the far side of the room and heard the unmistakable squeaking sound of a marker on a dry erase board. He heard the person move over to his bed after that and listened to the tapping sounds of a computer keyboard. It was safe. He could open his eyes. He was going to have to meet a whole fleet of new hospital staff. He actually missed the people he'd gotten to know at his last location and dreaded the effort he knew it would take to remember all the new names. Maybe if he kept his eyes shut though, this person would leave him alone and he could delay the inevitable.

He felt a hand touch his arm. "Sergeant Major Booth? It's time to wake up." No such luck...this person was going to insist he interact with her. He knew he'd have to face her eventually. He may as well get it over with. He opened his eyes. The woman standing next to his bed looked nice enough, about his age, maybe a little older. She smiled brightly. Did they teach them that in school or something? He was in a hospital and pissed off. Why did she have to smile? Didn't she realize he had every right to be pissed off...at his situation...at his stupidity...at his luck...at the whole damn world?

She ignored his scowl and continued, "My name is Leslie. I'll be here for day shift. They'll be bringing breakfast around soon, so I'm going to go ahead and get your vital signs." He looked up to the dry erase board on the other side of the room to see she'd written her name on it. He glanced back as she began to push buttons on various machines and watched to verify the equipment loaded the results into the electronic record. After that was finished, she typed some more into the computer. He watched her. Bored. Hating that it was going to take so long to get back to normal. Knowing he was at the beginning of yet another difficult road. The first one had been in Germany...survival, plain and simple. Now he had to learn how to live again. He didn't want to be here. He wanted to skip to the end. Leslie turned to him again. "Just hit the call button if you need anything." Another pleasant smile and she disappeared, leaving Booth with his not so pleasant thoughts.

**B&B B&B B&B B&B B&B B&B B&B B&B B&B B&B **

Cam finished getting ready for the day and wondered if she should stop by to see Booth this morning or later in the day. She opted for this morning. It would give him the rest of the day to get used to the idea of other people descending on him and she never knew what the day would bring. She walked out to her car and hopped in as she thought about her visit with Booth the night before.

She'd been so happy just to see him after learning about his heatstroke. She'd also been really nervous and she knew Booth had known...could sense her nerves. She'd held his hand and watched the lone tear make its way down his cheek. It had just about broken her heart to see him like that. She had told him she was happy to see him and he didn't say a word...he'd just stared at her with those eyes of his. She couldn't tell if he was happy or upset with her presence. She hadn't stayed long and told him a few of the things that were going on at the lab. She'd smiled, trying to be confident and encouraging then told him she would come to see him the next day. She'd purposely not said anything about Dr. Brennan and he hadn't asked. She didn't know if it was because he hadn't wanted to know or that he couldn't speak or simply couldn't remember. To be honest, she didn't want to know the answer to that just yet. She was having a hard enough time dealing with the statue of a man who usually had more life in his little finger than some people had in their entire bodies. To see him lying there in bed, not saying a word, not giving any indication other than a hand squeeze that he recognized her...it had been very difficult to maintain the smile she'd plastered on her face. Now that she thought about it, she didn't really know for sure if his hand squeeze had meant anything at all.

Once again, Jared's descriptions of his conversations with Booth ran through her head. She'd just have to wait to see what she encountered with Booth today. It didn't take her long to get to the hospital, park her car and make her way up to his room. After a light tap on the door, she slowly walked in. His bed was raised and he was sitting up this morning. The remains of breakfast were on the tray just to the side of the bed closest to her. His eyes tracked to her, but other than that, he made no acknowledgment of her presence.

Booth looked at the woman who'd entered his room...the same one from last night. "_And here we go_," Booth thought to himself. The first of what promised to be many visitors if anything she'd said the night before was true. He knew her face. He had a variety of memories of her. Some in a lab, some not. A cozy bar flashed across his memory. He knew that he knew her, could even remember knowing her quite well...they'd been lovers before and he could remember some of those times...but he couldn't remember her name. He realized he was about to upset this woman and that thought sickened him. Which would hurt her most? The fact that he couldn't remember her name? Or the fact that even if he did, he'd have trouble saying it?

Cam's jittery stomach kicked into overdrive, but she smiled anyway. She could see lines of worry on his face but she walked around to the other side of the bed anyway, determined to make the best of this situation. "Good morning!" She kept her eyes on his while she walked and watched as his worry became fear then anger. When she got beside him, she looked down for his hand and reached out to hold it, much like she'd done on the other side of the bed last night. Nothing. No movement in his hand at all. That's when she realized her mistake. She'd avoided the breakfast tray and walked to his paralyzed side. She quickly pulled her hand away, trying to keep her embarrassment hidden. When she looked at him, she knew she'd been unsuccessful. Standing on this side of him, she was able to more clearly see his face and only then did she realize just how much it was drooping. She let a short panicky little breath out as she stumbled through her apology. "I'm so sorry Booth. I wasn't thinking." She realized how that sounded the second it left her lips. Booth would never want her to outright acknowledge what he most likely thought of as weakness. Her eyes darted around the room as she tried to figure the best way out of the situation she had just placed them both in. She began to walk around the other side of the bed. "You know what, why don't I get your breakfast tray out of here? Nobody wants to have left over hospital food just sitting around, right?"

She grabbed the bed stand and wheeled it over closer to the door. When she turned back around, she smiled again. She didn't hesitate when she walked over to the side closest to her and took his hand. She wasn't sure if she was trying to prove something to him or to herself. He just looked at her for a moment and she could see he was trying to make a decision. He inhaled through his nose and then haltingly opened his mouth. She watched as he tried to force words out of a face that only half worked. "I…...I…...I'm...s...saw...reee." Her heart sank when she realized just how badly the heatstroke had affected him. This was going to kill him. He was going to hate every person who walked through that door. She had never wished harder in her life that she could fix something. The smile shined through her eyes as she softly replied, "It's okay, big man." She nodded, "It's okay." She wanted to move to another subject, but was at a loss. She didn't want to make this worse than it was. Booth looked at her for a few more seconds and she could tell he was working up to saying something else. His mouth spasmed open as he inhaled, "W...w...waaa." He exhaled and drew in another large breath. "Nnnn...nem." She knew firsthand now what Jared had meant. She desperately struggled to figure out what he was saying, not wanting to have to ask him to repeat it.

Booth watched as she tried to make sense of the sounds that had come from his broken body. It was infuriating to be trapped like this. He hadn't lost his mind…some of his memories maybe, but definitely not his mind. It was his stupid body that wasn't cooperating. He was pissed. He was trapped. Hearing the first words out of his own mouth since arriving back in the States infuriated him.

She replayed the sounds over and over in her head as quickly as she could. Nem? Nem. Was he trying to say name? Yes, that had been the last word. She watched him get angrier by the second and tried so hard to figure it out. Name. Wa name. What was he trying to say? What? Yes, that had to be it...what! That was it...What name. She prayed she had it right when she asked him, "What name?" He slowly gave one nod of his head, his face relaxing only slightly and she smiled...then realized she still didn't' understand what he was trying to say. What name? Who's name? His? Hers? Once again, she longed with everything she had in her to get it right, "My name?" Another short nod. She was so momentarily happy at getting it right, that she didn't notice what he was asking. Her name? He didn't know her name? Oh god. How many times was she going to feel like she was getting kicked in the gut? He didn't know who she was. In an instant, she mourned their shared past. She was definitely going to have to learn to cover better. "It's Camille. Camille Saroyan. We work together Seeley. Well, I work at the Jeffersonian. We collaborate with the FBI on murder cases. We've been friends for years. You and I have, not the Jeffersonian and the FBI. Well, I suppose you could say they have been in a manner of speaking..." She stopped babbling when he gave her hand a sharp squeeze. He let go and formed his hand around an imaginary pen and motioned as if he was writing. Cam recognized that sign immediately. "Ah! Yes! Pen and paper! I can do that!"

Booth ran a gauntlet of emotions. Watching her try to figure out what he had said? Seeing her excitement at figuring it out? Humiliating. His heart had sunk with hers when he saw her figure out the enormity of that question. Then listening to her quick speech as she tried to cover it all up followed by relief at being able to do anything at all to make the situation better? This is what he had to look forward to with his friends. The hospital staff treated him just like everyone else. He was a job to them, someone they would teach. His friends were going to react emotionally to him every single time. He found himself preferring the professionals. This physical disability was going to be one of the hardest things in his life to overcome.

She was still scrambling around in her purse looking for a pen and paper when she saw him make the motion with his hand again. "_Well, that's one thing still the same. He's as impatient as ever,_" she thought to herself. "You know what? Screw it! I'll be right back!" With that she marched out of the room and to the main desk. "Could you please let me have some paper and a pen?" The woman behind the counter pulled out a drawer, retrieved a notepad and pen and handed them over to Cam. She thanked the woman and rushed back to Booth's room with her first genuine grin. "Here we go!" she said. He needed a table to lean on, so she went back to the bed stand, grabbed the tray and laid it on the floor. Once it was out of the way, she laid the paper and pen on the tray and pulled it back to his bed before situating it over his lap. He looked up at her with the first hint of humor in his eye as he picked up the pen and began writing.

When he was done, he pushed the notepad toward her. She burst out laughing when she read, "_Don't call me Seeley, Camille._" She couldn't resist her automatic retort, "Don't call me Camille!" She saw the right side of his mouth lift ever so slightly. More than that, she saw the familiar glint in his eye. She knew the moment she saw it that they'd all get through this no matter how long it took. He pulled the paper closer and began writing again. When he was done, she reached for the pad to see what he had to say. "_Sorry I didn't remember your name. Things still fuzzy._" Her relief that he even remembered her after she'd thought he hadn't was palpable. She smiled, "It's okay. After what you've been through...I'm surprised you didn't block us all out! You missed your chance Booth!"

He was happy she decided to joke. He definitely remembered that about her. She always seemed to know what he needed and always knew what to say. While he was enjoying this almost sense of normalcy, there was one question sounding on the loud speaker in his mind. He pulled the paper over again, thanking God he was right handed and could still write at least. He picked up the paper trying to decide what to write. When he was done, he laid the pen down to signal he'd finished. A still smiling Cam reached for the pad. He watched her smile freeze and a look of panic cross her face. Yep, he still had his people reading skills.

Cam stared at the paper, her smile fading, trying to figure out how to answer his one word question, "_Bones?_" They'd always been honest with each other in the past. She wasn't going to let this stop them now. She looked back to the man who was watching her intently. "Jared called to let her know you were coming back to DC and I've talked to her a couple of times." She couldn't figure out what this new look on his face meant. "She's headed back and should be here tonight." Cam wasn't sure, but she was starting to figure out that he wasn't happy about this news. He reached for the paper again. "_Don't want her here. Tell her to go back._" Cam read his words and looked up to him. "You know that's not going to work. She's not going to leave as soon as she gets back here. I get why you don't want her here, Booth, but you know as well as I do that once she's made up her mind, there's no changing it."

He sat there and listened, getting even angrier with his situation. "She'll understand Booth, she will." He picked up the only hand that would cooperate with him and slammed it on the bed stand. Cam jumped along with the items on the small table. Booth picked up the pen again and forcefully wrote one word, underlining it several times, "_NO_." He laid back against the bed and looked out the window with so many emotions running through his mind. He couldn't let Bones see him this way, all broken. He knew her. He knew she'd blame herself no matter what he said. That's just the way she was. He knew she would end up blaming herself for him even going to Afghanistan in the first place and following the logical path she would, she'd end up taking the blame for his condition. She wouldn't listen to reason and he wasn't going to be able to write fast enough to have the kind of argument they would end up having. She needed to just go back to that damn island and let him heal. He'd see her once he was better, once he figured out what the definition of 'better' actually was.

Cam stared at her friend for a full minute before saying anything. He looked tired. A sadness permeated the air. "Hey. We'll get this all figured out later. She's in the air right now and there's nothing we can do to stop her from landing in DC tonight. I'll talk to her then. I'll try to explain." He slowly turned back to look at her, relief showing on his face. "Don't thank me yet. She's not going to listen. You gotta be prepared for that Booth."

His relief quickly turned to resignation. She was right. He picked up the pen again and wrote, "_You gotta make her listen. I don't want her here._" He gently placed the pen back down before looking up to Cam. He was suddenly so tired. He didn't want to deal with any more of this right now. He needed her to leave. She seemed to understand, like she always did. She nodded to him, reached to squeeze his hand one more time and turned to walk out the door after telling him she'd see him later. He looked down at the paper resting on the table. He hated that paper. He hated that pen. They were going to be his best form of communication for what seemed like forever. A searing ray of anger shot through him and he pushed the table away with all the strength he had in his right arm, sending it flying into the wall. He took great satisfaction in the sound of the crash and enjoyed watching the pen bounce into the air before falling to the floor.

Moments later, Leslie came rushing back into the room. One look told her everything she needed to know. She'd seen so many patients come through here. She knew what to expect. She knew they were going to butt heads and she needed to show him he'd met his match. She fixed him with a stern expression. "Okay, Booth. I know you're not happy about this, but I won't tolerate this kind of behavior. Not on my watch. If you're going to act out, do it on a different shift. You make that deal with me and both our lives are going to be better." She watched the new patient glare at her. Boy, this one had a temper. She put on her best no nonsense face as she continued. "From now on, when you need me, you grab that call button. Throwing furniture around doesn't do it for me." She bent to pick the pen up and placed it back on the table, straightening it out, but leaving it well away from his reach. "Physical therapy is going to be around soon to work with you. You better behave for them too, got it?"

Booth looked at Leslie. Hmm...maybe he'd been wrong before when he'd thought she looked so nice. She clearly meant business. He kind of respected her for reading him the riot act. Definitely a worthy opponent. He was going to enjoy fighting with this one. He tried ignoring her and turned to the window to stare out again. Her sharp, "Hey!" got his attention and he turned back. "I'm not kidding." With that, she turned and walked out of his room. Yeah, he and Leslie were going to get along just fine.

**B&B B&B B&B B&B B&B B&B B&B B&B B&B B&B **

Cam stopped typing on her computer and looked at her watch. She almost found it amusing how many times she'd looked at it in the last two days. It seemed like her whole life was centered around time and right now she needed to head out to pick Dr. Brennan up from the airport. She sighed deeply, knowing the shit was about to hit the fan and there was nothing she could do to stop it. It didn't take her long to get to the airport and she opened her phone to call Dr. Brennan. Once she answered, she explained she had already landed was headed toward the exit. Cam pulled up to the curb and saw her at the same time Dr. Brennan noticed the car. She walked to the door and quickly got into the passenger seat. She secured her seatbelt before turning to Cam to ask the same question she'd already asked, "Where is he?"

Cam swallowed and put her off a few more seconds as she pulled into the traffic leaving the airport. "He's at Walter Reed."

"Have you seen him? How is he?" Cam didn't think Dr. Brennan was even trying to hide the worry in her voice any more. She had known this would hit Booth's partner pretty hard given how close they were.

Cam wasn't going to be able to concentrate on this conversation like she needed to if she kept driving. "Give me just a few minutes and I'll explain everything I know. I just need to pay attention to this traffic."

Brennan could see the logic in that statement and didn't complain even though every single neuron in her body was screaming for information. At least they were headed in the right direction.

A short while later, Cam pulled off on a side road and parked by the edge of the street. She turned to face Dr. Brennan as well as one of the most difficult conversations she'd had in a long time. The women looked at each other with the same expressions, only one of them knowing they were for very different reasons. Cam sighed. How was she going to get this woman to understand that the man she'd flown half way around the world to be with didn't want to see her?


	13. Tornado

**A/N: Thank you so much for continuing to read this story. I'm anxious to have some new episodes of Bones, but am thrilled we at least have the fic world until then! Now that I've got this chapter up, I can indulge in some reading! **

**Thank you sirenizzed for your thoughts and assistance! You rock! And you're modest too! **wink****

Cam took a deep breath as she turned in the car and looked to Dr. Brennan. How could she tell this woman that Booth didn't want to see her? She knew how important each was to the other. She knew there was nothing she could say that would change Dr. Brennan's mind about seeing Booth. She realized she was taking too long to come up with the right words when Brennan surprised her by giving what could only be called a classic Booth look. She shook her head, raised her eyebrows and silently yelled, "What are you waiting for?"

Facts. That's what she had and that's what Dr. Brennan would cling to. "He's at the hospital. Yes, I've seen him. The heatstroke was rather severe."

Brennan was getting more nervous by the second. She'd learned about body language and all of Dr. Saroyan's mannerisms were indicative of her stress level. Since she'd already seen Booth and was still this stressed, it could only mean Booth was not doing as well as she had hoped. "How severe was it? I don't know any details. I...I hung up on Jared when he was reluctant to share information with me. The only thing I really know is that Booth had a heatstroke and is now back here. You and Jared have been very unhelpful in relaying further information."

Cam flinched internally at Dr. Brennan's jab. It was deserved and she knew she'd avoided talking to her, but it was uncomfortable to have her actions so blatantly acknowledged. She should have learned long ago to expect nothing less from her co-worker. "I'm sorry, Dr. Brennan. I didn't have any relevant information to give you on your first layover and was worried about giving you any cause for alarm on your second one."

Cam's words about causing alarm accomplished that in spades, but Temperance's patience was at an end. "Those conversations no longer matter. I want to know what's going on with Booth. If you aren't going to tell me now, then please drive me to the hospital. Otherwise I will simply call for a cab."

Cam nodded her head. "Okay. The heatstroke was bad..." At Dr. Brennan's full glare, she decided to just be blunt. "He's partially paralyzed. The left side of his body. His right side is relatively unaffected. He's unable to walk. He's unable to talk clearly, although he did say a couple of words when I saw him. He can still write with his right hand, which is how we communicated." She paused to watch the horror she'd felt earlier mirror itself on Dr. Brennan's face.

Temperance was having trouble breathing. "What...How...I...He..." When she realized she was stammering, she closed her mouth tightly and concentrated on trying to right the world that had suddenly turned upside down again.

Cam decided to barge right through the rest of the information she had. "He's lost some memory. He'd forgotten my name, but once I reminded him, I could tell he remembered. I don't know how many memories he's lost. We didn't talk about that."

Temperance felt like everything she knew to be true in the world was collapsing and looked toward the dash of the car. Booth. Her Booth. A sudden thought caused her to panic and unwelcomed tears formed in her eyes.

Cam watched as Dr. Brennan looked back to her with the most lost look she'd ever seen a person wear. Temperance could do nothing more than whisper, "Does...does he remember me?"

This. This was the part of the night that Cam had been dreading. "Yes. He does. But..." She watched as Dr. Brennan's fast relief turned to confusion at her qualification. "But you have to remember who Booth is, Dr. Brennan. You, of all people, know how proud he is. You know he likes to be that 'alpha male' you always accuse him of being. He's strong and he's strong willed. He does not like to be seen in any other light."

Temperance was confused by Dr. Saroyan's statements. Of course she knew all those things about the man she loved. Why would Dr. Saroyan feel the need to say them now? "I don't understand why you're telling me this. I know these things already."

Cam sighed, "Yes. You do. And you needed reminding." Temperance was still confused, "Why?" Cam just didn't want to say the words that would hurt someone she'd grown to care about. "Dr. Brennan, please remember what kind of man Booth is." Temperance was starting to get angry again at Cam's ridiculous evasion and raised her voice, "I do remember, Dr. Saroyan! Now please tell me whatever it is you need to say so I can go to Booth."

"That's just it. Booth would prefer that you not visit him." Cam let her words sink in.

Temperance heard the woman, but still didn't comprehend what she had said. "What do you mean? He doesn't want to see me?" she asked incredulously.

Cam wished she could be any place else. The dentist. The gynecologist. Even a damn proctologist right now. She could see the beginning of the pain that was sure to show on Dr. Brennan's face. She hated being the one to deliver it. "No…he doesn't. You know Booth. He wants to be well before you see him in the condition he's in. He doesn't like being weak and that's how he sees himself right now."

Temperance was having trouble absorbing what she was hearing and asked the same question again a little more softly, "He doesn't want to see me?" Cam knew an answer wasn't needed and waited for Dr. Brennan to catch up with this new reality. Pain seared through Temperance's chest as she looked to the floor of the car. Her eyes darted around with the same speed of her thoughts.

This time, Temperance's question became a statement as she nearly whispered, "He doesn't want to see me." Her shoulders sagged and her head hung even lower. The man she loved and had flown around the world to be with didn't want to see her. She quickly raised her head and looked the other passenger in the eyes as a thought struck her, "Wait, how do you know this? He told you?" Cam simply nodded. Temperance continued to look at Cam, though she only saw memories of Booth. She thought about the feelings she now recognized in herself, about everything they had been through and meant to each other. Despite everything that had happened, she was sure their partnership was just as strong as it had ever been. Dr. Saroyan was right, she did know Booth. She understood that he would think he didn't want her there. She also knew something else. She didn't care. She wasn't going to let him wallow in self pity or block her out of his life because he was indulging in some psychological need to fulfill a role.

Cam watched the various emotions run across Dr. Brennan's face. Confusion, check. Pain, check. Denial, check. She waited...yes, there it was...the final emotion before she'd begin the drive to the hospital. Determination, check. Dr. Brennan's next words didn't surprise her. "I'd like to go to the hospital now, please." Cam gave a short nod and turned back to drive. She'd warned Booth. She supposed she could have put more effort into making his wishes known, but she also knew there was no way in hell she was going to convince Dr. Brennan to stay away from the hospital. The only thing she would have accomplished would have been a fight. Frankly, she just wasn't up to it and she was quite sure Dr. Brennan wasn't either, although her energy level seemed to have risen significantly since making her decision to ignore Booth's request.

The women sat in silence as Cam navigated the streets, each one lost in her own thoughts. Cam hated being responsible for something she knew was going to cause Booth pain, but at the same time, she really thought it would help him out in the long run. The bond he and Dr. Brennan shared was special and unique. If anyone could force him out of that self protective shell of his, it would be her. However, she also knew she could be unwittingly delivering the bomb that would start the next world war. She would just have to sit back and wait to see what happened.

Temperance sat in the car watching the scenery pass by outside the window. Every where she looked, there was evidence that life went on no matter what happened in people's lives. They'd passed by dozens of people on the sidewalks who had no clue any of her friends existed, let alone had had a life altering event take place. It didn't surprise her that Booth said didn't want to see her, but it still hurt. She knew if their roles had been reversed, he would never listen to a demand like that from her. She knew he'd do everything in his power to make sure he was by her side. Another thing she knew...if their roles were reversed, despite any verbal protests she'd make, in her heart she would welcome his presence. She was going to be there for him the same way he would be there for her. She was also ready to admit that it had nothing to do with being his partner, but everything to do with her love for him.

Looking back on their time together, she recognized all the ways Booth had shown her how much he cared. He had been doing things to quietly show his feelings for years. She had just blindly accepted his statements of partnership as the reason. She had both ignored and denied all the signs. He had been the one to finally spell it out for her. Cam was wrong. He would want her there with him. They had been each other's foundations for years. They had always turned to each other. They'd always shared everything. This would be no different.

The drive to the hospital didn't seem to take very long with those thoughts running on an endless loop through her head. As they pulled into the parking garage, she began to display all the typical signs of nervousness. She felt her heart rate increase. Her respiratory rate increased. She began to perspire despite the comfortable temperature in the vehicle. She wasn't sure if it was happiness about being with him again or stress about the fact they'd be meeting in a hospital room. Dr. Saroyan parked the car and turned to Dr. Brennan. Temperance could tell she was going to argue for Booth one more time and stopped her before she could utter one word. She held up her hand and spoke determinedly, "Save it." As surprised as Cam was at Dr. Brennan's uncharacteristic statement, she simply nodded her head as she took off her seatbelt.

As they started the trek to the main lobby, the questions that plagued Brennan during her flight started to return and she got even more nervous. She was rarely ever anxious about seeing Booth and the thought that she was now upset her. She didn't want questions right now. She didn't want to be walking into a hospital to see him. She wanted to be walking into his arms and telling him she was ready to give them a shot. This was not how their lives were supposed to go. She suddenly remembered Booth telling her he still believed in fate. Why would that conversation enter her mind now? It didn't matter. None of it mattered. The important thing was that she was home and they'd be together again. She forced the negative emotions from her mind and concentrated solely on her happiness...on her confidence they would make the best of this situation the same way they'd always done.

They walked into the front of the hospital and Cam raised her hand to give a small wave to the receptionist. "Hi Marjorie." She returned Cam's smile, "Hello dear! Back for another visit I see." Cam flinched internally, hoping the reference to another visit wouldn't upset Dr. Brennan. She glanced over, but Dr. Brennan was focused on her destination.

"The elevators are right back here," she said. Temperance just nodded and kept walking. When they arrived at the bank of doors, she eagerly pushed the button. Cam noticed she stood in front of the elevator that would reach them the quickest, unlike her wait from the day before. The door opened seconds later and they both stepped in. Cam had to admire Dr. Brennan. Anyone watching would think she didn't have a care in the world. Cam was a bundle of nerves all over again. She wasn't sure if she should go in with Dr. Brennan or let her and Booth figure out things on their own. She had seconds to decide. The elevator bell chimed and the doors opened. Make that no time to decide. "Um...I'm just gonna stay here in the waiting area. I'll let the two of you visit."

Temperance nodded to Dr. Saroyan. "What room was it again?" she asked. "Oh, it's 351. Just go around to the right there and it's about half way down the hallway on your left," Cam answered. Temperance nodded once again and turned to walk toward Booth's room. Was he expecting to see her even though he'd asked her to stay away? Would he be as happy to see her as she was him? Would he be able to tell her if he was unable to talk very well? She remembered Dr. Saroyan saying they had communicated best with paper. She paused in the hallway and dug her notebook and pen from the bottom of her satchel and put them in the side pocket so she could grab them easily.

She took a few more steps toward the room and paused again...her surroundings making it impossible to forget she'd almost lost him again. Booth was just down the hall. Lying in a bed. Jared's statement about Last Rites rang loudly in her mind. She started to feel that same panic she'd had when she'd lost the phone connection with Jared and thought Booth had died. She was suddenly very afraid of walking into his room, of what she'd see. Her throat started to close and she had to swallow to keep from crying. All of her rushing, all of her waiting, all of her frustration...and now here she was. Ready to walk into his room. And she found she was scared. She wasn't sure what she would say. She realized she'd once again let her emotions override her logic. This was not the time for speculation...he was alive and that was all that mattered.

A thought hit her then. If Booth had to talk via pen and paper, so would she. It would also allow her to maintain control of her emotions. He would be able to read her so easily. Or would he? Would he be able to read her at all? She still didn't know his state of health really. Maybe his perceptive ability would be off as well as the physical. Dr. Saroyan had said he remembered her, but what if he didn't remember much at all? What exactly did 'can't talk' actually mean? Her fears and panic began to ratchet up quickly. She had to get control. She couldn't walk into his room without having her emotions reigned in. There were very few instances when she had trouble focusing on her goals, but this was one of them. She closed her eyes and took a couple of deep cleansing breaths. When she opened her eyes, her happiness had returned and she closed the distance to his room. She took one last deep breath as she quietly knocked on the door before stepping inside.

Temperance slowly walked further into Booth's room and stopped so she could just look him. As hard as she'd worked to control her emotions, she couldn't stop the tears from welling in her eyes or the smile that immediately crossed her face. She knew it was a trick of the mind, but room got brighter the second she laid eyes on the man she loved. She had trouble keeping herself from breaking down right then. She wanted to run to the bed. She wanted to fold her arms around him and never let go. She wanted to just simply feel his warmth and his beating heart under her fingers. She wanted to protect him and help him. She wanted to block the whole world away so she could just be with Booth.

She looked at his sleeping form and studied the side of his face. There didn't appear to be a scratch on him. Looking at him lying there, she'd never have guessed he'd almost lost his life again...that she could be living in a world where Booth no longer existed. Her elation at finally getting to see him crashed down around her. Nerves from the hallway returned full force and she was suddenly terrified to walk further. Seeing him lying in a hospital bed suddenly made everything so much more real and her chest constricted. The man just didn't seem to do things half way. If he was going to be in the hospital, it was going to be because he was blown up or shot, had a brain tumor…had a heatstroke. It was never something simple like a broken bone. If it were merely broken bones, she could look at x-rays, recommend the best treatments and predict almost every outcome. She could actually do something to help. But instead of the confidence she'd feel in a situation like that, she felt fear. She wasn't sure what to do to help him. She hated being yanked in so many directions. She hated the intensity and range of emotions she kept feeling. She understood what people meant when they said they felt like they were caught in a tornado. She felt lost, but as she continued to watch him, she knew she had to be strong.

He looked peaceful. She realized had she not known the circumstances of his admission, she'd never suspect anything was wrong. She didn't want to wake him, but she couldn't resist the urge to be near him…to touch him…to reassure herself this was real…he was real. She quietly walked over to the bed and placed her satchel on the chair next to it. She knew she was making very little noise, but each step sounded like thunder in her ears. Each breath like a windstorm. She looked more closely at his face and realized there was a slight droop to the side farthest from her that she had not noticed from across the room. She turned her glance to his chest and watched it rise and fall in a rhythmic fashion signaling he was truly asleep. The voyeuristic tone of her study didn't stop her inspection. His closed eyelids hid the warmth she knew existed whether she could see it or not. His mouth...capable of displaying some of the most infectious smiles she'd ever witnessed. His hair was sticking up haphazardly as though he hadn't brushed it in days. Surely he was upset about this? He had always placed such a high value on having perfectly styled hair.

She glanced down to where his hand rested on the bed. Those hands...his hands...which she knew almost as well as those of her own. They had saved her life on countless occasions...had given her hugs when she'd needed them most. She really needed to touch him, to feel him. It was a need that overrode every other thought. He seemed fast asleep. If she was gentle, she wouldn't wake him. She glanced to his face one more time to make sure he was as asleep as he seemed before looking again to his hand. Very carefully, she slipped her hand slowly and gently into his as she closed her eyes. As if her senses hadn't been heightened enough, she became aware of every single nuance of their contact. She could feel the warmth of his skin. The texture. She felt like she was drawing energy from him. She could feel how alive he was. A sense of calm traveled into her fingertips on a journey through the rest of her body. She marveled at how quickly her whole demeanor could change with a simple touch. The world, which had seemed so wrong the past two days, suddenly felt right again.

Just as she'd known she would, she felt the strength she'd been losing over the last few months of their separation return full force. It was amazing the clarity that could be felt when one closed their eyes to visual world and just stopped to feel. She only had to be near him to feel like she could accomplish almost any task set before her. She gave his hand the gentlest squeeze. They would get through this. They could do anything they set their minds to. Nothing was impossible when they were together. She knew it. She felt it. She was more sure of that knowledge than she'd ever been in her life. She loved this man and she finally understood what he along with thousands of others had said in the past...love can conquer all. She knew it. She felt it in her heart and that knowledge infused her with what she could only describe as joy.

She couldn't help the smile that spread across her face. She was content. More content than she'd been in months. Years. Maybe her whole life. She didn't want this moment to end, so she kept her eyes closed and continued to feel the world around her. To feel Booth. To know he was alive. To feel the heat radiating from his skin. To know her life was going to be...okay. She let out a tiny huff of air as she tried to stifle a giggle. Was this what Jared had been trying to tell her when he'd repeated that word over and over? Was tonight going to be a night of epiphanies? Had her whole life been leading her to this moment where everything seemed to click into place and make sense in a way she'd never experienced before? She longed to share this with Booth.

She opened her eyes to their hands again, expecting to lose the sense of awareness she'd had when her eyes were closed. Instead, she found a new layer. He was alive. She was touching him. They were together again. This was real. As her smile widened even further, she fought back tears of happiness. She turned toward the head of the bed, debating on whether or not to wake him up and felt the air rush out of her lungs as she looked into his very open, very awake eyes.

She broke into a full grin as she said his name, "Booth!" She looked back and forth between his eyes and knew her happiness at seeing him was pouring out from the depths of her heart. "I came as soon as I heard. I'm so sorry I wasn't here sooner." The words from her dream struck a chord and she realized for once her dreams wouldn't be the nightmares she'd become accustomed to. This time the dream of her unconscious mind would become her waking world and would truly be happy...wonderful. Her confession came easily and naturally, "I missed you."

As she waited for the events of her dream to come true, she watched his face for his reaction. She waited for his smile. She waited for him to tell her he was fine. She waited for him to tell her the hospital was a formality and he'd be released the next day. That Jared had exaggerated. She almost wished they could skip this part and already be sitting at the diner so she could order her pie.

Except Booth wasn't talking. He wasn't smiling. In fact, his expression had not changed one bit. Her grin faltered slightly. "Booth? It's me. Bones." He took in a long slow breath and let it out just as slowly before his eyebrows drew together in what she could only describe as anger. Her nerve endings all fired at once in fear. "Booth, do you know who I am?" The anger she saw on his face bled into his eyes and he exuded pure fury. What happened? What had she said that was so wrong? Why was he so angry? Surely he wasn't angry that she was here? He had to know she would come to him. He had to. She didn't understand what was happening. It did her absolutely no good whatsoever to be able to read body language if she couldn't then interpret it as well. Her world was spinning in her confusion. She grasped on to the one word that seemed to be mocking her now. "It's okay, Booth. I'm here. Everything will be okay." In all their past, in all the horrors they'd seen, she had never seen darkness like she saw on his face at this moment. He turned away from her and her nightmares became reality as her whisper floated into the room, "Booth?"


	14. The Last Place You Look

**A/N: A small step back in time, just a while, to see things from Booth's perspective before we move on.**

**Thank you doctorsuez for your willingness to be one of my research sources! Thank you GCatsPjs for letting me bounce ideas of your awesome brain! Thank you to MaliBearsBuddy for your words of wisdom and your help with this chapter! And thank you sirenizzed for the edits and Tink Seal of Approval!**

Booth thought over the events of the day as he lay in bed. He had dreaded Cam visiting him again, but it hadn't gone nearly as bad as he'd expected. They'd even joked a little. It was comforting to have a little bit of his normal life back and he was very anxious to get the rest of it back as well. He'd even enjoyed having those little battles of will with Leslie. She'd come to check on him after the endless train of therapists had left and asked him some questions. He'd tried ignoring her, but he found she was almost as good at reading people as he was. Either that or he was more transparent than he thought he was. She'd gotten right up in his face and told him if he didn't start answering her, she wasn't going to bring his dinner. As she'd stood there, Booth's stomach let out a traitorous growl, one neither of them could ignore. He remembered the smirk that crossed her face and the tick of her brow when she knew she'd won.

He had refused to talk to her, but consented to write out answers to her questions. Eventually their conversations had ventured into their personal lives. She and her husband had a son a few months older than Parker as well as a younger daughter and they ended up comparing notes about the joys and frustrations of raising children. Just as she was leaving for the day, she popped back in to tell him the writing would only be tolerated the rest of the week before she'd expect verbal replies from him. He picked up his pen to toss it across the room at her when she wagged her finger at him and told him she was still on duty and they had a deal to honor. He grinned slightly at the memory. Yes, it was very nice to have someone like her around.

The therapy evaluations had gone as well as could be expected. There had been physical therapists, occupational therapists and speech therapists...all telling him they'd help him regain as much of his former life as they could. The prognosis was good that he'd one day be able to walk again, although they weren't sure how long it would take. They'd also told him his speech should improve over time. This was the first hint of good news he'd received since he'd arrived here. He actually got a little excited about starting physical therapy after their encouraging statements.

His excitement had drained away by the time he'd arrived in the therapy department. He had gotten good and pissed off about having to be taken in a wheel chair. He hated those things. He hated everything they represented. He knew his buddy Hank had to live his life in one, but he was damned if he was going to let that happen to him if he could help it. He felt a little guilty for feeling that way, but their situations were different and he was going to do everything in his power to make sure he could walk again. From what the doctors and therapists said though, it was fairly probable as long as he was willing to put in the effort it would take. The phrase they kept repeating was that it would take time. Time...he could be very patient when he needed to be. He could take all day long to wear a suspect down in the interrogation room. This however, was managing to drive him just a little bit insane. Hell, it was driving him a whole lot of insane. He wanted to be back on the fast track.

His mood took a dive as he laid in bed and thought more about the therapy from earlier in the day. He'd expected to go in and start working on walking right away. He'd even been anxious to get started on it. After spending a month in the hospital though, his muscles had begun to atrophy. His therapist, Thomas, had explained he needed to get the strength back in his arms before they could tackle walking. Despite trying to make his point with various arguments, Booth had protested a little rudely ,even though he hated to admit it. Thomas had finally taken him over to the area where the weights were, allowing Booth to feel as though he'd convinced the other man. He had placed a five pound weight in each of Booth's hands and asked him to demonstrate just how strong he was. He'd struggled a bit with the first one using the arm that hadn't been affected by his heatstroke and been entirely unsuccessful with the second. As he thought back to it now, his anger rose almost to the same level it had earlier. Five pounds? He could barely lift five pounds? He was trapped in an almost useless body and it was going to take 'time' to break out of his cage. He closed his eyes and let the anger wash over him, even welcomed it. He would use it to fuel his determination. He refused to let this be how he lived the rest of his life.

He let his anger at his inability to lift weights build to include his absolute fury at himself. Regret was a hard thing to live with. Why hadn't he just gone to the doctor? He wouldn't be here if he hadn't been so stubborn about being sick. There had been so many opportunities to avoid this situation. He was a complete moron for ignoring every single one of them. Now here he was...in a bed...in a hospital...waiting for his body to cooperate...waiting for the long parade of people who would come to visit. Even though the visit with Cam hadn't been so bad, he knew the rest wouldn't go nearly as well. They would come in, take one look at him and get these looks of pity on their faces. He knew it. Or they'd be terrified just like Cam had been. They'd get embarrassed at small slips of their tongues. It infuriated him to know he'd be the focus of their sympathy. He couldn't take them being here. God he hoped Cam would be able to get Bones to go back to that stupid little island while he got better. As much as he couldn't take anyone else being there, he especially couldn't take Bones seeing him this way. So weak. So useless. He closed his eyes, letting the events of the last few months burn their way into determination. He embraced the building darkness, praying it would help him heal faster.

He heard the door open again and someone step in. Maybe if he continued to keep his eyes closed, this person would monitor or check or do whatever needed to be done and then leave him alone with his thoughts. He was busy. He was concentrating on his anger and gaining the mental strength he needed to get through the rest of this. The latest arrival seemed to stop once inside the door though. Oh great...a visitor...he was definitely keeping his eyes closed now. No way in hell did he feel like talking...that was laughable. He would hurt this person just like he had Cam and the pissed as hell mood he was in wouldn't help matters. He worked to make sure his breathing was rhythmic so the person would assume he was asleep and leave. He didn't hear any more footsteps. Either this person was incredibly stealthy and had gotten out of his room without him realizing it or was still standing in the doorway. He waited. He waited some more. God, how long would this person stare at him lying in a hospital bed? He didn't want anyone here. "_Jesus Christ!_" he thought to himself, "_Just leave already!"_ Then he heard the footsteps coming toward him that told him his current wave of luck was holding steady. He heard something being placed on the chair next to his bed. Then it hit him...wafting slowly...the scent...her perfume. Oh God. Cam couldn't keep her away. Why? Why? Why did she have to be here?

She just stood there. He could hear her breathing now. What was she doing? Just staring at him? At his broken body? This had to be one of the most humiliating experiences of his life. He sent a silent plea to God...please let her leave, just tonight. He needed one more night before having to deal with the reality of having her back in his life. He needed a few more hours to get used to the idea of her being here. He wasn't ready. She needed to leave. She needed to leave now. Then he felt the softest touch on his hand before it was enveloped in hers. He couldn't stop his heart from skipping a beat. Bones. Her touch. Her hand. She was finally here. Thank God he had her back. Alarm bells went off in his mind at those thoughts. No! He didn't want her here. She couldn't see him this way. She had to go, but she wasn't. Knowing her, he figured she'd plant herself there until he woke up. His faked sleeping wasn't going to cut it. He felt the smallest squeeze to his hand and she just stayed there. How could he make her leave? He had to. The only way he'd be able to do that would be to talk to her. God...he couldn't talk to her. He couldn't argue with her. It took him a damn hour to get one word out. He grasped on to the anger that had given him so much energy before. All he had to do was open his eyes and let her see the fury he would unleash. He knew she would leave then.

He opened his eyes and turned a full glare on her...smiling face? Why was she smiling? Why were her eyes closed? He watched as she opened her eyes to look at their hands. She looked like she was going to cry. He could see it in her eyes. She did pity him. He wanted to leap from the bed and scream...but he couldn't...because he was trapped...in this helpless body. His anger rose to epic proportions. When she looked at him and said his name, he realized he couldn't answer back without embarrassing himself. His monstrous rage became volcanic. He was backed into a corner and she just kept talking. He tried to block her out, but when she asked if he knew who she was, he was shocked. Dear God in heaven, she thought he'd forgotten her? Her? The woman who had changed his life more than any other person in the world? How could she even think that for a minute? When she told him everything would be okay right after that, he couldn't take it and turned his face away to look out into the night sky. Nothing was okay. It was going to be forever before it was 'okay' again. Who even used that word anyway? His anger and frustration was rising even higher by the second. This was exactly what he wanted to avoid...especially with Bones.

"Booth?" He didn't just hear the pain in her voice when she said his name, he felt it. Didn't she know she would hurt even more if he tried to talk to her? Didn't she realize he was trying to protect her? Who was he kidding? He wasn't trying to protect her as much he was protecting himself from what he'd see in her eyes when she realized what shape he was in. If she looked at him with pity, it would be his undoing. That would crush him more than anything else in this world ever could. He stared through the window, refusing to turn back to her. She let go of his hand then and he thanked all the stars he saw that she was going to leave. Instead, he heard her rummaging in what must have been a bag she'd placed on the chair. He then listened as she walked over to the side of the room and...was that paper she put on his table? What was she doing?

He heard the distinct sounds of her writing and listened as she wheeled his table over to his bed. What in the world was this woman up to? She never ever did things the easy way. Why couldn't she take the hint and leave like every other normal person in the world would. Because she was Bones...and it infuriated him...and he loved her for it. He had to stop these thoughts. They were getting him nowhere. He had to focus on getting her to understand he didn't want her there. She laid a hand on his arm. Why did her touch always manage to shoot hundreds of volts of electricity through his body?

"Booth, please." Her voice. Pleading with him. Hurt. Questioning. He couldn't take it. As much as he didn't want to see her reaction to him, he couldn't stand the pain in her voice. He couldn't stand knowing he was responsible for causing her this much anguish. For all his high and mighty "_I'll make her leave_" thoughts, he was powerless against the hurt in her voice. Maybe if he just spoke to her, showed her how horrific everything was, she would finally leave. Then he'd be able to recuperate, get back on his feet...and later step back into her life to see if she'd forgive him for being so cruel. May as well get it over with. He turned back to look at her.

What he saw surprised him. Her eyes didn't hold any pity...they spoke of hope. He recognized it. What was she hoping for? She didn't say anything else, but pushed a notepad toward him. When he looked down at it, he realized she'd written something on it. "_Cam explained you had difficulty talking. I thought this might be a more satisfactory way to converse._" He stared at the words...not knowing what to think. Was she trying to patronize him? No. Bones would never do that. He wasn't sure she'd even know how to. This was certainly something he hadn't expected though and he wasn't entirely sure what to do. Trust Bones to throw him for a loop every single time he was near her. She reached over, took the pad and started writing something new. She pushed it back over for him to read. "_Do you know who I am?_"

His frustration rose again. Of course he knew who she was. Why did she keep asking that? Who cared if he'd lost some of his memory? Who cared if he'd forgotten Cam's name at first? Who cared about any of that? There was no way in hell he could ever forget about Bones. His eyebrows met in the middle of his forehead showing his irritation as he looked up at her. He reached out his hand and waggled his fingers to indicate he needed the pen. Her expression didn't change as she handed over what he needed. He took the pen and wrote out his answer, "_Of course I know who you are Bones. What the hell kind of question is that?_" He jammed the pen into the paper as he put the dot at the bottom of his question mark, then slammed the pen down and glared up to her. She reached for the notepad and calmly read what he'd written before grabbing the pen for her reply.

"_I was led to believe you'd lost some memory again._" The quiet swish of the notepad being slid across the table indicated it was his turn to read. What? "_Again?_" Swish. "_Yes. You lost memory after the tumor was removed from your brain. Do you not remember that either?_"

Only Bones could drive him nuts this way. "_Yes. I remember. This is different_." He angrily tossed the pen down and didn't bother sliding the notebook back over. She picked it up to read, hesitated with her pen over the page and finally began writing again. She was taking forever. What was she writing? The next chapter of her novel?

Temperance started to write and found she couldn't once she started. She was talking with Booth and that was all that mattered. He didn't have that look like he could kill every living thing within a ten mile radius, but his expression could only be described as a glare. After her talk with Cam, she'd expected some resistance, but thought perhaps it might be different once he saw how happy she was to be home with him. She should have known better. As usual, he had said something that confused her. Did she gloss over it in her effort to just see a smile? Or did she treat him the way she'd always treated him? She began writing. "_How is this memory loss different? I haven't talked to anyone besides Cam and Jared. For some reason I have yet to learn, they chose not to disclose any details of your injury. I know you had a heatstroke. I know you can't walk or talk. I know you were sick before it happened. I know you spent a month in Germany. I know you almost died. But that's it. No details. As you can see, I don't know much of anything_."

He looked down at the pad and started reading. For someone who claimed to not know anything that had happened, she sure knew a lot. He flipped the page over and picked up the pen again. "_Well you know enough._" He turned the notebook so she could read and saw the hurt flicker briefly across her face. She was trying so hard and he was trying just as hard not to make it easy, but it was getting more difficult by the second. He'd spent so much of his life making sure she didn't feel the way he was trying to make her feel now. It went against everything in his nature to be the cause for that look. He sighed and pulled the notebook back around again. "_I'm sorry. You got most of it. Not much else to tell._"

She wrote her next question, "_Are you in pain?_" He looked down to the pad and then up to her face. He could see the genuine concern shining through, her eyes full of worry. "_No. No pain. I do have some feeling on my left side. I just can't get my body to work right._" He slid the notebook back over and watched the relief wash over her.

"_That's good. I'm glad. I know I don't know the full details of your injury, but I am sure you'll be able to regain the full use of your body. I have..." _She paused again before continuing_, "...faith_." She slid the notebook back over with a worried smile. He read her words and felt the impact of them. He stared at the notebook. She had faith. The same as knowing the sun would come up tomorrow. How could he have been so angry at her coming to see him? How could he have wished that she would stay away? How in the world had she even dragged him into a conversation? Within 15 minutes of talking with her, she'd made him feel more normal than he'd felt since he regained consciousness. This was Bones. It was them...together...doing what they'd always done. It felt good and he latched onto it because it had been so very long since he'd felt it.

He could tell she was worried. She didn't use that word lightly and it meant a lot that she'd used it in conjunction with his recovery. His anger completely forgotten, he decided to change the subject and lighten the mood a little. He knew she would welcome a break after her last statement. He looked at her with the hint of half a grin on his face. "_So what's with the Indiana Jones jacket?_" He watched the confusion build in her as she read his question and listened to her sigh. She picked up the pen and turned a fresh page over on the notebook. Once she'd finished, she slid it back over to him.

"_I don't know what that means._" His mouth open of its own accord and he chuckled softly at the words he saw. This...this felt so good...so right. He totally forgot his drooping face as he looked at her and grinned as fully as he could.

Temperance was shocked at the shape of his face, the distortion of his smile, but she latched on to his happiness and refused to let go as she laughed along with him. This was one of those times she understood silent prayers. She didn't believe in Booth's god. She didn't believe, but she prayed nonetheless that Booth would once again be the man he was before. He still clearly was in spirit, she just needed his body to follow suit. She needed to see him walking around with that cocky swagger he had. She needed to see that full smile of his. She needed it not for herself, but because she knew he wouldn't be truly happy again until he could do those things. Otherwise, his happiness would always be laced with a painful nostalgia.

His smile died down as he reached for the notebook and began writing. He slid it back to her with just a trace of a grin remaining. "_You mean to tell me you don't know who Indiana Jones is?"_ She read his question then looked up at his face. He watched as her eyes flicked back and forth between his own. He couldn't tell what she was thinking and that made him nervous. Did she not like his teasing her? Was she upset with him?

Temperance stood there looking at Booth. She had a decision to make. Would she be honest with him and tell him she really did know who Indiana Jones was despite never having seen the movies or would she feign ignorance and let him teach her. What would make him feel the most normal? He had always seemed to really enjoy getting to share new things with her in the past, but their relationship had always been based on truth too. She made her decision and began writing.

Booth was still worried as she wrote. Her blank expression didn't change. Had he made her mad? Had he hurt her feelings? Would she leave now? She couldn't leave. He couldn't lose her. She made him feel normal. The irony of the about face his desires had taken in such a short time was not lost on him, but he didn't care. He would apologize as profusely as his hand could write. He hadn't meant to hurt her again. He should never have teased her. He watched her slide the notebook back to him. He had a hard time looking down to read it, but he did. "_No. Why would I know a man named Jones who presumably lives in Indiana? I live in Washington DC._"

He picked up the pen and wrote quickly with a hint of excitement. He only thought about it for a second before he decided to try his luck and tease her a little more. "_He's only the best archeologist ever!"_ He dropped the pen and pushed the notebook back to her.

Temperance watched the familiar twinkle in his eye and knew she'd made the right decision. She pretended to fall for his taunt and wrote back. "_If he is the best, why have I not heard of him?_" Despite the circumstances of their conversation and the format it took, the sense of comfort she felt whenever they were together stole through her body. How could she have ever thought she could be a whole person without this? Without him? He provided some extra level of completeness that she had never before realized was missing.

"_Bones! It's a movie! Well 4 movies. They're awesome!_" His eyes smiled at her as he slid the notebook across his table and watched her read. She glanced up at him before writing. "_Perhaps we could watch them so I can decide for myself if he's the best archeologist?"_

He read her question and let out a breath of relief. She wasn't going anywhere. In fact, this question could only mean she wanted to spend more time with him. He reminded himself not to read more into it than what was there. She had already told him a few months ago how she felt, but he would take her friendship over not having her at all any day of the week. He had been so afraid they'd never be the same after their decisions to leave their partnership. He would take her however he could get her though and if that meant friendship only, he could do that.

He pushed his answer back. "_Yeah! That'd be great!"_ As he watched her read his words, he realized he had missed her even more than he could ever have admitted to himself before now. He never again wanted to have a situation where they were on opposite sides of the earth. He had to work harder than he'd ever worked before to get back into shape so they could start working together again. God, he wanted that so much. He had missed her so much.

She began writing something again and he waited for her to finish. She wrote something quickly, then paused and looked at him like she was weighing her next words. Booth wondered what was going through that brilliant mind of hers. It had to be something to do with feelings or emotions because she seemed so unsure of herself as she began writing again. As if she were worried about what she was writing. What in the world was she thinking now?

Temperance looked at Booth again. She loved this man. She knew that now. But this was neither the time nor the place to tell him. She had to say something that let him know how much better she felt now they were together. That she didn't ever want them to be apart again. She couldn't write those words though. She opted for simple. "_Booth, I missed you._"

Booth read the words and realized how much they meant when they came from Temperance Brennan. Bones...his Bones...missed him. Wow. He was never more thankful for having her in his life. He gave up trying to reign his heart in and just gave himself to the moment. He could crash back to reality tomorrow. He picked up the pen, wrote his reply and pushed it back to her.

"_I missed you too Bones._"


	15. Burning Wishes

**A/N: This chapter is a bit shorter. Hope you guys don't mind. Going on a trip this week, but hopefully will have time to write, so keep your fingers crossed that I'll be able to post the next chap by the end of the week! Thanks always for reading and commenting! I know I've said this before, but it's true, so I'll say it again: You guys make my day!**

**Thanks to PJ & Tink & you each know why and thank you MaliBearsBuddy for your willingness to let me take 30 minutes to work through figuring out one word, or helping me restructure sentences, or catching mistakes...and for doing that over and over again. **

Temperance had no words to describe how wonderful she felt at reading Booth's message. The fact that he said he had missed her too gave her a sense of comfort, a sense of hope. She had walked into his room expecting to have to fight to stay there. Within a matter of minutes, it was like they'd never been apart. Like she'd never decided to go to Maluku and he'd never been to Afghanistan. The hospital room was a stark reminder however. She wished these were not the circumstances of their meeting again. She wished he was healthy. She picked up the notebook to write a new message.

Booth listened to the scratching of the pen and the swish of the notebook crossing his table. He tried to ignore the way they were talking and just focus on the conversation. He picked up the notebook and read, "_I should visit the witches and procure some of those little paper effigies to burn so I could make a wish for you. Although it wouldn't be wise to burn them here!_" He blinked and looked down to where her hip met the side of the bed. Witches he remembered. That had been a strange case. Paper effigies? Nothing. He racked his brain. Oh God, was this one of those holes? Paper effigies. Burning paper effigies. Still nothing. When had the witches burned paper effigies? Damn it! He couldn't remember. He realized he was breathing harder and giving away his panic. He had to get his emotions under control. He couldn't stomach the thought of Bones looking at him with the same shock and sadness that Cam had. He could cover. He knew he could. What did he write? He looked back to the notepad and picked up the pen. "_Oh?_" He slid his question back over to her. He could feel his heart beating faster while he waited to see if she'd accept it. If she'd buy that he'd be asking her about what she'd said.

Bones was smiling as she wrote her reply. That was a good sign. Maybe he'd dodged that bullet. He waited for her to finish. Swish. "_Yes. What you said meant so much to me Booth. I have very fond memories of that evening._" Nothing. Oh God, it wasn't coming back. It was going to be harder to pretend like he remembered. What could he say? It was getting more difficult by the second to stop his body from physically reacting to his stress. Maybe he could get her to tell him what happened without her realizing what he was doing. "_What was your favorite part?_" He mentally crossed his fingers as he put the pen down and waited once again. "Y_our definition of happiness. It was beautiful Booth. Thank you again for saying something so nice to me._"

Booth read the words and longed to remember what he'd said to her. What had his definition been? Why couldn't he remember it? He knew he had memory lapses, but he thought he remembered everything about Bones. To find out he'd forgotten something that seemed so important to her? He wasn't a whole man any more. All this talk had let him forget for a while, but it came rushing back full force. He couldn't remember. He couldn't open his mouth and talk to her. He couldn't stand up and take her in his arms like he'd been longing to since seeing her at the airport.. He couldn't do anything. He was trapped. Everything was wrong. He glanced up to her face, feeling the weight of the situation, wondering if she knew. His eyes squinted in concentration as he quickly tried to judge what she was thinking before he returned to stare at the black and white evidence of his injury.

Temperance watched as Booth sat and stared at the notebook. She could see that his stress level was rising to epic proportions. What had she said that was so wrong? Had she said too much? He would never have reacted this way before now. He would have just blown it off like he hadn't done anything big for her at all. Why was he so upset? She noted his chest rising and falling...faster, deeper. His brow crinkled first in worry and then anger. The worry was the expression she latched onto. Why was he worried? Then it hit her...he couldn't remember. Temperance felt as if the air in her lungs had been forcibly removed. He really couldn't remember that night. That was the only thing it could be. She quickly grabbed the notebook to save them both.

Booth was staring at the notebook wondering how he could avoid this next inevitability when suddenly it was gone as Bones took it back. He hadn't even had time to think of a reply. He looked at her and before she could hide it, he realized. She knew. She knew he couldn't remember. He saw the shock. He saw the pain. He saw her plaster a fake smile on her face. Is this what they had now? A partnership full of holes? He looked back down to the table. Did they even have a partnership? What if he never got back? What if he could never be a field agent again? What if this was what the rest of his life would be like? What if... The notebook swished back into his view.

He looked back to her and saw a reassuring grin. If he hadn't known her better, he'd almost believe it. He turned back to read, "_After you nearly burned your fingers, you defined happiness as love, laughter, friendship, purpose and a dance. That was my favorite part._" Wow. That was nice. Sounded like something he'd say...but he couldn't remember saying it. He couldn't even remember where they were when he'd said those words. He couldn't remember anything about 'that night' which was so important to her. How could he not remember? And she was hiding from him. She was trying to protect him. She was trying to rescue him. She pitied him. He couldn't take it. How could he trust anything she said now? Anything she did? How could he trust himself? When had she gotten so damn good at hiding emotions from him? If he hadn't seen that first honest expression, he'd never be able to tell she was lying to him about how she felt. It was too much. He reached for the pen. "_You're lying to me Bones. You know I don't remember. I can't do this. Go home. Go back to Maluku._"

Brennan read the words and realized this is what she had been expecting all night. She could kick herself. She'd thought she had kept a neutral expression on her face, but obviously she hadn't. Just as obvious was the fact that Booth had not lost his gut instinct or the talent for knowing what it was telling him. But he'd crossed the line and she was angry. It didn't matter that he was in a hospital bed at that point. She grabbed the pen and plastered fierce strokes across the paper. She slammed the paper back down on the table in front of him and waited for him to read it.

Booth was pissed and returned her glare. He knew she was mad because he'd asked her to leave. He wasn't going to back down. She may be the most stubborn, pig headed squint he'd ever known, but she'd met her match. He finally broke eye contact to read what she'd said. "_I'm lying? At what point in any of those statements did I lie? None. If anyone is lying it's you. You were hiding from me. Don't you dare call me a liar Booth._" He hated getting called out like that...especially when he knew she was right. He didn't care. He angrily grabbed at the pen only to have it flip out of his hand and over to the other side of the bed. He turned back to Bones, waiting for her to pick it up for him. She pursed her lips as she crossed her arms over her chest, resting all her weight on one hip. Then she had the audacity to hike her eyebrows up to let him know she was waiting. Agh! The woman was infuriating.

Booth turned to look where the pen had landed. It wasn't that far away. Maybe he could reach it without embarrassing himself too much. He knew if he didn't she would stay all night long. He was not about to let that happen. He let out a huff before lifting his good arm. He had to be careful to keep his balance because he knew he wouldn't be able to catch himself if he started to fall. He was going to have to let Bones see him this way. He really hated that she had the upper hand, but he hated even more that she was going to stand there and watch him. He sliced his eyes over to her to see just how much she was gloating, but found her casually surveying the art in the room. Was she really that bored or was she actually trying to let him maintain a slight amount of dignity? He knew the answer to that question. He hated that he knew. He decided to act quickly before she was finished with her art inspection. He slowly reached for the pen, pausing a couple of times before latching on to it and settling back into the bed. There! He hadn't lost his balance. He hadn't fallen over. He hadn't embarrassed himself. And here he was throwing a party for himself because he'd grabbed a pen. This was stupid.

Brennan watched as Booth sulked like a child after picking up the pen. He was slow and deliberate when he adjusted the notebook to a better angle and began writing. When he was done, he calmly laid the pen down and slid the notebook across the table. "_I'm not kidding Bones. Go away._" She gritted her teeth, slowly reached for the pen and picked up the pad of paper. She needed plenty of room for this message so she flipped to a new page.

Booth didn't have to be a genius like Bones to figure out what she was writing. Three purposeful long strokes followed by a big circle followed by three more long purposeful strokes. She smacked the notepad back on the table. Her "_NO_" was underlined three times and took up the entire page.

Brennan knew the taste of victory as Booth hung his head after he read her answer. While part of her wanted to point out she'd won that battle, she knew there was a war ahead and decided to be a little more tactful...a trait she had been trying to learn from the man she was about to practice it on. Even though it was his turn to say something, she reached for the notebook. She wasn't going to give him time to come up with another argument. She needed to calm this situation down before she left.

Booth looked down to the bed for a moment while he figured out his next plan of action to get her out of his room. She'd almost ripped through the paper she'd been pressing so hard with the pen when she'd said 'no'. She was angry. He was tired. He'd had a long day. He was stressed and this wasn't helping. He didn't get the opportunity to come up with another retort before the notebook was gone again. Booth waited to see what she was going to say this time. He listened to her writing, wondering what she was going to yell at him next. Yell. That was comical...he wasn't even speaking and neither was she. It was odd that this argument felt no different than the ones they'd had verbally through the years. The notebook swished back into view. "_Now that's been decided, I should go. Had a 30 hr flight. I'm tired. Need a shower. Hungry. I will see you tomorrow."_

Brennan watched Booth grab the pen and watched as he wrote his own one word answer, "_No_." She knew he was saying no to her coming back and not to her 'I should go' statement. She was exhausted and this had been an emotionally trying evening which had followed two emotionally trying days. She wasn't in the mood to argue. "_Booth, this is not up for discussion. I'm not leaving you so stop asking. Goodnight. I will see you tomorrow._" Swish. She watched as Booth read her message, displeasure written very clearly on every inch of his face. She could see he was angry and frustrated, but she also saw his fatigue. When all he did was look up at her, she realized he was too tired to argue with her as well. She didn't want that message to be the last communication though, so she grabbed the notebook one more time. She looked first at Booth's face, his eyes sending a message of temporary defeat. They had been so close to being like they used to be tonight. She wanted that again. She wanted more. She was going to fight him every step of the way if she had to. She also remembered her parents agreement to never go to bed angry. She didn't want leave tonight before they had fixed things. She leaned over to write another message.

Booth couldn't fight her. He just didn't have it in him. As much as he didn't want her there to see him in this state, he irrationally still wanted her there...with him, beside him, talking to him. He was amazed that she'd gone to such lengths to be here. He watched as her hair slid over her shoulder when she leaned over to write. Her slender fingers picked up the pen and wrote haltingly, her eyes darting away each time she paused. Her mouth was set in that oh so beautiful 'I've Made Up My Mind' line that she got. Her throat bobbed as she swallowed and it drew his attention to her long graceful neck. What he wouldn't give to be able to kiss that neck until she was begging for more. Damn, he had to stop those thoughts. She'd said no. She was a friend. A friend he didn't want here. He hated being this tired and frustrated. Hated not being able to stay focused on his goal of getting her to leave him alone. Hated that all he had to do was look at her to lose his resolve.

Swish. He looked at each phrase written on a separate line. "_I'm very glad you didn't die. I really did miss you. I'm so happy to see you again. Please let's not fight?_" Booth sighed. Blunt as ever...and he loved it. Something he could hold onto...one thing that hadn't changed. He looked up into her questioning eyes. He couldn't say no. As badly as he wanted to, he just couldn't look her in the face and do it again. He nodded his head realizing it was not really an answer at all, but she seemed to understand anyway. She smiled, reached out to give his hand a squeeze and then grabbed her bag before heading to the door. Just as she was about to disappear from his view, she turned around. She raised her hand in a wave as she smiled one last time, then turned to walk out the door.


	16. New Beginnings

**A/N: I'm sorry it's been so long since I've updated this story. I hit a bit of a road block and it took longer to knock it out of my way than I anticipated. Hopefully I'm back on track now. Thank you so much for your patience and for continuing to read. I appreciate it more than each of you know.**

**Sophia, Amy and PJ...you are helping me learn so many things about writing. For that, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.**

Cam waited nervously in the lobby of the third floor. Given how long she'd been sitting there and the fact she didn't hear any yelling, she assumed things were going better than she expected. She picked up a magazine to flip through, but she couldn't concentrate. She glanced at the nurses station, down the hallway, at the art on the wall, the designs in the tile floor...all while turning pages she didn't even bother to look at. Finally Dr. Brennan, looking very calm and very confident, walked up to her. "I'm ready to leave now," she said. Cam reached down to grab her purse before standing up and asking, "How's he doing?"

Brennan paused, considering her response. "He seems to be doing as well as can be expected." They walked to the elevator and she watched Cam push the down button, having made no move to do it herself. She found she was suddenly very exhausted. It was as if she'd been fighting to get to the end of a race and was now past the finish line and ready to collapse. She saw that Cam was watching her out of the corner of her eye.

They definitely needed to have a discussion and part of her felt like going ahead and getting it out of the way now. She was drained though and she was finally near Booth. Right now, she was happy, although her happiness was tinged with sadness at the circumstances. She chose to hold on to the overwhelming sense of comfort in knowing she was where she needed to be...with Booth. She didn't want anything to ruin that sensation. She had barely made it out of his room without having a full blown argument. She wasn't ready to launch right into another one.

They stepped into the elevator for the short right down and the metal doors closed to reveal her distorted reflection. She usually denied any signs of exhaustion, but even she could see it plainly written on her face despite the unclear image. She was amazed at how quickly she could go from being ready to fight to stay with Booth no matter what to barely having the energy to stand.

She stared into the dark shadow of her own eyes as her mind churned. It took such a short time to change so much. Three days ago she'd been in Maluku. Three days ago she'd been wandering around a dig site trying to keep Daisy and Dr. Marshall in order. Three days ago she'd been living the kind of life she expected to live...a life she now knew she no longer wanted.

The ding indicated they'd arrived at the first floor and she watched her reflection disappear. She stepped out of the elevator and continued walking next to Cam as her thoughts moved forward to two days ago. The day that changed everything. The day Jared called her. The day she'd thought Booth was dead. Her heart constricted almost as violently as it had that afternoon. She unconsciously shook her head and blocked the thoughts from her mind. She knew he was safe now, she'd seen him. They'd managed to communicate, to almost get back to the way they were. He had fought with her, which she had expected, but she was confident that together they would make it through this. As she thought about it, she realized she needed for them to make it through this.

They arrived at the car and Temperance heard the click of the doors unlocking as Cam extended her hand with the key fob. She silently walked around to the passenger side and climbed in, placing her satchel on the floor in front of her. Cam backed out of the space and drove away from the garage. They rode in silence and Brennan laid her head back so she could watch all the lights go by. She would be home in no time and she found herself relaxing at the thought. She missed her apartment and was looking forward to sleeping in her own bed. Thoughts continued to jumble around in her mind like clothes in a dryer and every one of them focused on a hope that eventually she'd be able to tell Booth that she loved him. Slowly, without realizing it was even happening, she drifted off to sleep.

"Dr. Brennan?" She vaguely heard her name called out, but was too tired to find out why. When she felt a hand on her arm the second time it was said, she fully woke up. "Yes? Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fall asleep." She sat up and realized they were getting close to her home. Cam spoke up again, "Do we need to stop anywhere for groceries or anything?" Brennan sighed, "Yes, I guess I do. I apologize for not thinking of that sooner." Cam looked over, "You've had a lot on your mind." Brennan just nodded and turned back to look out the window, continuing to watch the world go by.

A few minutes later, Temperance directed Cam to a small store not too far away. She quickly got the bare necessities she'd need for the next couple of days and headed back out to the car, more anxious than ever just to get to her place. It felt like the closer she got to home, the longer the trip was taking. She remembered feeling that way even as a child after a trip with her family. She soon saw the welcome sight of her apartment building. After the car came to a stop, she smiled and thanked Cam for the ride. She gathered her satchel and grocery bags and made her way up to her door.

She briefly glanced around once inside her apartment, but didn't linger. She put the perishable items in the refrigerator and turned its thermostat back to the appropriate temperature. She left the rest of her groceries and satchel on the counter and walked back down the hall. She wanted to weep in happiness at the sight of her bedroom, everything just as she left it. Home. She walked to the bathroom, stripping off garments and letting them fall to the floor as she went. She needed a quick shower, a few drops of water to wash the grime of the past two days away. Ten minutes later she wrapped herself in a fresh towel after dropping her wet one to the floor. She had only enough energy left to make it to her bed. She pulled the covers back, laid down, pulling her damp hair to the side. Thoughts of Booth soon lulled her into the deepest sleep she'd had in over a month.

**B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B**

Booth thought about the day he'd had. He was still pretty amazed at the way his conversation with Bones had gone. He initially had thought she was there because she felt sorry for him. He'd later thought she'd been lying to him and hiding from him. Trust Bones to completely ignore the fact he was incapacitated and in a hospital bed. She'd had no trouble fighting with him the way she'd done hundreds of times before. Despite his insistence that she leave, he was more thankful than he cared to admit that she'd demanded to stay.

They'd developed a relationship he'd relied on for years. She'd been there today to support him, the same as he knew he'd do for her had their roles been reversed. Knowing he would have her in his life suddenly didn't seem so horrible...it brought him a level of peace he'd not felt since before he'd left the airport the day they'd said goodbye. As he'd watched her walk away that day, he'd worried he was losing his life forever. He may very well have lost that life, but somehow he now knew that with her friendship, he'd be able to make it through whatever was thrown his way. He let the peace he was feeling flow through his body as he drifted off to sleep. He had the most restful night he'd had since waking up in the hospital in Germany.

**B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B**

Since she'd not set an alarm, Temperance had no trouble sleeping through the night and well past morning. When she finally woke the next day, she felt a strange sense of disorientation. She was amazed at how quickly she had adapted to life in Maluku. She was sure it was because she had gone there with the idea that it would be her home for a year.

She hadn't realized she would return to her true home so quickly. She took comfort in the fact that she really did have a place to call home. She'd moved many times while in foster care and volunteered for every dig that was offered during her time in college. She had been on numerous expeditions since then and until recent years she'd lead a mostly nomadic lifestyle. However, after staying in one place for so long, developing friendships, a partnership...she knew she had a home. Booth was a big part of that. She knew the companionship they shared gave her a sense of security she'd not felt since she was a child.

She pulled out of her thoughts as she looked around her room. She had a lot to do today, but the first thing she wanted to do was take another shower. The one she had taken the night before had only been long enough to feel clean before she fell into bed. Now she wanted a nice long shower with hot running water...water she didn't have to fetch. She stretched out her arms, enjoying the feel of being in her own bed, before climbing out to begin her day.

**B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B**

Booth was awake very early and could hear the normal commotion of the hospital outside his door. He felt rested...more rested than he had in quite some time. Thanks to Bones' visit, he felt like he was ready to conquer the world. A nursing assistant walked in with his breakfast. Until now, he'd basically ignored everyone who'd walked in with the exception of Leslie, who wouldn't allow him to get away with it. Today though, he nodded his head in thanks to the young woman. Her brief look of shock and the instant smile she gave him were a clear sign he'd been a real prick since he'd arrived. He was going to make sure he fixed that. It was time to quit feeling sorry for himself. She wheeled his table over his lap and pulled the cover off the plate. He nodded his thanks again before she turned to walk out the door. He picked up his fork and started this new phase of his life. He was going to get better come hell or high water...starting now.

**B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B**

After her shower, it didn't take Temperance long to clean up the mess from the night before. She felt refreshed. Hopeful. Excited even. The only plan she had for today was to find a store that had the movies she needed to purchase and to go watch the first one with Booth. She grabbed her satchel with her laptop and walked over to her door. Pausing just before opening it, she turned to looked at her apartment again and smiled. Yes, it was nice to be home. She had no regrets in leaving the dig.

**B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B**

Leslie came into Booth's room a while after breakfast to perform her normal checks. Booth nodded to her as well. She came to a stop a few feet away from the bed. "Well, what happened to you? Yesterday you acted like you were ready to kill anyone who walked through your door. Today there's actually a twinkle in your eye." Booth couldn't help but let one side of his mouth raise in response. Damn, but that woman was good. She saw right through him in an instant. He briefly wondered if she'd ever thought about leaving the medical profession and becoming an FBI agent. He could use more people like her.

She moved about the room readying the various machines she needed. "I heard you had a lady visitor last night. That have anything to do with your sudden good mood?" Booth didn't even try to hide the smile in his eyes this time. He made a waving motion with his hand and she knew immediately he was asking for some paper. She sighed before digging a notepad and pen out of the pocket of her scrubs. "Don't forget our deal," she said as she placed everything on his table. She raised her eyebrows in reminder. "You only get to do this the rest of the week. Next week...we talk."

Booth huffed in amusement and picked up the pen. _"We didn't make that deal. The deal was I would be good. YOU said I had to talk. I never agreed."_ She leaned over to read what he'd written and laughed. "Well, I'm amending our deal." He huffed again and shook his head. She grinned at him, "Don't argue with me, Booth. We both know I'm gonna win." He rolled his eyes and started writing, asking about her son. _"How's Daniel?"_ She leaned over to read again. "Oh, he's feeling better. His temperature went down so he was able to go to school today." She placed the blood pressure cuff around his arm and started pushing buttons on the machine. Once it started doing all the work for her, she turned back to Booth. "Nice attempt at a diversion by the way." He looked at her in confusion even as her grin widened. "Don't play dumb with me. Who was your visitor?"

What a loaded question that was. Bones. How did he describe who she was? His partner. His best friend. The woman he relied on for so much in his life. The one person in this world he thought might be able to help him sustain the desire to get his life back. The woman he was trying to remember not to love. He picked up the pen, paused, and then wrote, "_Bones_." Leslie looked at what he had written and back to him. "Bones? I don't know what that means."

Booth couldn't help but chuckle at the irony of what she said. It was Leslie's turn to wear a confused expression. "What?" Booth started writing again. "_You sounded just like her."_ Leslie's look deepened. "Who? Your visitor?" Booth nodded and continued. _"That's what I call her. She's my partner. Dr. Temperance Brennan."_ Leslie looked back up from the notebook. "THE Dr. Temperance Brennan? The author?" Booth nodded, suddenly proud that Bones was so well known. His nurse, a virtual stranger, even knew about his best friend and he found that was pretty cool. "She's your partner?" Booth nodded again. "Wow." She narrowed her eyes a little, "What kind of partner?"

Booth began writing again. "_At work. She works at the Jeffersonian. I work at the FBI. We solve crimes. Well, we did."_ Leslie looked back up and nodded. "Don't worry. You will again. I've been doing this a lot of years Booth. I can tell who's gonna make it and who isn't." He found he was quite thankful for her words. She'd already demonstrated a talent for being able to read him like a book. Maybe she'd be right about this too.

**B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B**

Temperance drove to the nearest entertainment store. She walked in with the intent of finding the movies on her own, but found there were more categories of movies than she'd realized. She located an employee and asked where she could find the Indiana Jones movies. He took her straight to the section. After she thanked him she started looking at all the various editions of the movies she needed. Luckily they had a box set of all four movies and she couldn't help the wide grin she got as she picked it up. Everything was going as smoothly as she'd hoped. She had a spring in her step as she made her way to check out.

**B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B**

A while later, Booth looked up when Thomas entered the room with a wheelchair. His jaw clenched at the sight of it. He swallowed deeply trying to quell the immediate anger. Leslie walked in and headed around to the other side of his bed. He looked back to Thomas who was beside him now. "Hey Booth. You ready to get started on therapy?" Boy was he ever. He nodded. The faster he got started, the faster he'd be out of this place and back at the Hoover where he belonged. "Okay. Here's how we're going to do this." Leslie pushed a button on the bed and it slowly lowered closer to the ground. "Leslie is going to support you from the other side while we get you turned around and then I'll help you into the wheelchair." Booth couldn't help but look between the two of them a little nervously. He reminded himself this was the beginning of the next phase in his life. He could do this. He wasn't going to get upset...he was going to get better. He had to.

Thomas and Leslie both reached for him simultaneously. Booth swallowed again before raising his arm. "We're going to get your feet off the side of the bed first." Thomas pulled, Leslie pushed and Booth felt himself being turned in the bed. He could do this...he had to hold on to that thought. This was going to help him. His stress level was rising by the second. "_Just ignore the embarrassment. Ignore the fact that two people are helping you get out of bed right now,"_ he thought to himself. Leslie started to walk around the side of the bed. Booth figured he was supposed to help somehow so he tried to scoot forward, but lost his balance and started to veer off to the side. Thomas and Leslie both grabbed him quickly. "That's okay, Booth. You just let us do the work for now." Booth could feel a slight wave of panic wash over him. He knew he was starting to breathe harder, but he couldn't stop it. Thomas leaned over so he could look right in Booth's face. "Hey man. You're going to be doing all the work soon enough. We're just getting started."

Booth looked at the other man. He was sure his desperation was written all over his face. Otherwise why would Thomas have said that? Great. Not only was he incapacitated, he couldn't hide one damn emotion from these people. He was starting to feel more and more like he was losing himself. Thomas stepped closer, "Okay, now I'm going to transfer you to the wheelchair. You ready?" Booth's eyes slid down to the wheelchair and back to Thomas. He nodded. "I'm just going to lift you up and turn all in one movement, okay? Don't try to help yet. Let me do all the work." Booth nodded again. Thomas waited for Leslie to take her place behind the wheelchair to steady it then reached toward Booth.

He had a moment of alarm when he realized if Thomas dropped him he'd be unable to stop himself from falling to the floor. He was relying on this man to hold him up. Booth was a big man. He was tall and he was still solid despite the amount of time he'd been in the hospital. Thomas was smaller than he was. How was he going to be able to do this? Booth felt the man's hands slide under his arms. He was humiliated beyond reason. This man was about to lift him up and put him in a wheelchair. His stomach turned to acid as he was hoisted up and around. The chair made a swoosh sound as he was settled into it.

Booth was trying desperately to stop the wave of emotion from rolling over him. What had he been reduced to? He closed his eyes as Thomas squatted closer to the floor to fix the foot pedals. Leslie placed a hand on his shoulder and gave a gentle squeeze. Booth knew what she was trying to do and he was thankful...he really was...but it wasn't working. Once Thomas got the first foot pedal situated, he lifted Booth's left leg and placed his foot down on it. He repeated the same movements on the other side, then looked up at Booth with a knowing look on his face. "See? Nothing to it. Now we get to start the real work." Booth blinked a couple of times, forcing the acid to return to his stomach. It was bad enough he needed help. He refused to throw up all over the place next. He took a deep breath before nodding his head. Work. He latched on to the word Thomas kept using. He needed to work. He had to do everything he possibly could so that he didn't have to live this way any more. He refused to live his life like this. He would work first and then with any luck at all, Bones would be here when he got back. He knew he was going to need her calming influence once he returned to his room.


	17. Hero on Hold

**A/N: It's been a while since I updated. I apologize. I got sidetracked by the one shot I wrote and posted (you can go to my profile page if you want to read it as well) and then got really sick. Spent the whole week pretty much just sleeping. I've already started the next chapter though, so you shouldn't have to wait as long for an update. Thank you so much for your patience. Thank you as well for your comments...they really do give me inspiration to write more. A few writers told me they would, and now I know from personal experience! So my sincere thanks to each of you for taking time out of your lives to let me know what you think! **

**Thanks to MaliBearsBuddy, MiseryMaker and GCatsPjs for the good advice. A big huge thanks to LJLanham for your support, advice and your cheerleading! Don't know what I'd do without you. You are awesome!**

Hero on Hold

After the humiliating experience of Leslie and Thomas working together to help him into his wheelchair, Booth went to his first therapy session. The rehab department was a large open area with several stations. Therapists and patients were situated at many of them doing various exercises. Booth should have known better than to think that he'd have privacy while working on getting back to normal. No...he was going to have to do this in public, surrounded by a bunch of strangers. He had worked for years in perfecting the art of keeping his life very private while acting like it was an open book and he despised not having the isolation he craved.

Booth tried yet again to block out the feel of Thomas lifting him out of his chair and once more he was unsuccessful. As therapy got started, Thomas began with what he called passive motion exercises. Booth thought it was bullshit. All he did was lie on a large mat covered platform while Thomas moved his arm and leg around. Supposedly this would help strengthen his muscles in preparation for more rigorous therapy. Booth liked the word 'rigorous'...that was the part he was most anxious to get to. It was embarrassing lying around getting manhandled. This wasn't work. He wasn't _doing_ anything and he desperately needed to feel like he was actively participating in his progress.

Sitting around letting someone else do everything for him was a thousand times more frustrating than he thought it would be. He had this overwhelming urge to just get up and start punching things...but he couldn't...he was physically incapable of doing any of the things he wanted to do right now. He wasn't stupid. He knew therapy was going to have to be done in stages, but this first stage was almost as bad as the torture he'd endured years ago. He tried to shut out all the positive things Tommy Boy was saying to him. They felt like one long pity party session and he really wanted to be able to yell at him to shut up. His glares indicating as much were unsuccessful.

Thomas decided to break for lunch and let Booth rest before the afternoon session. Booth didn't want to rest and decided to push himself a little as he watched his therapist walk over to get the wheelchair. Screw the 'take it slow' attitude. Booth would show him he was ready for more. One side of his body was still functioning...not like it needed to, but it was still something and way better than nothing. He just had to be careful to keep his balance. He'd done it the night before when he'd had to retrieve his pen while talking to Bones. He could do it again. He inched over to the edge of the platform, taking far more care in keeping his balance than he had earlier. He was determined to make it into the wheelchair by himself. He was not about to let some guy lift him up and over into a chair again when there were a bunch of people around to watch. It had been bad enough that he'd already had to let the man move him twice today.

Thomas walked up and cautioned Booth to stop, but he made a grab for the wheelchair anyway. As soon as he did, he realized it had been a mistake. He didn't have the support of his bed and his body veered off to the left, not one muscle cooperating to help him regain his balance. He weakly put out his good arm to catch himself, but it was useless. He knew in an instant the desperate attempt to regain just a little bit of his life was going to have horrible results. It was almost as if time stopped for a few seconds to let him contemplate just how far he had fallen. As soon as time began again, he toppled off the platform and smacked his face on the arm of the wheelchair before landing face down in a heap on the floor.

He tasted the blood as soon as he hit the ground and his face lit up in pain. He wedged his good arm under his chest to lift himself up slightly which left him with no way to stop the blood. He watched as it dripped onto the floor and had just enough feeling to know his left arm and leg were lying out beside him...worthless. He tried sucking his lip back into his mouth, but his partially paralyzed face made it more difficult. Thomas leaned down, grabbed Booth under his arms and hauled him back to the platform. "Just stay there, Booth. Don't move." Thomas held onto Booth as he turned to shout to the rehab assistant. "Shelly! I need a paper towel or something! Now!"

By this time, Booth had the attention of everyone in the room. Shelly rushed over with a wad of paper towels and quickly set about mopping the blood off Booth's face while Thomas held him up. Booth had thought he'd known humiliation before, but he'd been wrong. He was furious...with himself, with Thomas, with this bubbly little Shelly girl, with being in a hospital, with everything. He hated everything and everyone at that moment. If all the idiots in this room didn't turn around and ignore him, he was going to lose it. With Thomas holding him up, he didn't need to worry about balance. He raised his good hand and pushed the paper towels Shelly was holding away from his face and glared at her, daring her to touch him again. She looked nervously at Thomas before bending to clean the floor. Booth was beginning to feel overwhelmed as he watched someone else mop up the blood he had spilled.

Thomas walked around to stand in front of Booth, holding onto both his shoulders. "Alright. Big man on campus, eh? Why don't we try doing this the easy way this time? What do ya say?" Booth fired missiles of fury from his eyes. He wanted to tell Thomas just where he could stick his snide remarks, but of course he couldn't...his mouth didn't work. "This time, you just sit there and let me do all the work." Booth swallowed hard.

Part of him wanted to scream at the world and destroy everything in sight. Another part of him wanted to curl into a ball and forget the world even existed. There were too many thoughts racing through his mind and he felt powerless to stop any of them. His mind went numb when Thomas placed his hands under his arms as he lifted him up and over into the wheelchair like he was a rag doll. He watched the therapist adjust the foot rests before grabbing his left leg and placing his foot on one. Booth pulled his right leg up himself and slammed it down as forcefully as he could on the other side to be able to do something...anything...to have just one ounce of control of his life.

Thomas turned the wheelchair and silently took Booth back toward his room. He stopped at the nurses station to ask Leslie for help getting Booth back into bed. Leslie looked up when she saw them coming down the hallway. "Booth! Your bag with all your stuff finally arrived today. I put it in your room." She paused as a conspiratorial smile spread across her face. "Speaking of things in your room, I got to meet your partner." She waggled her eyebrows at him, ignoring the scowl on his face. "You suuuure she's just your partner?" His frown deepened. "Booth, what did you do to your face?" she asked as she rushed up to look closely at his mouth, turning his head first one way and then another. Booth silently yelled. _"What the hell? I'm not one of Hodgins' bugs on display. Back off lady,"_ he thought to himself as he yanked his jaw out of her grasp. Thomas spoke up at that point, "He just got a little eager in therapy. A little mishap. Nothing big."

Booth knew the man was trying to let him save face, but he was still furious about the whole situation. Now he had a gash on his mouth to go along with all the things he could no longer ignore. He had a therapist trying to let him be a man by saying his foolish attempt at doing something as simple as moving into his wheelchair was not a dismal failure. He had a nurse who just wouldn't shut up and leave him alone. And Bones was in his room. He couldn't help but think of one of his favorite movie quotes, _"And the hits just keep on coming."_

Leslie reached up to inspect his mouth further. He angrily tried to push her away and only succeeded in making himself even more furious when he realized he'd barely done more than touch her. She finally got the message though and left him alone before walking with them toward his room. As soon as they passed the threshold, he saw Bones. From what he could tell, she had been unpacking his large duffel bag. "_Jesus Christ. I should be doing that myself. No. I shouldn't. I shouldn't be here at all!"_ he thought to himself. He knew Bones was only trying to be helpful, but he found himself instantly resenting her for being able to do the things he wanted to be able to do himself.

Thomas wheeled him over to his bed when Bones spoke up, "Hi Booth. I'll...I'll just move this out of the way." She grabbed the bag from the bed and walked over to put it on the floor by the chair. Thomas set the locks on the wheels and walked around in front of Booth as Leslie moved to stand behind the chair. She pushed the button on the bed to lower it. "Right. We're just going to do this in reverse, okay?" Booth's eyes darted over to Bones and his lungs refused to cooperate in supplying him oxygen. "_No. No. This can't be happening. She can't see this._" Thomas reached down to grab him under his arms again and lifted him over to sit on his bed. Booth felt like he was going to fall back and automatically reached out to grab his therapist's shoulder. "Whoa. It's okay. I've got you."

Temperance watched from where she was standing as Booth was transferred. It had been one thing to see him in bed. Another to have to communicate by writing in a notebook. But to see him in a wheelchair and needing help in simply getting from his chair into his bed was an entirely new shock. The gravity of the situation slammed into her. Booth was partially paralyzed. This strong independent man that she loved couldn't do some of the basic things in life that she took for granted. Her heart ripped in two, aching for him, as she watched a man help him get settled in his bed.

The second he was in bed, Booth turned his head and his eyes moved to Bones of their own volition. His heart sank. He was sure it stopped beating. The look. The look he'd been expecting from the beginning. It was there. In her eyes. She felt sorry for him. Oh God. He couldn't take this. Not from Bones. Why? Why was this happening to him? From the corner of his eye, he saw Thomas look back and forth between the two of them before quietly leaving the room. Leslie followed behind him but paused in the doorway, almost whispering, "I'll be back in a minute to clean your face."

Booth's eyes never left Brennan. He found he was suddenly furious with her for showing up like this. For watching as his helpless body was moved around for him. He'd thought he'd be happy to see her, but he'd been wrong. It had been a mistake to let himself get comfortable. There was no way in hell he'd be able to have her around watching like this.

Brennan could see the walls slamming down behind Booth's eyes. She didn't know what to do to stop them. She started to panic trying to think of anything to say to stop Booth from shutting down. She was terrified to acknowledge the cut on his lip or the blood on his shirt...not with the look he was giving her right now. "I'll just finish unpacking your bag for you." She turned toward the bag and forced an upbeat tone when she spoke next, "I brought a surprise for you. I find that I'm eagerly anticipating your reaction!" She reached down to pull a pair of camouflage pants out and reeled when she saw what lay beneath. She stopped with the pants midair, staring into the bag.

Booth didn't want her unpacking his bag. He didn't want any surprises. What he wanted was for her to leave. What he wanted was to be any where but here. Why the hell wasn't she saying anything about his mouth? She lived for fixing physical problems. He saw her pause after reaching down to the floor where his bag was and he couldn't figure out why she'd stopped. Obviously something in his bag, but what? He watched as she reached down again and gingerly picked something up. He couldn't tell from where he was what she was doing.

Brennan turned the envelopes over. Her letters. Unopened. Wrapped in envelopes there in Booth's duffel bag, was her metaphorical heart. Booth had never seen any of it. She had no idea why, but she suddenly felt like crying. She realized her pause had become obvious and dropped the letters as she turned, smiling brightly, trying to hide her shock. She began to walk over to the cabinet in his room. "I've been putting your clothes in here." She pulled open the door and opened a drawer to place the clothing in on top of the others.

Booth watched every single expression, every single move. He watched her fake smile and her very non-Bones-like behavior. Again...she was doing it _again_. She was lying to him. He wanted to fly into a rage. He didn't think he could take any more of this. He was getting hit too hard with too many things all at once. She turned back to him, "I'm just going to step into the bathroom for a minute. I'll be right back." He watched as she deliberately walked away. She was going to hide until she got the courage to return. He knew it. She was running away without actually running away. What had her so spooked? Would her next step be to leave? Was she going to be on the next plane back to Maluku? God how he hoped so. The second the thought flew across his mind, he heard a noise at his door. He turned to see none other than Jared walk into his room. As if this day wasn't bad enough.

Jared grinned, ""Hey! Seeley! Man, I'm glad to see you!" He quickly walked over to Booth then hesitated. Did he hug him? Did he shake his hand? Could Booth even shake hands? He should have thought all this through before he ever walked into the room.

Booth was already pissed as hell at the entire world and Jared's obvious hesitation did wonders for making his mood even better. His jaw clenched in anger before he weakly lifted his good arm out to shake his brother's hand. Jared grabbed it and shook it enthusiastically. Booth only got more infuriated at his brother's gesture. Jared was over compensating. He was nervous. His own brother didn't know how to act around him and Booth could see it as clearly as he could see when he nailed a suspect in an interrogation room. How many times was he going to have to suffer through this? Why had they not sent him to some remote corner of the United States to get better? Why did he have to be sent home? Right out in the open for everyone to see and feel pity for? He had never felt so weak in his entire life. Not even as a child, when he'd tried to hide from his violent father, had he felt this helpless.

"Seeley, what happened to your face?" Booth didn't even have time to try to figure out how to answer his brother before Leslie walked in with the paraphernalia she needed to get him cleaned up. Being the overly chipper person she was, she couldn't go without introductions. She began talking as she placed all the items on Booth's table. "Hi! I'm Leslie, one of Booth's nurses. And you are...?" Jared flashed a toothy grin as he reached out to shake her hand. "Jared. Jared Booth. I'm Seeley's brother." Leslie grinned, "Ahh, I see the resemblance now. It's nice to meet you, Jared."

She turned to Booth at that point, "So, Booth, you ready to wipe away that Fight Club look yet?" The angry tic of Booth's eye was the only sign he'd acknowledged her question. Jared reached out toward the supplies, "I'll do it. Let me do it." Leslie paused for a moment before handing the saline and gauze over. "It just needs a little clean up. No need for stitches or a bandage. Then afterward I'll be back in to help him change his shirt." Jared shook his head, "No, that's okay. I can do that too." Leslie smiled, "Well, if you're sure." Jared nodded and Leslie left the room. Neither one had noticed the color draining slowly from Booth's face as he looked down at his bed.

Booth stared at the twin hills his legs made under the cover...one of which was functioning and one that was completely useless. Sadly he thought of the metaphor they demonstrated of his life right now...a useless body draped around a functioning mind, which was the only avenue he had to release his frustration. Ignoring Jared, he imagined walking up to a punching bag and beating it with every bit of power he could muster. No...a gun range...that would be better. A target he could shred with the accuracy of his aim. He closed his eyes as he drew in a breath and calmly thought of the peace he would feel with a weapon in his hands, doing what his body had been trained to do. He opened his eyes, imagining the click of metal against metal as he pulled the trigger and felt the welcome kick of the gun.

He saw Jared walk toward him out of the corner of his eye, but didn't bother to look up. He needed a few more seconds to fire holes into his imaginary target. "Hey, Seel. Look up here." Booth refused and continued to stare at his legs. He could see that Jared was getting the supplies ready, but he refused to acknowledge him. He hadn't calmed down yet. He needed time. Nobody was giving him time. Jared continued, "C'mon Seeley. Quit being stubborn." Booth finally looked up to his brother and watched as he reached toward his face with a damp piece of gauze. "_Oh, hell no,_" he yelled in his mind. Just as the warm material touched his lip, he lifted his hand to push it away.

Jared didn't let it stop him and reached forward again, "Seeley, let me help you." Booth was not about to let his brother clean his face. He forcibly grabbed Jared's wrist and held it mid air. When Jared pulled out of his grip easily, he was reminded once again how weak he was. The tenuous progress he'd made toward erasing his rage vanished in an instant. He may not be able to talk and thanks to his drooping face, he may not have a fierce glare any more, but he sent as much warning as he could muster with his eyes...telling Jared with one look that he needed to back off.

Jared pulled his hand away and slightly raised his voice in irritation, "Fine. I won't help. You've never let me help you before. Why would you start now?" He paused, not knowing where his anger had come from, but unable to stop it just the same. "Goddamn it Seeley, let me help _you_ for once. With something that won't cost me a career."

A stern voice called his name, "Jared." He whipped his head around to the unmistakable voice and his anger vaporized. Instead he was left with a feeling of dread. He hadn't really been ready to see his brother and he certainly wasn't ready to see Tempe either. He held his breath, knowing she wasn't done talking. "Booth is not an invalid. If he wants his face washed, he will do it." She walked the rest of the way to the end of the bed and smiled.

Booth looked up and saw her eyes focused only on him. Her smile was a little less fake, but still not like the day before. He should have been happy to see her reappear. She should have been the one thing in this world that would help him focus. But he couldn't stop all the events of the day from racing through his mind, especially of her watching as he was placed in bed. His head began to pound. He watched as Bones turned to Jared and saw her smile disappear, to be replaced with deliberate coolness. What was this?

Jared knew what was coming. He knew she was most likely still furious. Maybe if he started talking first, maybe keep the conversation upbeat, she wouldn't lay into him in front of his brother. He smiled, "Hey Tempe." Her detached look turned to pure anger. "Do not 'hey Tempe' me, Jared."

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry...Temperance," he said, holding his hands out defensively. Brennan glared at him before she unleashed her fury. "You _should_ be sorry, Jared. You didn't tell me anything. You waited for a _month_ to tell me what little you told me. I will _never_ forgive you."

Although he'd expected it eventually, Jared was still surprised at the suddenness of her attack. "Temperance, I told you I had to wait. And I called you when he came back to the States." His eyes screamed of the pain it had caused him to hold information back from her.

"You waited a month Jared. A month!" Brennan's heart was racing. She wanted to grab Jared and shake him...to get him to understand how horrible it was to know she'd not been there for Booth when he'd needed her.

Jared looked to his brother and rushed through an explanation, knowing he was justified in everything he had done. "Seeley, you asked me...no you told me in no uncertain terms that I wasn't allowed to tell her anything. I only did what you asked. I was scared. If I didn't do what you told me, I knew you would block me out too. I couldn't let that happen."

Brennan's voice raised with her emotions. "He needed me, Jared. He needed me and you didn't tell me."

Jared finally had enough. He had done everything his brother had asked of him. Why couldn't she see that? "I did tell you, Temperance. I called you the second I could and I told you, remember?"

Brennan's eyes narrowed and venom dripped from her next statement, "I remember you let me think he was dead."

Booth looked at Bones in shock before turning to look at his brother. He was caught in a torrent of emotions watching two people he cared about fight over him. What Jared said was true. He would have shut him out if he hadn't done what he'd asked. However, he was still pissed that all these people were showing on his doorstep because his brother had called them. He should have paid more attention to what he'd made Jared promise. That Jared had been willing to do whatever Booth had ordered meant a lot to him, but looking at the pain in Bones' face was just a little too much to take right now. His eyes darted back and forth between the two visitors. He replayed the conversation in his mind. Bones had thought he was dead? How the hell had that happened? He looked at her face, her eyes and he could see it...she really had thought he was dead. His head swiveled to Jared, the question apparent in his features.

Jared glanced nervously over to meet his brother's eyes. "Seeley, it's not what it sounds like." He was sorry, very sorry, that Tempe had gotten the wrong idea about his brother being dead, but none of that had been his fault. "It was a bad connection. You know I'd never do anything to intentionally hurt Temperance. The line kept breaking up and finally dropped altogether." He turned to fix his attention on Brennan and enunciated each word, "I called her right back."

Brennan didn't try to control the volume of her voice any more. "Even if I were to allow for the distortion of the connection, that does not excuse your lack of explanation of Booth's condition. You didn't tell me anything!" Booth reached his hand out to get their attention, but it was a futile attempt. They were concentrating only on each other and the anger they were hell bent on sharing.

Jared was tired of getting yelled at for following Booth's instructions and decided to fight back. He set his jaw and returned Temperance's fierce look. "Tempe, I broke a promise to Seeley in telling you anything at all. You're lucky you're even _here!"_

She walked closer to him. "I should have been there from the beginning!" Jared took another step closer as well, "He didn't _want_ you!"

The crash of the phone hitting the floor got their attention. They both turned to look at Booth's stormy gaze before stepping away from each other, their apologies spoken at the same time. "I'm sorry, Booth." "Seeley, geez, I'm sorry man." The room went deathly silent as Booth looked back and forth between the two of them. They were fighting. They were fighting over him...because of him. He had done this.

A heatstroke. One tiny little thing and he'd changed all their lives. He had been stupid and ignored all the signs. He'd barreled his way through work instead of going to the doctor. He should have known better. He had nobody to blame but himself. And look where it landed him...an utterly useless excuse for a human. A weak pathetic man whose memory was full of holes...again. He couldn't do anything. He couldn't even scream out his rage without sounding like a freak. He was still covered in blood from his one attempt to do something for himself.

Booth looked at both of them. He had told Jared not to say anything. His brother had done exactly what he'd asked. He was right. If anyone had turned up at that hospital in Germany, Booth would have done everything but disown Jared. He had tried to support Booth in the only way he had been allowed. He'd done nothing wrong and yet he was getting all of Bones' wrath. Booth could barely maintain his hold on his emotions. His chest burned at the rapid pace of his lungs. Everything was landing on him at once.

He turned to look at Bones, who hadn't taken her eyes off him once since the phone had hit the floor. She should have been yelling at him. This was all his fault. Every bit of it. She was yelling at the wrong man. Jared didn't deserve this. Memories were flashing through his mind like strobe lights. Leaving her in the airport. Her letter. Wanting to believe what he knew wasn't true. Waking up in a hospital. Trapped by a body that refused to obey him. Knowing he didn't want her to see him this way. He blinked as he remembered how they'd had to talk with a notebook the day before. He wanted to tell them both to stop, that he couldn't take them fighting like they hated each other any more...and he didn't want to have to write it out on a stupid piece of paper or throw a phone to the ground to get their attention. Once again the events of the day threatened to overwhelm him.

Jared looked over to Brennan before turning back to Booth, breaking the silence first, "I'm gonna go. I'll be back later, okay? I'll call first." He suddenly realized his brother wouldn't answer the phone and he swallowed deeply, regretting that he couldn't seem to think before he opened his mouth. He looked at Booth, longing to be able to fix this, to be the man his brother needed right now, but he didn't know how.

Booth watched Jared and saw his realization when he mentioned calling. His lungs lurched of their own accord in emotional pain as the muscles of his chest contracted. This was getting to be more than he could handle. This constant barrage of emotions. He felt like he would break if one more thing happened. How had his life turned into this in such a short time? How had his entire life become a black hole, siphoning parts of his sanity one atom at a time?

Jared nodded his head, glanced briefly at Temperance and turned to leave the room. Booth's eyes tracked Jared's progress out the door before slowly turning back to Bones. He saw the extreme regret in her eyes. She took a step toward him, then looked down to the floor. He couldn't tell what she was thinking. He wasn't sure he could listen to anything she had to say right now. He had hit bottom and he wasn't sure he could find his way back if she said...anything. He couldn't take her logical advice. He couldn't take her apologizing. He prayed that just once she'd be able to read his mind and leave, because if she didn't, he was going to lose it.

His hopes crashed when he saw her look up and take the last few steps toward him. The uncertainty in her eyes was foreign. He could tell she was conflicted. He could tell she had so much to say and had no idea where to start. Why couldn't this be one of those times she just ran away? She reached out for the gauze Jared had left on the table and handed it over to Booth. Thankful for her understanding his need for as much independence as possible, he slowly began dabbing it at his face. He pulled it back to look at the deep red patches left across the pristine cloth before glancing at her again. He had hoped that his actions would distract her from talking, but he could tell he'd been wrong.

She swallowed deeply. "Booth, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have lashed out like that. I should never have said those things in your presence." This was it. Her apology was going to break him in half. He didn't think he'd survive if she said one more word. But of course, she continued, "I was just so scared. When Jared called? He...he didn't tell me anything. I didn't know if you were safe." Booth saw the tears well in her eyes. "And when he...when we lost the connection...I...I thought you were dead and I...I just didn't know what to do. The thought of losing you? You...you're...I was lost." Her breath hitched, a single tear trailing down her cheek toward her quivering chin, before she continued, "I...I've never been so lost in my life."

Booth realized the enormity of what she had suffered through...suffered because of his decision to exclude her from his life. The emotions he had been trying so hard to keep in check finally found their way out. He couldn't stop his own tears from forming. He was disabled because of his own stupidity. He didn't know how long it was going to take to get back to normal. He had to rely on everyone else to do things for him. He had suffered through humiliating events and had a thousand more to go.

Above all of that, more important than any of the hell he was suffering, was the fact that this woman was in as much pain as he was. He couldn't let this continue. He couldn't deal with any more of these thoughts. He needed the world to stop spinning before it collapsed on him. He needed for the demons in her eyes to be gone. He needed for her to not hurt for him. He needed for her to stop plastering those stupid fake smiles on her face when she was around him. He needed for everyone to stop...but they weren't. None of them were. They all felt sorry for him. After the events of today, he felt like he was barely holding onto sanity. He could only expect more of the same tomorrow.

He squeezed his lips tight and closed his eyes to stop tears from falling...tears of frustration and torment and self pity and rage. He was in purgatory and he had no idea when he'd be released. He'd hurt Bones more than he'd ever hurt anyone in his life. He held his breath as long as he could, knowing it would help him dampen the emotions that threatened to spill out. He couldn't open his eyes. He couldn't bear to see any more pain or regret...especially from her. The bed beside him lowered with her weight. He finally opened his eyes to see the worry, the confusion, the pain etched on every inch of her face. He would fight like he'd never fought before to make sure he never saw this look from her again. He had to make this right. He lifted his good arm up to wipe a tear from her cheek and she let go of the control she had been fighting so hard for. She could no longer stop the river of tears from streaming down her face. He reached around to her back and pulled her into an embrace. She hesitated only a moment before burying her head in his shoulder and accepting the comfort he was offering.

She was crying. He could count on one hand the number of times she'd allowed him to see this side of her. And this was all his fault. He needed everything to disappear. He needed to disappear himself. He needed to go far, far away. He had to find a way to get transferred to another hospital. There was no way in hell he'd be able to survive this day after day. He was going to snap. He could feel it coming. The years of training he'd had in surviving torture had not been nearly enough to prepare him for this. He was in a living nightmare...this was hell. He pursed his lips and felt the crooked line of his mouth. God...oh God...his face. He'd almost forgotten how deformed he must look to them.

He held on to her and let her tears fall. He had a plan. Now all he had to do was follow through.


	18. Taking Chances

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who continues to read this and to those who are just finding my little story! Your comments continue to bring great amounts of joy to my life. I sincerely appreciate the time it takes to type them...I know it's an effort because I write comments for other authors myself! I am very happy people are enjoying this tale.**

**MaliBearsBuddy...you're helping me to be a better writer and you show infinite patience. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.**

Taking Chances

Booth held onto Bones as she cried. At one point, he saw Leslie walk in to the room, but she quietly turned around and left. He appreciated her discretion. The last thing Bones would want would be to have a stranger catch her crying. He just continued to rub her back as she hiccuped her final tears away. It took much longer than he would have expected in normal circumstances. She must have been more upset than he'd realized when he first heard that she'd thought he was dead. At least this time it hadn't been his fault or one of Sweets' experiments. He supposed it would have quite an impact on her life. Sure, they were friends, but his death would mean a change for her professional life as well. She would have had to find a new partner.

She finally pulled back and he welcomed the interruption of those painful thoughts. She looked down at the t-shirt he had on, seeing dark blots against the cotton where her tears had fallen. "Oh, Booth, I'm so sorry." She uselessly dabbed at the spots which only seemed to upset her more. Her chin started quivering again, "You really shouldn't let me keep crying on your shoulder like that." He reached out for her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. Tear stains were the least of the problems this shirt had. The blood on the front from his busted lip had all but dried. He'd have to throw it in the trash anyway.

Brennan continued to stare at Booth's shoulder. She knew he was trying to comfort her when it should have been the other way around. He was the one lying in a hospital bed. He was the one whose life had changed. He was the one who was suffering. She had to get straightened out. He didn't need to see her this way. He needed for her to be confident. She knew that. She looked up to his face and smiled genuinely, "Would you like your surprise now?"

Booth was not in the mood for a surprise. As much as he appreciated Bones, he was mentally worn out and wanted nothing more than to be left alone. He wanted to get out of his blood stained t-shirt. He wanted to sleep and block out the world for a while. But she'd smiled the first true smile since he'd seen her that day and he couldn't tell her no. Not after she'd had a small emotional break down. Why did he have to be so hopeless when it came to her? He sighed and slowly nodded his head. He was going to have to put on an act of his own and pretend to be happy when she did whatever she was going to do. She deserved better than an act from him, but that was all he had left to give today.

She got up and walked over to the other side of his room to some bags she had there. She pulled her laptop out of her satchel, placed it on the chair beside her and turned it on. While it was warming up, she turned to the other bag. As she reached into it, she turned to look back over her shoulder at Booth. She couldn't help the wide grin she flashed before turning back to her purchase. She felt like a kid at Christmas for some reason. She was so excited to be able to share this with him. She pulled the wrapper off the dvd box set while it was still in the sack. Once it was all ready for display, she pulled it out and hid it in front of her. With her back turned to Booth, she teasingly called out, "I hope you're ready!"

Booth got prepared to show some enthusiasm and waited for her to turn around. She slowly turned and her eyes shone brightly. She waved the box around and did a very uncharacteristic little dance, bobbing the package side to side as she walked closer for him to see. Once she got up to the side of the bed, she let a little throaty laugh escape. "I told you I'd have to find out if he was the best archeologist or not!" Her excitement was infectious. Booth let out a hint of a chuckle and tried to smile even though he knew his face would distort it. He knew Bones wouldn't care about that even if he did. He nodded his head in approval, more frustrated than ever that he couldn't tell her he was happy she'd picked up the movies. Why did even the good things have to be laced with sadness for him? He missed his old life and longed to turn back the clock. There would be so many things he'd change.

Temperance watched Booth try to smile and saw his nod. She knew that meant he was happy which made her happy in return. Maybe they could finally start moving toward some positive aspects to this whole situation. She longed to do anything at all that would help him and maybe sharing these movies would be the first step. "Would you like to watch the first movie with me?" she asked. Booth held out his hand and made a motion of writing in the air. Her stomach sank. She'd gotten completely sidetracked by watching the staff help him into bed and then her fight with Jared. She'd totally forgotten to get their notepad out. She knew how hard it had to be for him to ask for paper like that and hoped this didn't set them back again. She really wished she'd paid more attention. She couldn't forget that any more. She put the dvd box down on the bed and quickly turned back to grab the notebook from her satchel. She was afraid to say anything about it or acknowledge it in any way lest he get defensive again.

Booth watched Bones get their notebook out. He could tell she didn't really know what to say to him and was trying to cover what he knew she'd think of as a lapse in concentration…it broke his heart. He reached up to rub his hand down his face, trying to wipe some of his exhaustion away…trying to pretend just for a while that he was okay with his life. Once she placed the notebook down, he flipped to the first blank page, briefly glancing at their earlier conversations. The last entry had been from her, "_I'm very glad you didn't die. I really did miss you. I'm so happy to see you again. Please let's not fight?"_ He blocked out the argument they'd had. Right now she was happy and for the moment that was all he needed to be happy as well. He picked up the pen and began to write. _"I will watch the movie with you on one condition."_ Bones looked down at the notebook and scowled, grabbing the pen from Booth. "_Condition?_" she paused and pointed at the notebook before yanking the pen away from his reach again. "_What condition?_" she wrote. Booth sighed and held out his hand waiting for her to return the pen.

When he had the pen, he began to write again, "_You need to get another pen. I don't want to share._" She looked over at what he'd written and looked up to his face in surprise only to see him attempting a very cocky smirk. She reached out to grab the pen, but he yanked it across to the other side of his body. She haughtily raised her eyebrows then glinted in determination. She held her hand out, palm up, waiting for the pen. He shook his head. She pursed her lips and flicked her hand in a silent demand. Booth gave three decisive shakes of his head to let her know he wasn't going to cave. This was what he needed. A playful battle of wills with Bones to try and forget everything that had happened. Once again, she'd managed to change his entire outlook on things in a manner of minutes. He was just grateful and wasn't going to bother thinking about why she had that effect on him.

Bones glared at him and tried to hide the hint of a smile as she emphatically crossed her arms and sat down in the chair beside the bed. Booth waggled the pen, winked at her and then turned to continue writing. _"You can't ask any questions for the 1__st__ 20 min." _He slid the notebook to the end of his table and waited to see if she'd take the bait. He was pretty sure she wouldn't be able to resist either talking or getting another pen. She'd try, but she'd slip up…he was sure of it.

Brennan watched him slide the notebook toward her. She'd still have to reach up to read it and she tried to decide her next course of action. He was clearly trying to have a little fun and she wasn't about to deny him. Her problem at this point was trying to figure out what he needed from her next. Did he need her to cave in to his demand? Did he need her to be stubborn? She finally decided to forget about where they were and how they were communicating. What would she do if they weren't here? What would she do if they were at one of their apartments? Because she knew that's what he needed right now. Something normal.

She leaned up in her chair to grab the notebook. She read his demand and turned back to look at him. He was issuing a challenge. He didn't think she could sit and watch the movie and be quiet that long. Well, she'd show him. She could feel his eyes on her as she stood up and walked over to her satchel. She dug around in it until she found a pen and pulled it out, turning to look at Booth. His face may be distorted, but she'd recognize that look of triumph in his eyes every time she saw it. She smiled sweetly, held the pen up between her thumb and finger, waggled it and then deliberately pulled her finger and thumb apart to allow the pen to fall back to the bag. His look of shock made her giggle quietly.

Temperance didn't bother to wipe the wide grin off her face when she reached for her laptop. She walked back over to put it on Booth's table and then turned to the end of the bed to get the dvd. She opened the first case and loaded the disk into the laptop. When she turned back to him, she made the universal sign for zipping her lip, locking it closed and throwing the key over her shoulder. His eyes widened and he let the non-paralyzed side of his mouth rise. She loved being able to catch him off guard and she loved his smile even more.

Booth was having a hard time not laughing out loud at Bones' antics. He reached for the notepad and began writing, "_How do you even know that?"_ He turned it so Bones could read and she just smiled sweetly and shrugged her shoulders. He squinted his eye at her and sighed in defeat before reaching to hold the pen out to her. She raised her eyebrows and repeated his earlier three decisive shakes of her head. He couldn't help himself, he had to chuckle at that point.

He pulled the notebook back over to write again. "_Could you grab a clean shirt for me?"_ He really wanted out of this blood stained shirt, away from the reminder of his actions. He also didn't want to sit next to Bones to watch a movie while he was still covered in blood. She immediately turned to get a shirt from his closet. This was going to be hard. He'd had the worst day he'd had since he'd arrived here, but this was Bones. He'd shared his entire life with her. He was gambling...something he'd had quite a history with, but he knew how he'd feel if their roles were reversed. He'd do anything in his power to help her and he knew in his heart she felt the same way regardless of whatever form their relationship was. She'd helped him before when his back was hurt. She'd seen him injured numerous times. She'd always been there for him. He couldn't stop the instant 'If only' thought from crossing his mind. The hardest part to stomach in all of this was the fact that there was a chance he could have prevented this injury. Now he'd never know.

Bones picked out a t-shirt since that was what he was currently wearing and put it down on the bed, waiting to see what he'd do next. She watched as he straightened the notebook to write on it again. He looked up to her with uncertainty written all over his face. She could tell he was worried about whatever he was going to write next. His chest began to rise and fall more deeply indicating his emotions were in full swing. She assumed he was going to ask her to leave and was just having a hard time doing it. She'd be happy to afford him all the privacy he wanted and was wondering if she should just offer to step out. He seemed to come to a decision and began writing again. When he finished, he looked back to her for a second before putting the pen down and reaching for his shirt. She pulled the notebook over to read, "_I may need some help with this._" He was asking her to help him? Booth, one of the proudest men she knew, was asking for her help. She was suddenly terrified of doing something wrong. She turned around and walked to the door to close it. She had to be strong. She turned back toward the bed as he leaned forward and reached behind him to pull his shirt over his head.

Booth looked down at the bed as he gathered more and more of his shirt up his back. He was thankful Bones had closed the door, but he wasn't ready to look at her just yet. He was terrified of what he might see on her face. If she looked at him with sympathy or fear, he wasn't sure he could take it. If he just did as much of this as he could without looking at her, maybe it'd be enough time for her to plaster that fake smile on, because he'd rather see that than anything else at this point.

He pulled his shirt over his head and started trying to pull his good arm out. The fabric got caught around his elbow though and he started trying to wiggle it to a point he could grab the material when he felt Bones touch his arm. He looked over and saw her gently grab the shirt and pull it down past his elbow. He easily pulled his arm the rest of the way out and then took a leap of faith and looked up at her. No fake smile. No fear. No pity. Just quiet acceptance. She didn't reach to help him any more, but simply waited for him to do the rest. His heart leapt into his throat. He had to swallow deeply a couple of times to control the emotion he was feeling.

He turned back to look down as he reached to pull the shirt off his helpless left arm. He wadded the bloodied garment up and looked around the room. Bones pulled back a little and pointed to the trash can across the room. This woman had to be the best woman on the face of the planet. She understood his need to get rid of the evidence of his failure. She didn't try to help him or take over the situation, but simply let him do everything he could. He smiled up at her and then looked over to the trash can, judging the distance. He pulled his arm back and sent the shirt flying across the room where it landed squarely inside its target. His chest swelled with pride. He didn't care how small a feat he'd just mastered, he'd done it...and he'd done it with Bones beside him. He grinned his crooked grin and couldn't take his eyes off his partner as she gave him a thumbs up.

He reached for his clean shirt and shook it out of its folded position. He flung it out flat across his lap and slid it up his left arm before pulling it over his head. He was able to send his right arm through the sleeve quite easily at that point. A couple of wiggles later and he could reach behind him to pull it the rest of the way down.

Something he'd thought impossible earlier had just become a reality. He'd gotten himself changed with very little help and he couldn't be more content to have shared that moment with Bones. He looked up at her and then reached out to grab her hand. She grinned just as big as he did when he squeezed it in thanks. Thanks for being there and thanks for her understanding his need for as much independence as possible. He looked around his room at the seating arrangements and then at the laptop, quickly making a decision. He pulled the notebook back over. "_Give me a minute._"

Temperance was still riding the high of excitement for Booth's success when she read his entry. Give him a minute for what? She watched him put the pen down and begin shifting the table further away. What was he doing now? He pulled himself up a little higher in his bed and then took a very deep breath. She watched as he began to struggle to move away from her to the other side of his bed. It took a while and he had to stop occasionally to regain his balance, but he finally moved to what must have been an acceptable spot.

Now that Booth had gotten himself situated, he was second guessing his hasty decision. He kind of had to follow through on it now though. He'd been so elated, but now he worried she'd misinterpret his offer. He knew she only wanted friendship, she'd made that very clear. He hoped she wouldn't read more into this than what he'd intended, but he now realized it probably wasn't something partners would do. He took another deep breath and then looked up at her confused face. It was now or never. He patted the bed beside him.

Temperance had watched his efforts to move across the bed and couldn't figure out what he was trying to do. When he patted the bed, it confused her even more. Was he asking her to sit with him? She didn't want to make any presumptions and tilted her head in an unspoken question. He waved his hand in a motion for her to come closer, so she did. He reached out to grab her hand and she couldn't help that her breath hitched. His touch tingled all the way up her arm. She knew all the chemical reactions that took place to cause the sensation, but she now realized that being in love meant she no longer cared about the scientific reasons behind the feelings. She simply enjoyed the effects.

Booth took great pride in being able to interpret body language. It was a valuable skill set in his profession. He was having trouble deciphering this situation though. Bones had almost jumped when he'd grabbed her hand. Her breathing had become decidedly uneven, but she was still wearing a large grin, so he didn't think she was mad. She must have figured out what he had wanted her to do and was just excited about breaking the rules. He knew she loved the idea of breaking rules sometimes...of making sure her frontal lobe wasn't a dried up raisin. He gave her arm a gentle tug and her grin got even wider.

Temperance had been reluctant to believe that Booth had intended for her to sit next to him, but he gave every indication that's what he wanted. She was far more excited than she should have been about that prospect. She pulled her hand from his and carefully climbed onto the bed beside him. She darted her eyes over to his face and broke into a full smile before reaching to pull the table over their laps. She used the touchpad on the laptop and got the dvd started. She leaned back trying to find a good resting spot and shuffled around a bit. The bed was quite crowded with both of them on it and she hunched her shoulders in to try to make enough room. The opening credits began as she felt Booth pull his arm up and place it over her shoulder. He tapped it a couple of times to get her to lean forward. She lifted up a bit and he put his arm firmly around her, pulling her back into the envelope of his body. At some point during the shift, Brennan had forgotten how to breathe. She rested back against him and dared to look up at him.

Booth had taken a big risk in putting his arm around Bones. He'd simply been trying to make a little more room for them to be comfortable. When she turned to look at him, her face was so close he could see every detail. He looked back and forth between her two blue eyes trying to guess what was going on inside her head. What was she thinking about? Had he made a mistake? He looked over the plane of her face, taking in the arch of her eyebrows, the length of her lashes, her full lips...the blush in her cheeks. They sat for what felt like an eternity just looking at each other. Her nervous expression slowly softened into what he could only describe as a serene glow.

He wasn't sure what to make of the change, but he couldn't bring himself to look away. He was captivated and powerless to move. She slowly smiled and then curled into his body, ready to watch the movie. He couldn't help himself when he leaned his head over on hers. He realized everything he'd ever read about heaven had been inaccurate, because nothing could ever be better than having Bones tucked against his chest like this...not even what waited beyond the pearly gates themselves.


	19. Addictions

**A/N: I continue to be amazed by the comments you're making. I appreciate each one so very much and look forward to the things you have to say! Thank you for taking the time to type them. They truly encourage me and make me want to write more! As always, thank you for taking the time to read this story. I'm honored. Now on with the chapter...I hope you enjoy it.**

Addictions

Leslie thought she had given the couple in Booth's room enough time for their private moment, yet she still hesitated. She was reluctant to knock on the closed door. It was obvious the partners were very close. Anyone who spent more than one minute in their presence would realize that fact. She hated to interrupt them, but she knew Booth well enough now to know he wasn't going to want that shirt of his on for very long.

She looked down the hallway and saw another nurse looking at her quizzically. Nurses didn't usually pause for so long before they knocked on patients' doors, but she'd developed a soft spot for the soldier in this room. She nodded her head in greeting, then bit the bullet and softly knocked as she held her ear up to the door. No answer. She quietly turned the handle and slowly opened the door. She didn't want to announce her presence if they were still in a deep discussion. She wanted to be able to slip away unnoticed if she could.

She tiptoed into the room and grinned at the sight that met her. While they usually frowned on visitors climbing into the beds with patients, she was not about to disturb these two. Booth looked more peaceful than he had since he'd arrived and she noticed he already had a clean shirt on anyway. She decided to let them continue sleeping there together.

**B&B&B&B&B&B&B**

Temperance slowly began to become aware of her surroundings. She let her mind float along as she simply enjoyed lying in Booth's arms. She didn't want to give him any indication that she'd woken up. She didn't want to lose the excuse to stay curled up against him. At some point she had snuggled even closer to him and she was now on her side with her arm across his stomach. Once again she refused to analyze the chemical reactions taking place that made her chest feel warm and her mind feel fuzzy. She kept her breathing even and allowed his scent to permeate her senses. Even in a hospital surrounded by the various smells intrinsic to a healthcare facility, she was sure she'd be able to discern Booth's presence every time.

She consciously took note every single surface where they touched. She could feel the fabric of his shirt against her cheek and the ridges of his blanket under her fingers. She welcomed the rise and fall of his chest and could feel the caress of his breath against her hair. After a few moments she realized his respiratory pattern was deep and rhythmic and knew he had fallen asleep as well. She allowed herself to smile gently and let the peace of the moment infuse her body with a pleasant heaviness.

She'd gotten a little chilled lying on top of the covers but Booth was very warm. She took a chance and snuggled a little closer to him, hoping not to wake him up. She could always blame it on being asleep and the fact that humans were conditioned to seek out warmth. He shuffled a little, but to her delight, his arm tightened around her pulling her closer to him. He took a deeper breath and let it out on a long sigh, moving his cheek to a more comfortable spot against her head. He quickly settled back into a deep slumber. Temperance felt the gentle tug of war between her body's demand for rest and her mind's exploration of senses. She wanted to stay awake a little longer so she could catalog each sensation she was experiencing, but soon it became too difficult and she gave in to the call of her dreams.

**B&B&B&B&B&B&B**

Booth knew he was dreaming. He had to be. There was no way in hell his partner would be sprawled against him like this if he were awake. He hated that he'd become aware of dreaming. He usually woke up soon after that happened and he really didn't want this dream to end just yet. As each detail became clearer in his mind...the feel of her against his side, the smell of her hair, the warmth every place they were connected...he realized he was very much awake.

"_Oh shit,_" he thought to himself, "_she's gonna be embarrassed when she wakes up and realizes what she's done in her sleep._" Oh how he regretted that thought. He hated the idea of her being upset with this situation when he found himself over the moon thrilled with it. He knew he was setting himself up for disappointment, but right now he didn't care. He was going to latch onto any smidgen of joy he could and he wasn't going to let go until it was forced on him.

He glanced out the window and noticed it was dusk. They'd been asleep for hours. He was sure the dvd had quit playing some time ago because it was now on the endless title loop. He watched as various snippets of the movie played out in front of him. He really liked the Indiana Jones flicks and a small part of him regretted falling asleep within a few minutes of it starting. He wished he would have been awake to share it with Bones. He wondered if she had watched the whole thing without him.

What he wasn't sorry about was that she had fallen asleep in his arms. He couldn't even find the words in his own mind to express how good this felt. He just sat and took it all in...experienced it. He thought back to earlier in the day and was surprised how his confidence had grown when she was with him. He shouldn't have been. She'd had that effect on him since the day he'd met her, but with his current set of circumstances, he was grateful that it seemed to be even more profound. It was like the world kept spinning faster and faster until she showed up. She brought an end to all the chaos.

Booth noticed the changes indicating Bones was beginning to wake up as well. She nuzzled her face against his chest and he couldn't help but smile. He pulled his head down and to the side a bit so he could watch her face take on different expressions. He could see the impression of her pupils moving around behind her eyelids. A ghost of a smile appeared on her face and he wondered what she was dreaming about. Her brow then furrowed and she pulled her hand from his side and tucked it between them. She must be feeling the chill from falling asleep without a blanket for cover. He watched as she took in a deep breath and quickly let it out while she softly smacked her lips together. She burrowed closer to him then, rubbing her cheek up and down on his chest. He thought he could spend the rest of his life watching each and every facet of her slumber. She took a couple more deep breaths and then suddenly became very still.

Her eyes quit moving and her breathing got slow and rhythmic again. The smile that had played across her face suddenly disappeared and her mouth relaxed. If he wasn't careful, he was going to start laughing. He thought it had to be one of the most adorable things he'd witnessed from Bones. She was pretending to be asleep. He could tell a mile away. He supposed she thought he was also still asleep and was trying not to wake him. The woman was so thoughtful and had a heart bigger than the majority of people he knew. That she showed it so differently than most only made her more special. He was in no hurry to have her move away, so he let her keep pretending for a few more moments.

It was selfish though. He knew she had to be cold. He gently pulled his hand up and rubbed her arm...waiting...knowing she'd get up quickly to cover her embarrassment. He watched as she slowly opened her eyes and blinked a few times. She tried to stifle a yawn but finally gave up and pulled her hand out of its cocoon to cover her mouth. She shrugged her shoulders and grinned up at him. That was a good sign. He'd worried she'd freak out, but she seemed quite comfortable to stay where she was for the moment. He opened his mouth to start talking to her...it felt so natural. If he hadn't felt the droop of his mouth, he'd have forgotten he couldn't talk. He quickly closed his mouth again and tried to force the tightness in his chest away. He wanted to hold onto the good feeling...he couldn't stand the thought of this moment getting mired down in his despair.

Temperance had been enjoying every single second of being next to Booth. So much so she couldn't help but grin after she'd yawned. She watched as Booth started to close himself off after he opened his mouth. She could tell he'd momentarily forgotten about his disability. Her heart ached for the loss of the happiness they'd been about to share. She knew he was going to get angry and want her leave or at the very least get off the bed. She wanted to show him it didn't matter to her. She looked back and forth at his eyes then raised her hand to the paralyzed side of his face. His eyes bore into hers and he sat very still. She knew she was walking a fine line and could set him off in a heartbeat. She rubbed the side of his face with her thumb, watching the movement and listening to the sound of her skin running across the stubble of his face.

Booth froze when she reached up to touch him. Even he hadn't been brave enough to touch his own face. Now, instead of running, his partner was going to treat him like another one of her experiments. He wasn't sure which was worse. She just couldn't seem to resist the temptation of exploring something new. He could hear her thumb running across his skin. He could almost feel a hint of her stroke, but it was more the feeling of pressure on his face than sensing her touch. He dropped his guard for a moment, lost in the feel of something touching his face and how very different the sensation was now.

Her eyes turned back to his, "Does it hurt?" she softly asked. He shook his head. He was having trouble reading the expression on her face. "Can you feel anything at all?" He nodded his head. She didn't have that look she got when she was studying bones. "Can you feel my thumb?" He squinted his eyes and shrugged just a little. "You feel the pressure of it?" He nodded his head. She wasn't talking like she was storing facts away. She ran her thumb across his forehead. It felt very strange. Similar to when he'd had dental work done and half his face had been numb. He could feel the pressure of touch but not the touch itself.

He was still trying to figure out what her motives were for these actions. He kept his expression as neutral as possible while he waited. Never once taking his eyes off hers, he watched for the smallest details that would tell him her story. He felt his detachment crumble when she ran her thumb across his lips. He studied her face...letting his eyes wander over her cheek bones, her nose, her mouth...back up to her eyes. He wasn't gathering information for a report, he didn't notice any imperfections, he was simply drinking in the vision of her. It suddenly occurred to him that she must be doing the same thing. He longed to be able to run his fingers across her face as well, but his arm lay limp beside him. Instead he squeezed his good arm a little more tightly around her.

He wondered at the fact it took him being in a hospital with a disability she was curious about for her to allow herself this luxury. Had he never had the heatstroke, he was sure she'd never have taken these liberties. It was almost as if she had forgotten where she was and what she was doing. He watched as her eyes lifted to his forehead and she allowed her fingers to run gently through his hair. His stomach took a nose dive right before a thousand butterflies found their way in. His brow lifted slightly as his concentration broke and nerves took over. What was she doing? Why was she doing it? What did it all mean? He was so confused, but at the same time his body longed to grab hold of her and never let go. It took what little will power he had left to stop himself from doing that very thing. His eyes fluttered into a blink before he looked back to her.

In her peripheral vision, Temperance saw Booth's eyes close and then open to look at her. It startled her out of the trance she'd been in. What had she done? She was mortified. She'd totally forgotten the true nature of their relationship while the one that lived in her mind had taken over. The one that allowed her to touch Booth whenever and wherever she pleased. She could feel the heat of the blush infuse her cheeks.

Booth watched the various expressions cross her face. She truly had not realized what she was doing until she wasn't doing it any longer. At that moment, he could read her as easily as she read her text books. Now she was embarrassed. His Bones was embarrassed that she'd been touching him and hadn't been exactly conscious of it. She started to pull away from him and his mind screamed to stop her. He held onto her tightly, smiled and leaned his forehead down to touch hers. Flecks of blue, green and gold married into a shade that made her eyes the most beautiful he'd ever seen. He watched as her pupils dilated in the shade of his face. In that moment, he understood the fascination the human body held for her. He could stare at her eyes until he knew every single surface. When he was sure she'd stopped trying to get away from him, he allowed his own eyes to fall closed, concentrating on the feel of her skin against his. The feel of her body in his arm. He didn't know what this was. He didn't know why it was happening. Why now, of all the inopportune times in his life? He wanted to burn every single second of this moment into his memory.

The mood was broken when her phone beeped across the room. He opened his eyes and they both turned to look in its direction. He looked back to her first and waited several seconds for her return her gaze to his face. Her eyes held so much worry when she looked up at him. He knew she was just as confused as he was. Given her personality, she was probably more confused. He smiled, gave her a squeeze and then nudged her up with his shoulder, giving her the freedom he knew she needed right now. She smiled gratefully and then swung her legs off the bed. She walked over to her satchel, opening it to retrieve her phone.

"It's a text message," she said as she started touching the screen. He'd gotten so used to them writing to each other that hearing her speak for the second time in such a short time was almost a jolt. Her eyes widened and she turned to look at him with a mixture of worry and fear on her face. He didn't even know what it was and he was ready to throw up. He raised his eyebrow, indicating the question he couldn't voice out loud. She sighed and tilted her head over, her brow furrowed in worry. "It's Rebecca."

Booth's stomach lurched. What was Rebecca doing contacting Bones? She continued talking, "Jared must have told her you were back. She's asking how you are and says she hasn't told Parker anything yet." Oh God...Parker. He closed his eyes and fought to hold his emotions at bay. He knew how to be strong when he needed to be and he felt stronger after the time he'd spent with Bones, but all the events of the day were starting to wear on him. With each hit his strength dissolved like a sand castle at high tide. Parker. He longed to see his little boy. He missed him so much. His son would be so confused and scared by the condition he was in though. Booth's eyes darted around as rapidly as his thoughts bounced in his mind. Question after question rushed through, before one word slammed to the forefront...No. He looked up to Bones, watching her purse her lips in silent acceptance. She nodded her understanding. "I'll let her know you are recovering, but aren't ready for visitors yet."

Once again Bones had correctly interpreted his needs. He nodded to her, sadly smiling his thanks. She turned back to the phone to begin her reply. He wondered if she'd understand his need to get away from here, to recover somewhere besides Washington DC. Booth knew there was no way he was going to be able to get back into physical shape when he was working so hard to battle all the emotional obstacles in his path. The torment of therapy was enough. Dealing with his friends and family was something else entirely. He'd fallen into the trap of depression once before. He was going to do whatever he needed to avoid walking down that same path. He knew the best decision was to leave so he could concentrate fully on his recovery. He needed to be able to reach into his soul and find the resolve it was going to take to return to his life. If he was constantly battling his feelings of inadequacy, it was going to take twice as long. He wanted to be able to get better as quickly as possible. He knew he could do it. He just needed time...and space.

As Temperance was formulating her reply, she saw Booth lean toward the table to pull it closer. He closed the laptop and pushed it to the side, picking up the notebook to begin writing. She put her phone down in her satchel and walked over to the bed just as he finished. She leaned over to read. "_Bones, we need to talk._" Her eyes darted to his face and fear spread through her like wildfire. He was mad that she'd fallen asleep and practically climbed on top of him. He was mad that she'd touched his face. He wanted her to leave. He didn't want her around any more where she could fall victim to her desires. He saw through her, knew how she felt...and he didn't feel the same way. She had never wanted to run from a room so badly in her life and it took every single ounce of control she had to remain standing next to him. She felt the tears start to well in her eyes and she looked up at the ceiling, blinking, trying to allow the liquid to absorb back into her eyelids.

Booth would have to have been dead not to notice the intense reaction Bones had to what he'd written. This was going to be way worse than he'd thought. She'd been so understanding on everything else. Was she really going to be so upset with him for needing to be strong somewhere else? He'd never thought he would be able to accept her need to run away when confronted with aspects of life she felt she couldn't deal with. He'd always wanted her to stay, talk to him, and allow him be there for her. Now he understood…it wasn't always possible. Sometimes you had to leave. Thanks to her behavior, he also realized she was going to be as angry with him as he'd always been with her. He picked up the pen to begin defending himself.

Temperance turned to look at the full page of his handwriting when he was done and her vision swam again as more tears filled her eyes. She had to remain in this room. She couldn't run. She had to stay and read what he'd written. This was testing her resolve and she wanted to cry so badly. He was going to send her away. She knew it. How had she allowed her emotions to take such a strong hold of her? She'd always been able to stay in control before. Why was she having such a difficult time now? She didn't like this person she'd become. She didn't want to be this way any more. It hurt too much. The idea that she'd not be able to see him was incredibly painful. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before opening them to read what he'd written. "_Bones. I can't do this here. All these people? Eventually Parker? I can't deal with everyone. Nobody knows how to act around me. I can't even talk to them to tell them to stop worrying. I can't take all the pity I see in everyone's eyes. You're the only one who seems to understand what I need right now. And I love having you here, but I can't stay here. I have to ask them to transfer me. I know they will and I know I can get better faster if I do it somewhere else. Please Bones. I need you to understand this. I need your support."_

Booth thought he was going to be physically ill. He almost grabbed the notebook from her. He couldn't take seeing her so distraught and he wasn't exactly sure why his desire to talk had brought out this response. He wanted to reach out to her, but he could tell she was trying to regain the control she found so precious. He knew she needed it the same way he needed to leave. How could he ask for her understanding and not give her the same in return? He had to let her do things her way. He prayed she'd one day understand and allow him to be a part of her life when he returned. He watched as she read. His confusion rose a notch when she furrowed her brow in concentration and then further as if she were confused. Her expression softened briefly and suddenly she smiled. She had run a whole gamut of emotions in just a few seconds. Booth had no idea which way was up. Forget the open book she was earlier...now she was a brick wall and he had no clue what had just happened.

Temperance had expected to see words sending her away and wasn't sure what to make of his first statements. When she realized he wasn't asking her to leave, she tried to figure out the purpose of exactly what he _was_ saying. She felt like her heart and her chest had turned to mush when she read that he knew she understood him and that he loved having her there. He wasn't sending her away at all. She was so happy. She felt like a yo-yo...her emotions were all over the place. Falling back into their now natural communication method, she grabbed the pen from the table and turned to the next page. "_Booth, I think that's a great idea!_" Booth pulled the notebook to read it and took the pen when she handed it to him. "_You do?_" He handed the pen back over and looked up at her, his question showing clearly on his face. "_Yes. It makes perfect sense._" He took the pen again. "_It does?_" She couldn't help but laugh when she read his last question.

"_Yes. I agree. I think you will recover faster if you can concentrate on your therapy rather than splitting your attention with the people who come to see you."_ Wow. He really couldn't believe his luck. He'd been afraid to talk to her about this, especially after she'd seemed so upset a minute ago, but she still understood him completely. He was so thankful to have her. She really made him feel stronger...more confident. He took his turn to write. _"Wow. Thanks Bones. I mean that."_ He looked up at her as she read what he'd said. She took the pen and smiled as she wrote her simple reply, "_You're welcome."_ He returned her smile but it broke his heart he was going to have to leave her and he knew the sadness started to show on his face. He held out his hand for the pen and started writing after she gave it to him. "_I'm going to miss you so much._" He gently laid the pen back down as she turned to read notebook. She stood back up fully and looked at him. He could see the wheels turning in her head as she studied him.

Temperance thought about his last statement. She could tell he meant every word. His demeanor did seem to improve when she was around. There was enough evidence to demonstrate that she was having a positive influence on his recovery despite the fight they'd had the first night and the fear he'd shown when she'd witnessed the therapist helping him into bed earlier in the day. He hadn't sent her away though. He'd even asked for her help when he'd changed his shirt. Yes. She had evidence. She quickly made up her mind and picked up the pen. "_You wouldn't have to miss me if you didn't want to._" She watched as Booth read her words and looked up at her with a confused expression. She didn't bother to wait for him to ask the question she knew he was asking. "_I told the team in Maluku I was taking an indefinite leave of absence. The Jeffersonian is not expecting my return for several months._" She paused briefly before she put her heart on the page in black and white. "_I could go with you. If you wanted. However, I would understand if you didn't._"

Booth looked first at the notebook, then up to her, then back down to the notebook. She could go with him? She'd be willing to do that? To give up that much time of her life simply to stay with him while he recovered? Did partners do that? He knew he'd do it for her in a heartbeat, but he loved her as more than a partner. He looked back up at her. She simply stood there watching him, allowing him the time he needed to work through the logic of what she'd said. She'd already proven that she could help him focus. She helped him feel a sense of calm and peace. He knew he'd need that in the coming weeks and months. The more he thought about it, the more it made sense. Somewhere in the back of his mind came the taunt that she'd eventually get scared of the closeness they'd end up sharing and that she'd run like she had every other time. He picked up the pen. "_Are you sure Bones? It's going to take a while. It's going to be hard and I know I'm not going to be easy to be around all the time. I'm not sure_" He paused, his pen hovered over the paper, not sure how to finish the sentence that voiced his fears.

He saw her look around his hand to see what he'd written so far. She pulled the pen from his hand before he could complete the statement. "_Booth, I wouldn't have offered if I wasn't sure. What are __you__ unsure of?_" She placed the pen back into his fingers and stood there. She was obviously waiting to see what he was going to say next, but he didn't know if he could actually write the words. She'd been so open with him though and he realized he needed to return the sentiment and be honest with her. He gripped the pen. "_I'm not sure I could handle it if you left after I got started. I would almost rather start on my own if I was going to be on my own in the end._" God, he was nervous. He felt like he was going to start shaking from the fever pitch his nerves had risen to. She took the pen and began writing. "_Booth, I give you my word as your friend and your partner that I'm not going to leave you. I know this won't be easy. I will stay with you and we'll get through this._" She put the pen down and smiled gently.

He read what she'd written and weighed her words. He weighed her past actions against her current actions and then weighed them all against his hopes. He'd sworn he would never again gamble as big as he had all those months ago. He'd sworn he'd never give his whole heart over to anything until he knew it was a sure thing. He wanted so desperately to believe her when she said she'd stay with him. He needed her...but he also knew could do this without her. He picked up the pen, made a move toward the paper and paused, putting his hand back down on his lap. Should he do the safe thing and go out on his own? Should he do what he knew he could do best?

Alone, he could focus every ounce of his energy on getting better. Bones would be a distraction. A good distraction, but still...a distraction. He wasn't as confident as she was that she wouldn't leave. If she left, it was going to set him back...a lot. He knew it would. He raised his hand back to the paper and did what all addicts do...he gambled one more time, waiting for the big win to come in. Taking a deep breath, he wondered if he'd made the right decision or not. There was no turning back now. "_OK. I'll talk to Leslie about finding a place we can go together._"


	20. Upping the Ante

**A/N: As always...and truly heartfelt...Thank You for reading this story! Thank you for taking time out of your day for it. Thank you so much for your comments. **

**LJLanham, thanks for putting up with my idea bouncy ball! MaliBearsBuddy, thanks for taking the time to educate me! You girls are so very awesome and I appreciate your presence in my life.**

**thevaliumsofa – This one's for you!**

Upping the Ante

Booth could tell Bones was pleased with his decision to allow her to accompany him to his next treatment facility. He still wasn't convinced that her presence was going to be good for his recovery. He hadn't had time to second guess it and he wanted to keep it that way. He switched gears completely to avoid thinking about it and began writing again. "_I'm sorry I flaked out on you during the movie. Did you like it?_" He slid the notebook over for her. She guiltily scrunched her face, taking the pen to answer. "_I fell asleep too. There were 3 men in a tunnel but that's all I remember._" Booth looked first at the notebook then up to Bones. Grinning, he grabbed the pen, "_Great! That means we can still watch it together!_" Bones smiled back down to him as she took the pen once more. "_I look forward to it._"

Temperance watched as Booth looked around the room. It seemed they were both at a loss for words. She was trying not to think about the ramifications of her going with him to another hospital, but wasn't succeeding. She had a feeling he was contemplating the same thing. She didn't like the worry that was seeping into his features. She decided to distract him with the one thing she knew he'd concentrate on. "_Are you hungry?_" she wrote. Booth looked at the notepad and took the pen. "_I'm starving!_" This was something simple she could handle. Ignoring his unlikely conclusion of starvation, she wrote, "_I could go to the cafeteria if you'd like."_

She watched Booth's eyes begin to sparkle with excitement. He eagerly grabbed the pen from her. "_No. We're going to be bad and break the rules again!_" She read what he'd written before looking at him, confused. Break the rules again? Oh, he must be referring to when he asked her to climb into the bed with him. She hadn't even thought about it at the time, but she realized he was correct. She'd like to break the rules more often and was curious about what he had in mind. If she admitted the truth, she was more than a little excited as well. She waited for him to continue, "_How about you go and get some take out?_"

Temperance knew immediately what he was thinking. She allowed the smile to cross her face and yanked the pen from him. "_Wong Fu's!_" His quick nod and smile told her she'd been right. "_I'll be right back._" She put the pen down to walk over to her satchel. She glanced down to her letters lying in the top of his travel bag, wondering if she should grab them. Deciding against it, she got her license, credit card and keys, before turning back around to see Booth writing. She walked over to see what he'd said. "_Thanks Bones. For everything."_ She took his hand in hers, giving it a reassuring squeeze, happy that events had turned out this way. She paused a moment, smiling, before heading out to get dinner.

Booth watched Bones leave then leaned his head back. This had been a really long day jam packed with emotion. Despite sleeping for hours, he still felt exhausted. His mind started turning over a million worries and questions immediately. He grabbed the tv remote and punched the power button. He needed a way to numb his thoughts and what better way to do that than to watch some sports.

A few minutes later, he looked up as Becky, his night nurse, came in. She wasn't as talkative as Leslie, but she was pleasant enough. She smiled as she began to put the blood pressure cuff on his arm. "You must be hungry by now. Leslie told me to let you sleep when she left. I can call down for a tray though." Booth shook his head to indicate he didn't need anything. "Would you like a snack? We keep some here on the floor," she asked. Once again, Booth just shook his head. She just nodded and finished letting the machines record results. "Just push your button if you need anything," she said before walking out. "_Yeah, Leslie is way cooler,_" he thought to himself. He turned back to watch the sports updates until Bones returned.

**B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B**

It didn't take very long for Bones to walk in with a large bag of food. She smiled eagerly, holding up the evidence of her trip. Booth's stomach growled in response. She placed their dinner on the end of the bed so she could move the laptop off his table. Once she'd stowed it in her satchel, she began setting the containers of food out. She laid a small one on the chair next to the bed. Booth briefly saw writing on it and strained to see what it was. Bones snapped her fingers in front of his face to get his attention and he jerked his head back in surprise before looking up at her. She waggled her index finger and pointed at the food on the table. He flashed a frustrated look in her direction before pointing to the container on the chair. She raised her eyebrows, frowned a little and shook her head. At his scowl she laughed. He loved her laugh. She passed over a set of chopsticks, sat down on the edge of the bed facing him and they both dug in.

The problem with writing out their conversations was they weren't able to talk while they were eating. Booth grabbed the remote and flipped around the stations until he found one playing an old episode of America's Funniest Home Videos. He figured that was something they could both watch. He didn't need his mind wandering while he was eating and he wanted to keep the lighthearted atmosphere. He continued with dinner and turned his attention to the television. Every once in a while he'd sneak a glance over to Bones, who'd turned to face the tv.

She seemed quite intent on the show. Sometimes she'd raise her eyebrows, obviously questioning the sanity of the people she was watching. Other times her disapproval showed quite clearly. It came to one of his favorite segments where kids invariably injured their parents in sports mishaps. He chuckled several times, getting a kick out of the fact that she started laughing as well.

Once they were done, Bones started cleaning up the containers, putting them back in the handled paper bag Sid had given her. Booth reached up to his table, rapping his knuckles to get her attention. He pointed over to the container on the chair when she looked his way. She actually tilted her head back and forth like she was contemplating whether or not to let him in on her little secret. She finally grinned and walked over to pick it up. She started to hand it to him, but when he reached out for it, she playfully pulled it back. He was really enjoying this side of Bones. He'd seen her joke around before, but she really seemed to be getting into it. Better yet, she seemed to actually get it. So many times her jokes were almost painful in their childlike simplicity. Not tonight though. Tonight was fun and it felt like old times.

She finally turned the package over to him. He read the top, "_This should help. Sid_" He yanked the top open and there before his eyes was the most beautiful piece of apple pie he'd ever seen. He looked around for his fork, but Bones had returned it to the sack. He made a motion of eating with his hand to let her know he needed it back. She shook her head and shrugged like she was confused...he knew better. He teasingly frowned his displeasure and put the container down on his lap. He reached toward the bag only to have Bones slap his hand away. He let out an indignant huff and pursed his lips, playing along with her.

He could really get used to this side of their friendship and he was so thankful to not feel self-conscious about his face with her now. The way she'd touched him and studied his face earlier, he knew she didn't care about how he looked. He held out his palm and turned on his best lost in the rain, puppy dog expression. It worked like a charm and after rolling her eyes at him, she reached in to find a fork. He craned his neck to watch what she was doing. She just grinned and shook her head when she handed it over to him. He waggled his eyebrows at her, then scooped a bite into his mouth. He closed his eyes and let out a long satisfied groan of pleasure.

Temperance had seen this reaction from Booth before and had even had physical responses before, but this time it was far more pronounced. She'd written about women going weak in the knees, but she was experiencing it first hand now. Her chest felt like it was expanding beyond its capacity to do so. Of course it had all been Sid's doing, but she felt like she'd had a hand in making Booth so content. She found she derived a great deal of joy in doing these simple things for him. His eyes smiled brightly and he quickly started finishing his dessert. She watched him for a few more seconds before straightening up the rest of the remains of their meal. She returned to his table just as he took his last bite and slid the notebook over for him to read. "_I'm glad you enjoyed dinner._"

Booth handed her the empty container and picked up the pen once she'd laid it down. "_Bones, this was awesome! Thank you!_" She smiled in his direction before looking around the room. He stifled a yawn before writing some more. "_You're the best._" She picked up the pen. "_I'll finish unpacking your bag for you._" Before he could read her words, she turned and walked over to the other side of the room, tossing his empty container in the sack. He knocked on the table again to get her attention. He knew she'd heard it, but she'd ignored him. She crouched down to grab some stuff out of his travel bag. He thought she was playing a game again until he saw her turn toward her satchel to slip something in she had taken from his things. "Look what I found, Booth!" she said. She held up his phone and its charger. "We can resume texting, now." She walked over to the side of his bed and plugged the charger into the wall. After she connected the phone to the cord she placed it on the table next to his bed.

Booth knew that she'd reverted to talking out loud to distract him. He grabbed the pen and started writing. "_Bones, what did you take out of my bag?_" He slid the notebook back over for her to read, but she walked right on by and bent down to continue her task. "More clothes this time," she stated before taking them to his closet. Did she really think she was covering up what she had done? Did she really believe he'd fall for it? What in the world would she have found in his bag that she thought she needed to keep from him? He waved his hand trying to get her to look at him. Once again, she ignored him and walked over to his bag. He'd had enough. He took a deep breath as she bent down, swallowed once and waited for her to stand up. He knew this would get her attention, "Aaaay," he said as forcefully and loudly as he could.

Bones jerked her head in his direction. Yep, it had worked. He would have laughed at her shell shocked look if he hadn't been so aggravated. He knew half his face was sagging, but he was sure she could read the insistent question there anyway. He wanted to know what the hell was going on. She gave him her classic 'I don't know what that means' look. Oh yeah? He wasn't buying what she was selling...it was bullshit. He knew his scowl told her as much. She sighed before walking over to the notebook to read what he'd written. "_It was nothing,_" she wrote back.

With his expression, Booth tried to let her know he could draw this out just as long as she could. He didn't have any where to go and had all the time in the world. She wasn't going to win this one unless she walked out. He nervously thought about the fact he couldn't follow her if she did leave. It suddenly occurred she might just choose that option and he found himself unwilling to trust that she'd stay. She held more power in this situation than he liked. He knew he should give her the benefit of doubt, especially after everything she'd done for him so far, but he just couldn't. She'd stalked away from their arguments more times than he could count. If she ran away tonight, he was done. He would get transferred to another facility and he'd be damned if he'd tell a living soul where he was. In fact, if she didn't come clean right now, he'd do it anyway. He couldn't play these games and expect to get better.

Temperance had thought she'd been more subtle than she'd obviously been. She'd thought that since she was crouched on the floor, he wouldn't have seen her transfer her letters. Knowing that he hadn't read them, that he'd been in the hospital fighting for his life when she'd sent them...she just couldn't hand them over. She couldn't allow him to see that side of her yet. He had too many things he needed to concentrate on and he didn't need the distraction of knowing how she now felt about him. She worried about the consequences of his knowledge. Would he still want her around? She could tell from the look on his face that he wasn't going to give up until he had answers. She thought about refusing to tell him, but she knew he'd get angry. They'd made so much progress and she didn't want to lose that. She thought about telling him she'd accidentally dropped some of her own things in his bag earlier, but she'd never been able to lie to him. Not successfully anyway. Besides, that was just something they didn't do. They'd always been honest with each other.

She decided to try another tactic as an idea formed in her mind. She picked up the pen to write. "_Before the movie, why did you ask me not to talk for 20 minutes?_" He looked at her words in confusion and wrote back. "_Bones. Tell me._" She got frustrated and grabbed the pen, underlining what she'd asked. She knew he wasn't happy with her question and thought she was avoiding the subject. He picked up the pen and underlined his own demand. She had to get him to answer her if she was going to be successful with this plan. He usually gave in to her if he could tell she was going to stand firm, so she transferred her weight to one hip and crossed her arms, waiting in a silent demand. He glared in her direction before writing, "_Because._" She let out an angry sigh. "_Booth, that is not an answer. Why did you place that stipulation on the movie?_"

Booth ran his hand through his hair and held on to the back of his neck. Fine. He'd play twenty questions with her if it would get her to answer him. He'd even give her a detailed answer so she couldn't accuse him of not cooperating. But this had better be going somewhere or he was going to get pissed. "_You would have asked too many questions and not paid attention to the movie. You just need to enjoy it. Sit back and let the story unfold. Eventually you'll get it._" He tossed the pen down and waited.

Temperance read what he'd written and realized he couldn't have given her a better answer. She'd known why he'd asked her not to talk, but she thought she'd have to work harder to get him to this point. Maybe she was learning the art of manipulation better than she thought. She smiled as she picked up the pen.

Booth watched as Bones got a self satisfied smirk on her face and started writing. Great. Whatever. If she didn't answer him soon, he wasn't going to talk the rest of the night. He may not be able to leave the room in a fit of frustration, but he sure as hell could let her know he meant business in other ways. He wasn't entirely helpless. Once she'd finished, she slid the notebook over to him. "_While I was in Maluku, I wrote letters to you. Since they are unopened, I can only conclude you never received them. The letters are what I took out of your bag._" Booth was confused. Why would she keep letters she'd sent to him? She'd obviously wanted him to see them when she'd written them. "_Why did you take them?_" She took the pen back. "_Because they tell a story._" Once again, Booth was confused. A story? What story? He wrote back, "_So?_"

So far Booth was playing right into her plan. If she was careful, he'd understand what she was trying to do. "_I wrote once a week._" His look of confusion kept getting deeper with each of her statements. "_OK?_" So far he was responding the way she thought he would, the way he always had in the past. "_Had you received them in the manner they were sent, it would have taken over a month for you to read them._" He picked up the pen again. "_Bones, I don't get what you're saying. You gotta spell it out for me._" She smiled. "_It's a story you have to let unfold. Eventually you'll get it._"

Booth looked at the words he'd said to her earlier. No wonder she'd looked self satisfied when he'd written that. "_So you're saying I don't get to see the letters yet?_" She shook her head which confused him even more. He continued, "_What does that mean? No I don't or no that's not what you meant?_" She took the pen from him. "_No. You don't._" He scowled. "_When DO I get to see them?_" He jerked the pen over for her to take. _"You thought it was reasonable to place a condition on my watching the movies with you."_ What was she up to now? He took the pen she offered. "_Yeah, but it was to make the experience better for you."_ She smiled again.

He was beginning to dread her smiles. He felt like he was falling right into a trap she'd carefully set. He didn't like being on the receiving end of manipulation...especially hers. "_I think it is just as reasonable for me to have my own conditions._" What? This was payback? "_But I wasn't being mean, Bones. The movie would be better if you_" and he paused, realizing he really was about to deliver her win. She took the pen. "_Better if I what?_" He sighed, already knowing he'd lost the battle, he gave up and gave her the answer she obviously wanted. "_Waited to see what happened._"

She nodded. "_Exactly. Here's my condition. You wait for the letters. Each time you achieve a new level in your recovery, I will give you one letter._" He tried to find a way out and decided to pout instead. "_No._" Her look was indignant. "_Why?_" He pouted some more. "_Because it's not fair._" He could tell she didn't accept that answer but waited for her to write her aggravated reply anyway. "_How is that any less fair than what you asked of me?_" He sighed. "_It just is._" Now it was her turn to not buy his bullshit. "_Booth, you yourself said that it was better to let some stories unfold at their natural pace. This delay will also serve as a motivation. If it's important to you to see what I've written, you will work hard. If not, don't._"

Damn. Damn, damn, damn. She'd really backed him into a corner on this one. He thought back to the time when she'd stormed into his bathroom and told him to find out why she hadn't been told of his death...only if it was important to him. She'd pulled the partner card, the friendship card, the payback card, the lessons learned card and the ace in the hole...the manipulation card. She had a royal flush and he had nothing. "_Fine. But I get to say what is a milestone and what isn't._" She pulled back to study him. "_Can I trust you Booth?_"

Wow. With everything that had happened, they were certainly putting each other through the trust wringer today. Rather than angering him though, her question made him want to live up to her expectations. To be the man she expected him to be. He suddenly wanted Thomas in here so he could get to work. He didn't want to wait another second to start getting her letters. He'd even let the man do those damn stretching exercises some more. If he'd done the math right, there were five letters. Five milestones he had to accomplish. He picked up the pen. "_You can trust me Bones._"

She smiled in triumph. He couldn't fault her. She'd won fair and square using the same tactics he would have. She picked up the pen he'd laid down. "_Shake on it?_" She constantly managed to surprise him. He looked into her eyes, still praying he'd made the right decision in allowing her to come with him when he left. He hesitated only a second before reaching out to shake her hand.


	21. Help Me Help Myself

**A/N: I say this each time, but I mean it each time...Thank you so very much for reading this story. To those of you who comment...a huge thank you and some hugs for good measure! Your words and the time you take to say them mean so much to me. I sincerely hope I am able to portray these characters in a manner true to the show and true to this story. Sophia...You are awesome! **

Help Me Help Myself

Booth was beat. He'd thrown himself full force into therapy, following every single one of Tom's instructions. He'd managed to convince the man he could handle more and they'd pushed a little harder. Tom seemed to get a feel for his limits and realized he was dealing with a very motivated man, so they'd begun some extra exercises in preparation for his departure. At the end of these sessions, Booth was quite happy to sit in his chair and let Tom wheel him to his room. Tonight when they arrived, they discovered Bones and Leslie in what appeared to be a deep discussion. Booth got nervous when they both looked a little guilty as he and Tom came into the room.

Instead of walking over to help Tom transfer him into bed, Leslie continued to sit in her chair. That was odd. Tom didn't even acknowledge this change in the pattern. Booth knew something was up, but couldn't figure out what it was. Tom got the wheelchair set and made the transfer he'd made for what felt like the hundredth time. Booth wasn't sure he'd ever get used to relying on others like this. He was quite happy to note that he'd developed enough strength and balance to be able to get himself situated in bed much more easily though.

He looked over to see Leslie give Bones a meaningful look. What the hell were they up to? When Tom didn't leave immediately, he realized they were waiting for something. He let his frustration show at being the only one not clued in to their thoughts. He raised his eyebrows, gave a quick shake of his head and waved his hand back and forth between them all. If they didn't recognize the universal sign for 'somebody better start talking now', he was going to blow a gasket.

Leslie stood up and walked over to the bed. "Dr. Brennan, Tom and I have been talking, Booth." Oh great. Just great. They were talking about him behind his back now. Wonderful. He rolled his eyes and let his anger at the situation show. Leslie laid her hand on his arm. "Hey. Look at me. This is something we have to discuss." Booth looked up at her, resentfully. He was worn out and not in the mood for any games or subterfuge. "The facility you're going to at Ft. Hood only handles outpatient care." She waited for him to process what she'd said. Booth already knew that and felt like she'd been spending too much time with Bones because she was stating the obvious. He knew he looked at her like she'd lost it a little when he nodded. "Well," she said, drawing the word out, "where are you going to be staying? Who is going to help you with transfers when you aren't at the hospital?"

Booth dropped his eyes as he thought about her questions. He looked at his legs stretched out in front of him. He knew the specifics of the locations, but hadn't thought about the details of how it would all work. He'd just been so anxious to get away from everyone and happy they'd found a place so far from DC. How had he not thought of the specifics? He was losing his touch and that thought upset him more than he cared to admit even to himself. How could he go back to being a good agent, one of the best agents, if he was already losing his skills? Was this a symptom of the heatstroke? Had his brain been permanently damaged when it had swollen? Leslie squeezed his arm to get his attention. "We need to teach Dr. Brennan." His eyes widened as he stared at Leslie, realizing the implications of that suggestion. He felt like an elephant had just been dumped on his chest and he released all the air his lungs held. No. No way. No way was Bones going to help him with transfers. He started breathing just as heavily as he had during the most intense moments of therapy. He darted his glance over to see Bones sitting very nervously on the other side of the room.

He looked into her eyes. They were both afraid of this...for very different reasons he'd guess. He knew why he was scared. Why was she? Was she afraid she'd drop him? Did she hate the idea of having to help him so much? Did she despise the idea of someone being so dependent on her? Was she hoping he'd not agree to the idea? He really hated not knowing what she was thinking right now. She seemed to be waiting on him though. Hell, he was waiting on himself. He did not want her to be the one to help him. He didn't. But Leslie was right. If Bones didn't help him, who would? He had to get out of this hospital. Being here was slowing him down. He was grateful Leslie and his case manager had found a place for him. Why did it have to be for outpatient services? How the hell were patients supposed to get better with outpatient care? God, he was pissed. Fuck. He was between a rock and a hard place.

He suddenly realized why Leslie hadn't helped transfer him. They were showing Bones how to do it by herself. Jesus Christ. She hadn't merely been watching, she'd been studying. He wanted to floor to open up and swallow both him and his bed whole. Once again he felt overwhelmed by all the thoughts tumbling through his mind. Thank God they weren't pressing him for a decision. They all seemed to be content to wait on him to have his mental break down. That was it...that's why they were standing around looking at him...they _expected_ him to react badly to the suggestion. Had they talked about that behind his back too? Had they talked about how they would handle different emotions he might show? No way was he going to lose it in front of all of them. He had to be stronger. He was pretty ticked they'd blindsided him like this. He felt like he was center stage and every single light in the place was shining on him. He could almost hear the crickets chirping in the silence.

Bones finally stood up and walked over to him. "Booth, you don't have to decide tonight. If you don't want this, we'll figure something else out, okay?" She looked over to the other side of the bed where Leslie and Tom stood. "I think we're done for tonight." Booth saw Leslie nod, before she and Tom headed for the door. He looked at Bones one more time, trying to figure out what answer she wanted him to give. He really needed to get away from this place, from DC. If she hadn't considered the idea plausible, she'd never have agreed to watch how a transfer was done with one person, right? That had to mean she thought it was a good idea. That was the only conclusion he could make with the information he had. He paused for a moment, then made his decision. He reached over his own body to grab her hand tight, looked into her eyes and nodded. She furrowed her brow, confirming he was sure. She was still worried...he could see it. He took a deep breath and nodded again. She hollered out, "Leslie, Tom, could you come back?" Booth peripherally saw them come back in, but he refused to look away from Bones. Her look of worry vanished instantly when they returned and was replaced with confidence. "We've decided I will learn to help him."

Leslie spoke up again, "Okay. Do you want to try tonight or do you need to wait?" When Bones looked back down, he could tell she was waiting to take her cues from him. He was so thankful he had her with him. Someone who understood him, his history, his fears, his hopes and dreams. Someone who knew what he was saying without him ever uttering the first word.

He was still terrified of this. Her learning to help him could really mess up what they had. It was one thing to hang out and chill together. It was entirely different for her to be involved in his care. They'd always worked together though, hadn't they? They'd always done a damn good job at it too. Partners. He took a deep breath. They could be partners in this as well. He gave a slight shrug of his shoulder and told her with a short blink what he thought they should do. He waited to see if she agreed. She smiled before looking back to Leslie, "We'll start tonight."

They waited for Bones to make her way around to the other side of the bed while Leslie lowered it. Booth thought he was going to throw up. Now that the decision was made, he felt like it was all happening way too fast. His nerves kicked into overdrive and his head started pounding. Tom stepped over and showed her how to help him slide his feet off the side of the bed. His heart leapt into his throat and he had trouble swallowing the lump when he watched her place her hand on his leg to help him move around. He heard Tom instruct her to keep her arm ready to help Booth with his balance should he begin to fall.

Booth watched her face. She was listening to Tom intently and watching everything she was doing. She'd totally switched gears, going at it with a clinical focus. He admired her ability to compartmentalize, because there was no way in hell he was going to be able to. God how he wished he had her talent.

Leslie stepped to her usual spot behind the wheelchair. "I'll help for a while until you two get the hang of doing this on your own." Bones glanced up to her, "Thank you. We'd appreciate that." When did she start using the word 'we' all the time? That's all she'd said tonight. Everything had been 'we'. "_Get a grip, Booth. Shut up and pay attention,"_ he thought to himself.

He finally had his feet on the floor. Tom showed Bones how to plant her legs and swivel. She practiced by herself a couple of times, but he had a feeling she didn't need it. She only had to watch something once and she got it. She'd studied the process before when he'd first come to the room. She'd studied him. She stepped up and he looked into her eyes, so full of determination. It was time. He wasn't sure if it was a lead brick or a million worms in his stomach right now. Could you have both? She was going to put her hands on him. To help him. Because he couldn't do something as simple as moving to his chair by himself. Because his body was fucking useless.

God, he was getting bombarded tonight. It was too much. Too fast. He had to stop. When she moved to put her hands under his arms he held his own hand out to stop her. He closed his eyes in panic, holding up his finger to let them know he needed a minute. When he didn't feel her touch him, he said a prayer of thanks. He couldn't handle her touching him right now. He pulled his hand up to his forehead, desperately trying to stop the wave of emotions rolling through him. Oh God, when had this situation even become a possibility? When had Bones helping him move from a bed to a wheelchair become his reality?

Brennan had watched Booth go through all of the thought processes she'd been expecting to see. The fact that he'd held those emotions off for so long was a testament to just how strong he was. It broke her heart to see, but she knew he needed to deal with them before he could begin to let them go. It was a part of his healing process, but it didn't make it any easier to step back...to let him do this on his own. She knew if she tried to help him he would bury his emotions to be strong for her. She'd seen him do it so many times in the past. His alpha male tendencies wouldn't allow him to appear weak in front of her if he could help it. She stood as still as she could. Kept her breathing as shallow as possible to minimize any noise she might make. She needed to make sure he had enough time without distraction to work through this process.

Booth closed his eyes tighter when he couldn't stop the feeling of desperation...of denial. This couldn't be happening. It wasn't real. Someone needed to wake him the hell up. God, why wouldn't his head stop throbbing? He heard talking but he didn't care. He just needed to block the entire world out. He needed this world to disappear. Why couldn't he wake up? Why couldn't all of this be some huge fucking joke? Why couldn't he have just gone to Afghanistan, put in his time and come back home to Bones as a normal man? Why did he have to be so broken? Helpless? Damn it. He had to have help with almost everything.

None of this would have happened if he'd just stayed home. Why had Bones left? If she hadn't gone to Maluku, he'd never have left. Their partnership was too important to him. She was too important. He'd known she was going to leave. He'd known it. Goddamn it. All the signs had been there. She'd wanted to get away from him. The work they did. That damn dig was more important and she'd jumped at the chance. She'd left. Hadn't he shown her he'd never leave? What was it that he hadn't done right? Why had she needed to get away from him? He wouldn't be in this damn hospital right now if she hadn't left. If he hadn't left. But she had. So had he. If only they'd stayed. Was that why she was here now? Was that why she was so willing to help? The thought sickened him. He wanted to scream.

Why was nothing he did good enough? He wasn't good enough for Bones. He wasn't good enough for God. Why the hell was he even trying? Jesus Christ, what the hell did he have to do to get the life he wanted? Each unanswered question was like the slice of a blade through his skull.

He wasn't a bad guy. He knew he had things to make up for, but he'd been trying. He'd worked his ass off to put murderers behind bars. To give victims a voice. Why the hell did he deserve this? What was God trying to do? Had he not done enough to atone for his past? Was it that he'd gone back to repeat those sins? To not only kill, but to train others to do the same? Was that why he deserved this? He wanted his life back. He wanted it now. Why did everything have to be so damned hard?

He was pissed...at everyone. Himself. At Bones. Pissed that God thought he deserved to live through this. Pissed at Tom. At Leslie. Why had they even put the thought of helping him into Bones' head? Why hadn't they found a damn inpatient facility?

No. He wasn't going to leave. He would just stay here. He'd just have to suck it up. He couldn't have Bones helping him. God this was so unfair. No matter where he went, he was going to have to live in hell on earth.

He pressed his fist into his forehead, squeezing his eyes even tighter, before unraveling his fingers to press against his skull. He squeezed as hard as he could...as if the pressure could somehow stop his mind from churning, stop the pounding of his pulse. He felt Bones gently lay her hand on his shoulder, pulling him from the chaotic storm of his thoughts. Bones. Her soft touch seemed to instantly drain him, drain the rage away. All that was left was despair. His grip on his head lessened as he slowly sagged. Why? That was the one question he couldn't seem to answer. Why? Why? The word kept running through his mind like a skipping record.

Once Temperance saw the transition to anger, she allowed him a few more moments. This was an area she was unfamiliar with and she was terrified of doing something wrong. What if she didn't give him enough time? Or gave him too much time? She hated these gray areas that held no absolutes. She hated being the one trying to monitor his progress and make the decision as to when he'd beaten himself up enough. Finally her decision was made for her. She couldn't stand to watch him in this much pain any more. It hurt too much. He was tearing himself up and she couldn't stop herself from reaching out to touch him. To let him know he wasn't alone.

She startled him when she spoke softly, her voice shaking. "Booth, we'll wait, okay? We're not going to do this tonight. We don't have to do it at all." Had he scared her? He let his head drop to his chest and his hand fall to his lap. He opened his eyes, studying the floor, the jeans she was wearing, her hand resting by her side...before long he saw nothing at all. He let the events of the day he'd had his heatstroke play through his mind. There had been so many times he could have changed the outcome of that day. Why hadn't he paid attention to the signs? Why hadn't he gone to the doctor? If only he could go back and change things. He had nobody to blame but himself.

When he dropped his head in defeat, she couldn't stop the tears from forming. She couldn't deny how seeing his pain was brutally ripping her to shreds. She tried to let him know they could put off her learning to help him. Or even scrap the idea entirely. That he merely sagged further and seemed to lapse into a trance made her feel even worse. She should never have let Leslie and Tom talk her into this. It had been a bad idea. Her fear of the situation should have been a clue. She should have listened to that fear for once. Instead, she'd used logic and made the wrong decision. Now Booth was paying the price for that mistake. She'd known he'd have to go through these emotions eventually, but she'd never wanted to be the trigger. Knowing this probably wasn't the last time she'd be placed in this situation held an even deeper terror for her.

Booth let a great sigh escape. He had gotten himself into this mess. Now he could either wallow or he could shut the fuck up and quit his whining. It was what it was. His bitching wasn't going to change anything, was it? He wasn't dreaming. He wasn't going to wake up from this nightmare. This was reality. The faster he got used to that fact, the faster he could change it. His body wasn't going to get better on its own. He was going to have to accept that he couldn't do it alone. As hard as it was, he knew it was the only way. He knew these feelings weren't going to go away. He was going to have to dig deep for that drive he knew he had.

Bones moving her hand in his field of vision distracted him. He began to take back conscious control of his thoughts. He had to push the emotions aside. He had to focus on the tasks. He'd done it a million times in the past. He could do it now. He sat a little straighter as he continued thinking. He had to get better. He had to get his life back. He couldn't go back in time. He was going to have to let people help him. He'd never trusted anyone more than Bones. He had to trust her now.

Brennan left her hand on Booth's shoulder as she watched him, unsure what to do next. She'd stopped his anger, but she didn't know what to do now. It was almost like he wasn't mentally here any more. The tears finally spilled over her cheeks. She reached up with her free hand to swipe them away and noticed the merest hint of a change in Booth. He was still hunched over, but it was as if his muscles were no longer limp. As if they were remembering how to work. After a few moments, he raised his head, still not looking at her. She felt ungrounded when she didn't know what he was thinking. She needed to see his eyes. If she could see his eyes, she'd know what was going on in his mind. She knew it.

A few more moments passed. They felt like an eternity, but she left her hand in place. Then he finally looked up. She knew her face was a mask of worry, but she didn't care. She only cared about him in that moment. She only cared that he knew she was there for him. That she'd never leave him. That she'd follow his lead in how fast he wanted to take things. She knew he'd remember what he needed to do if he wanted to get better. She only hoped he would let her help him. She studied his features. The desperate man she had seen earlier was gone. The angry man was gone. This was the Booth she knew. This Booth was confident. This Booth had made a decision. This Booth trusted her just as much as she trusted him. She'd been right. One look into his eyes was all it had taken. She knew.

Booth finally had the nerve to look at Bones. He knew what he had to do. He was determined. He was sorry she'd had to witness him falling apart. But she hadn't left. A pang of guilt hit him for even thinking she'd had any part of the blame for his heatstroke. He'd made his own decisions...his own choices. And when he'd made the wrong ones, she had returned for him. She was his rock. She held steady no matter what. He needed her. He didn't think he'd ever be able to convey to her just how much he appreciated her. Together, they'd work through this. He watched understanding dawn on her face. He didn't need a notebook to tell her. She knew.

God how he loved this woman. Despite everything...because of everything...he loved her. He reached up to place his hand over hers on his shoulder. He intertwined his fingers with hers, squeezing his statement of confidence. He refused to give up. He refused to stop. He was going to get through this come hell or high water. And he knew she'd be there every step of the way.

He let a sad smile say his apology for him. She smiled, shaking her head. It took no words for her to tell him...they were partners, friends...he didn't need to apologize. He smiled deliberately and nodded, thanking her for...everything. He looked around the room for Leslie and Tom and realized they weren't there. When he turned back to Bones, she answered his question, "I asked them to wait outside for a few minutes. I can ask them to come back tomorrow?" Booth was ready. He was nervous, but he was ready. He shook his head. "You want them to come back in?" she confirmed. Booth nodded and took a deep breath. "You're sure?" she asked. Booth tried to let his certainty show as he firmly nodded once again. "Okay. Will you be able to maintain this position while I go get them?" Booth put his hand down on the bed next to him to steady himself and nodded again.

Bones stepped away but didn't turn her head from him. It was like she was ready to run back if he couldn't keep himself sitting on the edge of the bed. He had it though. He'd been practicing this too. She got to the door, but rather than going outside, she hollered for Leslie. He knew she was nervous about leaving him by himself. He was going to have to let her know he could do some things on his own. Leslie and Tom walked in as Bones came back. Bones spoke up first, "We're ready to try now." Again with the 'we'.

Tom turned to Bones, "Do you need to practice again?" Booth watched her shake her head, "No. It's unnecessary." Tom nodded and let her move in front of Booth. She was just as confident as he was now.

He saw the moment she let her guard down and silently ask him if he was sure one last time. Those eyes were the most gorgeous eyes he'd ever seen. The most expressive eyes he'd ever seen. How in the world could she have ever thought she didn't have an open heart? Only she could understand everything he'd said tonight when he hadn't uttered a single sound. He sat up a little straighter and took a deep breath. Her clinical mask slipped right back into place. He knew why she was making this separation, but to be on the receiving end was unnerving.

Tom spoke directly to him, "Booth, I know you're gonna want try and be strong and show off a little, but you'll do more harm than good. You need to do this like we've been doing it, okay? Help, but don't try to do it on your own." Booth looked over to him, understanding exactly what he meant. Tom was right. He'd already started thinking about all the progress he'd been making and figured he wouldn't really need much help from Bones. He knew though, that if he did try to do it all and lost his balance, he could send them both toppling to the floor. He'd never forgive himself if he caused Bones to fall or get hurt. He was going to have to let her help him...more than he wanted. He nodded to Tom to let him know he'd gotten the message loud and clear.

He turned back to Bones, took one last deep breath and nodded. She stepped up to him and placed her arms under his. He concentrated on the fact she was his partner. They'd helped each other before. They'd do it again. This was just another of those times. He knew she was strong. He'd witnessed her use of strength many times. He knew she could do this. He was going to have to continue to trust her. He placed his hand on her shoulder and began to lean forward, placing his weight on his good leg. He pushed and she pulled. Together they swung around and he lowered into his chair.

They'd done it. And it was like they'd done it a thousand times. He hadn't realized he'd been holding his breath until he started breathing heavily. He grinned up to Bones and she smiled jubilantly. Light was beaming from her eyes. Booth reached his hand up and Bones knew exactly what he was doing. She reached up to return his high five. He'd almost forgotten that Leslie and Tom were in the room until Leslie started laughing and Tom chuckled. He watched as Bones reached out to give each of them a high five as well, proud of her for the gesture. Proud of them for what they'd accomplished. Together.


	22. Man with a Mission

**A/N: Once again, thank you for reading! Thank you for commenting! Thank you for the pointers that show me how to be a better writer. This is a learning process for me and I'm enjoying it immensely! Sophia, Janet, Amy & Jen...huge hugs for being the people you are and for your help and support! **

Man with a Mission

It had been three weeks since Booth had agreed to let Bones go with him. He'd been really worried for the first few days. Hell, who was he kidding? He was still worried. Especially so, given the arrangements they'd made. Because he would be receiving outpatient services, he'd had to do some things to get ready, to be prepared for the lack of 24 hr medical care. Things that would make him less of a burden on Bones.

For some reason he couldn't fathom, Leslie seemed to think it was a great idea for them to get away as well and he'd come to respect her opinion. He'd even go so far as to call her a friend and looked forward to her shifts more than anyone else here. He was going to miss her when he left.

He and Tom had focused on building his strength and muscle memory. His occupational therapists had shown him how to handle every day tasks that he needed to do on his own. His speech therapists had been helping him with muscle exercises. Every day he looked in a mirror, his face sagged a little less than when he'd first arrived. Little by little he was becoming _him_ again.

He'd continued to have visitors and each one reminded him why he was so anxious to leave. Cam had stopped by every few days. She acted the most normal, but it still didn't feel like old times. Probably because he was reading more into every word, every motion, than was actually there. Jared had come a couple more times. They'd been short, awkward visits with both of them staring at walls. One day he would sit and talk with him about the torrent of emotions they'd both experienced, but he wasn't ready for that conversation. It wasn't one they could have in a notebook. Rebecca had even come once to check on him. She'd tried to get him to understand that Parker wouldn't care about his father's condition and would enjoy a visit, but Booth had adamantly refused. He just wasn't ready for that yet. He had his son's adoration and wasn't ready to let go of it, to show him there were even more things in life to be feared. Parker already had to live with his sometimes dangerous profession. That was enough. Luckily Rebecca hadn't pushed the issue and told him she'd abide by his wishes. Sweets had also stopped by one night. Thank God he hadn't tried to pull any of his plastic shrink wrap crap and had just tried to be a friend. He'd been almost manic in carrying on the conversation on his own. Booth had to remind himself that even though Sweets was a psychologist, he was human and got nervous just like everyone did.

Still, though, he felt like every single one of them had been awkward around him. Like they'd forced conversations or lapsed into uncomfortable silence. As much as he'd tried to accept their friendship, to not let it have an effect on him, he couldn't seem to stop his thoughts. He didn't understand why the smallest things could have such a huge impact on him. He used to be able to let them roll off his back. To not look for the motivation behind every single action. The visits stressed him so much it took hours if not full days to recover. A barrage of questions and insecurities would take up post and he seemed powerless to stop them. He could feel himself sliding down the slope into depression without a ledge to grab onto. He hated the lack of control he felt. Bones had played goalie for him, though, and had managed to keep visits to a minimum. Thank God he had her. Right now, he didn't care about whatever logical reason she'd used to be here, he wasn't going to look that gift horse in the mouth.

Now he was sitting in his bed, anxiously waiting for Bones to arrive and wondering what was taking her so long. She hadn't texted him to tell him she'd be late. She'd been going to the lab, consulting for Maluku and working on Limbo cases, while still maintaining her leave status. She was probably distracted as usual, but he really wanted to talk to her. They'd be leaving the next day and he had to make sure she wanted to follow through. It was one thing for her to see him every day here in DC...this was home. It was something else entirely for her to follow him half way across the country to continue his care. He still had trouble figuring out why, after the importance she'd placed on Maluku, she was comfortable with the idea of leaving that project so quickly to be with him. The thought that she somehow felt guilty or responsible tickled the back of his mind constantly.

He looked down at his new wheelchair sitting next to the bed. It hadn't been a custom order, but this one fit his body much better than the temporary one he'd had when he'd first arrived at the hospital. As he sat there studying it, he realized it reminded him of Bones. The smooth, sleek lines so much like the curves of her face, her body. Flashes of blue not quite as brilliant as her eyes. Every solid black surface exuded strength...as much as Bones had shown him in their time together. She'd survived so much and just kept right on trucking. She was the strongest person he knew. She'd carried him through this ordeal, much like his chair carried him place to place. He shook his head. Geez, what was wrong with him? Bones was starting to occupy all his thoughts again. He had to learn some control or the next few weeks were going to be miserable. He chuckled as he realized she'd probably really hate being compared to a non-organic inanimate object anyway.

He looked over to his phone, debating whether to text her when he saw her walk into the room, smiling. She already had their notebook out and put it down on the table before sitting her satchel on the chair in the corner. He grabbed the pen she'd laid down next to it and started writing. "_Hey Bones!"_ She turned back around. "_Hi Booth! How was therapy today?_" Knowing his grin was far less lopsided allowed him the comfort to use that expression more often, especially with her. He decided not to ask how her day had gone. He wanted to skip ahead to the real conversation they needed to have. "_Good. Learned a lot since I've been here._" She smiled, "_Well, that was the objective, wasn't it?_" He shook his head and chuckled. "_Yeah, I suppose it was. You wanna go for a walk?" _She looked at him and nodded. She moved the table out of the way and they quickly got him transferred to his chair like the pros they'd become. She grabbed the notebook and pen and handed them to him before stepping behind his chair. They'd gone on lots of walks together since they'd mastered transfers, but the purpose behind this one made him nervous.

Suddenly Bones reached around him from behind and leaned over to write on the notebook sitting in his lap. He was sure his heart skipped a few beats. Her chest leaned gently on his shoulder causing him to melt in places he didn't even know he had. He was powerless to stop his lungs from trying to get their fill of the scent of her shampoo as her hair wisped around his face. He hoped she'd decided to write a new novel because he never wanted her to leave this position. He tried to memorize every single facet of this moment. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he recognized that she'd pulled back to stand up, but he was in sensory overload and his body had no idea how to respond. She gently squeezed his shoulder and pointed to the notebook. He shook himself out of his thoughts and focused on the message, wondering if she'd caught his reaction or if he'd managed to hide it.

"_Our spot?"_ she'd written. He turned his head to look up at her and caught the twinkle in her eye. Damn it. She'd seen. He adopted a serious expression, trying not to look like an idiot and nodded. She smiled and took her position behind his chair as naturally as if they'd been doing it forever. They went down in the elevator and started out toward the courtyard. It hadn't taken many treks out together to find their spot. Most people stayed around the benches and gazebo, but they'd managed to find a quiet little area, thanks to Leslie's directions. It had a wooden garden seat with a small overhang next to a memorial area. A small statue was surrounded by some of the most beautiful flowers he'd seen. That they'd been lucky enough to have the place alone each time, gave it a special air of seclusion.

Bones turned his chair around and set the brakes before sitting down herself. They'd discussed the arrangements for Ft. Hood several times, but he had to check one last time. This was a huge deal. "_Bones, are you sure?"_ He handed the notebook to her. "_We've been over this, Booth. I would never have offered if I wasn't sure._" He took a deep breath. "_I know, but we're basically going to be living together. You know that right? We're going to be in the same room._" Brennan read his fears. "_The Fisher House is right beside the hospital. It has all the amenities we'll need. This is the most efficient means of carrying out the rest of your care._"

Booth wished more than anything that the medical center did inpatient care for his level of rehab. He wasn't sure _he_ was ready for this next step. Fisher Houses were places that allowed soldiers and their families to temporarily stay while they received medical care. Since this one only had seven rooms, arrangements had been made for them to stay together. To take another room from another family who needed it would have been selfish. Leslie had also pointed out that despite his progress, there would be times he would need help. Staying on his own just wasn't a possibility yet. But...this was Bones. He and Bones were going to be living together for several weeks. What if she hated him by the time this was over?

She reached out to gently squeeze his hand. When she spoke rather than wrote to him, he knew she was trying to get him to look at her, to see the importance of what she said. "Booth. We've discussed this. Several times now. I'm going to be okay. _We're_ going to be okay." She smiled gently. "I'm not going to go anywhere. I'm going to stay with you. You have nothing to be afraid of." He knew his face showed all the worry he was unable to voice as he reached for the pen. Never mind his terror that she'd leave him, he had an even greater fear and she didn't even seem to care about it. "_One room Bones._" She continued talking, "It's not as if we haven't shared a room in the past, Booth. Would it help if I called you Boris?" Her eyes lit up as she grinned, then suddenly they darkened as deeply as her voice. "Or perhaps, Tony?" Was she blushing? Cause he sure as hell was. At least that was one memory he hadn't lost, but his mind went places he needed to stay away from...to those gorgeous curves wrapped in those knock out dresses he'd gotten her to wear. Instead, after swallowing very deeply, he let all the sarcasm he could muster drip from his expression. "We're going to be fine, Booth. Stop worrying and concentrate on getting better."

He sighed as he nodded. She hadn't let go of his hand and he glanced down to where they joined. His mind was whirling with where they were about to go. He'd decided to leave so he could concentrate on getting stronger, getting back to his old life. He was leaving to get away from the depression he invariably suffered each time he had a visitor. He knew it was what he needed, but he couldn't get the idea out of his head that he was running...the same as he'd accused Bones of doing in the past. And what was he running toward? Living with Bones would be a whole new level of distraction. Which choice was the lesser of two evils? Depression here or distraction there? He prayed once again that he'd made the right decision.

They switched topics and started writing again about the various activities they'd each done throughout the day. With anyone else, it would be small talk. With Bones, it was the world. He loved the light in her eyes as she wrote of being able to continue work at the same time she could be with him. He worried that she'd resent being taken away from that access once they left for Texas, but chose to stay in the moment. These talks felt so much like the ones they used to have. At the Diner. At Founding Fathers. At their apartments. What was it going to be like to live with her?

When it started to get dark and the little solar lamps started to turn on, he decided it was finally time to spring the first of his two surprises on her. They'd needed this talk, but he was most anxious about the second phase of his plan for tonight. "_Where do you keep those letters?"_ He figured she kept them close and wasn't disappointed. "_In my satchel._" He nodded. "_Good._" She didn't hide her confusion as she wrote back. "_Why?_" He grinned like a Cheshire cat. "_Because I want the first one when we get back to my room._" Her condescending expression had him even more excited about sharing his secret. "_Cohabitation does not constitute a milestone, Booth._" Nothing she said would be able to wipe the smile from his face. "_Have a little faith would ya? I told you. You can trust me._" She looked disbelievingly at him. "_Fine. What's your milestone?_" He knew this was going to be difficult and he hoped he didn't blow it. "_Unlock my brakes for me."_ She stood and did as he'd asked, preparing to take him to his room. He reached back to grab her hand, gently pulling her around to stand in front of him.

He had her undivided attention. He took a deep breath then reached down to grab the wheel on his chair with his good arm. That part he could do without looking. He had to turn away from her for the next part. He looked down to his left side and concentrated. He slowly pulled his left arm off its rest. He was lightly shaking from the effort, but he managed to maintain control of it while he placed it on his other wheel. He looked back up to see her eyes wide with surprise, disbelief and hope...as if she knew what he was about to do. He smiled briefly then turned all his thoughts to his task. He pushed with his right hand and pulled with his left hand just like the occupational therapists had taught him. Once he'd gotten his chair turned and stopped, he changed to a forward movement with both his hands. His right arm was doing most of the work, but he focused on making sure his left arm did its fair share as well.

Temperance watched as Booth slowly started pushing himself forward. She felt like she'd never been so happy in her life. He was doing it. On his own. He'd worked so hard and now he was sharing those results with her. He was making progress toward the life he needed so desperately. She realized just how monumental this moment was for him. She couldn't stop her chest from swelling with pride. Pride in what this man had done. Pride that he'd never given up. She walked behind him, watching every move he made. Tears of joy slowly rolled down her cheeks despite her efforts to stop them.

His trek was slightly labored, but soon he was at the door. Only then did he dare turn back to look at Bones, who had followed him. What he saw took his breath away. Her chin was trembling with the effort she was expending at controlling her emotions. She finally smiled, let the tears fall freely and began laughing. She was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. He couldn't believe she was having this reaction for him. He wanted to reach out, to hold her, but he couldn't let go of the wheels. She finally seemed to find her feet and ran toward him, throwing her arms around his neck. He leaned his head over on her shoulder and squeezed the hug he couldn't give with his arms. She pulled back, "Booth, I'm so proud of you! This is...it's...I'm so happy for you!"

Booth grinned. He was on Cloud Nine and didn't think he'd ever fall off. An overwhelming feeling of euphoria spread through him. That was the only way he could describe it. _He_ had been the one to give Bones that reaction. She'd been happy for _him_. It was a small feat in the grand scheme of things and he still had a long way to go, but this felt good. Really good. This was better than anything that had happened since his heatstroke. He flashed his charm smile and held on as tightly as he could to his chair with his left hand. Then being the gentleman he was, he swept his right hand out to allow her to step into the hospital before him. Her full laugh as she began walking could fuel his life for years. He knew in his heart it was true. He followed her in and slowly made his way to his room.

By the time they got there, he was exhausted and sweating and looking far less the gentleman he had only minutes ago. Bones walked into the bathroom to get a damp washcloth. After handing it to him, she got a clean shirt and his deodorant. He had no trouble taking his shirt off any more and quickly wiped himself down. Once he was done, she took the cloth and handed him the deodorant, yet another task he'd managed to master. He let himself feel a little bit of pride as he handed the container back to her. Things were looking up slowly but surely. He took his shirt and got dressed. She wheeled his chair beside the bed and locked the wheels. He hated that he was so worn out. Bones had to do more work than usual to help him get transferred, but once again, they did it together. Partners.

Once he was settled, she pulled the table over to the bed. He looked at her with the question in his eyes. Did he deserve the first letter? Did he deserve to see the first part of her story? She smiled brightly before speaking to him, "Booth, you've made so much progress in such a short time. Lesser men would have succumbed to depression, but you have risen to this new challenge in your life. I am honored to have you in _my_ life and proud to be your friend." He was blown away. All he could do was look at her. After several seconds, he reached for her hand to let her know how much her words had meant.

She smiled as she let go to walk over to get her satchel. She pulled out one of the envelopes and he couldn't wait to read it. She came back over, placing it on the table before turning to him. "I'll let you read this and I'm going to go home for the night. I've got several things I need to finalize before we leave tomorrow. I am so very happy for you, Booth." She leaned over to put her arms around him. He closed his eyes, savoring their hug as he put his arm around her. He looked up again as she pulled back. She smiled gently, leaning over to place the softest kiss on his cheek, before reaching for his hand one last time, "Good night, Booth." He smiled and watched her walk out.

Booth looked over to his table. The first letter. He was almost afraid to touch it now, despite having worked so hard for it. What story did it hold? He leaned forward to pull the table closer. He recognized her handwriting, just as he'd recognized it in Afghanistan. He'd know it anywhere. He picked it up and held it in his lap, studying the smooth strokes on the paper. Why was he so nervous? He turned it over and was able to use his left hand to hold it as he tore the seam open with his right hand. He was really going to have to thank all his therapists before he left tomorrow. It was because of their help that he was sitting here waiting to see what Bones had said to him over two months ago. He pulled the folded paper from the envelope and flattened it out before holding it up. He took a deep breath and began to read.

_._

_Booth,_

_My publisher gave me the address she used to send your first letter. I'm going to use it as well in hopes this one finds its way to your mail call. I've gotten settled into my quarters and have developed a routine. It almost feels strange to be back in this atmosphere. I've been on several digs in the time we've been partners, but knowing this one will last so much longer feels different somehow. I have not yet been able to discern the cause for that reaction._

_My tent is furnished with the solid and beautiful pieces that I've found in some of the sites I've been to, but not many. My temporary living arrangements are far more comfortable than I expected. The director here is very kind. His name is Dr. Hasani and his knowledge of the area is superb. He's shown excellent skills in recovering artifacts from the site as well. He seems to be developing almost a fatherly attitude in his dealings with me. Normally I would resent his assumed familiarity, but for some reason I am not bothered by it. We've talked several times and I've told him of my life at home._

_Not that you could tell I took a break, but I've returned to my letter after dealing with Ms. Wick yet again. Her enthusiasm is somewhat overwhelming at times. My tent mate, Dr. Marlena Marshall, is no better. They get along quite well since they share many of the same characteristics. I suppose that is partially due to their young ages, although I don't recall behaving that way when I was their age. They get overly excited at the smallest of finds. _

.

Booth had to chuckle at the thought of Bones being stuck someplace with her intern. That girl could drive even the most patient person insane and there wasn't a person alive who'd dare to say Bones was overly patient with her. Then she'd gotten stuck with a roommate just like Daisy? She must have been living in her own personal hell. He felt kinda sorry for Bones. At least she was here now. He continued reading.

_._

_While I'm quite happy we have found evidence of ancient civilization, we have yet to find any more remains. The ones initially discovered have already been shipped to a lab, so there are no bones for me to study. I admit, I'm quite anxious to find more. Could that be a product of the work we do together? Usually when we arrive at a crime scene, the remains have been discovered and I can begin working immediately. I used to find pleasure in the whole search, but I'm not sure I feel the same way anymore. In admitting that, I find that I'm somewhat disturbed by the knowledge. I've had feelings of anxiety since I arrived here. I hadn't really pinpointed why until writing these words. Perhaps it is because I am no longer accustomed to being underutilized in this manner? _

.

Booth wasn't sure what to think about this. She'd told him she was looking forward to leaving. To taking a break from what they did. She'd wanted to get away and return to her roots. Had the work they'd done changed her? Had he changed her? Would she one day resent him for it? Why had she been feeling anxious? Was it really because she was used to the pace they kept during a case?

He couldn't help the pang of guilt. She'd acted like this project was a huge opportunity and she'd been so excited. As much as he hadn't wanted her to leave DC, he hated the idea that she hadn't been as happy as she normally was on a project. Was he to blame for that? The thought that she'd figure that out soon and then leave him alone in Texas was almost enough to make him stop reading, to finish it later, but he continued.

_._

_I miss the camaraderie you and I share. We have developed a level of understanding with each other that I don't have with anyone else. I know I am not always the easiest person to get along with, but you look past that. You appreciate what I have to offer. You don't worship me like the fans of my books. You don't set me apart as the expert like my professional counterparts have, even though that distinction is made appropriately due to my advanced abilities. You've welcomed me into your life. You treat me as an equal. You have indicated before that money is not a barrier to our friendship, but you haven't allowed anything to be a barrier. I appreciate that more than you know. More than I tell you. _

_I don't have that same kind of relationship with anyone here, nor do I expect to develop one. Despite what you may think, I am able to discern the potential of future relations quite quickly. I knew when I met you that we had the makings of a good partnership. I was fascinated by your investigative talents. I found using my own expertise in a new area quite exciting actually. We all did. Zack. Hodgins. Even Angela. Many times she and I have discussed how our lives have taken a different course than we'd each planned. While mine is closer to what I expected than hers is, it is still a much richer life. You opened new doors for me, Booth. I've never told Cam I appreciated her recommendation all those years ago. I suppose I should do that one day._

.

Booth was amazed at how Bones had opened up in this letter. Telling him basically the same things he'd always felt about her. She'd quickly become the most important person in his life very early in their partnership. He hadn't really told her how he'd felt about her either, now that he thought about it. They'd always shown each other in other ways. In being there for each other no matter what. In having faith in each other. In sharing both their professional and personal lives with each other. All the little things. To have her write down in black and white that she valued him as much as he valued her was extraordinary. It was a huge leap for her. He was humbled that she'd taken the time to tell him these things.

_._

_Thank you for coming to the airport to say good bye to me. It meant so much that you were willing to risk disciplinary action so we could see each other one last time. I am still quite worried about your safety. I don't like knowing you are in Afghanistan during a war. I realize you're there to train soldiers, but the entire region is volatile. Please be safe, Booth. Please remember our agreement. Please don't be you. It is possibly a selfish request, but I would appreciate the occasional indication that you are keeping your word. Perhaps you could write to me as well? Allow me to experience my own mail call? I will 'talk' with you again next week in my own letter._

_Until then, please stay safe._

_Your Partner,_

_Bones_

.

Once again she'd asked him to stay safe. She'd also asked him to write to her. What had she thought when she'd never received any replies from him? Had she been angry or had he unwittingly managed to make her worry even more? Given her reaction when she first came to the hospital, he guessed his second thought was more than likely. He hated that he'd done anything to hurt her, even if he couldn't have helped it.

He was still surprised that she'd told him how much she cared. That's what the letter meant, right? She cared about him as a person? A partner? A friend? He thought back to the first letter she'd written to him, the one he'd received in Afghanistan. He'd thought the same thing then, but had talked himself out of it. He'd told himself she only cared about the work they did. That she viewed him as only a partner and was only writing out of some sense of obligation.

He stopped to think about the events of the last few weeks. She'd traveled half way around the world...walked away from the project of a lifetime...to be with him. That wasn't an obligation, was it? She hadn't acted like their time together was a chore. In fact, the opposite was true. They'd worked together, snuggled together...hell, they'd even flirted a little, right?

Was he reading too much into it again or did she care for him as more than a partner? He thought about how quickly he'd dismissed the idea before. Could he have been wrong?

Booth was more anxious than ever to get the next letter. Luckily, he had another surprise up his sleeve.


	23. Mile High Surprise

**A/N: Wow, your responses to each chapter just blow me away. You have no idea how wonderful it is to get feedback like you're providing. Your thoughts, your questions, your pats on the back...all of it is amazing! Thank you so much for your support! Sophia...your patience knows no bounds. Thank you for constantly throwing challenges my way.**

Mile-High Surprise

Booth sat next to the window of the private jet he and Bones were taking to Texas. This was one time he was thankful to have rich friends. She hadn't had to work very hard to convince him to let Hodgins do this for him. If her description was anything to go by, Hodgins had been overly enthusiastic in his desire to be able to give Booth the luxury of privacy for their flight.

He watched the painted lines go by as they made the trek to the runway. He kept his head turned to the window, but let his eyes slide up to watch Bones, who was seated in the chair facing him. He didn't want her to catch him secretly studying her. She looked very comfortable as she too gazed out the window. She was dressed very casually, wearing clothes much like she'd worn when he'd first met her. Jeans and a v-neck t-shirt. She was even wearing sneakers. He was used to seeing her hair in a ponytail when she dressed like this, but today she wore it down.

He thought she was one of the most beautiful creatures he'd ever seen. The way she looked today even put the Temperance Brennan of the past to shame. She seemed to get more gorgeous with each passing day. He loved the way her hair framed her structured face and fell past her shoulders. The way her long slender arm rested so gracefully along the arm of her chair. Her legs went on for miles and miles.

She shifted in her seat and he darted his eyes back to the runway. He listened as the sound of the engines intensified before quieting again. They came to a stop, preparing for takeoff. He chanced another glance toward his partner. She chose that moment to look over toward him. "This is it," she smiled. He returned her smile and nodded, before turning again to look out the window.

He had another surprise in store for her and couldn't decide if he was going to show her on the plane or later that night. If he saved it for tonight, maybe they could avoid some of the awkwardness he was sure to feel once they arrived at their room. He should be used to the idea by now, but every time he thought of living with her, his nerves went haywire. Thinking of it now had the same affect.

As if the engines heard his thoughts, they accelerated, the sound increasing each second. He felt the gentle force pushing him back into his seat as the plane sprang forward. Soon they were hurtling along the runway and his eyes strained to keep up with the lines going by. The jarring ride lasted only moments before they were airborne and the plane settled into its steep climb. He watched the ground quickly recede.

Movement out of the corner of his eye distracted him. Bones reached down to grab her satchel before it slid across the floor toward him. She pushed it back under the seat and tucked her feet around it to keep it stationary. She turned back toward her window, but he couldn't take his eyes off the satchel. He knew his letters were in there. Her story was in there. He wanted more than anything to know what it told. Her last letter had confused him. Would her next letter do the same?

God how he wanted those letters. It was insanely frustrating that she'd placed her condition upon his receipt of them. At the same time, he respected her desire to give him motivation. He was sure he would need it in the coming weeks. Knowing he had it in his power to open another letter this very minute was driving him crazy. He turned back to the window to watch the clouds float by.

Brennan was also looking out the window, but she was thinking of the future. She wondered what Texas would hold for them. She'd spent so long convincing Booth this was the best thing for him, that her presence would be beneficial, but when it came down to the actual day to day living, she started to panic. Booth needed to heal. He needed to concentrate on getting better. She had a long history of doing the wrong thing and she was terrified she'd do something that would set him back. She'd been so confident while attempting to persuade Booth to let her accompany him. Now that they were finally headed in that direction, she realized just what a responsibility she'd given herself.

She'd caught Booth watching her several times now. She wasn't an expert in body language, but she'd learned enough in their time together. She knew when a man was searching for something. What she couldn't figure out was what he wanted. Was he simply needing her friendship and hoping she wouldn't desert him? Or was it possible that he wanted the same thing she did? When he hadn't answered any of her letters, she'd wondered if he'd truly moved on and resented her implications. Now she knew the circumstances surrounding his silence, she'd begun to entertain the notion once more. Maybe it wasn't too late for them. Maybe the hope of a future together wasn't as preposterous a notion as she'd begun to think. Maybe when he had recovered, they'd be able to give themselves that chance he'd once asked for. She wondered what it would be like to live with Seeley Booth when they weren't undercover on a case. She was definitely looking forward to the evening, their first foray into this new dynamic.

Booth chanced another glance toward Bones. She was watching the world go by just as he had been. He wondered what she was thinking about. Her eyes moved around as they took in the various shapes going by. She seemed lost in her own world. Ever so slowly, her lips parted in a smile. He wanted to ask her what thought made her so happy, but feared she would clam up if she realized she'd been so outwardly demonstrative. He let her have her moment uninterrupted, watching from the corner of his eye and reveling in just being with her.

He couldn't help himself when his eyes stole back down to the space on the floor behind her feet. He was on his trek toward the Holy Grail of Letters and he couldn't go fast enough. "Booth?" Startled, he looked up to see her watching him. He raised his eyebrows in question. "Just a minute," she said as she reached down to get their notebook out. She flipped to a clean page near the end of the notebook and smiled a little wider as she wrote. Booth looked down when she handed the notebook over. "_You seem to have been meticulously studying me since we sat down. Is something wrong?_"

Booth swallowed then looked up to her smiling face. He was going to have to find that suave nature he knew he had buried somewhere, because getting caught like a schoolboy was getting old. He used to be subtle enough that she never caught on to his inappropriate thoughts or actions. He started writing his reply, "_No. Nothing wrong. Just thinking._" He passed their conversation back across the space between them as they reached cruising altitude.

"_Would you care to share?"_ she wrote back innocently. Booth read her words then looked up to study her openly, considering his reply. Yeah, he wanted to share his thoughts with her. He wanted to share a great deal more than his thoughts. He wanted to share his life with her. He'd never been able to force himself to let go of that hope as much as he'd tried. The temptation to throw caution to the wind was powerful, but the doubts flooding his mind were a much stronger force. He wrote his noncommittal reply, "_Um...Not sure,_" before passing it to her.

She thought for a moment about what to say to him. He'd looked like he was comfortable with the conversation for a few seconds, but she'd seen a darkness enter his eyes. His brow had creased. His stress level had risen again. She wanted to erase that worry from his face. Her attempts at humor often failed, but she was willing to try anything at this point. "_Perhaps you are pondering what inappropriately revealing outfit you'll have me wear in Texas? Will it include boots or a cowboy hat?_" She hoped her teasing would have the desired effect as she passed the notebook to him.

Booth wanted to believe she was flirting with him, but he knew better. At least he thought he knew better. Any other woman and he'd know for sure. Bones always kept him guessing which was one of the many things he loved about her. He glanced again to the satchel which seemed to have magnets in it. Man, did he ever want that next letter. Maybe he'd let her make his decision for him. Her reaction could be his deciding factor. He was pretty sure she wouldn't like the idea of him reading one of the letters in front of her and shored up his nerves for disappointment. Besides, there was nothing wrong with waiting until tonight...other than the torture of having that story so close he could practically taste it. Ignoring her joke and focusing only on his goal, he wrote, "_What would you say if I asked for another letter?_"

This time she seemed to take his question at face value rather than disbelieving him. "_You've met another milestone?_" He unconsciously nodded his head as he wrote back, "_Yep._" The overhead speaker came on as the pilot announced they no longer had to wear their seat belts. It felt a little strange to be all alone in the belly of a plane. He was used to being shoved into a space not fit for a sardine while flight attendants with fake smiles rattled off their scripts by rote. He was glad Bones had convinced Hodgins they didn't need one for such a short flight.

He passed the notebook back to her and she read his simple answer before looking up with a question written on her face. He smiled gently as he waited for her reaction, noting that her feet instinctively tightened around her bag. She studied his face for a few moments before turning back to the notebook to write. When she was done, she passed it back to him.

He paused before he looked down to read what he was sure would be a 'let's wait' message. He should have expected that she'd surprise him yet again. "_Is this milestone one that can be demonstrated now or do I have to wait until later?_" Her answer didn't match her physical reactions and he found himself wondering which was closer to the truth. Did she really want the surprise now? Or was she hoping it would be something she'd have to wait for? He looked back down to the satchel and the treasures it held.

He decided to give her an out. "_I could show you now. If you wanted. Or we can wait. Up to you._" He placed her last opportunity for escape into her hands and waited to see what she'd do with it. When she looked back up at him, her eyes were dancing with excitement and she let a wide grin make its way across her face. She never ceased to amaze him. The thought that something he could do or say would bring that reaction out in her left him practically giddy. She turned back to the notebook and wrote eagerly. "_What are you waiting for? An etched invitation?_"

He laughed when he read her question. The sound was foreign in relation to their quiet conversation, but he enjoyed it. "_It's engraved invitation Bones._" He passed his reply back to her with a smile. She rolled her eyes as she started writing. "_Quit correcting me and tell me what your milestone is_."

He was suddenly nervous. He'd been practicing and had worked just as hard for this moment as he had his first surprise for her. He hadn't perfected it yet, but considering the fact he'd almost died, any improvement was welcome. He looked down to her satchel one last time to remind himself what he was aiming for...the words that Bones had already shared with him. He would go to the ends of the earth to see why they were so important to her. That she knew he would feel that way and had provided them as incentive spoke volumes about their friendship.

He put the notebook down on his lap and released his seat belt. She automatically did the same and scooted forward in her chair anticipating his movements. He reached out for her hand and she gently folded it into his own. He sat there, stroking his thumb back and forth across the top of her fingers, marveling at how delicate they looked in comparison to his.

He waited for a moment. He was about to say good bye to something that had become precious to him. He found he was almost reluctant now to share his secret. To change things between them. One last flick of his eyes to the floor near her feet was all it took. He looked back to her eyes and she smiled. It was worth it.

He took a deep breath and very slowly shared his secret with her. "Thank you, Dr. Temperance Brennan, for everything you've done for me," he carefully said as he watched the shock take up residence in her face. "Thank you for staying with me. Thank you for believing in me."

Temperance sat in stunned disbelief. His speech was slow and there were pauses, but he'd spoken. It was the first time he'd talked to her since they'd parted. She didn't think she'd ever heard a more beautiful sound. After all the conversations they'd had, to finally hear his voice was amazing. Her heart fluttered in her chest and her mouth hung open. She couldn't think of anything to say. If only he'd used her real name, it would have been perfect.

As if he'd read her mind, he continued. "Thank you for being you, Bones." Her lungs forced out all the air they held in a startled response to his statement. She'd never been shocked as speechless before. He gave her hand a slight squeeze and chuckled, "Do you need the notebook?" His joke pulled her out of her silence and she began laughing.

She immediately climbed out of the chair and lowered to her knees, throwing her arms up around his neck. "Booth! You can talk! You said my name! You're talking!" Booth leaned down into her hug, feeling her grip tighten even more in response and squeezed back his elation of the moment. This woman made him want to accomplish great things. She inspired him to be the best man he could be. He could think of no other person in the world he'd rather share his milestones with.

He'd gotten used to the hugs she'd started giving him, but the ones in reaction to his surprises filled him with pure joy. The world was full of possibilities when her arms were around him. Whispers of a future played through his mind. He was overwhelmed by how far he'd come. By the fact he'd just spoken to the most important person in his life. By her response to him. By the feel of her in his arms. He wanted to weep with the weight of the moment, while ironically she couldn't seem to stop laughing.

She started to pull back but he indulged himself and held her tighter. He couldn't let go just yet. Understanding his need, she quietly leaned back into his arms and laid her head on his shoulder, pulling her arms under his to wrap around his back. Booth let his eyes close, savoring every second.

Temperance didn't think there was any other place in the world she'd rather be. Nothing was as important to her as being with Booth, supporting him in his struggle to return to the life he had before Afghanistan. Being in his arms filled her with an indescribable contentment. If she had to choose only one place to spend the rest of her life, surrounded by the comfort of his embrace would be the only choice she could make. She closed her eyes, just to feel the moment. To feel the breadth of his shoulders. To feel his arm holding her securely. To feel his chest rising and falling with each breathe. To feel his cheek resting on her head. She longed to have Angela's talent, to be able to paint this moment into her memory.

Her thoughts were an avalanche she was powerless to stop. She was so proud of this man. He'd almost died. She'd almost lost him. And yet he'd come so far. He never stopped reaching for his goals. He'd been faced with so much in his life, but the things that would have crushed most men had served to make him stronger. He was amazing and he'd shared this moment with her. Of all the people in the world, he'd chosen her. She had never felt emotions so strongly in relation to a person before. She was overcome with feelings she had no idea how to describe. She felt a tear roll down the side of her face before absorbing into his shirt. "Booth, I'm so proud of you," she whispered. "I love..." she inhaled sharply as she realized what she'd been about to say. "I love that you've shared this milestone with me."

Booth stopped breathing. Had she almost said...no...surely not. His mind ceased to function, focusing only on the one word. It was impossible. She was happy for him. Of that he was sure. He let his hand run up and down her back as he slowly whispered, "There's nobody else I'd want to share it with, Bones." He gave her another tight squeeze before pulling back. She let her arms stay at his sides, so he felt safe leaving his resting against her ribs. Her eyes shone with unshed tears. He smiled and simply couldn't resist the pull of the moment. He leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on her cheek. "Thank you," he said softly into her ear.

When she pulled back, he felt the loss of her touch more deeply than he wanted to admit. As if he'd had the universe in his hands and it had been ripped out in a split second. He watched as she leaned over on the floor to pull her satchel forward. She reached in to pull out a white envelope. Turning back to him, she smiled. Without a word, she placed it in his hand.

He looked at the familiar scroll before looking back up. She'd left his room when he'd read the first letter, but there weren't many places for her to go on the plane. He waited to see what her next move was. She gave a short nod to indicate he could open the letter and returned to her seat. When she looked out the window, he took his queue to open the envelope.

.

_Booth,_

_This is my second week here and we have yet to find any more remains than were initially discovered prior to my arrival. I believe the team may have been hasty in their decision to request my presence. While I understand the desire to have someone of my caliber associated with this project, it's a waste of time and resources for me to be here at this point. The artifacts we have recovered could, quite easily, have been handled by first year graduate students. In fact, I have found myself taking on more of a supervisory role than a participatory role, something which I had not anticipated. I am more frustrated by our lack of discovery than I am willing to admit to anyone here. I hope we make another discovery soon that truly does require my unique skill set._

_How is your training going? I sincerely hope you have students who are eager and willing to learn. You've seen me in an instructional setting many times. I think it would be quite interesting to be able to observe you in the role of instructor. I expect that, like me, you'll require their full attention to the details which their lives may depend on. I imagine you'd be a very thorough instructor. I admire your desire for excellence. While we obviously have different areas of expertise, your vigilance mirrors my own. I would expect nothing less from my partner. In fact, I would refuse to work with anyone who didn't show the same need for accuracy. You are content with nothing less than the best. Hence your own willingness to have me as a partner, I'm sure. _

_Because I have so much free time on my hands, my mind tends to wander. For the first time, I miss home almost more deeply than I desire to be involved with a project. The trips I've taken since I've known you have been far shorter than this one. I already miss my friends. I miss Russ and Dad. We were apart for so many years. I've begun to question my decision to leave them for so long this soon after we've become reacquainted. Because they've been on my mind, my mother has not been far behind. I wonder what she would be like now. I wonder if she would be proud of me, of the decisions I've made in my life._

_I am intensely thankful we discovered her remains and were able to find some resolution to the question of what happened to her. Everyone worked so hard to help me discover the truth. However, I found your presence and friendship during that time especially comforting. Thank you for being there, Booth. I know my words sometimes indicated I was less than pleased with your constant presence, but you shared the burden of...my heart. I'm speaking metaphorically of course. You went out on a limb and bent the rules for me, which could have resulted in dire consequences for your employment, but you never hesitated. You stayed with me and kept searching for the truth despite the obstacles we faced. You went out of your way to return my brother to me. I have my family again, Booth, largely because I have you in my life. Because you kept reminding me of the importance of forgiveness. _

_Thinking back to that time, I've decided your hypothesis regarding hindsight is true. It __is__ optimal. I doubted myself during that investigation. You never did. You were strong and you helped me find strength as well. You never let me forget who I was. You showed faith in my brother, my parents and in me. You kept me focused, which was actually quite a role reversal for us. _

_I talked with Angela during that case. I told her I missed my family. I missed having people in my life who cared where I was all the time. Ironically, the very moment I said that to her, you walked into the lab to find me. I value that aspect of our friendship, Booth. You and I each care where the other is at all times. I care about where you are now. I worry about you. About your safety. Please guard your life with the same tenacity you guard mine. Normally I find that saying something one time is sufficient. However, I feel the need to remind you of our promise to return to DC and to each other. I am already looking forward to meeting you at the coffee cart. _

_Until then, please stay safe._

_Your Friend,_

_Bones_

.

Booth carefully folded the letter and gently placed it back in the envelope. He flipped it over to look at the front where she'd written his name. What story was she trying to tell him?

He looked back up to see her watching him. He found no secrets behind her eyes. Nor did he find answers. What was she thinking? What did it mean that she didn't try to escape when he'd read the thoughts she'd had in Maluku? What did she feel? He finally asked the question that had been burning in his mind since he'd read the last letter. "When do we talk about this story of yours, Bones?"


	24. Nowhere to Hide

**A/N: It thrills me to no end to read your comments and to know you appreciate this story's journey. Thank you so very much for your continued support! Janet, thank you for your insights! Sophia...my thanks is all encompassing!**

Nowhere to Hide **  
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"_When do we talk about this story of yours, Bones?"_

Booth waited for her to process his question. He'd loved their notebook conversations and had saved talking as his second surprise out of his reluctance to let go of them. But now that he was, he wanted to really talk. He needed to understand why she'd come back. Why she'd stayed. Why she was now traveling to Texas to stay by his side. His mind automatically replayed her use of the word 'love', wondering what she had truly started to say.

"What is there to talk about?" she asked.

Booth did a double take. Flabbergasted, hating how slowly he had to talk, he asked, "What do you mean 'what is there to talk about'? There's a lot to talk about." Was she playing games? There was no way in hell she was that obtuse.

This was the part Brennan had been worried about. That he would read her feelings and want to talk before she was ready...before he'd read all the letters...and that was something she desperately needed for him to do. Honestly, she had expected his question and should have thought about how she'd handle the situation, but she hadn't expected it so quickly. She'd only given him the first letter yesterday.

She was never good at these kinds of talks and trying to have one when Booth didn't have all the facts would be even more difficult. However, she knew avoiding the subject would cause him a great deal of stress and he'd be no better off than if she'd let him go to Texas alone. Nagging worry surfaced over whether he'd moved on. If he had and felt pressured by her feelings, she'd be a hindrance.

"Would you explain mail call to me?" she asked. Booth scowled, allowing his disbelief to show. He wasn't sure whether to get pissed or to wait and see what she was thinking. He decided to play along for now.

"Mail call," he stated with a frustrated huff. "It's when all the mail is delivered to the soldiers," he stated bluntly.

She nodded at his answer then asked, "What significance does the word 'call' have?"

He swallowed his frustration, "Because they bring the mail to one place and _call out_ the names of the recipients. You go, get your mail and then high tail it outta there to read it."

Once again she nodded. "That makes more sense. I had been unable to reconcile the word 'call' with the word 'mail'." She paused and Booth waited, each looking at the other, trying to judge their next move. "My first letter wasn't with the rest of the ones in your bag, but it was there."

Booth looked down as he thought back to the day he'd received that letter. The day before his heat stroke. He had managed to destroy his elation pretty quickly and yet he'd still carried it around, slipping it out of his pocket to read every chance he'd had. The last time he remembered having it, it was already dog eared and looking worse for the wear. Still looking at the floor, he slowly nodded. "Where is it?" he asked softly as his eyes traveled up to meet hers.

Brennan glanced out the window. The beauty of the bright blue sky above a sea of cotton ball clouds was not lost on her. She took a moment to note various details of the sight before her, hoping Booth would not be angered by her answer. She looked back at him, "I have it." Booth turned to look out the window.

"It was in the very bottom of your bag." She paused for moment before continuing, "It appears you either handled it quite frequently or you were in an altercation at some point while it was in your possession."

Booth sucked his bottom lip into his mouth as he thought about her words. It seemed incredibly unfair that the physical state of that one letter told her more about him than all three of her letters told him about her. Man, this was tougher than he thought it would be. He wanted honesty from her, but he was suddenly unwilling to be so honest himself. He didn't want to start down a road he was going to regret. Not now.

He was inundated with doubts and fears about the intent behind her letters. Had she merely been speaking of their partnership? There really wasn't any evidence to suggest she felt anything more than friendship and loyalty. That first letter had been his anchor, though, and she deserved to know. "It was a piece of home, Bones. A little part of you." He turned back to look at her. "You asked what the significance of mail call is. For a few minutes, you forget where you are. You forget why you're there and life is normal again." He pursed his lips and looked into her eyes as she sat listening to him. "You forget you're training boys how to kill and that some of them might never make it home."

Brennan hadn't expected that answer. She ached for the man before her. "Why did you go back, Booth?" she asked softly.

He looked at her for a moment before allowing his curiosity to finally best him. "Why did you leave?"

His question crashed into her mind and was all the answer she needed. Images of the last few weeks flashed across her vision. She couldn't stand to look him in the eye anymore and forced her gaze to the floor. Realizing that wasn't sufficient, she stood up. "I'm sorry." She hurried toward the bathroom and closed the door behind her.

"Bones!" Booth hollered. Oh God. He should have known she'd take his genuine question the wrong way. He'd just caused the very thing he'd wanted to avoid. She had run. "Bones!" He should have known better goddamn it. The palm of his hand slapped against his forehead as he ran his hand through his hair. "Bones, come back. Please." He waited, listening to the silence.

He looked down at his legs and then craned his neck around searching for his wheelchair. Bones had put it at the back of the plane out of the way...and it sat right next to the wall of the bathroom. It could have been a hundred miles away for all the good it did him. "Bones, please," he yelled again. Still nothing.

He looked back down at his legs. He'd made a lot of progress, but there was no way in hell he could walk. A wave a fury washed over him as he pulled back his fist and sent it flying into his useless leg. The pain felt good and gave him the energy he needed.

He slid forward in his seat and turned back to judge the distance. He could do this. He had to. He faced forward, took a couple of deep breaths and focused all his strength into his right arm and leg, knowing only one side of his body would cooperate in this endeavor. He braced his hand on the seat and pushed with everything he had in his leg. He was shaking with the effort by the time he was standing. He leaned all his weight on his arm for leverage and turned as he hopped. He started to lose his balance, but gripped the arm of the seat to pull back up and steady himself. The muscles in his arm were screaming in pain. He focused his balance again, let go of the arm rest and quickly reached up to grab the back.

Booth leaned on the seat to regain his stability, paused, and then did a test hop forward. Why the hell was this so hard? He'd hopped all over the place as a kid. He held tightly as he hitched his left leg up next to his right leg and focused on his goal. Just a few hops. That's all. A few hops and he'd be there. As much as he'd wanted Bones to come out of the bathroom before, he hoped she stayed put now. He did not want her to see him if he failed.

He closed his eyes, willing all the strength in his body to cooperate with him. After a few seconds, he opened them, staring at his target. He hopped forward and balanced after a wobble. Another hop, more sure this time. The next one would be the true test. He'd have to let go of the seat. He paused and took in a deep reassuring breath, eyes still on his wheelchair. He squeezed the back of the seat, praying for the success he needed right now. He lessened his grip and raised his hand, letting it hover over the seat as a test. He bent his leg and straightened it to practice once, feeling the burning in his thigh.

He hopped forward twice in quick succession, throwing his arm out as a counter balance. He started to fall forward, but used every ounce of strength he had to pull himself upright. He thrust his hip forward to drag his left leg under him and stopped to let the wobbling subside. He took two more hops. His muscles were on fire, the pain nauseating. His nerves over Bones and the feat he was trying to accomplish had adrenaline rushing through his body. Four more hops and he'd be there. Thank God, she'd left his chair open instead of folding it away. He wanted to get there as fast as he could, but had to concentrate on his balance before he could move.

Pushing down the contents of his stomach, he focused. The muscles in his leg were contracting from the exertion. Gritting his teeth, he took a deep breath and held it as he forced his leg to hop twice more, desperately trying to keep his balance. The activity had him breathing shallowly. Concentrating on not falling made it impossible to slow down and take the deep breaths he needed. Two more hops. That was all. His head was swimming, but he couldn't shake it for fear of losing what little control he had. He commanded his muscles to cooperate as he slowly hopped the final distance. He grabbed the arm of his chair to help hold some of his weight. The way his lungs were overworking themselves, he'd be inclined to think he'd just run a marathon...and he wasn't done. He still had to get in front of his chair and sit down. He was drained. Beads of sweat rolled down, tickling the sides of his cheeks. It was ridiculous that such a small feat could wipe him out like this. Just a little bit further. He couldn't stop now.

Using his arm to do most of the work, he made a final hop, turned and collapsed into his chair. He let his head fling back over the back and his limbs go slack. He didn't move for several seconds, letting the twitching of his muscles subside and his breathing return to normal. His head felt like it weighed a ton when he finally pulled it back up and leaned over to get his leg rests down. Exhausted didn't even come close to describing how he felt.

The realization that this wasn't the hardest thing he was going to have to do was not very comforting. He reached down to unlock his brake and slowly pushed himself to the bathroom door. His arms trembling from the effort, he stopped just short so she could open it. He relocked his brake and stared, resting before his next trial.

Brennan had been desperately trying to stop crying since she'd escaped to the bathroom. Her attempts had been futile and the tears continued. Thoughts tumbled erratically in her mind. Booth had left because she had. If she'd only stayed. The consequences of her decision were almost too much to bear. How could she face him again? How could he ever forgive her? What had she done? Her mind went numb with the pain, but the tears continued down her cheeks. Why had he even allowed her to be with him all this time? How could he tolerate her presence? She would get him settled in Texas and figure out how to get someone else there to help him.

She jumped when she heard the loud knock on the door followed quickly by Booth's muffled imperative, "Bones, open the door."

She couldn't. How could she look into his eyes? How could she look at him knowing she'd caused this? "No, Booth. Go away."

Another muffled command, "Bones, I'm not kidding. Open the door. Now."

Her tears flowed unchecked. She needed to be alone, to regroup and get her emotions under control. "Booth, I can't..." Her sharp gasp shot her eyes wide and to the mirror. "Booth?" She scrambled for the lock on the door and quickly pushed it open to see him sitting there in his chair. "Booth? How did you...?" She let the question trail into the cabin of the plane.

Booth looked at her shocked, tear streaked face. God, the last thing he'd wanted to do was cause this. He reached out for her hand and pulled her closer. She let the door close behind her and asked, "Booth, how did you get here?" His finger silenced her lips but she still muttered his name around it.

"Bones, I need you to do something for me. Okay?" The hesitation was evident in her entire body. "Please?" She swiped the back of her hand across the side of her face before turning her palm against the other cheek. Her chin quivered, more tears welled, but she nodded. "I need to you to grab some Kleenex. Hell, if you can, just grab the whole damn box. We'll probably both need em."

She wrapped her arms around her waist as shook her head, looking away, "Booth, I can't do this."

He had to get through to her and spoke confidently. "Yes, you can. You're strong, Bones. We can do this. We have to. We've been avoiding this for years. I'm done running. So are you." Holy hell, he was nervous. This could backfire in his face more than anything ever had.

If they hadn't been in a plane, she'd have bolted by now. He had to get her to calm down. "Bones. Look at me," he begged, wanting to hold her hand, but knowing it would further her panic. When she turned her eyes to his, he slowly continued, "I swear the last thing in this world I want to do is hurt you. All I want to do is talk. We don't have to get everything straight, okay? All we gotta do is start."

Brennan could see how earnest he was, but she was frozen. The helplessness she felt at her inability prevent his injury, the knowledge that she may very well have caused it, was overwhelming. There was no way for her to protect him, even when she wasn't around. Logical thought was incapacitated by guilt as it raced through her mind. She had wanted to have the conversation he asked for, but how could he even stand to be in the same vicinity as her when she couldn't stand it herself? She started to shake her head.

Booth knew his plea hadn't worked. Distraction was his next ploy. "Bones, look. Getting over here was pretty damn exhausting. I could really use some help here. Can you grab the Kleenex, maybe find some Tylenol, and push me back to our seats?"

More tears welled in her eyes and spilled over her cheeks. He was cursing his inability to say the right things to her, but he refused to give up. He grabbed her hand fiercely. "Listen to me and listen good. I am in this chair because of my own stupidity. My own stubbornness. I knew I was sick. I knew I needed to go to the doctor. But I didn't. I thought I was Mr. Super Soldier and could do anything. I was wrong. I'm here because I put myself here, Bones." He took a deep breath to continue, stressing each of his next words. "You did nothing at all to cause this. It's all on me. You are _not_ responsible for my decisions."

She heard what he said, saw from the intensity in his eyes that he believed it, but she knew better. "You're wrong, Booth. Wrong! You only left because I did." She broke down, sobbing. She couldn't stop the flood of regret. Her next words were spoken in emotional hiccups, each statement rising in intensity. "This is all my fault. All of it. You should never have been there. You shouldn't be here now. We shouldn't be on our way to Texas for your rehabilitation." She took a deep breath to continue, but found herself yanked down into Booth's lap. His arm wrapped around her tightly.

"Bones, we both ran. We _both_ did. If we hadn't then, we would have eventually. You know that. I _know_ you know that." He tested loosening his grip. When she didn't make a move to leave, he reached up to pull her chin around to look at him.

"You were right. We needed some space. We needed time to figure things out. You know one of the things I figured out while I was in the hospital?" He waited until she shook her head before he continued. "I figured out that my best friend would drop one of the most important things in her life because I needed her. I learned she would do anything in her power to make _my_ life better. I've always known you had my back, Bones, but this is so much more. I realized there is only one person in the world who is able to push me to do better when I don't want to. Who accepts me for who I am, no matter what's wrong with me. Who can make all the craziness around me disappear just by showing up or smiling." His eyes glistened as he continued softly, "It's you, Bones. You."

He waited for her to absorb everything he'd said, then chuckled. "Guess that was more than one thing, huh?" The first hint of a smile ghosted across her face as she nodded and glanced down.

Her worried eyes turned back up to him. "Booth?"

He smiled gently, "Yeah?"

She swallowed, pursing her lips before speaking, failing to control the quivering of her chin. "I'm sorry..."

Booth shook his head. "Bones, I told you, none of this is your fault."

She looked down at her lap, resting on his. She had no right to derive such comfort sitting with him like this, but she did. She looked back up. "No. I'm not referring to blame. I'm sorry this happened at all, regardless of the circumstances of how it was possible...or why. I know how hard this is for you. I've seen it."

Booth smiled softly. "I'm not going to lie, Bones. It's...well, it's a pain in the ass." She smiled in response to his phrase. "But...it's given me a lot to think about. I'm finding out what's important in life. It reminded me to never take things for granted. Life can be over in an instant, Bones. We can't live with regrets."

He searched her eyes. She was just as exhausted as he was. She was in no shape to have the kind of talk he wanted to have. He'd learned his lesson and knew better than to push her when she wasn't ready. "Tell you what."

She looked at him expectantly. After a few seconds, she asked, "You usually follow that phrase with another statement, Booth."

He laughed, "I just wanted to see if you were paying attention. Why don't we go back to our seats for now and you can tell me all about Maluku."

She felt like a prisoner whose last minute reprieve had just been granted. Then she squinted her eyes, waiting for the condition she was sure would come. Booth's eyes darkened as he continued, "As long as we promise to talk. And I mean really talk, Bones. I need that as badly as I need to walk again." He waited for his request to sink in. "I don't mean right now, or even on this plane, but you have _got_ to promise me."

Brennan realized what people meant when they said they'd move heaven and earth for someone. Booth inspired something in her she hadn't been aware of until the last few weeks and was acutely aware of now. She was grateful that he was giving her what she needed. She hesitantly spoke up, "Can I ask you for one of those favors we've discussed before?" He nodded and she continued softly, "Can we wait until you have all of the letters?"

Booth saw the sincerity of her question. That she asked it was all the promise he needed. "Sure," he answered. He watched relief wave over her entire body as she relaxed. It was then he realized there must be more to the letters than what he'd seen so far. He smiled, "C'mere." Ignoring the pain in his arm, he reached up to her shoulder and gently pulled her toward him. She didn't resist and returned his embrace. When she allowed her head to rest on his shoulder and didn't immediately pull away, his hope that they'd make it through this whole ordeal surged once again.

After what could only have been a minute or so, rather than the eternity it had felt, Brennan pulled back. "How did you get here, Booth?" His grin released a hundred butterflies in her stomach.

He shrugged his shoulder, "I played hopscotch."

She raised her brow in disbelief. "I'm sure you are not being literal. Ohhh, you mean you hopped."

She watched his grin widen into a classic charm smile as he answered, "Can't get anything past you anymore, Bones."

She allowed herself to smile. She knew they needed to return to their seats, but she was reluctant to move away from her position on his lap just yet. Her smile faded as she tried to think of something to prolong this moment. Booth distracted her train of thought when he reached up to brush her hair away from her forehead, letting his hand trail to tuck some behind her ear. She tried to analyze the tingling of her skin where he'd touched her and the involuntary hitch in her lungs, but couldn't focus on anything but Booth's eyes. She stared into their depths as he used his thumb to wipe a lone tear that was left over.

Booth watched her internal struggle, his training serving him well. He knew she was attracted to him. How she could possibly still feel that way when he was sitting in a wheelchair, he'd never know. What he did know now, was that her letters were more important to her than a motivational tool for him. He wondered what she had in store for him. He'd waited this long…he could wait a little longer. He had time.

"So...you ready to tell me all about the Mapachoochoo Islands now?" he asked.

She laughed at his intentional blunder, loving him for lightening the moment. "I'm afraid I'm not familiar with the Mapachoomoo Islands, Booth." His laughter erased the last of her stress.

"Bones, if you're gonna get it wrong, at least get it wrong right!" he teased.

Her head bobbed forward with her increased laughter. "Booth, that makes absolutely no sense, whatsoever! Do you even realize how many variations of that word you've used?"

Booth clicked his tongue and winked.

Hoping to hide her blush, she looked down and shook her head, sighing condescendingly. "You are incorrigible!"

Booth chuckled, "You know you love it!"

Her eyes darted back to his. After several seconds, she smiled and replied softly, "I do."


	25. Flashes of Memory

**A/N: I'm sorry I took so long to get this posted. Real life sometimes has to take priority. And then...MY SON showed up out of the blue! He surprised me! I answered the door and there he was! My daugher and I actually screamed when we saw him, then burst into tears...of joy! I had absolutely no idea he was planning a visit. He'd even enlisted quite a long list of helpers to make sure he was able to surprise us! He's got two weeks leave, so the next chapter may be slightly delayed as well. But I'll get it posted as soon as I can. I have got to take advantage of the time I have with him while he's here. I hope, I'm sure, you understand! Thank you so much for reading and for being patient!**

**Julie & Julie...thank you both for your input! Sophia...you are a godsend! Thank you so very much for your honesty!**

Flashes of Memory

Booth sat in the front seat of the Ford Focus Bones had rented, letting his mind wander while she paid attention to the directions the GPS was spouting out. He hadn't really thought about transportation for the time they'd be here. He was touched that she'd put so much thought into the various arrangements she'd made. She'd done her homework and this was one of the smaller cars that would allow room for his wheelchair and had doors that would open wide enough to make transfers a little more easily. She thought she was practical. He thought she was amazing.

Looking out the window, he thought about the things Bones had told him about Maluku. The people she'd met and become friends with. Some of the things they'd found. The way Daisy and Dr. Marshall had driven her a little nuts. Her eyes had danced as she'd talked about it all, she'd even laughed about some of the antics the two women had put her through. She obviously had very fond memories of her time there, but he could see just a trace of sadness too. It was the sadness he couldn't get a handle on. Did she regret leaving? Was she anxious to get back? Was she thinking about some of the memories she'd had while she was there, ones she'd told him about in her letters?

It didn't take long for them to drive to the main gate on post and he didn't have time to dwell on his musings too much. Once they'd gotten the vehicle registered, they made their way to the Fisher House. Each mile that brought them closer was like a vice ratcheting down on Booth's nerves. By the time they pulled up in front of the building, he was a basket case. What had he been thinking? How could he have possibly thought this was going to be a good idea?

Bones parked the car in the drop off drive and climbed out to get his wheelchair out of the back. Transfers in and out of the car were a far cry from a nice wide bed and he had to rely on her more than usual, especially after the beating he'd given his muscles on the plane. He was glad they'd gotten so proficient at them before attempting transfers from the car because they struggled this time and he almost lost his balance. As much as he hated to admit it, he was happy she was there to catch him. Last thing he needed was to be sprawled all over the pavement.

Once he was settled in his chair, they made their way into the home. They were met by the house manager, Shawn, who helped get all the bags out of the car and explained where Bones could park. They left the bags in a corner of the lobby while she went to park the car in their designated area. Booth wheeled himself into the family room while he waited.

A couple of young girls were playing a game and looked up, staring, when he came in. He smiled in their direction then began looking around the room. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw their mother lean over, quietly telling them it wasn't polite to stare. "But Mommy," the smallest girl asked without regard to the volume of her voice, "why does his chair have wheels?" Booth knew they were just kids asking genuine questions. Hell, Parker had asked him the same kinds of questions before, too. Still, he couldn't believe he was the subject of their conversation. Listening, he heard the mother explain how some people couldn't walk like they could and they should consider themselves very lucky. Fighting anger at his situation and embarrassment, he wheeled back into the lobby.

He wished Bones would hurry up. He wanted to get away from everyone. He watched as a soldier gave him a once over as he strolled through the lobby. Dammit, he needed everyone to quit staring. Where the hell was Bones? How long did it take to park the damn car? She finally walked through the front door and Shawn walked up, offering to give them a tour of the facilities. He looked up at Bones, watching her nod, "I think that would be practical." He glanced up at Shawn and recognized an all too familiar look cross his features. People just didn't get Bones like he did.

Shawn suggested they start with the family room first and work their way through the house. Booth shrugged, "I've already seen it. I'll just wait here until you're ready to head to the rest of the house."

Assuming Booth was probably tired, Brennan agreed, walking away with Shawn. Once they returned, the small group headed for the community kitchen & dining room which were large enough to hold several people. Shawn explained the house policies and procedures as they went room to room. The laundry area had plenty of machines available and there was a large patio at the rear of the house. It seemed to fairly successfully incorporate the luxuries of a home without feeling institutional. She was quite pleased with the fact that Booth was able to get to every single one of the locations by himself, allowing him more independence.

They returned to the lobby area to get the bags before heading to their room. Booth was ready to get settled and get away from people. To be alone with Bones again. He liked it better when it was just them. He had been dreading this part of the day though. Bones handed him one of his own smaller bags, which he placed on his lap, before picking one up herself. Shawn grabbed the remaining two and they made their way down the hall. Booth thought he might very well embarrass himself by getting sick from nerves. He chanced a glance up to Bones as she walked. As usual, she looked as calm as could be.

Temperance followed Shawn down the hallway and noticed Booth look in her direction. She had plastered a look of indifference on her face when the exact opposite was what she felt. She knew this was the best possible solution for him, but she admitted, only to herself, that she was worried about what the future held for them. Shawn paused outside a door, slipped the electronic key card in and then opened it when the light turned green. She decided to wait for Booth to enter first.

Booth wheeled himself in, trying to at least act like he didn't have a care in the world. The room had a typical hotel feel to it. A closet first and then a bathroom area in the back corner on the right side, chest of drawers with a television at the end of the room, typical hotel chairs...two single beds. Thank God there were two beds. There was plenty of room for him to maneuver his chair as well. He supposed the rooms had been built with that in mind. He wheeled himself around to the second bed.

"Booth, shouldn't you take the bed closest to the door and bathroom?" Bones asked. He shook his head. She scrunched her brow, "But..." Booth held his hand out to stop her from talking and then tossed his bag onto 'his' bed.

Brennan pursed her lips, frowning. She knew he was nervous and would forgive his display one time, but once was the only chance he had. She wouldn't tolerate that kind of behavior from him no matter what physical condition he was in. She tossed her own bag on her bed before turning back to Shawn. "Thank you for the tour. We'll be fine for now."

Shawn set the bags in the doorway, waved his hand and welcomed them once more to the house before turning to leave. Brennan walked over to close the door, leaving her hand on it for a moment before turning back to look at Booth. He was busy pulling things out of his bag and putting them on the bed, so she decided to do the same. They worked quietly for a few minutes, each tending to their own things.

Being on post and away from the hospital had sent Booth back into military mode despite his handicap. He couldn't deny his training, it was ingrained. He'd evaluated the room and made the most logical choice regarding the beds. By taking the bed on the farthest side of the room, he'd be in a better position to monitor the whole room, the most able bodied individual would be closest to the door and his wheelchair would be out of the way. He knew he should explain his reasoning to Bones, but his nervousness had quickly degenerated into aggravation. He didn't want to be here. Living with Bones for all intents and purposes. Not like this.

He turned to look at the drawers. Since he was on the left side of the room, he figured he'd take the left side of the drawers as well. He turned his chair around and reached out to pull the top drawer open, hitting his knee in the process. Muttering an expletive under his breath, he pushed it back in before backing his chair up, noticing Bones walking to the closet out of the corner of his eye. Once he was able to open the drawer fully, he turned back to grab some of his shirts. He placed them in the drawer and pushed them to the side furthest away.

"Shawn seemed rather friendly, don't you think?" Brennan asked.

Booth was non-committal, "Mmm." The guy was too damn chipper considering why people were here.

"Booth, would you like me to hang those in the closet for you instead?" Bones asked.

Booth looked over to where she stood and immediately saw how high the rod was. Well, that was one thing they hadn't considered when making this facility handicapped friendly. He suddenly hated that word. He couldn't believe he'd had to use it in reference to himself. There was no way he could reach up to get his clothes if she hung them up for him. "Um...nah, that's okay. Thanks though," he said curtly before turning back to grab some more shirts.

Brennan noticed his pause coincided with his inspection of the closet. Turning to look in again, she realized just how high the rod was. "Booth, I'm quite capable of getting your clothes when you require them. You only need to let me know which ones."

Booth angrily yanked his gaze in her direction. "Bones, I said I was fine."

Brennan found her own irritation level rising. "I was simply offering..."

Booth didn't let her finish. "I don't need any help."

Brennan's eyes squinted. "Fine." She turned back to finish unpacking her things. She hung up most of her clothes, then grabbed her undergarments and walked over to the drawers. She pulled out the top drawer next to Booth and placed her panties in neat rows.

Booth's eyes bugged out, feeling like an anvil had landed on his chest. Oh God, her girly things were going to be right next to his...manly things. He swallowed deeply trying to reign in his emotions. No big deal. Right? He'd seen plenty of girly things before. It's not like he hadn't lived with Rebecca. But this was Bones and these were _her_ girly things. He ran his hand through his hair.

Brennan noticed Booth's increased irritation. "Booth, are you alright?"

He glanced up, pursing his lips as he nodded. "Yep. Fine." He turned back to his clothes so he wouldn't have to look at her any more. Grabbing his own undergarments, he leaned over to the bottom drawer, pulled it out just enough to shove the handful in and then quickly slammed it shut again. He refused to look anywhere near Brennan's direction.

Brennan walked back to close her suitcase and stow it in the bottom of the closet. She pulled the last two items out of her satchel and walked back over to the drawers, placing them on the flat surface between the lamp and the tv.

Booth looked at the little figurines. One he recognized and one he didn't. He looked up and found her watching him nervously.

"I always take them with me when I go on trips. I suppose they could be compared to your letters. They remind me of home," she smiled gently, "of you." Embarrassed, she turned back to begin unpacking her second bag.

Booth looked back at the unlikely display. "Thanks, Bones." He waited until she turned back around. "That's nice," he paused, "that they remind you of me." He hoped she'd elaborate, unknowingly saving him.

She was confused by his reaction. The look on his face did not match his statement. "Of course they do." Why would that upset him, unless he didn't want her remembering him when they were apart? A sudden spark of intuition hit her and her brow shot down, her look intensifying. "You don't remember them, do you?"

Booth's eyes shot back to the figurines. "Yeah. Sure, I know what they are." His answer sounded unconvincing even to his own ears. Why had he said anything? Hoping to let the moment pass by unnoticed, he turned back to finish unpacking. "Man. I'm tired." He prayed his deflection would work.

"Booth," she stated emphatically, trying to get his attention.

Booth turned to her and saw the hurt in her eyes.

Brennan continued softly, "You lied to me. Why would you lie?"

Why the hell had he ever thought it would be a good idea to teach her about body language? "Bones, I didn't lie. Look. That right there is Brainy Smurf. I got it for you after you told me about the jerk who gave it to you when you wanted Smurfette. I told you that you were better than her...you have looks and a whole lot more. And I gave it to you as a sign that I was evolving. That I wasn't one of 'those guys' any more. See? I remember."

She studied him, waiting to see what he'd say next. "And the other?"

He rushed into his reply, "We have things to do, Bones. We can do this later."

Brennan pushed back. "No, Booth. Now." He was lying to her. She was sure of it and she was going to stop it immediately.

Booth got a little forceful with his answer. "I'm not doing this right now. I'm tired. I'm going to finish unpacking and take a nap. That plane ride actually wiped me out pretty good." Bones didn't deserve his bitterness. She didn't deserve to have him lash out at her either, but he was not ready to have this conversation and he wasn't going to let her bully him into it.

"Booth. Tell me why the other figurine is significant," she quietly demanded.

Goddamn it, she could be a bulldog sometimes. His glare matched his answer as he angrily replied, "I said no."

"And I said yes. If you remember it, prove it to me." She put her hands on her hips, waiting for his answer.

Frowning, he threw out his hand in frustration. "When did we start needing to prove things to each other, Bones?"

"When did we start lying to each other, Booth?" she fired back.

He glared furiously at her. "Do you realize what this is like? No! You don't. You don't have people staring at you wherever you go. You don't have people talking about you like you're not even there. You can do anything you want, Bones. You can hang your own damn clothes up in the closet. You can drive anywhere you want to go. Hell, you can get up and go for a walk if you want. You don't have to think about it. You just do it. I have to think about everything. Everything! I can't just _do_ anything any more. I'm helpless. And now, on top of all that, you want to remind me I have fucking holes in my memory too? That there are important things I've forgotten? Things that I may never get back?"

He looked away from her stunned expression, back to the figurines, hating them and what they represented. He swung back around to her, venting his frustration. "I know why Brainy Smurf is important. I can only guess the pig is too. But no. I don't know why. Is that what you want to hear? Fine. I don't remember the pig." He started to wheel himself forward, needing to be anywhere but there.

Bones blocked his path. "Bones, I need to go for a walk." His statement stopped him cold. He wasn't going for a walk. He briefly closed his eyes against the pain of realization.

Brennan spoke forcefully, trying to break through and get him to listen, "Booth, it's okay that you don't remember. Those holes in your memory? I'll fill them. I'll tell you what happened."

Booth shook his head but lowered his voice, "You know what? I don't like Brainy Smurf. You know why? Because both times we've talked about him, I've been talking about humiliation. _My_ humiliation." He waved his hand over his own body. "Do you realize how degrading this is? I'm tired of feeling like a failure, Bones. I'm tired of _being_ a failure. I gotta get some air." He put his hands on the wheels of his chair to push himself forward only to be stopped by Bones leaning over and grabbing the arms of his chair.

She got right up in his face, "You're not a failure. You're _not_." She paused, daring him to look away. "Do you know what I see when I look at you?" She waited for his answer. When he gave none, she asked again, "Do you?"

She watched as he gritted his teeth, staring daggers into her eyes, but he finally shook his head. "I see the bravest man I know. I see someone who learned from his experience in school. Who learned to be the hero he wasn't back then. I may not know what it's like for you, Booth, but I can see how far you've come in just the short time you've been recuperating." She leaned further in, only inches from his face. "Do _you_ realize that lesser men would have succumbed to..."

He interrupted softly, his anger having drained away with each of her words, "Bones, I'm not a hero."

She saw the defeat in his eyes. "Do you remember what else you said that night? You said evolution is a long process. So is recuperation. You can't expect to get better overnight, Booth." She smiled, "It takes hard work and dedication, both of which you have shown in hearts."

Booth chuckled, "Spades."

Brennan grinned, repeating the same line he'd said to her on the plane, "I just wanted to see if you were paying attention."

Booth laughed, "Touche, Bones. Touche."

"It's going to get better, Booth. _You're_ going to get better." She leaned in to put her arms around his neck. "That's why we're here."

He leaned into her hug, sighing, not fully believing her, but appreciating her effort anyway. "Thanks, Bones."

Letting go of him, she stood back up. "We need to come to an understanding, though." He raised his eyebrows in question. "We don't lie to each other. Our relationship is built on trust. It's a necessity. Frankly, I don't care what you've got going on in your life. Don't ever undermine us like that again." She crossed her arms over her chest.

Booth felt like he was two inches tall. He knew he should never have taken his frustration out on Bones. He knew he should never have lied to her. He just really hated how out of control everything felt. He'd thought he'd be getting away from all these emotional baseballs hitting him from out of nowhere at 90 miles an hour. Texas was supposed to be the start of something better, but, so far, he felt like it was only a change of scenery from the same damn things he'd had in DC.

He looked up at Bones and nodded, biting his bottom lip. He had so many things he wanted to say. "I'm sorry," was all he could manage.

"I accept your apology." She looked around the room. "Why don't I go and get us some dinner. You can finish unpacking while I'm gone and we'll just stay in the rest of the night."

Booth nodded again, forcing a smile. "Thanks, Bones."

B&B&B&B&B&B

Having finished unpacking, Booth looked around the room, not sure what to do next. He wheeled himself around and opened the closet door again. Yep. Her clothes were still there. He wasn't dreaming. He looked back over to the pig, wracking his brain to remember its significance. Why the hell would a pig remind her of him? He must have given it to her. Why? He wheeled back over, stopping directly in front of the display. Leaning his arms on his legs, he stared, willing himself to remember...anything. Brainy Smurf and...dammit, why couldn't he remember?

Frustrated, he turned and grabbed the tv remote. He pushed the power button and found ESPN, but turned back to the display, ignoring the commentator. He had to remember the pig. His brow furrowed as he concentrated. Pig...pig...pig...why was it special?

Flashes began darting across his mind. Snippets of memories he couldn't reach out to grab. He closed his eyes, hoping to capture one. They were there. He knew it. He could feel it. God, why couldn't he remember?

A hand. He was holding a hand. Holding tight. But then it was gone. He couldn't stop it. He couldn't hold on.

The moment kept replaying in his mind. There was more. Why couldn't he get past this isolated view? He needed to see the rest. He'd been holding on to the hand. A heaviness invaded his chest.

What was important about that hand? He focused, looking for the details in the memory. A hand. He watched as it slipped away...just like the memory kept doing. Was this a memory? It had to be.

That hand slipping from his grasp was bad. He could feel it. He failed. What had he failed at?

The memory kept replaying over and over. He was holding a hand and then it was gone. He reached up to squeeze his temples, desperately trying to figure out what his brain was trying to tell him. It was something hidden. No...someone.

A person was missing. He had to find the person. It was important. And when he finally found the person, he lost...him? Her? No, definitely a him.

Suddenly the letter J popped into his mind. He opened his eyes to look at the pig again. Or was it an E? J or E? A hand. He was reaching into thin air and coming up with nothing. Suddenly his vision opened. The man. His eyes. Fear. Anger.

He was holding a man and when he couldn't hold on any longer, the man fell...to his death.

Oh God. He'd let a man die.

E...it was an E.

Epps. He had let Epps die. That was it.

In a rush, all the memories of the girls the man had killed, his taunts even from jail...all of it slammed into Booth's head. With the onslaught of memories came a blinding pain. With a wave of dizziness, he let the remote fall to the floor, reaching up to grab his temples. His breath came in short gasps. It felt as if a knife were slicing right through his eyes.

With each second, the pain intensified, becoming unbearable. He tried to open his eyes. Tried fumbling for his phone. He knew it was here somewhere. He couldn't...God, the pain.

Bones. He needed Bones.


	26. Someone To Watch Over Him

**A/N: Hey folks. I'm sorry it took me so long to get this latest chapter posted. I didn't want to write while my son was in on leave and then I didn't feel like writing after he left. I never realized how hard it would be to have my first kiddo fly the coop! Hopefully I'm back on track now. Thank you so much for your patience and thanks for sticking with this story! I appreciate it more than you know!**

**Sophia...thanks for both finding and pointing out my mistakes! And thank you for always pushing me to do better!**

Someone to Watch Over Him

Brennan had stopped to ask Shawn about the best place to find dinner and for directions to the nearest convenience store. Despite the progress they'd made on the plane, she knew Booth hadn't had the best day. She had decided to indulge him and thought pizza and beer would probably be the best thing for him tonight. Using the phone number Shawn had given her, she called in her order to Pizza Hut and went to find the store just off post he'd told her about. While there, she found some fruit and snacks that would be nice to have in their room. She looked around and also grabbed a few items of junk food she'd seen at Booth's apartment, assuming he'd only have things there that he actually liked to eat.

Once she had made her purchases, she drove just down the street to pick up the pizzas. She'd decided to get them each one of their own, knowing the leftovers would keep in the refrigerator. She'd actually been a little faster than she'd anticipated and had to wait on the order. Brennan sat down and watched other patrons come and go from the busy place. She wasn't used to seeing so many uniformed people mixed in with civilians and noted how the addition of them changed the atmosphere. She realized her time on post would allow her the opportunity to study the group dynamics from a more casual stand point and looked forward to the new things she might learn from this experience.

She observed the behavior of the people she saw. She found it interesting that despite the common uniforms, it was quite easy to discern the hierarchy of the soldiers. She was watching two soldiers who were obviously officers when her phone rang, alerting her to an incoming call. Seeing Booth's name on the caller ID, she assumed he'd be making a specific request for something he deemed absolutely necessary. She rolled her eyes as she pushed the button, already chuckling, "What nonsensical item are you going to add to my list of purchases?"

She was met only with the sounds of a television in the background. "Booth?"

Nothing.

Maybe he'd hit the call button by mistake. "Booth?"

"Brennan!" the young man behind the counter called out.

She got up to get the pizza and turned to walk out the door. She could still hear the sounds of the television, but Booth wasn't talking.

She put the pizza in the back seat next to her other purchases. "Booth, did you need something? Are you there?"

She rolled her eyes again and had just begun to pull the phone away from her ear to hang up when he groaned out her name, "Bones."

Her heart rate sky rocketed as adrenalin pumped through her system. "Booth! Are you okay?" His silence made her frantic. "Booth!"

His voice was barely a whisper and she strained to hear him. "Come home."

"I'm on my way. I'll be there in 10 minutes. Do you need help before then?" she asked.

"No," he whispered.

She heard the unmistakeable sounds of the phone on the other end clattering to the floor as it hit his chair on the way down. The line went dead. "Booth!"

She jumped behind the wheel, growling in frustration as she fumbled with her keys. Finally managing to get the key inserted, she quickly turned the ignition over and concentrated on getting back to Booth as fast as she could. She briefly considered calling Shawn to check on him. She didn't know what the circumstances were though. Booth could merely have dropped his phone. In fact, he could call back any second.

With that thought in her mind, she tried returning his call, berating herself for panicking so quickly. She hit his speed dial number, driving while she listened to the ringing over the speaker phone. When he didn't pick back up, her mind automatically started running through possible scenarios. Realizing that action would accomplish nothing, she focused on driving and controlling her emotions. She found the longer it took to get to him, the more unsuccessful she was. She couldn't stop the fear from making her mind race.

Eight minutes of torture later, she pulled up to the front of the house, not bothering to park in the appropriate place further away. She jumped out and slammed her door. As she ran toward the entrance, she pushed the lock button on her key fob. She jogged down the corridor and pulled the card key out of her back pocket, quickly inserting it and yanking it back out. The flash of a red light told her she needed to slow down, that she was only hampering her progress. She took a deep breath, slowly inserted and removed the card again.

Green.

Flinging the door open, afraid of what she might find, her eyes immediately landed on Booth. His hunched posture terrified her. "Booth!" She ran over and knelt on the floor before him, checking for signs of injury. "Booth, what's wrong?"

Booth pulled his hands away from his head and tried to focus on the woman in front of him, finding it almost impossible. The pain slicing through his head demanded his attention and caused his stomach to roll. He closed his eyes and held his breath, desperately trying anything to keep his head from hurting. He felt her cool hands touch his face. It was the most pleasant sensation he'd had in what seemed like forever and he reached up to press her hands to his forehead.

"Booth! What's wrong?" she repeated. "Is this one of those migraines your physician warned us about or do I need to call 911?"

Booth groaned again, but managed to mumble, "No. Head. Memory. God, Bones." He couldn't stop from groaning again, squeezing his eyes against the lights. The increased pressure in his facial muscles made his head hurt worse, so he relaxed his eyes and covered them with his hand.

"It's okay, Booth. I'm here now." She rubbed her hands across his face and eyes, taking comfort in seeing him relax a little.

Booth nodded his head almost imperceptibly. He was so thankful to have her here. She was one of the only people he was comfortable with knowing just how badly he hurt. He always tried to hide it from everyone else. Right now the pain was too intense to try to hide. He just wanted someone to take care of him. He wanted Bones to take care of him. Thank God she was here. Just her presence alone made things better.

She continued more softly, "Okay. Let's get you to bed and I'll get your prescription." She pushed his chair backwards toward the side of the bed.

Booth could hear her talking, but couldn't make sense of her words. He mourned the loss of her cool hands as she moved his chair. He didn't care what she did as long as she could help make the pain go away. She put her arms under his, quietly instructing him. "Booth, I need a little help. Push up." His nausea increased at the thought of trying to stand. "C'mon, Booth, push up." Booth barely registered her instruction. He let go of his head and reached out to hold onto her, pushing with his legs.

His head was swimming by the time he was seated on the side of his bed and he held onto Bones for support. She kept talking softly, "You need to help again if you can. We need to scoot you back on the bed so you can lie down." Booth started to nod, causing the pain to increase and another soft groan to escape.

Between them, they struggled, with Brennan doing most of the work, but they finally managed to get Booth where he could stretch out. She made sure he was as comfortable, then walked to the door to turn the lights off. Her next task was to find the prescription she'd put in the bathroom earlier. She poured a cup of water and grabbed a pill, leaving the bathroom light on, knowing its glow into the room would be less harsh.

He heard her whisper, "Booth, you need to sit up just for a few seconds so you can swallow this pill." He wanted nothing more than to curl up in the fetal position and have the world disappear. Thanks to his still somewhat uncooperative body, all he could manage was to lie flat on his back with his arm flung over his face. Even with the lights off and the additional cover of his arm, it felt like light was trying to pierce its way into his brain.

He heard Bones talk again and tried to make sense of her words. "Do you understand?" Man, he had to remember to keep his eyes still because even that movement caused his head to pound. He lifted his index finger to let her know he heard her. He still wasn't sure he could sit up though.

Brennan realized she'd have to help him, so she put the cup and medicine on the bed side table. She reached down to help pull him up. He groaned again, but was able to help a little. Keeping his eyes closed, he used his strong arm to prop himself up. She grabbed the pill, tapped his lip to let him know he needed to open his mouth. She quickly got the cup of water and held it to his mouth, tilting it so it would enter slowly. He swallowed and she let him have another sip before putting the cup back down. She turned back to help lower him gently to his pillow.

"Booth," she whispered, "I need to go park the car." He didn't move or make any acknowledgment, though she wasn't really expecting one. "I'll be right back. Will you be okay?" She waited for him to move his finger again. As soon as he did, she got up and quickly made her way back to the car. Once she was parked, she grabbed her purchases and returned to their room.

Moving as quietly as she could, she put the beer and the pizza boxes in the refrigerator. She had to take the bottles out and put them in the door since the carton wouldn't fit in. She grabbed the water bottles and put them in as well. She left the remainder of her bags on the floor in the corner. She picked up the remote from the floor and turned the tv off. Once the room was quiet, she sat back down next to Booth.

She reached up to brush his forehead and he clumsily grabbed her hand, holding it still. She began to pull away to get a cool washcloth for him only to have him hold her hand tighter to his head. "Hand. Cool," he grunted.

"I can go get a cloth for you, Booth," she said quietly.

Booth held her hand a little more tightly. "No. You."

She reached up with her other hand to brush the side of his face. After a few seconds, he released his grip, letting her run both her hands over his head.

Minutes later, his breathing evened out, seeming to indicate he'd finally fallen asleep. She started to pull away, but he grimaced and turned his head in her direction. She watched the lines on his face soften when she began to rub his temples again. She didn't want to leave him, but her back was getting sore from the position she was in. Trying to disturb him as little as possible, she kept one hand on his face and then climbed up next to him. The single beds were small and Booth was a large man, so she was resigned to propping herself up on her side next to him. She listened and watched for more signs of pain. Seeing none, she began to relax, hoping the worst was over.

* * *

"_Booth!"_

_He heard his name._

_He heard a growl._

_He looked around and saw a dog, a doberman pincer, standing a few feet away...the remains of half a skeleton's arm dangling from its mouth...not hampering the animal's menacing growl._

_On autopilot, he reached for his gun and found an empty holster attached to his hip._

_The dog dropped the bones and advanced toward him, clearly in attack mode._

_He knew better than to run, but his legs launched him away from the dog anyway._

_He put all his effort into running as fast as he could, yet the air felt like quicksand. He could manage nothing more than a jog._

_The growling got closer. Louder. The sound developed into barking as the dog quickly gained on his position._

_He chanced a glance over his shoulder to discover it in mid air, headed directly for him._

_He raised his arm to protect himself, blocking the animal from his face, or worse, his neck._

_It's strong jaw clamped around his arm and sent him sprawling to the ground._

_He tried to raise his hand to defend himself, but found himself paralyzed, unable to move any of his limbs._

_The dog's teeth tore through his shirt and into his flesh, as burning pain shot through his skin._

_He screamed._

_He screamed for help._

_He screamed for Bones._

_He fell silent at the loud boom of a gun being shot and watched as the dog toppled down next to his left side. He stared at the blood oozing out of its head._

"_Booth!"_

_He turned to look up into the eyes of his partner._

"_Booth! Wake up!"_

"_I am awake, Bones," he answered, frustrated._

"_Booth!"_

Booth's eyes darted open. He was confused. He was still lying down. Still looking into the eyes of his partner. But he was on a bed in a room he didn't recognize and there was no dog.

His right arm was pinned between the two of them so he raised his left arm to wipe at his face. The air still felt like quicksand and his arm shook on its journey.

"I think you were having a bad dream, Booth," she said.

Dream?

Yes. A dream.

He let his arm flop down to his side as reality crashed into his mind. He looked around the room, getting his bearings before looking back up at Bones. He let out an exhausted sigh, opening his eyes wide before squeezing them tightly.

He hadn't talked in a while and his words came out slowly. "Man, I'm sorry. That was some dream." He stretched the muscles in his face. "Weird."

He struggled to sit up against the headboard.

Brennan watched as he fully woke. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, Bones. I'm good. How long was I out?" he asked.

Brennan glanced at her watch. "Almost four hours. How's your head?"

Booth paused to do an internal inventory. "Um...good. I think. Yeah, pain's gone."

She smiled, "Good. I'm glad your prescription worked."

"Yeah, me too. When Dr. DePriest told me I might get migraines, I had no idea that's what they'd be like. Jesus Christ, how do people live with those things?" He shook his head at the thought.

Brennan studied him, "Do you know what triggered this one?"

Booth was overwhelmed with the concern he saw in her eyes and turned to look at the other side of the room. His eyes slowly made their way over to the little figurine. He turned back to look at her. "I'm sorry, Bones." At her confused look, he continued, "I'm sorry I don't remember."

She let out a huff of air as she smiled in bewilderment. "Booth, I told you, it's okay. I'll tell you about it if you want me to." She let the worry bleed back into her eyes. "Was that what caused your migraine?"

Booth shook his head. "No, I don't think so. Maybe. I don't know." He ran his hand through his hair. "I was sitting there trying to remember. These letters finally popped into my head. I couldn't figure out what they meant. J and E."

He watched her eyes shoot to the pig. "They mean something, don't they?" She turned back to look at him uncertainly as he continued, "I kept seeing this hand. I was holding it and then it was gone. It kept playing over and over. Then I remembered Epps. That's what the E was. Epps. I remembered letting him...I remembered him falling...dying."

Her forehead scrunched in concern. "Booth. You didn't let him die. There was nothing you could do."

He smiled, looking between her eyes, seeing the evidence of how much she cared. "Yeah, I know. I remembered all those girls though. That's when the pain hit me."

She smiled sadly. "I'm sorry...that you had the migraine." She raised her eyes in question, "I'm happy...I think? I mean that you regained a memory. I'm not certain that was the best memory to have return. So, I'm sorry about that."

He found her confusion about how she should feel absolutely adorable. The way her face scrunched up. The way her eyes questioned him, looking for reassurance. His own confidence was bolstered, knowing she still looked to him for her queues. He grinned, "It's okay, Bones. I'm glad I remembered. I just wish I had remembered the pig instead."

"Well, you may have remembered why you gave it to me at least," she answered.

His own face showed confusion at that point. "Why? What do you mean?"

She inhaled to begin her answer when she was interrupted by the loud growl of Booth's stomach. She couldn't help her laugh and didn't try to stop it. "You and your stomach! Are you ever not hungry?"

Booth laughed as well. "I can't help it! It's been forever since I had anything to eat!"

Brennan rolled her eyes at his exaggeration. "Hardly." She reveled in the moment. These conversations seemed so right. She could almost forget where they were and why there were here. She found the sense of normalcy quite comforting.

"I put our dinner in the refrigerator. I can either heat it up or we can eat it cold," she offered.

Booth took advantage of being able to move both his arms and slowly clapped his hands, grinning as he rubbed them together. "What'dja get us?"

Booth knew he could see that conspiratorial look on her face a thousand times and never get tired of it. She was just so cute when she did that and he wanted to grab her and hug her. It seemed like any face she made tonight was going to make him happy.

"I'll show you!" She got up and walked over to the refrigerator, pulling out the pizza box.

"Pizza! Bones! I love you!" he exclaimed. As soon as the words left his mouth, his stomach sank. Her hearty laugh immediately set him back at ease.

"I got beer as well, but you should drink water since you've taken your medication," she pointed out.

"What? No! I'll take a beer, Bones,' he stated.

She adopted a stern look. "That is highly inadvisable. It could react with the drug and induce several unpleasant side effects."

He knew she was right, but pizza and beer sounded so good right now. This had been his first migraine though. He probably should take it easy until he knew how his body would behave afterward. As much as it pained him, he agreed with her. "Fine. Water it is then."

Brennan laughed again as she grabbed a couple of bottles. "Don't you want to sit at the table?"

Booth looked over at the little round table in the corner of the room, then back to her. "Are you kidding me? Pizza in bed? No way am I passing that up!"

He watched the sparkle in her eyes. The way her whole face lit up when she was happy. The way she let her walls come down. The way she lived for the moment. Seeing her excitement intensified the same feeling in him a hundred fold. She set the items on her bed and leaned over to pull out another box before turning back to him.

"Fine. Do you want it heated?" she asked.

"Hmm. Depends. What kind did you get me?" He squinted his eyes as he waited for her answer, hoping like crazy she hadn't decided to inflict healthy choices on him.

"Your favorite, of course," she answered.

"Meat Lovers! That's what I'm talking about!" he grinned. "Bring it on over, baby!"

Seeing Booth this happy after having seen him in such pain was a welcome change. She loved his animated reactions. Especially when she was the cause. She flipped the lid on one box, recognizing it was his pizza and handed it over to him. She picked up a bottle and twisted the lid off. She held it out for him, but had to wait while he opened his pizza carton.

"Mmm! Even cold this smells delicious! Man am I ever hungry." He looked over and took the bottle from her. He transferred it to his left hand where it could rest on the bed, then dug in to his first slice. "Ah, Bones! I've died and gone to heaven!" he said around a mouthful of food.

Brennan rolled her eyes and chuckled at his exaggeration. She then turned to get her own pizza, deciding to sit on her bed as well.

"Hey, Bones." He waited for her to look up. "Thank you."

Her face softened into a gentle smile. "You're welcome, Booth." She reached for the remote and turned the tv on, which was still set to the sports channel. She put the remote back on the bed side table.

"We don't have to watch this channel," Booth mumbled around another mouthful of food. He reached over to his hand to grab the water. He didn't trust himself to lift it with his left arm yet. After taking a swig and swallowing the last of his bite, he turned back to her. "We can watch whatever you wanna watch."

Brennan was not about to deprive him of as perfect an evening as she could give him. She smiled. "We are currently watching the program I wish to watch."

Booth didn't believe one word she'd just uttered and let his disbelief show. "Sports. You want to watch sports. Since when?"

"Since now." She smiled and then sat back on her bed.

Her expression allowed no room for argument. He flashed half a smile, just watching her. She opened her own box, took a bite of pizza and washed it down with a sip of water...all while staring intently at the screen. He watched every movement she made. What the hell had he ever done to get so lucky?

Brennan could feel Booth's eyes on her. She wasn't sure why he'd still be watching her rather than eating and watching the tv. She knew he liked this channel. She gave up trying to ignore him and looked over, meeting his eyes. He had the most expressive eyes. She refused to let any doubt enter her mind. She was a woman. She was an anthropologist. She knew what his look meant. She knew, given enough time, they'd have a chance at happiness...together. She hoped it would be sooner rather than later with the help of her letters.

They sat looking at each other, smiling. Neither willing to break the moment.

"We're gonna get through this. Aren't we, Bones?" he asked, unable to hide his worry from her.

Brennan smiled, speaking confidently. "Yes. We are." She paused a couple of seconds. "Now eat so I don't have to listen to your stomach growling any more!"

Booth laughed, letting his smile widen into a toothy grin, "Yes, ma'am!"


	27. One Step Up, Two Steps Back

**A/N: Sorry for the delay in posting. Life gets in the way sometimes! Gotta plug Project Bones. If you haven't heard about it, check it out on twitter or facebook. It's a fantastic summer project! As always, thank you so much for reading and for your patience!**

**Sophia...there aren't enough ways to say thank you! ;)**

One Step Up, Two Steps Back

Booth finished his therapy session for the day. He wasn't sure if he liked the fact that these therapists were pushing him harder than any he'd had before. Every day he left exhausted. Every day he felt like he'd been running a marathon straight up the side of a mountain. But every day, he could tell he was making progress.

He'd never flinched from hard work before. He'd always met it head on. There were some days**,** though, he just wanted to give up. What good was progress if he was going nowhere fast? He really wanted to believe the staff when they told him he'd be back to normal one day. Some days it was a lot harder than others. Some days, that elusive date was just too far away.

He wiped his face with his towel and then stowed it in the backpack he had attached to the back of his wheelchair. Somewhere along the line, the damn thing had become normal. He resented the idea. It allowed him freedom, but not the kind of freedom he wanted.

He wheeled himself down the hallway, noting that he was able to move both arms almost equally now. At least he'd gained demonstrable strength there. He nodded and said hello to people he knew, but he still missed Leslie. They'd broken the mold when they'd made her. He still hadn't found anyone here he could talk to like he'd been able to talk to her.

He rounded the last corner at the lobby and scanned the waiting area. Bones was always waiting for him, but today he couldn't see her anywhere. He wheeled himself around to check down another hallway then decided to head outside. Still no sign of her. He hadn't realized just how much he'd taken her presence for granted until she wasn't here. They spent almost all of their time together when he wasn't in therapy.

It had been two weeks since they'd arrived. Two weeks of living with Bones. He wasn't sure why he'd been so terrified of the prospect now. He'd been worried they'd be oil and water. For all intents and purposes, they really were. But the thing about oil and water was that they could work together as easily as they could separately. Like in a car...oil to lubricate the engine and water to cool things down. There was a partnership to it. A partnership that was very much like what he shared with Bones. Somehow...it just worked.

He was grateful for her support. He was still amazed she'd been willing to drop everything...the project in Maluku, the Jeffersonian, basically her whole life...just to be with him. He shook his head as he thought about it. Most days, that thought served to brighten his outlook on life. Today...just wasn't one of those days. Despite the good things that had happened as a result of his heatstroke, he still just couldn't get over the bad. Today he wanted to be able to walk. Today he wanted his life back. Today he regretted every single decision that had landed him in Afghanistan. Today he regretted the decisions he'd made that had taken him away from Afghanistan...from his men. He'd hardly gotten started...now there was nothing he could do to help them.

He felt torn. If he'd never gone, he wouldn't be sitting in a wheelchair. He resented the hell out of that place. Having gone and worked with the men though, he felt...responsible. He'd started something he wasn't going to be able to finish. He'd let the men down when he'd made a decision to delay going to the doctor. He would go back in a heartbeat to finish the job if he was even halfway physically able. Not that his superiors would let him.

Where the hell was Bones? She'd never been late before. He reached around behind him to pull his phone out of the front pocket of his backpack and hit her speed dial number. After several rings, it went to voicemail. He frowned. Not that there had been many times he'd had to call her since they'd arrived, but she'd never not answered before.

He wheeled himself back into the coolness of the lobby to look for her again. She definitely wasn't there. He tried calling once again with the same results. He debated waiting for her, but he just wasn't in the mood to sit around a bunch of people. Plus he was getting tired of the stares already. He'd managed to push his tolerance of them up a notch, but it still bothered him more than he cared to admit. People really needed to get a life.

He shoved his phone between his legs so he'd be able to grab it quickly if Bones called and then wheeled himself back out to the sidewalk. The Fisher House wasn't that far away and it would only take him about ten minutes to get there. If he'd been able to walk, it would only have taken him five minutes. Of course, if he could walk, he wouldn't be here in the first place. Sometimes it was really hard not to throw himself a pity party. Some days he couldn't stop the never ending question from constantly playing through his mind. Why? He believed everything happens for a reason, but he was having trouble figuring this one out.

He headed down the path, his arms screaming from the workout they'd already had. He'd gotten used to Bones doing this for him. The first day she'd walked up behind his chair and started pushing him, he'd wanted to die all over again. However, he'd quickly come to appreciate the reprieve he got every day when she took over. The ache in his arms only served to dampen his mood further. He was tired of the pain. He was tired of being tired. He was tired of everything.

He made it to the house and wheeled himself up the ramp, which by this time had become torture. He couldn't wait to get in the tub and soak. Once he entered the lobby, he looked up to see Shawn. "You haven't seen Bones, have you?"

Shawn shook his head, "Nope. I sure haven't. She wasn't there after therapy?"

Why else would he be asking? He caught himself before he released his frustration on the man. Instead he answered, "No. She'll turn up." Despite Shawn telling him he hadn't seen her, he still had to scan what he could see of the living room just to be sure himself. He thought about searching the rest of the house, but he was tired. He wanted to relax. Maybe it would be better to wind down before he saw Bones anyway. With his decision made, he headed down the hall toward their room.

Shawn called out just as he left the lobby area. "Hey, Booth, you guys are still coming to the house cookout tonight, aren't you?"

Booth paused, but didn't turn back. "Umm, probably not." He couldn't come up with a legitimate excuse for not going so he offered none and continued on his way to the room. He still hated being around people. He hated the way eyes followed him as he moved around in a chair. He didn't have anything in common with these people...he didn't want to have anything in common with them. He hollered back over his shoulder, "One of us will bring the things we signed up for though."

Once he was inside their room, he threw his backpack on the bed and grabbed some fresh clothes out of his drawer. He made his way into the bathroom and started his bath. Yet another 'good' thing he'd learned to do...get in the tub by himself. The thought grated on his nerves.

Using the handicapped handrails, he worked his way into the water and laid back to soak, letting the blanket of heat do its job. It worked its way into his muscles and he felt them start to relax. The pain in his back began to subside the longer he laid there. He'd just begun to doze off when he heard a sharp knock on the door.

"Booth? Are you in there?" came the out of breath voice he'd longed to hear earlier.

He was sure she had a good reason for not showing up and not calling, but right now he didn't care. He didn't even care that she was out of breath. He was just angry at the whole world...and depressed. He tried to keep the bitterness he was feeling out of his voice. "Yeah, Bones, I'm here. Just soaking in the tub."

"I'm sorry, Booth. I lost track of time and then there was a wreck and a line at the gate to get on post and the battery on my phone died. Then when I got to the hospital lobby and you weren't there, I waited, but after you didn't show up I finally went upstairs to see if you were still there and they said you'd left. I got back here as fast as I could."

If Booth hadn't been in such a foul mood, he'd have laughed at all of her run on sentences. He tried to think of a response, but came up blank. Instead he just swirled the water around, watching the waves it made, listening to the sound echo off the wall. "Booth?"

"Yeah, Bones," he quietly answered.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

He sighed, "I'm fine."

When he didn't hear anything from her, he figured she'd walked away. A few seconds later, her worried voice came through the door again. "You don't sound fine."

He really didn't feel like talking and his tone was more sharp than he intended, "I'm fine, Bones." He immediately regretted his reply. He tried to cover his mood, "I'll be out in a while."

Another pause. "May I come in?" she asked, taking Booth by surprise.

"What? No! I'm in the tub." He looked around for his towel, ready to grab it should she burst in the door anyway.

"I've seen you before, Booth...with a rubber duck and a beer hat. I'm quite certain this situation would not be quite so...interesting."

This time Booth didn't try to stop the exhaustion from leaking into his voice. "Bones, what do you want? I'm tired."

"I want to see for myself that you're fine. Because you don't sound fine." While she was talking, Booth grabbed the shower curtain and yanked it closed, knowing she wasn't going to let go of her worry until she saw him. He sighed and poked his head out the side just as she started again, "You sound..."

"Door's unlocked." He expected her to barge right in, but suddenly she was silent. She'd clearly not expected him to say that. "Did you hear me?"

He watched as the handle slowly turned and the door crept open. Her head cautiously emerged from the other side. It slightly shocked him to see such hesitation written on her face. "Bones, it's fine. C'mon in."

She stepped first one foot then the other inside the bathroom. Since when had she become timid about seeing him?

"Could you hurry up a little? You're letting all the warm air out," he chuckled for the first time. He enjoyed the times he was able to turn the tables and surprise her.

She turned to shut the door and looked around the bathroom. Booth was finding this more humorous by the second. He nodded toward the toilet, "Have a seat." She smiled and then did as he suggested.

He watched her as she looked around the room, occasionally glancing at him. While he wasn't quite ready to just 'bare his soul' in front of her, he was surprised how comfortable this situation felt. Living with her had allowed him to become comfortable with a lot of things. Seeing her in her pajamas every night. Watching her brush her hair. Sometimes sharing the sink when they were running late and needed to brush their teeth. Listening to the water of the shower running, knowing it was her on the other side of the bathroom door. It was weird, but it already seemed normal. He liked it.

"Cat got your tongue?" he asked.

She looked over at him. "I was under the impression you lacked Puritan modesty? Why the shower curtain?"

Booth chuckled. She was trying to get the upper hand again. He decided to ignore the comment, propping his chin in his hand while his arm rested on the side of the tub. "How was your day?"

Her eyes lit up at his question. "It was very successful, actually! I purchased something for you today."

"Oh yeah? What did you get?" he asked, curious.

"It's a surprise. I'll give it to you after your bath." He watched as she studied him. He felt like he was under a microscope. "Tell me what's wrong, Booth."

She was certainly getting better at small talk before getting to the nitty gritty, but she never forgot her purpose for discussion. He'd thought he had managed to get out of talking about his mood. He sighed as the weight of the day crashed in on him again. "I just had a bad day."

Her forehead crinkled. "What kind of bad day? Did something go wrong at therapy? Is it because I wasn't there to pick you up?"

Hoping his answer would appease her, he replied, "No, not at all. You're free to do whatever you want, Bones. I just had a bad day. You know?"

"Yes, but not really," she answered. At least the worry had drained out of her expression a little. "In general I know what you're saying, but I have no idea what, specifically, you're referring to."

"It's just one of those days where all the crap...all of this," he waved his hand around the room, "it all just gets to me. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be going through therapy. I want my life back and I don't want to have to work so hard for it." His eyes drifted toward the floor, staring at nothing while his mind replayed all the reasons he was unhappy. "It's just hard. All of it. I should be used to it by now, I know that, but some days it's just...just..."

"FUBAR," she finished for him.

Booth's eyes nearly popped out of his head as they darted to her face. He sat up straighter in the tub, the water sloshing over the edge with his sudden movement. "What?" he spluttered. "Where the hell did you pick that up?"

"I heard one of the soldiers say it one day. I asked Shawn what it meant. It seemed appropriate given what you were saying. Did I not use it correctly?"

Booth laughed. "No, you used it perfectly, actually."

At his statement, her face glowed with pride. It took his breath away. The smallest things could make her happy...which in turn made him happy. She continued talking, "I believe I know what you mean. I've found myself feeling the same way sometimes. It doesn't seem like this should be happening to you. However, when I start to feel that way, I remind myself of how I almost lost you." The stress of the memory showed on her face and Booth wanted to wipe it away for her. "You could have died, Booth. You almost did. So the days I start to think about how difficult life is for you, I make a conscious choice to be thankful you're alive and that you're here to have difficult days. It could have turned out so differently."

She looked into his eyes and he could see how deeply she believed what she was saying. "I'm thankful I'm in Texas, sitting in this bathroom, talking to you while you're in the bathtub...instead of sitting next to your grave, talking to your decaying body and knowing you can't hear anything I have to say any more. Knowing I would never hear your voice again."

Her eyes started to well and Booth found a lump forming in his own throat from the weight of her words. There was no way in hell he could feel sorry for himself after that. His voice was just above a whisper, "Me too, Bones." He wished he wasn't in the bath because he really wanted to hug her. "I know I've said this before, but I gotta say it again. Thank you for being here with me. Thank you for everything. I know what you had to give up to do this. It means a lot to me. I hope you know that."

She smiled, "It's what..." At her pause, he waited for her to say 'partners' or 'friends'. She seemed to stumble over what to call their relationship these days. "It's what _we_ do for each other. Right?"

He matched her smile and nodded. "Yeah. It is." They looked at each other for several seconds before he started speaking again. "So, why don't you vamoose so I can get going. Then you can show me what you got!"

She laughed, "I'm sure that statement means you're asking me to leave."

Booth winked & clicked his tongue, affirming her suspicions. He watched as she got up and walked to the door. She hesitated and glanced back over her shoulder at him, smiling, before walking out.

Booth drained the water out of the tub, sitting and enjoying the last of the warmth as it snaked down the pipe. Getting out was harder than getting in, but thanks to the strength he'd built up in his arms, it was getting easier each day. He dried himself off, got dressed and rolled out into the bedroom.

Bones was sitting on the edge of her bed, typing away on her laptop when he arrived. He was thankful she seemed to be staying busy...it lessened his guilt. He moved over to throw his dirty clothes in the duffel he kept on his side of the room.

Brennan glanced up. "Just let me finish this email. I'm almost done. They've found some more bones and I'm conferring with them on some of their discoveries. It's very exciting!" She turned eagerly back to her screen.

Her simple statement of joy brought his guilt crashing back down on him. The whole day was just going to hell. He knew, in this mood, it would take a lot of work to pull himself out of his funk and it would take nothing at all to keep him right where he was. He recognized the gleam in her eye now that he was paying more attention. She was so happy. He wanted to pull himself out of his bad mood for that reason alone, but the bigger part of him just didn't have the energy.

He looked over at the pig on the tv stand. It seemed to get bigger every day. He'd insisted that she not explain its significance yet. It was a challenge sitting out there on display for him. So far the pig was winning the game. Maybe he should go ahead and ask her about it, because soon it wouldn't matter what its meaning was...he was quickly learning to hate the little figurine. He really didn't want to tarnish that special memory she had.

He heard the clip of the laptop closing and looked over. Her eyes twinkled and he huffed a chuckle out. "So, whatcha got for me?" he asked, trying to sound enthusiastic.

She grinned, got up from the bed and walked over to the door. She'd propped a long metal hooked rod next to the frame. She turned around after she grabbed it and held it up for his inspection. She clearly expected him to know what it was, but he didn't. He raised his eyebrows in a silent question.

Her smile widened. "It's a clothes hanger reacher. You can hang your clothes up in the closet and use this get the hangers off the rod."

Booth tried to be excited, but it was yet another reminder of the whole situation. He smiled anyway. "Thanks, Bones. That's really...it'll be nice to not wear wrinkled clothes."

She nodded. "Yes. I thought so too. Maybe we could hang your clothes up after the cookout?"

Booth slowly shook his head to the side. "Um...I'm not really up to a cookout tonight. I've had a long day. I'm tired."

Bones just looked at him without saying a word. He waited. He knew he'd hear what was going through her mind when she was ready. It didn't take long.

When she spoke, it was calmly, but deliberately. "You can't hide in this room forever. You said you would go."

His eyes narrowed. "I'm not hiding. I told you, I'm tired."

She glared at him angrily for a moment, before turning to get her laptop. She walked over to put it in its case, then turned and walked to the bathroom. He watched as she picked up her brush and started jabbing it through her hair. Once she was finished, she grabbed some lip gloss and swept it across her lips.

She didn't even bother to look his direction when she calmly went to the small refrigerator and took out packages of cheese, tomatoes and a head of lettuce. She grabbed the sack of drinks sitting on the floor next to it and started toward the door.

"Bones?" he asked.

She stopped and nonchalantly turned back to look at him. "Yes?"

He wasn't sure what to make of her quick change in mood. "I..."

"Before you say one more word, Booth, I will remind you of our agreement to never lie to each other again. We both know why you don't want to go out there. It's the same reason you've refused to go out since we arrived here." Her statement sent them into a stalemate. Booth scowled at her, but she clearly meant business. He crossed his arms, refusing to let go of the anger he was feeling.

She stood up to her full height. "I will be on the patio at the cookout...with everyone else. My suggestion is that you go to bed if you are so tired."

"Will you bring a burger or something back for me?" he asked.

"You're a grown man, Booth. I'm quite sure you are capable of getting your own meals." She turned and walked out the door.

That woman frustrated him more than any other person in the world. Why couldn't she just cut him some slack? She had no idea what it was like to be in this situation. So what if he didn't want to be around people right now?

He glared at the closed door before he shouted, "I'm tired!"

He looked around the room, suddenly claustrophobic in his self imposed prison. The exhaustion he'd felt earlier dissipated and he now had excess energy he needed to release. If he wasn't here, he could go to the gun range. If he wasn't here, he'd pick up Parker and go shoot some hoops. If he wasn't here, he'd go for a run.

He fiercely buried his head in his hands, growling in frustration. After a few moments, he leaned back up and looked around the room. The damn pig had grown in size in a manner of minutes.

He picked it up and stared at it, wanting nothing more than to throw it across the room. "Just so you know, I hate you," he said. His simple statement effectively drained his anger, leaving him empty.

He thought about what Bones had said. She'd been patient with his excuses for staying in their room these last two weeks. She'd obviously hit her limit though. He'd been stupid for thinking she'd be happy to just stay in every night...for thinking the activities she'd found to keep her busy during the day would keep her satisfied.

He knew that wasn't the real reason she wanted to go out. He knew she was trying to drag him back into the land of the living. He was just as sure he had no desire to rejoin that world though. Not until he was better.

The room was deadly quiet, even more so with the absence of Bones. He thought about turning on the television, but knew there wouldn't be a program in the world that would keep his attention tonight. He wasn't in the mood for anything at all really.

Except Bones.

She never pulled punches. He liked that about her. He always knew were he stood. Right now...he was on the outside. He hated the outside. He could handle loneliness. He could handle not being around her. What he couldn't stand was knowing he'd let her down. Knowing his feeble excuse had hurt her.

He really was tired, so he hadn't been lying to her, but she was right. They both knew the truth. He was...afraid. He'd worked so hard in his life to be the best he could be in everything he tackled. He'd hated the feelings of inferiority growing up. He'd hated all the abusive taunts his father had thrown at him about how he'd never amount to anything. All his life he'd thrown himself into proving the man wrong.

Sitting in this chair, unable to walk, knowing people were staring at him...it brought all those feelings back. He felt like less of a man. Like all the work he'd done, to prove he was better than his father had said, was for nothing. Because the very things he'd used to prove his self worth had been taken away in an instant in Afghanistan.

Dumb mistakes. Dumb, stupid mistakes. Mistakes he couldn't change. Oh how he wished he could go back in time.

But he couldn't.

He couldn't change anything.

As he sat there, he realized that wasn't entirely true. There was one thing he could change. He'd hurt Bones and he knew he could make it right with her. All he had to do was swallow his pride. Bury his fear.

He looked at the plastic toy in his hand. The silly thing seemed to represent everything that was wrong, but for the first time since he'd laid eyes on it, it looked smaller. He nodded once to it. "I won't let you win. Even if I never remember you."

The sound of his voice in the quiet stillness of the room, the statement he'd made, suddenly gave him a boost of courage. He gently sat the pig back in its place.

He took a deep breath and let it out. He held his head a little higher, gave himself an encouraging nod and turned his chair to head out the door.

He made his way through the hallways of the house. The closer he got to the patio, the more noise he could hear. Children yelling as they played games. People talking, sometimes laughing. The sounds of happiness.

He reached the door and paused for a moment before opening it. He was nervous as hell. He'd avoided all these people since he'd arrived. Would they accept him into their group? Would Bones still be mad even though he was trying to make up?

He slowly turned the handle and opened the door. He took his time closing it, then turned to scan the crowd. Shawn nodded to him from his place by the grill then turned back to his task. Booth was thankful for the subdued greeting.

He didn't see Bones anywhere and immediately began to worry. He looked over to where the kids were playing in the yard and still didn't see any sign of her. Suddenly he heard her unmistakeable laugh.

Despite his nerves, the sound made him smile. Her laugh could soothe a thousand wounds. He still couldn't see her and her next words confused him.

"You found me!"

The high pitched giggle of a child followed next, "That's what happens when you say 'Polo' silly!"

Bones and a small girl came around the corner of the house still laughing. "That's true," she told the child. "You have a very good grasp of the game, Katie."

Booth watched the pair in amazement. A woman walked up to them, turning her attention to Katie. "You ready to eat, kiddo?"

The girl grinned and ran toward the tables. The woman then turned back to Bones, speaking sincerely. "Thank you, Temperance. I thought she'd never come out of her shell."

Bones smiled as Katie hollered and her mother turned to join her. Booth studied Bones as she watched the pair with a far away look in her eyes. She sighed, the ghost of her smile still playing across her face. The whole situation felt surreal as Booth tried to process the scene he'd just witnessed.

When she turned in his direction, Booth's stomach took a nose dive, waiting for her reaction. Their eyes met and held. Time seemed to stop.

She slowly walked toward him. How was it possible to feel so many things at the same time? He was a nervous wreck.

She stopped in front of him.

Joy. Relief. Hope. He couldn't describe how he felt when she slowly smiled.

Booth reached out to hold her hand...in apology...in thanks.

She laughed quietly, a shy smile curving onto her lips as she accepted his hand. "I was hoping you'd change your mind," she said softly. "I saved you a seat."


	28. Snapshots of a Forgotten Life

**A/N: I feel like I'm back on track again! Actually getting a new chapter up in one week! Thank you so very much for your thoughts. I do so enjoy reading them, learning what things work and which ones don't. Thanks for reading!**

**Sophia...*hug*...thanks so much for letting me bounce this story off your brain all the time!**

Snapshots of a Forgotten Life

* * *

Booth looked around the gathering. He was happy he'd decided to join Bones for the cookout. It was fascinating to watch her interact with this group of people. It was clear from her conversations that she'd made several friends since they'd arrived. How had he missed that?

She knew their names, why they were here and how much progress they'd made since they'd arrived. She, herself, had made a lot of progress. He hadn't been paying attention and he felt guilty for not recognizing the changes sooner.

Their conversations flowed naturally and the people she talked to seemed to accept her matter-of-fact delivery of comments without batting an eye. He loved that even though she'd gotten better at small talk, she was still Bones. Each time she'd begin talking to another person, she'd introduce him. He watched knowing looks cross faces as she called him her friend. He knew nobody would believe that's all they were. Hell, if he saw a man and a woman in the same situation, he wouldn't believe it either. But he did know. They both knew. They were just friends.

As the evening wore on, he became more exhausted than usual. A true testament to what stress could do. He'd looked for the stares. He'd looked for the pity. Although he'd seen some, it wasn't nearly what he'd expected. These people were here for the same reason he was.

He helped straighten up the tables, tossing trash into the bag Bones held out. Soon the remnants of the cookout were gone and everyone but the two of them had returned to their rooms.

"You ready to go in, Bones?" he asked.

She paused, studying him for a moment. "Could we stay outside a little longer? Would you mind? It's such a nice night."

It was a nice night, but he was beyond ready to rest. When he'd first come out he'd worked overtime to make sure he didn't act like he was in a bad mood, to make sure Bones had a good time. By the end of the night, he'd actually been in good spirits, had engaged in conversations and laughed at jokes. He was tired but, when she looked at him that way and asked with that hesitation, he couldn't deny her no matter how badly he wanted to. So he smiled, "Sure. We'll stay."

She returned his smile. "Just a minute. You stay here. I'll be right back." Before he could answer, she'd turned and gone inside. He wondered what she was up to.

A few minutes later, she came back out to the patio with two beers in her hand. "Why don't we sit over here?" she waved her hand at one of the round tables. Booth wheeled himself over, realizing staying outside may not be so bad after all. They were alone and that was all he needed right now.

Bones quietly sat there, sipping her beer and looking out at the field behind the house, the trees that dotted the area. Booth watched her out of the corner of his eye. He recognized the look on her face and knew she wasn't thinking about what she was looking at. He was just getting ready to ask what she had on her mind when she turned to him.

"Thank you, Booth." She paused, looking down at the table. "I know how hard it was for you to come out here tonight." Her eyes traveled back up to his and he wasn't sure what to say.

"I know it's difficult for you to see sometimes, but you've made a great deal of progress." He thought about how ironic it was that she was saying the very thing about him that he'd thought about her earlier. She looked so earnest. He wanted to believe her, but he was so far away from his goal. He still had so much work to do to get back to 100%. Instead of talking, he tipped his beer back, letting the beverage allow him to relax.

"When I first saw you, you were in a bed, unable to talk and barely able to move." She looked down again, playing with the label on her bottle, the wheels still turning.

He interrupted her thoughts, "You were right, Bones." She returned his gaze. "I've been avoiding being around people. I...it's just different with you. You're...Bones." He grinned at her shy smile. "You've been really patient. You don't feel sorry for me...you push me. If I've made progress, it's been because of you." He paused before continuing, "I wanted to give up a long time ago."

"But you didn't." A look of determination showed on her face. "I know we agreed you'd set the milestones, Booth, but I think you arrived at one tonight. I know you didn't want to come to the cookout. I know you would have been happy to stay in our room the whole time we're required to be here. You made a choice. A difficult choice. I know that."

She reached behind her, pulling something out of her back pocket. When she brought her hand back around, she was holding a folded envelope. She laid it out flat on the table in front of her, smoothing the wrinkles, before sliding it across to him with her fingertips.

Booth set his beer on the table, then laid his hand on the letter, tracing his name with his fingertip. Even here, sitting next to her, the handwriting he recognized brought him added comfort. Knowing she had been thinking of him the same as he'd been thinking of her when they'd been so far apart.

He wondered how things would change, if they'd change at all, when they were finally able to return home. He wondered how different life would be when he didn't have her around all of the time. How empty his apartment would feel.

One more letter really did mean more progress. He supposed she was right. He had made progress. Suddenly he realized he was working harder than he'd worked before for an outcome that would take her away from him. How could he want something so badly, yet at the same time wish to delay it as long as possible? He wanted to stay here, with her, living in the same room.

As much as he wanted to read the thoughts she'd written in her letter, he was reluctant to open the envelope...to acknowledge he was one step closer to their inevitable parting. He wasn't sure he could go back to the way things had been before they'd gone their separate ways. Not now.

She'd said they would talk when he'd read all the letters. How would that discussion turn out? What, exactly, would they talk about? He licked his suddenly dry lips and looked up at her.

She put her hands on the table, preparing to stand. "Whether or not you think so, you deserve that letter."

Booth quickly reached out to lay his hand on hers. "Stay." He looked back and forth at her blue eyes, silently begging her to agree.

"Booth..." she hesitated.

"Please?" he asked. "Think of it as one of your own milestones." He flashed a charm smile, hoping it would work and waited as she mulled her decision over in her head. Eventually she relaxed and nodded.

He grinned his thanks, gave her hand a squeeze then turned his attention to the envelope. He couldn't help the deep swallow he took as he turned it over and began opening it. He pulled the sheet of paper out and unfolded it. He glanced back up to Bones one more time. Her head was turned away, but her eyes were watching his hands. She looked as nervous as he felt. He looked down and began reading.

_Dear Booth,_

_Once again, I have no news of any significant discoveries here. My frustration level continues to rise. I have lashed out at Miss Wick more than once. More often than not, she deserves to be chastised, although I feel badly because I know the true reason is my own increasing inability to compartmentalize. I am torn between wanting to be a part of this discovery and my desire to return home. I seem to have more patience with Dr. Marshall, but I realize it's because of my unfamiliarity with her. It is easier to vent frustrations with those you know, especially your subordinates._

_Dr. Hasani has proven to be a calming influence. We've begun to meet each night before going to bed. We discuss the activities that have taken place during the day, but mostly we sit around the fire talking about our lives. He has a wife and two young adult daughters whom he misses very much. I imagine that is why he has adopted a somewhat paternal role with me. I've explained your over-protective tendencies and he is quite happy I have you to watch over me. I've reminded him several times now that I don't need protection, but I have been as unsuccessful in getting him to understand as I have you._

Brennan hadn't wanted to stay while Booth read the letter. When he'd suggested it would be her milestone, she knew she had to stay. Their relationship was built on trust, on give and take. How could she ask Booth to keep pushing himself if she wasn't able to do the same in return?

She continued to sip her beer while he read, occasionally sneaking a glance at his expressions.

His chuckle startled her out of her thoughts, "I already like Dr. Hasani. Anyone who wants to protect you as much as I do is A-OK in my book. I'm glad he was there for you, Bones."

She smiled, relaxing at his teasing. "I really think you would like him. You two seem to have an unnecessary trait in common."

Booth just grinned and kept reading.

_I imagine your ego would get a significant boost listening to him. He says you are a "big strapping man" who obviously cares about me. He is rather short, so I imagine that is why he used that description of you._

Brennan couldn't help but smile when Booth laughed outright. So much time had passed since she'd written the letters. She wondered what had amused him so much. He kept reading, though, and didn't elaborate.

_I showed him a couple of pictures of you and I together. The ones Angela took in the lab to test her new camera. Do you remember? She was counting down and at the last second you turned your head to kiss me on the cheek. Angela had such a look of shock on her face that you and I couldn't help but laugh. We were still laughing when she took that second picture. I don't know if I ever told you she printed them and gave them to me. I've carried them with me since that day. I've found myself looking at them every night before I go to bed. It helps to have a little part of you here with me._

Brennan watched as Booth's brow knitted, seeing first a sign of confusion cross his face and then...something she didn't know how to define. He was upset, of that she was certain. This had been a bad idea. She should never have stayed. She felt horrible at the thought that something she'd said in her letter would cause him such distress.

She knew if she'd not been here to see his reaction, he would have acted like he was happy the moment she saw him next. He'd have hidden his feelings. How many times did he do that? As often as she did? She couldn't take the sick feeling in her stomach and reached out to touch his arm. "Booth?"

He looked up, clearly startled at the interruption, a question screaming from his eyes. "Booth, what is it?"

She watched as he looked back down at the letter, then up to her, then to the side...his eyes darting all over the place. She squeezed his forearm to get his attention again. "Booth?"

He looked up at her, his voice laced with sadness. "I don't remember," he whispered. He glanced to the letter and then back to her, looking at her as if she held the answers. His voice rose as he said it again. "I don't remember."

"What don't you remember?" she asked, worried at his reaction.

"The pictures. Where are they? The pictures of us...together. I want to see them. Do you have them here? I need to see them." His eyes bore into hers.

"Okay," she nodded, "Okay, Booth. Of course I have them here. I'll show you when we go back to our room." She felt the lines of worry crease her forehead. "Maybe this was a bad idea. Give me the letter. You can read it another day." She held out her hand waiting for him to return the letter.

"No. No, I'm fine." She watched as he forcibly controlled his emotions. He looked back up and smiled, "Really. I'm fine." He took a deep breath and looked back down to the letter. Brennan was even more worried about staying while he read now.

_When I look at those pictures, I wonder what you are doing. I wonder how your training sessions are going. I wonder about the people you are sharing your expertise with. What are they like? Anthropologically speaking, soldiers in that situation are typically quite young. Too young, by today's standards, to be in a war zone. Are they listening to you? Do they realize how important your knowledge is? Do they understand their lives may depend on what they learn from you? I sincerely hope they do. I hope you feel as though you are needed and that your presence is necessary. I feel an overwhelming sense of pride knowing you are there, serving both your country and those men._

Brennan knew the moment Booth's wall slipped into place. She'd seen it happen before. She recognized it from her own reactions to things. He had cut himself off and buried any feelings he was going to have. What had possessed her to think these letters would be incentive for him? She'd done nothing but hurt him in using them this way.

_I've been thinking about our friendship these last few weeks. How it's developed over the years. I miss it, Booth. I miss seeing you every day. I miss things I found quite annoying at the time. Your frequent trips to the lab to force me to stop for lunch. Your constant calls to ensure I was alive, despite the absence of circumstances that would put my safety in jeopardy. Your misguided need to make sure I didn't work too hard. The way you walked into my office like you owned_ _it. I miss those times, Booth. I miss having you around to talk to. I miss going to Founding Fathers for drinks after a case or to the Diner to discuss an ongoing investigation. I miss the times you stop by my apartment with take out just so we can spend time together._

As he'd continued reading, the corner of his mouth turned up slightly. Despite the sadness she saw on his face, Brennan was just happy to see some sign that the letter wasn't doing even more harm the further he read. She'd decided to give him the letters unopened, as she'd originally sent them. Maybe she should read them before she gave them to him in the future.

_Because of the weather here, I have found myself missing something else...my pool! I truly enjoyed_ _the times you and Parker came over so we could go swimming together. I know at one point you doubted your ability to be a good father. I hope you now realize you never had anything to worry about. You are an excellent father, Booth. You are the most caring, loving and reliable father I've ever known. _

_I__ unde__rstand why Dad left, but I feel there were probably ways we could have avoided our separation. Given similar circumstances, I know you would never let that happen. You love Parker so much. Anyone who knows you can see the evidence of your affection. I know you would find a way to keep your child with you no matter what. So many times you found ways to keep our non-traditional family together at the lab. Thank you for helping me understand there really is more than one kind of family. Though I_ _may not have openly acknowledged your efforts, they have been appreciated. You are appreciated. I am looking forward to the day I can return to my family, my friends and to you. To our lives together._

_Until then, please stay safe._

_Your Friend,_

_Bones_

Booth looked up to Bones. Her letters always seemed to put him through an emotional wringer. What he found amazing, though, was how she seemed to open up more each letter. He was happy to see, in each one, that she had valued their time together as much as he had.

When she'd left for Maluku, he'd thought it was quite possibly the end. That they'd never be the same again. Sitting here, having worked on his health with her...living with her...he had hope they would be able to return to something. He wasn't stupid enough to think his dream would come true, but to know she would still be a part of his life was all he needed.

He wanted to talk about the letters now, but knew he had to honor her request to wait. He smiled. "Thanks, Bones. Thank you for having faith in me."

"Always, Booth," she smiled.

He folded the letter and placed it back in its envelope. He kept his eyes down when he spoke next. "I'm sorry about how I reacted before. It bothers me when I find out I don't remember things. It's like part of my life has been taken away."

She gave an encouraging smile. "But you haven't lost it all. And some of your memories have returned."

He loved that she was trying to be so supportive. "Can we go? I'd really like to see those pictures." When he was done looking at them, he wanted nothing more than to sleep. To erase this day. Despite the nice time he'd had at the cookout, most of the day had been a pain in the ass. He hoped tomorrow would be better.

"Of course." She grabbed her bottle and stood up. Booth grabbed his as well, tucked it between his knees and followed her inside.

Once in their room, she went to her laptop case and pulled pictures from the front pocket. Booth placed his beer on the tv stand and tried to prepare himself for what he was about to see. She hesitantly held them out so he could take them, then sat on the end of her bed next to him as he looked at the pictures.

They showed signs of wear and had obviously been handled a lot. He studied the first one. It was like seeing a stranger...a stranger who looked just like him. Someone who had laughed and had kissed Bones on the cheek. He searched his memory and found nothing. He was jealous of that man. That man was standing. That man made Bones smile. That man could remember kissing her at that moment.

He tried to bury the hole that was forming in his chest. Tried to fill the ache with something other than emptiness. It wasn't working. He flipped to the next picture to see the two of them laughing. He had to grit his teeth against his feelings. He would have given anything to remember. They looked so happy. God, he wanted that memory back.

As he stared at the picture, begging his mind to cooperate with him, he saw her hand come into his field of vision to rest on his arm. "Booth. It's okay that you don't remember. We'll make new memories. They'll be happy ones just like those."

Brennan watched his red rimmed eyes turn up to hers. His voice cracked, "I don't know what's real." He'd said the same thing to her once before. He'd had the same look of desperation on his face. That time he'd been trying to figure out why she wasn't his wife. It hurt just as much this time as it had the last. But this time, she wanted nothing more than to hold him. To make everything better for him.

She grabbed his free hand and placed it at the top of her chest. "This. This is real, Booth." She laid her other hand on his chest, connecting them. "And we're going to get through this just like we do everything else."

She stared into his eyes, trying to get him to understand she meant what she said. "We _are_ the center. We _will_ hold."

He turned his attention back to the pictures for a second, then looked back up. He turned his hand where it rested to grasp her hand. He nodded, looking for reassurance.

She reached her arm around him and pulled him into a hug. Accepting her offering, he put his arms around her, squeezing, desperately trying to hold on to something tangible. To the one person who made everything better just by being there. He'd be lost without her. She gave meaning to his life. He loved her. He knew it. If he'd ever doubted it before, he knew it now.

He felt it so strongly that his thoughts started to leave his lips, "Bones, I..." He stopped himself, suddenly realizing what he had been about to say. He'd almost said the words that would send her running. He couldn't do that. Not again. He hadn't even told her just how deeply he really felt the last time and she'd been on a plane to Maluku before he knew it. If he told her he loved her now, he'd be alone. He couldn't do this alone. He had to have her here now. He just couldn't risk it.

"Booth," she asked, "what were you going to say?"

His mind was whirling with thoughts and fears. He couldn't come up with anything on the fly. "Uh...nothing...I just...nothing." He squeezed her tighter, hoping to deflect any more questions.

They stayed like that for several moments longer. Booth was thankful Bones had decided to let her question go. They were interrupted by a knock on the door.

Booth nervously smiled as they pulled back from each other. "Wonder who that could be."

"I'm not sure," she answered as she stood up and walked over to the door.

She pulled the door open to reveal a soldier standing on the other side whom Booth didn't recognize.

"Sargent Major Booth?" he asked.

Booth frowned, wondering what this was about. "Yes?"

"Sir, you don't know me. I was transferred here after my tour in Afghanistan and was asked to deliver a message to you personally," he stated.

Booth couldn't figure out who would have wanted to deliver a message this way. He nodded, prompting the man to continue.

The soldier stood at attention. "Sir, I regret to inform you that Specialist Williams was killed in the line of duty."


	29. Truth in the Consequences

**A/N: Since this is my first foray into fiction, it has been an experiment and a huge lesson in learning how to write. My style has changed quite a bit over the course of the story. I look back at some of the beginning chapters and groan sometimes! Thank you for being so patient while I'm learning. Thank you so very much for your support and encouragement. You readers are amazing!**

**I have a deep respect for the military and our soldiers and strive to portray them as accurately as I can. Any departures from military conduct are a result of my ignorance. **

**I appreciate the help I've gotten from everyone who's offered assistance from the first chapter to this one...and will continue to be grateful for the duration! Amy & Sophia...I would never have learned so much on my own. You two are wonderful for taking me under your wings.**

Truth in the Consequences

* * *

_The soldier stood at attention. "Sir, I regret to inform you that Specialist Williams was killed in the line of duty."_

Brennan's gaze swung to Booth. He was clearly reeling from shock at the man's statement. She turned back to look at the soldier, still standing rigidly at attention in the doorway. Neither man was saying anything. This had obviously been a message about someone Booth felt was important.

She had no idea who Specialist Williams was or why his death impacted Booth so significantly. She longed to be able to say the right thing, but the only word she could muster was his name, silently asking the questions she couldn't voice out loud. "Booth?"

The soldier finally spoke. "I'm very sorry, sir."

Booth looked back up at him. Brennan noticed his eye twitch before he sat straighter in his chair, his head held higher, his voice crisp, "Thank you, Sargent. At ease. Do you have details?"

The man relaxed into the at ease position before speaking again. "Very few. His team was ambushed. He was shot in the leg and bled out on site. He lived long enough to relay two messages. One for you and the other for his mother."

Booth gave a short nod. "The message?"

Brennan had seen Booth hide emotions in the past. He had that same controlled expression now, only more so. It was as if he were suddenly someone else. She had never seen him in military mode and while similar, there were significant differences from the FBI mode she was familiar with. There was no sign of cockiness. His voice...was deeper...stronger. This was a man who clearly used as few words as possible and expected concise answers. She was intrigued by the sudden change in his presence. Even though he was sitting in a wheelchair, he'd clearly become a leader and commanded the respect he was being given.

Instinctively, she knew this was difficult for him. She knew this moment was very important. Despite the times she'd seen him in tough situations, the businesslike manner in which he was handling this conversation gave her chills. She quickly realized there was a side to Booth she'd never seen before. This was a Booth she was unfamiliar with. The soldier's voice brought her out of her thoughts and she paid attention to his message.

"He said he was proud to have served with you. He was sorry he let you and his brother down, but he did not regret his decision to follow in your footsteps." He paused at that point, waiting for acknowledgment.

Booth looked the man in the eye. "Thank you."

"There was one last request, sir. He asked if you would look in on his mother from time to time. That's the message in its entirety."

Brennan saw Booth's demeanor show the first signs of cracking at the request. The change was almost imperceptible, but she knew him. In the years they had worked together, she had learned to read the subtle changes in his facial expressions.

Booth nodded again. "Thank you, Sargent," he said, his tone obviously dismissing the soldier.

The man stood at attention again. "I'm sorry, sir," he said before turning and walking away.

Brennan turned back to look at Booth. He was sitting in his chair right there in their room, but his mind was elsewhere, his eyes glassy and unfocused. She gently closed the door, then turned to look at him again. She was afraid to go to him. She was afraid she would say something inappropriate. She didn't know what to do.

He sat there silently, rarely blinking. She lost track of the time, not wanting to interrupt his thoughts. She finally found the confidence to begin talking with him and gingerly stepped toward him. "Booth?" she asked quietly.

He looked up at her as if he'd just noticed her presence in the room. He put his hands down on the wheels of his chair, propelling himself forward. "I'm going out."

"Okay, just let me get the room key," she answered.

He stopped. "Bones. I appreciate that you're here and I appreciate that you're willing to go with me, but I need time and space on this one."

She nodded. "Okay, Booth. I understand. Will you at least take your phone?"

He shook his head as though the thought hadn't crossed his mind. He wheeled himself back to his bed to grab his backpack and slung it around the back of his wheelchair. "Phone's in the bag."

He moved back toward the door, pausing for a moment by her side, but not looking up. He reached out and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze.

Brennan was thankful for the gesture. She knew Booth had not shut down completely as long as he was able to do things like that. "I'm here when you need me," she reminded him.

He let go of her hand and, without another word, wheeled out the door.

* * *

Booth pushed himself as fast as he could go down the sidewalks. His hands already burned from the friction as the smooth metal handrim skimmed across his palm. His arms were screaming in pain and yet he kept going. Flashes of memories flew through his mind.

Fish.

Watching him chat with his buddies in the day room.

Showing him various techniques during training sessions.

Standing in the hallway talking to him.

Listening to him talk about his brother's funeral.

He had looked so much like Teddy.

Teddy.

His laugh when someone told a stupid joke.

The way he'd tried so hard to do a good job.

Times he complained about his little brother.

The almost reverent tone he had used when he talked about his mother.

Their mother.

The confidence in the way she'd shaken his hand when he'd arrived at the funeral home.

How she'd broken down when she thought nobody was watching.

How she'd held onto her youngest son while standing next to the grave of her eldest.

Fish.

Over and over, images kept skipping across the surface of Booth's mind. Even faster than he was able to push the wheels of his chair.

He felt gutted. He'd made a promise to himself. He'd made a silent promise to Fish. To Teddy. To Mrs. Williams. It had been his chance to make things right, to make up for not saving Teddy. He was supposed to protect his little brother and make sure he stayed safe.

Safe.

Now...he was dead.

Booth pushed himself harder, trying to escape the misery of his thoughts. His lungs now felt the pain he'd become immune to in his arms. This couldn't be real.

He had made a decision. One decision. One lousy, stupid, asinine decision...and hadn't gone to the damn doctor.

Fish had paid for that decision with his life.

Fuck his wheelchair. Fuck his legs. Fuck all of it. None of it mattered. If Booth had been in Afghanistan, this wouldn't have happened. He could have trained them better. He would have sensed the danger. He'd always been able to. That's why he was still alive after all the near misses he'd had.

This wouldn't have happened if he'd still been there.

If he'd only gone to the doctor, Fish would be alive. He knew it in the depths of his soul.

He had cost a mother both of her sons.

His stomach churned with nausea, but Booth kept pushing his chair with as much strength as he had available. He arrived at the gate to the post and kept going, ignoring cars as they whizzed by. The sidewalks into Killeen became rougher, but he forced his wheels forward.

Eventually the intense pain in his hands seeped into his consciousness. He realized he'd forgotten to put on the gloves he wore during therapy. His skin stung as he pressed it against the surface of the handrim he used to propel himself. It felt good. He deserved the pain.

Every breath he took in was like liquid fire. His heart felt like it would explode as he thought about Mrs. Williams.

Fish wanted him to check in on her? How could he ever face her? She'd lost both her sons because of him. She would hate him when she realized the truth. She would rightfully want him dead. To lose both her sons because of one man? Booth knew he'd want to kill anyone responsible for Parker's death.

Parker.

How could he ever face his son again? Knowing he was responsible for the death of innocents? How could he ever hold his head high? How could he ever be the man his son looked up to? The thought of losing him made Booth feel sick. He would never be able to handle losing Parker...and yet...Mrs. Williams...Oh God.

God.

He couldn't even think about God. How could he ask forgiveness for such a sin? There weren't words.

He pushed those thoughts from his mind, only to have memories of Fish re-invade and the cycle of thoughts began to crash around in his head again. He didn't know if the ache in his chest was from the exertion or from the way his world felt as though it were collapsing.

He barely noticed where he was going. He only knew he traveled in a straight line, pushing his body to its limit...staring at the ground in front of him but only seeing pictures of Fish in his mind. His arms seemed to know automatically when he arrived at an intersection, stopping his forward movement then propelling him forward when it was time. He had no conscious thoughts except those which were driving him insane.

Pieces of reality, visuals of his location, broke his concentration and he realized what enclosure he was passing by. He had no idea how far he'd traveled, but he'd been trying to outrun death the entire journey. How ironic that he found himself at a cemetery.

He looked through the fence at the gravestones as he kept moving forward. Each one held its own story. A lifetime of experiences. How had they lived? Who had they loved? Who mourned their deaths?

He found a break in the fence with no gate barring his way into the silent place. Just as he crossed the threshold, his phone rang, interrupting the sound his wheels made on the pavement. He knew who it was. He wasn't ready. He ignored it. Soon he heard the beep confirming she'd left a message.

He slowed down as he rolled along the paved drive that carried him into the waiting arms of the dead. How many people were in places like this because of his actions? Because he'd pulled the trigger? Because he'd made the wrong decision? The weight of his past intensified the further into the sanctuary he traveled.

His arms moved more slowly with each rotation of his wheels. He started to read the words on the headstones as he passed by. The sea of many disintegrated into individuals. Fathers. Mothers. Sons. Daughters.

Messages of love. Messages of hope. Flowers and statues offered in respect.

He was surrounded by death. Physically. Mentally. There was no escape. So many times it could have been him. He should be the one lying in the ground.

Why had he survived? He was halfway through his life. Fish was at the beginning. Why couldn't Fish have lived? He deserved to live. His mother deserved for him to live. Fish had chosen an honorable path for honorable reasons.

What had he done? He'd joined the Army to escape. To avoid feeling as if he were a burden on Pops. To have a legitimate excuse to quit bailing his brother out of trouble. To prove to his son of a bitch father that he'd been wrong about him. The Army would solve all of his problems in one fell swoop. He hadn't been brave enough to face the life he'd been living and had run away. He had chosen the coward's way out. There wasn't anything brave in his decision.

He ignored the ring of his phone once again. He sure as hell couldn't talk to her now. Not with these thoughts running around his head. He continued his trek through the silence, surrounded by the markers of lost lives.

Having traveled through most of the cemetery, he finally hit his limit. His arms could barely move and his mind was on a continuous loop of torture. He slowed to a stop by a set of headstones surrounded by a rock border barely sticking up from the ground. A family. Generations of parents. Children who were parents. More children. Men and women who had served in the military according to the insignias on the marble memorials. The Marines. The Air Force. The Army. This family was proud. This family had seen its share of pain.

He hung his head...still ignoring the ringing of his phone. What part of time and space did she not understand?

He studied the monuments in front of him. This family had clearly dedicated their lives to each other. There wasn't an impersonal word written among the headstones. Beloved mothers. Fathers who would be missed. People who had paved the way to the Lord they obviously cherished.

God. His God. The One he silently begged to change things.

The One who refused to turn back the hands of time.

The One he felt he had no right to pray to right now.

He hung his head as he sat there, letting thoughts of Fish, Teddy and their mother wash over him again. Each painful memory triggering a new one.

He had destroyed a family. He'd once told Bones that Teddy's death was just one of the fortunes of war. He had tried to believe that. He'd wanted to believe it. But two boys from the same family? Both of whom were connected to him?

His phone rang, shattering the silence. He knew Bones was worried. He knew he had to answer this time, but it irritated him. He reached around to grab his phone out of the pocket of his backpack and didn't bother looking at the caller ID before answering. "Bones, I'm fine." He was annoyed at the number of times he'd said that phrase during the day. Who the hell was he trying to convince? Her? Or himself?

She spoke quietly. "I'm sorry, Booth. I was concerned. Where are you?" she asked.

"Cemetery," he answered bluntly.

"I wasn't aware there was a cemetery on post," she softly stated.

"In town, Bones, I'm in town," came his short, crisp reply.

"I've driven by there. It must be five miles away." He heard the worry in her tone.

He tried to cut the conversation short, "Look, thanks for checking on me, but..."

She interrupted him, "Booth, let me come get you. You shouldn't be alone right now. You wouldn't let me be alone if our roles were reversed."

"Bones, I'm not good company right now," he answered before chanting his new mantra, "I'm fine."

She wasn't giving up. "We don't have to talk. We have often been in each other's presence without verbal communication. Let me do this for you. We can stay there if that's what you need."

"No, Bones. I'll be home later." He cut off any reply she would make by closing his phone. He couldn't face anyone now, especially her. He had to have time to get his emotions in check, to stop his mind from whirling so fast that he couldn't keep up. To allow the numbness to invade.

He half expected to hear his phone ring again, but it didn't. Good. He was sure he'd pissed her off. No way would she want to be around him now. He'd bought himself some more time. He could apologize and make it up to her later.

* * *

Brennan couldn't believe he'd hung up on her. She checked one more time to make sure, "Booth?"

No answer.

The initial flare of emotion she felt was anger, but she quickly stifled it with the knowledge of how deeply hurt Booth was. She knew, without doubt, he would never let her be alone during a time like this, even if that was what she claimed to want. So many times in the past, he had quietly lent his shoulder to her, both literally and metaphorically.

She made her decision, grabbed her keys and purse and headed out to find Booth.

* * *

Booth sat with the family he'd discovered, finding a connection to them he couldn't explain. He wondered about its survivors. Where were they? What scars did they carry as a result of graves before him? What scars did Mrs. Williams have now?

He heard Bones long before she silently arrived by his side. He should have known she'd show up when his phone hadn't rung. The woman would just not let go when she was on a mission. She did what she wanted regardless of what he asked.

"Bones, I don't want to be around anyone right now. Go back. I told you'd I'd be home later." He waited for her reply, but she gave none.

He let his irritation show as he looked up at her, "Please, Bones, I have to do this on my own."

"No, Booth, you don't," she answered. "Partners are there for each other no matter what. You taught me that."

Her statement flipped a switch in him and triggered a release of fury he'd bottled up. His anger and frustration came rushing out as he turned his chair to fully face her. "Partners? Partners? We aren't partners, Bones. We left, remember? You were smart to leave. You were smart to get as far away from me as possible. I hurt everyone I'm around. Dammit, Bones, people _die _around me." He drew in a harsh breath and continued, "Go. Don't just go back to the room. Go back to Maluku. You'll be happy there. You'll be a hell of a lot safer there than you will be anywhere near me. You stay around me and eventually you'll get hurt."

Her answer was short and simple, "No."

His look was incredulous as he spat out his reply, not bothering to hide the accusation in his voice. "No? Why not? It's what you wanted in the first place. To change history. I know you didn't just drop all your hopes and dreams for your career overnight."

He glared at her, no longer caring if she caught the full effect of his wrath. "Goddamn it, Bones. Just. Go. Back. To. Maluku."

"I'm not leaving, Booth." She let all his barbs go without a fight and it infuriated him.

"Why? Why then and not now?" he roared. "I _know_ why, Bones! You feel guilty. I know all about guilt. You think you played some part in landing me in this fucking wheelchair, don't you? Well, you didn't. It's all me. All of it. And you know what? I don't want you here because you feel guilty. I don't want you here at all. Go back."

"I'm not here because I feel guilty, Booth." Her quiet voice didn't have the calming effect it usually had on him.

"Yes, you are!" he yelled. "I know you are. There's no other reason for you to be here, dammit."

It grated on his nerves that she remained so calm when she answered, "There is another reason."

He let the sarcasm flow. "Oh? Really? There's a reason you suddenly want to be here with me? After you dropped everything we worked for and high tailed it to Maluku for your dream job?" He'd lost control of his emotions and for once didn't give a flying shit that his anger was aimed at Bones. He knew he had to be hurting her. It was for her own good. She needed to be as far away from him as she could be. He knew she wouldn't take his abuse for long and she'd run like she always did. He waited for her to prove him right.

She looked him dead in the eye. "I care more about you than I do that project."

He let out a short, derisive chuckle, "You care? You didn't care more about me when you left." He shook his head, not bothering to lower his voice. "No. That's not it. You feel sorry for me. I know you do, Bones. You've gotten a lot better at covering, but that is the only reason you're here."

She stood up straighter. "No it's not, Booth."

He attacked. "You know what? I knew. I fucking _knew_ you were pulling away. I could feel it. I knew things were getting to you. I knew the second that Hodgins told us he and Angela had gotten married that you would freak out. You can't stand change. Free-spirited, fun-loving Angela tied the knot. What? Did you think the two of you would just fly through the guys the rest of your lives, having fun and comparing notes? That things would never change?"

She remained calm. "I told you why I left, Booth. I had to get perspective on my life."

"Heard that one before, Bones," he bitterly replied.

"Is it so inconceivable that I was being completely honest with you?" She took in a shaky breath. "It was Hodgins who solved the Gravedigger case, Booth. Not me. Nothing I did solved that case. Taffett was able to counteract all of my arguments. You could have died on that ship and it would have been for nothing because I was unable to find anything to send that woman to jail. It was Hodgins and his stupid bugs. I needed to know I still had value in my field. I needed to know I could still do my job to the best of my abilities."

So, he'd finally hit a nerve...and he was ready to pound on it. "Bones, none of us was finding the right evidence. It took _all _of us working together to nail that bitch. All of us!" She was doing what she always did. She was justifying her decision to leave. Covering the real reason she returned.

He shook his head, his anger increasing by the second. "No, that's not why you left, Bones. Quit lying to me! Quit lying to yourself. You left because you're afraid of commitment. You were afraid of us...together...in any capacity. You had been looking for an excuse to leave from the time I told you I wanted to give us a shot. We both know it. Angela...she sent you over the edge when she up and got married. When that damn Maluku thing came along, you jumped at it." Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew he was lashing out because of Fish, but it felt good to finally get his deeper thoughts off his chest.

Her silence added fuel to the fire in his head. His voice dropped, "You know what...I _tried_ to move on. I went on dates. Hell, I went to _war_ to get over you. You think I could honestly have stayed in DC, working on cases without you? Knowing the real reason you left was to get away from me? I love you, Bones. I think I always have. I was just too afraid. I was afraid of making a mistake. I was afraid of scaring you. I was afraid of pushing too hard. Because if I did any of those things, I knew I'd lose you. But I _didn't_ do any of those things and I lost you anyway."

The look of shock on her face gave him the courage to drive the last nail in the coffin, to finally put an end to all of it. "And you know what? This...this arrangement we've made? This living together? It's not helping. It's screwing with my head. You need to leave. I need to go back to Afghanistan and finish what I started. I need to make sure nobody else dies. I can't take it, Bones." His voice got choked with emotion. "Fish's mother...she lost _both_ her boys because of _me_." He hiccuped a breath in, his voice dropped to a whisper as his tension drained in a rush. "Both of them_._Oh, God." He buried his head in his hands.

"Booth..." she began quietly, tentatively.

His muffled reply came through the barrier of his hands. "No, Bones. Please leave. I don't need protecting. I don't need someone to take care of me any more. You said it yourself. I'm a grown man and I can take care of myself."

"No, Booth," she answered. "There's..."

His voice came out stronger, though defeated as he dropped his hands to his lap. "Bones. Please. Just this once. Do what I ask. Do what makes you happy. Go back to Maluku."

For a moment he thought, in the stillness of the night, that he'd succeeded in getting her to see reason...to leave him once and for all. What he heard next would shake him to the foundation of his soul.

"Booth, I love you, too..."

* * *

**A/N: Normally I wouldn't expect Booth to lace his language with so many 'colorful metaphors' when speaking to Brennan. However, he's highly emotional right now and is still fresh from his return to the military. That kind of language is quite common and I could see Booth slipping back into it when he's not concentrating on stifling it. Thank you, Adam, for reminding me.**


	30. All the Wrong Moves

**A/N: I apologize for the lateness of this chapter. However, I did get to spend a week in California with my family, including my son, who was on leave for the Fourth of July! I took a little time to relax and do some writing/editing by the pool (so nice!), but my main focus was spending time with everyone. **

**Thank you for continuing to follow the journey of these characters! One day I will get caught up on responding to your comments. Those of you who write know how precious they are. Those of you who don't...believe me when I tell you they provide inspiration! **

**Sophia...your patience knows no bounds. You are a remarkable individual!**

**All the Wrong Moves **

* * *

Brennan knew Booth heard her declaration of love because the muscles in his back contracted and he sat up a little higher. He also seemed to have stopped breathing. She anxiously waited for other signs of how he'd react…what he'd say.

She regretted the manner in which they'd told each other how they felt. Booth was lashing out as a coping mechanism. She knew that. She also recognized he was trying to get her to leave out of that same need to protect her that he'd displayed their entire partnership. One she'd learned to understand and had reciprocated throughout their time together. Despite her protests, there was comfort in knowing there was a person in the world willing to go to such lengths to make sure she was safe, no matter the circumstances.

What he didn't realize was that it was unnecessary to protect her from his pain. She wanted to stand by him, to be there for him the way he'd always been there for her. She wasn't going anywhere. She was finally ready to face him and have this conversation.

His words still hurt though. They'd found their target.

Booth was reeling. His mind a whirlwind of thoughts. He wasn't sure he could trust his ears. Had Bones just said what he thought she said? Had she just told him she loved him? He allowed an exasperated chuckle to escape as he sat there still staring at his hands.

His voice quiet, he finally replied, "Wow. I must be worse off than I thought."

Brennan's look of confusion was genuine. "I don't know what that means."

Booth's derisive laughter echoed through the night as he looked up at her. "It means that you must feel _really_ sorry for me. Didn't know you had it in you, Bones. I knew you'd do a lot for me. Christ, you're _here_. But I know _why_ you're here and it pisses me off. I'm not an obligation…to _anyone_. And I can't believe you'd be willing to use those words against me. Especially tonight. You know how important they are to me."

His gaze turned to a glare. "So, nice try, but it didn't work. Now…Go. Away."

Brennan wasn't sure which emotion was stronger, anger or pain. She felt both. She opted to respond with anger. She knew how to deal with it. Anger was safe. "I have no idea what you're referring to, Booth," she scowled. "You push me for years. You finally get the admission you want from me and you react like this? How could you think so little of me? Knowing who I am? You assume I'd tell you something as monumental as this because I feel sorry for you? I do feel sorry for you, but not for the reasons in which you think."

She matched Booth's hard expression. "If this is what love is, I want no part of it. Maybe I _should_ go back to Maluku. At least _they_ appreciate my presence!"

Warning bells went off in Booth's head, but he was past the point of listening to them. "Good! Go!"

Brennan paused to take a deep breath, staring daggers in Booth's direction. "I recognize that you're hurting. I'm aware of enough psychology to understand you think you're protecting me, like you always do. I realize you're also protecting yourself. From what, I don't know."

Sneering in disgust, she loaded her next statement with venom, "I _hate_ psychology!"

She continued her rant before he had a chance to respond. "I had hoped to have this discussion after you'd read all the letters. Maybe then you would believe me, because you clearly don't at the moment." Her voice erupted in a frustrated growl, "I don't need protection, Booth! Why can't anyone understand that?"

Booth wheeled forward, invading her space. "Are you kidding me, Bones? You do need protection. You've always needed it. I say one little word about love around you and…and…I can't even begin to count the number of walls you throw up."

He threw up his hands in disgust and defeat. "I'm done fighting with you about it. You win. I give. Congratulations. You were right. Now go. Run. And don't you ever use those words against me again. Do you even…"

Brennan broke in, interrupting his tirade, leaning closer. "I am so…_angry _with you! You are being a cow's ass right now. Quit feeling sorry for yourself, Booth, because I don't. I haven't from the first moment I became aware of your heatstroke. I know you. I know you can pull yourself out of this. I want to be here to help you and support you."

She stood straight, pausing only a moment. "For your information, I would never use those words against you. I am appalled you'd even suggest it. Have you already forgotten our promise of honesty?" She took in a breath, "Have you?"

Booth simply returned her stare as he tried to process everything she was saying.

Brennan allowed him to remain silent rather than demanding an answer. "I told you how I feel. If you no longer desire to pursue a relationship, fine. Just tell me. Quit all this posturing and give me facts. I _need _facts! Do you, or do you not, want to be with me? And for the record, neither answer will have any bearing on my decision to stay with you while you recover. I meant what I said. I'm not going anywhere." She crossed her arms as she waited to hear what he had to say. Part of her hated him for making her lose control like this. For allowing him to drag her into an emotional conversation.

Booth crossed his own arms and sank back into his chair. As much as he wanted to believe that she loved him, he couldn't trust her to understand her reactions to his heatstroke. He hated going through another 'educate Bones' conversation, but it was overdue. He tried to erase any indication of condescension from his voice. "You think you love me? Since when? The heatstroke? Bones, feeling sorry for somebody isn't love. Thinking you played a part in my decision to go to Afghanistan and feeling guilty about it isn't love. Being happy I didn't die isn't love. Sticking around while I learn how to be me again isn't love. What you're feeling is a normal emotional response. It happens all the time. But it's not real and it doesn't last."

It was breaking his heart to have to tell her these things. How could fate be so cruel? To hand him the illusion of what he'd wanted for years. It wasn't real and it was killing him. He wanted nothing more than to disappear for a while. He didn't care if he slept for the next several days or drank himself into a week long stupor. Either would do.

He continued quietly, knowing he was about to let her in more than he cared to right now. Knowing that he'd have nothing to show for it at the end except her counter arguments. "Love is caring more about someone else than you do yourself. It's about not wanting to go through life without that person by your side. It's hard work and sacrifice and compromise. It's companionship and happiness and the knowledge that someone always has your back. As cliché as it sounds, it's about being together for better or worse, good times and bad."

Brennan was just as quiet. "Booth, you're describing what we've had all along."

He smiled sadly. "Yeah, but it's more than just that, Bones. I wanted more. I still do..."

Booth watched the worried look cross her face. "I want more, too. I know that now. The time I was in Maluku…the knowledge of where you were, what you were doing…it terrified me, Booth. Then when Jared called and I thought I might have to go through the rest of my life without you…it made me feel ill. I don't understand why emotions result in such physical reactions. Well, conceptually I do, but…Booth, I needed you. I still _need _you."

The tears that gently slipped down her cheeks broke Booth's heart. "Booth, I'm not sorry I went to Maluku. I know…" she paused to regain control. "I know you would have stayed had I done the same. I know you wouldn't have suffered a heatstroke had we stayed. I _do _bear responsibility for that."

Booth broke into her statement, "Bones, no."

"Please. Let me finish. This is more difficult than I had anticipated." She paused.

When he didn't say anything, she continued. "I accept responsibility for my part in the circumstances we find ourselves in. However, if I had not aligned myself with that project and had not been faced with the temporary loss of our partnership, I would never have been able to objectively evaluate the nature of our relationship. I had a significant revelation in Maluku and while I could conceivably have had the same revelation in our previous environment, it likely would have taken much longer. And contrary to what you obviously think, I arrived at my conclusions _before _I learned of your heatstroke."

Booth was beginning to feel sick. If what she was saying was true, he'd really screwed the pooch.

Brennan was having more trouble containing her emotions with each word she uttered. "Booth, I do want more. I can't promise 50 years. I don't know if either of us will survive the night. I'm…" she paused to wipe the tears from her face. "I'm afraid. You have the power to completely unravel…everything I've worked for, everything I feel."

She couldn't draw her eyes away from his, wondering what he would say. Would he destroy the hope she had? She made one final attempt. "I trust you, Booth. More than anyone I've ever known. I recognize now that I have all the characteristics of what I've read about, what people describe and what I have observed. I love you. I think, if you read the rest of the letters, you'll come to realize the validity in what I'm saying."

Booth wasn't sure how to react. He didn't know how he felt. The letters? Booth still couldn't process what was happening. Sure, she'd opened up in her letters, but she'd never said anything like...love. What had she written in the rest of them?

He couldn't look at her. He couldn't make the events of the day fit together. After the shitty therapy session he'd had and finding Bones absent afterward, he'd wanted nothing more than to relax. He'd wanted to forgo the cookout and just to stay in their room. Because he'd gone, he'd gotten another damn letter that had shown him more memories he was missing. Then the worst thing of all...he'd lost Fish. One step forward, two steps back.

Now, Bones was telling him she loved him? He felt like he was in a dream...no, a nightmare. One he desperately wanted to wake up from. This was not how life was supposed to go. He sure as hell was not supposed to tell Bones he loved her out of anger. No way, no how. He already knew he'd never forgive himself for that slip. And she sure as hell wasn't supposed to tell him she loved him back. Not like this. Not because she felt guilty.

His thoughts were slamming back and forth. He couldn't stop the negativity from seeping in. Would she have come back from her dig just because he asked her to? No. Would she have dropped everything, Maluku, The Jeffersonian and traveled halfway across the country to live with him just because he asked her to? No.

The only additional element was his heatstroke. He knew how her mind worked. At least he thought he did. The only reason that made any sense was that she felt guilty, knowing he'd never have gone to Afghanistan if she hadn't left. But...was it guilt? Or was it something else? Had he been right when he'd said her feelings wouldn't last? Or had she truly figured out she felt more for him before the news of his heatstroke? His nausea was increasing with each second as he tried to fight his way through logic.

If they didn't lie to each other...and she told him she loved him...why couldn't he figure this out? It was his job to figure these things out, but right now he didn't trust himself to think rationally. Bones never said anything she didn't mean. How was he supposed to deal with this new information? Oh God...she loved him? What the hell was he supposed to do? How was he supposed to feel? The very thing he'd longed to hear and suddenly he couldn't cope with it?

He shook his head at the irony, trying to make the events of the day and his distracted thoughts disappear. He had to focus. He was letting too much time pass. He had to say...something.

Bones beat him to it. "Booth?" He could hear the fear in her voice and continued to shake his head. Oh God, what had he done? How could he have lashed out at her like he had? How could he have said the hurtful things he'd said? How much damage had he done?

"Bones, I..." He still couldn't find the words he needed. He was having trouble switching gears so fast. One second he was begging her to leave and telling her that her feelings weren't real. The next…she had managed to do what she always did and swept the rug right out from under him. How the hell did she manage to do that all the time? He couldn't voice a coherent thought. It simply didn't exist for him yet.

He was so exhausted. He had to find a way to apologize for everything he'd unloaded on her. For the way he'd treated her. It hadn't been fair. He'd been hurt and had looked for any way to release some of that hurt. He'd taken it out on her. He hadn't believed her. And the way he'd told her how he felt...another regret. Simply telling her he was sorry wasn't going to cut it. He needed to bridge the gap between them. He raised his head, not ready to look her in the eyes just yet. Instead he reached out his hand, hoping she would take it even though he didn't deserve it.

He was thankful to see her make a move forward, but stunned when she stopped and knelt down to look him in the eye. He was still in shock and was amazed at her ability to look at him so resolutely. But this was Bones. He should have learned never to be surprised by now. He had to give her a response. He just had to figure out what it was. He had to figure out if he truly believed that she loved him.

Her voice was firm, "Booth, I'm not going anywhere. I'm not leaving you. You can say what you want, but no matter how painful, I'm not leaving."

God, she was the strongest woman he'd ever known in his life. He was simply stunned by her.

Brennan was finally ready to fight for this. She refused to let herself to be governed by fear any longer. She would prove to him, once and for all, that she was ready for whatever obstacles he put in her path. And if he no longer felt the way he'd once claimed, she would accept it and recover. She moved her hand the final distance to hold his.

The hiss he let escape when she squeezed it surprised her. She instantly recognized the look of pain that crossed his face and let go. She turned his hand over so she could examine it. The blisters she found were quite large. "Booth. Your hand."

Booth didn't really care about the blisters. They had more important things to worry about right now. "Eh, they're fine." He tried to pull it back, but she held fast.

She quickly reached out to grab his other one and turned it over for inspection. "They are not fine," she stated emphatically. "They need treatment. Some of those blisters have ruptured and are open wounds."

"Bones..." he began, trying once again to pull his hands away from her.

She quickly interrupted him. "I will not accept any argument from you. These need treatment. Injured hands will hamper your ability to perform adequately during therapy. Do you wish to do that?" She looked at him with that look she got when she clearly expected an answer to what would have been a rhetorical question from anyone else.

Booth sat there for a moment, confused about the whole night. He couldn't help enjoying the feel of her hands on his and the concern she always had for his health. She held such power over him. One touch was all it took to calm him, to give him the quiet reprieve he craved. He gave her the answer she was waiting for, "No. I don't."

She let go of his hands and stood up. "The car is in the parking lot at the front."

He realized she was focused and they weren't going to be having the discussion they really needed to have. He sent a silent prayer of thanks for the additional time he'd have to collect his thoughts and reached for the handrims on his chair to push himself forward. He grimaced at the burning pain when he gripped the cold metal, but tentatively applied the pressure he needed to move forward. He expected Bones to walk beside him. He should have realized she wouldn't. He didn't argue with her when she stepped behind his wheelchair and started pushing him down the path.

He matched her silence. They didn't say one word the entire way back to the car. They were quiet as Bones drove to a store. He merely nodded as she told him to wait in the car while she purchased first aid supplies. They were silent on the drive back to the house and silent as they made their way to their room. The weight of the night was hanging in the air around them. A precipice they were leaning over, both knowing that whatever came next would forever plunge them into new territory.

From the second Bones had uttered those words, Booth had tried to make sense of his feelings and her motives. He'd been entirely unsuccessful. She had set off a maelstrom in his head. Only one thought stood fast and never wavered...Bones. The world was spinning out of control around him, but she was his anchor. She always had been.

He had expected to see fear from her. He'd expected to see the telltale signs that she'd take off again. What he'd seen tonight was the opposite and it didn't fit with his perceptions of how his world worked.

He sat quietly as Bones gathered the first aid supplies and gently administered to his hands. First washing them, then applying ointment. Finally she wrapped gauze around them. When she was done, she put the supplies away in the bathroom.

She walked back into the room and sat in one of the chairs by the small table in the corner. She hadn't really looked at him since they'd arrived back at the house. He wasn't sure what to make of her actions. Did she already regret what she'd said? Was she going to leave after all? Had he ruined any shot they'd ever had?

When she turned her head to look at him, he worried he was about to find out the answers to those questions. He was afraid they'd be ones that would undo him.

Brennan was having difficulty adjusting to Booth's uncharacteristic silence. She just wanted him to talk. To say something. Anything. She hoped that her topic of choice would be safe to start with, but worried he would shut down again. However, she was learning to take her own risks. "Who was Specialist Williams?" she asked.

That wasn't exactly where Booth thought their conversation would start. Hearing Fish's name was a gut punch and all the feelings of regret came rushing back. He pursed his lips and looked down at his lap. He didn't really want to talk about him, but he owed Bones…big time. His voice was graveled as he began his explanation. "He was one of the men...boys, really...that I was training in Afghanistan."

"I'm sorry, Booth." Brennan watched as a sad smile grew on Booth's face and knew it was the only way he could let her know he appreciated what she had said. She waited, knowing he needed time to tell the story his way. She was relieved that he'd decided to tell her instead of shutting her out. She saw the distance develop in his eyes as they became unfocused while he remembered a world far from here.

Booth lost himself in the memories of Afghanistan. He thought back to the day he'd decided to go watch the soldiers in the day room. Slowly, quietly, those memories made their way out and he began the tale. "He was the first one to talk to me. Really talk to me. Like one of the guys." He traveled further back in his mind, to his first days with his trainees. "I had kind of closed myself off from them."

The linear course of events didn't matter as memories of Fish tumbled around in his mind. He paused and the corner of his mouth rose. "He gave me your letter. It was too early for a letter to arrive for me. Confused the hell outta me. Especially when it had no return address."

Brennan recognized the description of the first letter she'd had her publisher send to him. He continued staring down as he relived the past. "He just seemed to keep turning up. I could tell he had something he wanted to say to me. I was really sick though." His voice caught, thick with emotion when he continued, "So I brushed him off."

Brennan watched Booth struggle to keep his grief at bay. She knew her silence was the best way to show her support. She wondered what situations he was reliving. He had lived a life she knew nothing about. "I was so sick. If only I'd gone to the doctor." He pursed his lips again in a way she recognized. He was trying so hard to be strong and it caused her own emotions to rear up as she felt a lump form in her own throat.

"Next day," he continued, "I was headed back to my room when I passed him in the hallway and asked what he had wanted." Tears started to well up in his eyes and he gritted his teeth against them. His anguish was difficult for her to watch.

He raised his eyes to look up at her for the first time. "He was Teddy's brother. Corporal Parker?" She remembered who he was talking about and nodded her head to let him know.

"Fish was only six the last time I'd seen him...at Teddy's funeral." Brennan knew soldiers often gave each other nicknames and assumed Fish was Specialist Williams' name.

"He was so small, but he was brave." Booth's half-hearted smile allowed her to smile in return. Then his eyes slid off to the side again as he lost himself in memories once more.

"He remembered me. Told me he'd looked up to Teddy...and to me. Told me that's why he'd joined the Army. To be like us. It was like...like I had a second chance." More tears welled in his eyes, nearly spilling onto his cheeks. "A chance to do it right. To teach him. To protect him. To make sure he got to live the life his brother hadn't."

Booth choked back a sob and hung his head, looking down at his bandaged hands. "If only I'd gone to the doctor," he whispered. One tear escaped, running down his cheek before dropping to his lap. He ignored the pain in his hand as he reached up to swipe the back of it across his face, wiping the evidence of his grief away.

"He was shot." Booth was still having trouble accepting the fact. He'd seen those situations before. Been there when men had died right in front of him. He could just as clearly see Fish lying on the ground, blood pouring out of his leg while his life slipped away, as men around him desperately tried to stop the inevitable. They would fight to the bitter end to save one of their own. He could almost hear Fish's desperation to relay his last messages. To leave his final mark on the world. To let his mother know how important she was. To let Booth know…

Booth's voice was suddenly stronger, his features bathed in anger, "If I'd been there, I could have protected him. I would have known. I would have been able to…_do _something." He paused one more time, dropping back to a whisper. "But I didn't go to the doctor."

Brennan couldn't allow Booth to shoulder the responsibility for Specialist Williams' death. Throughout the years, she had seen how seriously he took his oath to protect people. She'd been the recipient of it more times than she could remember. "Booth, there is nothing you could have done. When someone has an injury like the one that was described to us, there's not enough time. Your presence would not have saved his life."

Booth looked back up to her. "He wouldn't have _been _in that situation if I'd been there, Bones. I'd have been able to stop it. Somehow. I would have seen something. I could have warned him. I could have..."

Brennan stopped him. "There is no way for you to know that, Booth. None. Those variables are impossible to predict." She stood up and walked over to sit on the bed next to his chair, laying her hand on his arm. "There was nothing you could have done."

He looked into her eyes, silently begging for her statements to be true. "Part of me believes that. The bigger part of me? I just feel like I could have kept him alive. Bones, their mother lost both of her sons because of me." He felt like the weight of the world was resting on his chest. He started to reach up and run his hand over his face in a habit he hadn't realized he had, but stopped himself when he noticed the bandage on his hand and felt the twinge in his palm as he moved.

Brennan tried to get through to him. "Booth, I've known you for over six years now. I know you accept responsibility for things you have no control over. I've seen how it affects you. You couldn't have stopped him from dying."

Booth could see the depth of her feelings written on her face, shining brightly in her eyes. She spoke with a sure voice that made him want to believe her. "You are the strongest, most admirable man I've ever known in my life. It was noble of Specialist Williams to follow in your footsteps and for a brief while he got exactly what he desired. He lived his dream. That's all we can hope for in life."

Her statement was eerily close to the same thing he'd said when the passenger on the train had died in Sweets' arms. He now realized that while it may be comforting to know, it didn't heal the wounds. The damage was done and there was nothing anyone could do to fix it. Fish was gone and he was never coming back. Booth knew the ache he felt would never leave. He could only hope it would subside one day.

He focused on Bones...her hair, her face, her eyes. Such a deep blue. He could stare into them forever.

The sea of blue faded away as he started reliving memories again, each one a slice to his control. He could barely stand the pressure of his regret. "You know, I never found out why they called him Fish."

To see Booth's chin quivering as he struggled for control was more than Brennan could take. She'd been worried about pressing him after her admission of love and she'd hugged him more lately than she ever had, but she couldn't let him sit there alone any longer. She leaned over to hold on to him as tightly as she could, pleased when he also wrapped his arms around her.

Booth held on to Bones as if his life depended on it. She infused him with a sense of peace he thought would be impossible so soon after hearing such painful news. He drew energy from her...allowing himself to feel her in his arms. To feel her cheek on his shoulder. The heat of her body where it touched his. The smell of her perfume. Just the sheer comfort of holding her.

After everything that had happened, what the hell had he done to deserve having her in his life? Was it possible? Did she love him? He had assumed her recent actions had all been a result of their friendship. Could it really be more than that? If it was, where did that leave them now? The hope he'd been suppressing for so long flickered to life again and it terrified him.

Her voice came out muffled by his shirt, "I won't think any less of you if you cry, Booth."

Only Bones would say something like that. And only Bones could make it sound so damn adorable. He couldn't stop the chuckle that erupted from his throat, happy to have something to focus on rather than the thoughts raging around his head. He gave her an extra squeeze, "Thanks, Bones. Good to know."

He pulled back to look at her, but held onto to her, unwilling to let go just yet. He expected her to be the one to pull away as she always had in the past. When she didn't, the air between them became charged with emotion. He had no idea how to read her expression, her eyes. He'd never seen her look this way before. He longed for it to be something more than friendship.

Brennan had written about moments like these. She'd described how a man's eyes could darken like Booth's just had. How faces made subtle changes to display desire. She'd even seen a shadow of the same look on faces of men she'd been with before. But she'd never felt the depth of emotion she was feeling now. She'd never been so overwhelmed in her life.

As she looked over the plain of Booth's face, she was cursorily aware of the way her heart rate increased, how her breaths came in shallow gasps. She could feel the effects of the adrenaline rushing through her body. It was all so much more intense than it had ever been before.

Booth was inundated with feelings that were at war with each other. Hope. Fear. Excitement. Disbelief. He wanted to kiss Bones. Had he ever not wanted to kiss her? But he was afraid he'd read more into her statement than what she had intended. She'd told him once before that she loved him and had followed it up by repeating his words to him...maybe she'd only meant she loved him in an 'atta boy' way. But…

His heart skipped a beat as she slowly started to lean toward him. He quit breathing when her lips parted involuntarily. He was pulled forward by the silent message in her eyes. Was this really happening?

He moved his arm to gain a better position for what he hoped was inevitable. That's when he felt it. The arm of his chair between them. He became aware of the pain in his hands. The bandages covering them. Reminders of where they were. Why they were here. The decision he'd made on that fateful day. The life that had been lost. All of it crashed into his mind, drowning him.

He couldn't do this. He couldn't allow this to happen. Not right now. Even if Bones really was ready to start something, he was in no shape to act on it. Besides that, he'd already tried once before. What was so different now? But things were definitely different. She was making the moves this time. It was terrifying. It was exciting. Very exciting.

He already regretted telling her he loved her in a fit of anger. If he was ever to make up for that, and for what had followed, he had to be ready to show her...and he just wasn't in the right frame of mind now. He couldn't concentrate. Hell, he couldn't even reach up to touch her gorgeous face with his hand. He wouldn't be able to feel her through his bandage and she deserved more than the feel of gauze on her skin. No. This was not going to happen. Not like this.

He pulled back, watching confusion wash over her features. "Bones. I...uh..." he paused, looking down at his hands, his legs, his wheelchair. The feeling of inadequacy was suffocating.

She sat straighter, nodding her head. "I've made you uncomfortable. I apologize."

"No! God, no. It's...it's..." He let out a frustrated grunt. "This day...tonight...all of this..." He waved his hand from his chest to his lap.

He knew he was walking a thin line and he was afraid he'd say the wrong thing. The look of disappointment on her face nearly tore him in two. He reached out, letting his fingertips brush her cheek before tucking her hair behind her ear.

Brennan watched a war of emotions on Booth's face. She wanted more than he was willing or able to give right now. He looked at her with such longing and simply said her name, "Bones."

She smiled at him. "You've had a long day. I recognize it's been difficult for you. Perhaps it would be best for us to rest."

He slowly nodded his agreement.

She adopted a serious expression then. "It's convenient that tomorrow is Saturday. You will have the weekend to recover from the damage you did to your hands."

Booth glanced down at the bandages then back up to her. "Yep."

Her eyes twinkled and a shy smile appeared. "I would very much like to turn our alarms off. Would that be acceptable? Or do you have plans for us?"

"Well, I did." He looked once more at his hands before returning her smile. "Maybe I still do. We'll see. But sleeping in sounds great."

"In that case, I'll get ready for bed." She started to get up but stopped, a hint of worry crossing her face.

"Are we okay?" she hesitantly asked.

Booth was quick to answer her. "Yeah, Bones. Of course we are. We're more than okay. Alright? You don't have to worry about that. Ever." He waited to see her reaction.

She relaxed. "We'll talk?"

Booth wanted nothing more, but he had to have a clear head. He was not going to mess things up like he had the last time. He had to figure out how to talk with her. Too much was resting on that discussion. "Yeah. Definitely. Just…just let me get my head screwed on straight, okay?"

"Booth, your head doesn't screw on. I'm the one who keeps your head attached to your body!" She laughed at her own joke. "Get it? Bones…bones," she said, pointing first at herself and then at her neck. "I'm the first one in this instance."

Booth laughed, happy to return to a sense of normalcy. "I get it! Good joke, Bones."

She got a little nervous at that point. "I'm going to get ready for bed then." She turned and went to the drawers to pull out her clothes for the night. Once she'd done that, she headed to the bathroom.

Booth listened to the sounds coming from the other room. They took on a whole new meaning tonight. He'd listened before, but with a tight reign on his emotions. He'd worked overtime to tamp down the feelings that always reared up when he thought about how close she was. The knowledge she was on the other side of the door getting undressed.

He heard her profession in his head again, "_Booth, I love you too."_As horrible as this day had been, he thought it would take him forever to get over it. Now, though his mind was filled with grief, he was preoccupied with other feelings. Fear. Hope.

He'd been trying to escape death the whole evening. Had God answered the prayer he'd been too ashamed to ask? Could he have witnessed the beginning of something? Did they have a chance?

It got quiet on the other side of the door. He kept glancing nervously in its direction. When the handle turned and she walked out in shorts and a tank top, his stomach flipped. To hide his reaction, he turned to get his own change of clothes and headed to the privacy of the bathroom. He rushed mindlessly through his routine, unable to get the picture of her out of his head. When he came back out, Bones was already in bed. He climbed out of his wheelchair and settled beneath his blanket.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Bones reach over to turn the light out.

In the still darkness of the room, her soft voice rang out with the beginning of their nightly ritual. "Goodnight Booth."

He let go of his tormenting thoughts, allowing a gentle peace to ease over him, then finished the evening as he usually did, "Goodnight Bones."


	31. The Beginning in the Banter

**The Beginning in the Banter**

_Booth tried to keep up with Bones. She was walking faster than he could turn the wheels of his chair. She refused to acknowledge his pleas for her to stop, to talk to him. He hated arguing with her, but this had been the worst fight they'd ever had. He knew she would leave. He always knew that. Why couldn't he control his temper around her? He begged for her to come back, but she just kept getting further away. No matter how hard he pushed, it wasn't good enough. Suddenly his chair caught on something in the path and he tipped over._

Booth's eyes flew open as his head flew off the pillow, throbbing. He took in a deep breath, trying to control the pace of his lungs, as he glanced over to the other bed. It was still dark, but he could make out the contours of Bones lying in her bed. She was on her side facing toward him, eyes closed. Luckily he hadn't woken her up. He turned his eyes up toward the clock on the table between them. Far too early to be awake. He sighed, wishing he could stop the dreams that just wouldn't let him get some rest. Each time he'd checked the clock, it had been far less than an hour since the last time he'd repeated the process. He kept his head turned to the side, looking at Bones. Maybe if he fell asleep with the image of her so close, he'd stop having this dream. He stared at her peaceful face, fighting the drooping of his eyelids, never consciously aware of the moment they won the battle.

* * *

Booth jerked awake, his eyes going wide when the shot rang out. He quickly realized he was still in bed...not in Afghanistan watching Fish get shot. He'd lost count of the number of times he'd relived that moment throughout the night. He was so tired and longed for a few dreamless hours of sleep. The room was bright and he automatically turned to check on Bones. The empty bed sent him into a momentary panic before he reminded himself the dreams weren't real...that she really had stayed. Her sheets were still rumpled, so he knew she'd be back. She never left the room for the day without making her bed and giving him the evil eye until he made his own as well. It was a pain in the ass to do from his wheelchair, but he appreciated the way she always challenged him. Remembering her request to sleep in, he ignored the clock this time. He quit struggling against the pull of exhaustion and allowed himself to drift back to sleep.

* * *

_Booth eyed the smorgasbord in front of him. Every breakfast food he'd ever enjoyed was there for the taking. He wished Bones would sit down. It wasn't right to start without her. He stood up to help her bring the last of the dishes to the table. He took his first step before realizing he couldn't walk and immediately plunged toward the floor._

Booth was startled awake for what felt like the hundredth time. At least he hadn't been in a desert surrounded by sand and blood this time. He hadn't been chasing after Bones, knowing he'd never see her again. The events of the day before fast forwarded through his head. He really wished he could just sleep. If only to escape the memories for a while. He refused to start this day thinking about train wreck of the day before, but he couldn't ignore the ache he felt in his chest as he thought about Fish.

He closed his eyes and rolled his head side to side to work out the kinks. Although still weak, his arm had pretty much returned to normal. However, his leg still needed work and he'd found himself sleeping flat rather than rolling on his sides like he preferred. He hated sleeping on his back. His body stiffened up in ways he thought he'd never undo. He felt the beginning rumblings of his stomach. Man, he was hungry.

He heard noises and knew that Bones was already up and moving around. Or maybe she'd never gone back to bed earlier. He decided it was time to open his eyes and investigate her activity. He glanced over to check her bed first. The sheets were still crumpled, so she wasn't ready to head out anywhere. He looked over to where she was standing next to the little table in the corner. Rather than trying to sit up, he simply propped his hands behind his head, careful of the bandages on his palms. He took advantage of the fact that she was completely unaware and watched her movements. She still had on the shorts and tank top that she'd worn to bed the night before. The outfit hugged her body in all the right ways. It was criminal how beautiful she looked. He needed to consider arresting her. He chuckled at the thought of her reaction to that suggestion.

She whipped around at the sound. "You're awake."

"Yep," he started, his voice thick from his sleepless night. "What happened to sleeping in, Bones?"

"It's already a quarter past ten. I was hungry and thought you might be as well when you woke up, so I decided to cook breakfast."

"You thought right." He leaned up on his elbows, his brow furrowed. "Wait. You cooked? In the kitchen?" he asked, realizing for the first time that a scrumptious aroma filled the room.

"Yes, of course. Where else would I have prepared a hot meal?" She looked at him as if he'd lost his mind which he found far more attractive than he should.

"Bones...you're dressed...I mean...you're..." he stammered, stopping so he could form a more articulate question. "You went dressed like that?"

"I've covered much more of my body than many sun bathers do on a beach. It's hardly inappropriate attire," she stated.

He knew he wasn't going to win the argument, but it bugged the shit out of him that other people had seen her dressed that way. Hell, her ivory legs went on for miles. And that damn pony tail of hers was way sexier than it had a right to be.

He shook his head to clear his thoughts, changing the subject. "So, what'd you fix? All my favorites? Cause that's what I was dreaming about!" he grinned.

She laughed. "It would be nearly impossible to fix all of your favorites, Booth. There are far too many. You do realize that it's incorrect to refer to more than one item as your favorite? There should be one food you prefer above all others...which would be considered your favorite."

His grin widened. "Nah...where's the fun in that? I have lots of favorites. Just makes it easier for you to always pick one!"

She cocked her eyebrow, "For _me _to pick one? Are you implying that I should prepare your breakfast meals all the time?"

The conversation they'd had the night before rushed into his head. Was she really asking or was she just playing around? He didn't know where he stood and it felt like he was sinking in quicksand. He grinned and opted for what he hoped was a safe route. "Nope. Wouldn't do that, Bones. No smart man would."

Her smile was evidence he'd chosen the right path. "Good answer!"

Joking. Joking was good. Joking allowed him some more time to come to grips with things between them. "Still, breakfast in bed is a great way to wake up and I'm not going to complain!"

She laughed and pointed at the dishes in front of her. "This is a perfectly good table. You may have your meal here."

"C'mon, Bones," he whined.

She shook her head, turning back to her tasks. "You had plenty of meals in bed while you were in the hospital. Your goal is to return to normal and that means eating at tables, Booth."

Good ole Bones. She was acting like the day before had never happened. Times like these, he appreciated her ability to compartmentalize. He sat up and began working on getting into his wheelchair. After a trip to the bathroom, he came back to see what she'd made for them.

He reached out to pull the cover off the serving plate and found two stacks of pancakes. "Beautiful!" he said, drawing out the word.

He looked over to see a smile cross her face. "I'm glad you approve," she said as she started preparing her plate. "Have you decided if you have anything planned for us yet?"

Booth cocked his head to the side, wincing a little. "Yeah, about that...what I had planned isn't going to work out." He raised his bandaged hands. "But I do have something else in mind. What about a drive?"

"What's our destination?" she asked.

"Nowhere specific. Just a drive. You know, exploring? Just to see what's out there?" He managed to get his fork in a position that wouldn't hurt the palm of his hand and took his first bite. He talked around a mouthful of food, "Wow, Bones. These are terrific!"

She nodded, "I know. It's a recipe I learned from my mother."

Booth was trying to avoid any touchy subjects at all and let her answer slide. "So, what do you think about going for a drive?"

He loved the look she got when she was considering the pros and cons of a situation and waited for her to decide. She finally nodded, "Yes. I believe that would be a nice way to spend the afternoon."

They continued eating breakfast and making small talk. Neither one broached the subject of their discussion from the day before and Booth was fine with that. He wasn't ready. Once they'd finished, he began stacking the plates. "You cooked, I'll clean," he said. He was dressed in sweats and a t-shirt, so all he had to do was throw his shoes on. After that, he carefully stacked everything on the tray, balanced it on his lap and headed toward the door. With some careful maneuvering, he made his way out and down the hall.

Brennan took advantage of the empty room. She gathered her clothes and headed for the shower. She decided to take a quick one to allow Booth more time to get ready. She was dressed and prepared for the day in 15 minutes. Booth hadn't come back though, so she went to find him.

She walked down to the kitchen and saw that he was sitting in his chair by the counter. She grinned at the sight of him wearing yellow gloves, happy that he was taking care of his hands. He was still washing the last of the dishes and it appeared he was having a little trouble reaching the sink. She started to move toward him to offer help and then changed her mind. Booth took as much pride in being independent as she did. She turned and walked back to their room to work on some emails until he returned.

A short while later, she heard Booth's card key beep in the lock. She looked up from her laptop at the table and smiled. After he'd made it in the door, he tucked his key into his backpack. "Give me a few minutes to get ready. I won't be long. Well, not too long," he smiled sheepishly.

He got bathed and dressed as quickly as he could, which wasn't very quick at all. He longed for the day when he'd be back to normal...when he could get ready in 10 minutes if he needed to...including fixing his hair. When he came back out, Bones helped him bandage his hands again. Neither one of them acknowledged the reason behind the blisters. She just smiled when he thanked her for her help.

They had arranged for Bones to bring the car to the front of the house for him and he watched as she grabbed her bag and headed out the door. He made sure he had everything he needed in his backpack and slung it around to its place on his chair. He looked over to the figurines on his way by, "See ya later, Pig." Yet another thing he hoped he could look forward to...unlocking the mysteries of Pig.

Brennan noticed Booth was coming out the front door just as she pulled up. She marveled at how quickly people could adapt to new situations. It didn't take long for Booth to get in any more. His movements were quick and fluid, like he'd had to get into cars from wheelchairs his whole life. She had just as easy a time putting his chair into the back of the car. Once she was behind the wheel she turned to look at him.

"Where should we go?" she asked.

He grinned as he rolled down his window, "Second star to the right and straight on til morning!"

Brennan's brow furrowed. "Booth, we can't travel to the stars. We have neither the appropriate vehicle nor protective garments. Nor do we have the proper training, despite the zero gravity flight we took." Booth's full laughter confused her even more, but his happiness was infectious. "What?"

He calmed down enough to speak, "Nothing! It's just a line from a movie, Bones. It means you should just go whichever direction your heart desires. Well, your head. Well, no, I guess it'd be your brain. You know what I mean. Just point her down the road and put the pedal to the metal!"

She grinned conspiratorially, "I do know what that means!" She backed the car out and headed toward the main entrance of the post.

Booth started flipping through the radio stations, invariably picking ones she had no desire to listen to. She enjoyed bickering with him...about anything. They finally settled on a classic rock station. Once they'd cleared the boundary of Fort Hood, she turned toward the highway.

She noticed Booth looking at her out of the corner of her eye. "The highway, Bones? That's not exactly the kind of drive I had in mind."

Her eyebrow rose as she glanced over at him. "You said anywhere my brain desired to take me, didn't you?"

He pursed his lips for a second. "Well, yeah, but..."

"But nothing, Booth. This is where I choose to go," she stated matter of factly.

He shrugged. "Okay. Fine by me. You're in the drivers seat. But don't get used to it. It won't be long before I'm behind the wheel again." She glanced over just in time to see the last of his cocky nod.

Booth looked at the scenery as they traveled down the road, purposely blocking any thoughts. He enjoyed getting to explore a new area. He loved having the wind whip through the car. They were having fun singing along with the songs they knew. He couldn't think of anyone else he'd rather be with. All in all, it was a good day so far, unmarred by any talk of their fight the evening before.

Eventually, Bones turned off the highway and headed down a smaller road. While he liked the change of scenery, he noticed she'd chosen an exit quite purposefully. He had the sneaking suspicion that Bones had not set out to meander around the countryside. Soon he started seeing signs for Stillhouse Hollow Lake and a short while later, Bones was pulling into a small parking lot on the water's edge.

Brennan nervously turned to him. "I thought it might be nice to..."

When Booth smiled, she could see it all over his face. "Yeah, Bones. It's nice. Good choice."

Praise from Booth came quite often, but it still managed to make her feel good every time. "Shawn told me about this place. There's a path we can walk around by the water. And there's a deli a short distance away that supposedly has the best soup and sandwiches in Texas, although I informed him that statement couldn't possibly be true since he admitted he hasn't tried every single deli in Texas."

Booth chuckled as he reached across to lay his fingers on her arm. It was the first time he'd purposely touched her since the night before and the simple contact gave her as much of a sense of relief as his reassuring gaze. "It's great. Way better than just driving around."

He started to prepare to get out and she took her cue to get his wheelchair. A quick transfer later and she stepped behind his chair to push him, worried he'd do further damage to his hands if he did so himself. She noticed his muscles tense, but he didn't argue, so she headed down a path by the water.

Booth was grateful for the shade the trees around them provided. He listened to the sound of the water lapping against the shore, but as hard as he tried, he couldn't stop thinking about their fight. He'd managed all day while they were talking, but now they were quiet and it allowed his mind to wander. The more he thought about it, the more guilty he felt. He'd really sprung one on Bones. He wanted more than anything to go back and undo some of the things he'd said. He'd tried to make things normal throughout the day, but he still felt like there was a gaping chasm between them.

Her voice behind him brought him back into the present. "You seemed to have a great deal of difficulty sleeping last night."

"Uh, yeah, I guess so," he replied. He hadn't realized she'd known and for some reason, it bothered him that she'd been aware. He had an idea where this was headed and didn't want to encourage her, so he didn't volunteer any more information.

"Nightmares?" she asked.

He hesitated. It would be easy to deny it, to keep their tone light, but she'd obviously witnessed them. "Mm hmm." He nodded his head slowly, but offered nothing more than his tight lipped affirmation of her question.

"If you want to talk about them, I'm willing to listen," she said quietly. "I know what they're like. I know what it's like to not get much sleep."

He thought back to when she'd told him of her own nightmares before the Gravedigger trial. He'd wanted nothing more than to be able to erase them for her. He'd had such a sense of relief that she'd opened up to him and allowed him to comfort her. He couldn't deny her that same respect.

"They were mostly about Fish," he began, finding that telling her when he was facing away from her was easier than he thought it would be. He waited for her to say something, but she didn't.

"I know you're right, Bones. I'm not responsible for his...death." He choked a little over having to say that last word. "It still bothers me though. I have to believe God had a purpose even though I don't know what it is." He tensed as he waited for a retort to his statement, but it never came.

He looked over at the water, sparkling in the sun as it gently flowed to the shore. "I had a knee jerk reaction last night."

He paused for a while, thinking about it while she continued to push him down the path. "I guess I tend to do that a lot." He was quiet once he'd made that admission.

They traveled further down the path in silence before Bones spoke up. "You do," she stated, "but I think I might understand why."

"Yeah?" He wondered what she really thought about him. He knew why he did the things he did, but he always wondered how other people perceived him. Especially Bones.

"I'm not the only person you protect, Booth." He didn't say anything, allowing her time to expound on her statement. "Our adult lives are informed by our past. You and I are no different. It would be absurd to believe we were above nature."

Booth mulled over what she'd said, trying to figure out if she had a deeper meaning there. She usually didn't. She usually just said whatever was on her mind in black and white. He couldn't help thinking she was trying to send another message though.

He was just getting ready to ask her when she spoke up again. "You said mostly."

"What?" he asked, having no idea what she was talking about.

"You said your nightmares were mostly about Specialist Williams. What were the other ones about?" she asked in that bold voice of hers. Why'd she have to go there? He didn't want to talk about that. Would he ever want to? Would he ever be ready? Probably not. Would they ever be able to build anything together if he wasn't completely honest? No. Had his past efforts at being honest blown up in his face? Yes. Painfully. He sighed. Considering the night before, she seemed to be more receptive to discussing some of the deeper subjects that stood between them. No time like the present to find out.

He stopped his mental debate and quietly answered her. "You."

She didn't say anything and he found for the first time since they'd begun this conversation that he wished he were facing her. Taking the easy route in not looking into her face while he talked also meant he couldn't read between the lines of her expressions. He had discovered a handicap that was worse than sitting in a wheelchair.

"I screwed up. I yelled at you. I said some really hurtful things and I blamed you for things that weren't your fault. I accused you of having selfish motives." He was talking about his dream, but it was more than that.

He swallowed. As long as he was being frank, he may as well tell her everything. He continued slowly. "And you did what any normal person would do. You left. I tried to keep up. I tried to apologize. But I just wasn't fast enough...I wasn't strong enough. I couldn't get to you."

They were just passing by a bench when she pushed his chair over to it and stopped. He looked back and watched as she walked around to sit down in front of him, keeping her eyes down to the ground in front of them.

Brennan was nervous. She didn't want a repeat of last night, but she desperately wanted to talk to him. He seemed to be willing, but she was worried she'd say the wrong thing again and set them back. She'd never been good at talking about things like this. What made her think she'd be able to do it this time?

She looked up to see a question written on his features. "I meant what I said last night. I'm not leaving, Booth."

She couldn't figure out how to interpret the look on his face and it frustrated her. "I did leave. For the project in Maluku. But not for the reasons you think. I understand now that you thought our partnership and our friendship weren't important to me. Nothing could be further from the truth. You _are _important to me."

Why could she not find the right words to say? "I explained my reasoning in the letters, Booth. I thought it would be better for you to read them slowly, as you would have had you received them in the mail." She was trying to remain objective, but could feel the muscles contracting as the fear made its way to her face and voice. "You were having such a difficult time...physically...and I could tell you were upset about your condition. I was worried the letters would be overwhelming."

She recognized the look of confusion on his face. "I've done you a disservice in withholding them from you. I know that now. There are three remaining letters. I placed them in your backpack when I got your chair out of the car. They are yours to read with no qualifications regarding milestones."

Booth's silence was scaring her. She had to get through to him though. "Your dreams? About me?" She paused, trying to find the strength to say what she needed to. "I've learned something about myself, Booth. Something I have been trying to figure out for..." Her eyes darted around as she quickly exhaled. "For longer than I realized."

She had been unsuccessful in making him understand so far and believed reiterating her feelings would have no better effect. "I wasn't running away. I hope you'll read the letters because you'll understand things have changed. I won't leave you. The fear that caused your nightmares is unnecessary."

She was done. She had nothing left to give and she was worried if she said more, she would only make a mistake.

Booth sat there, trying to take in all that she'd said. That she placed a great deal of importance on the letters, he was in no doubt. He fought the urge to grab his backpack and rip them open immediately. Instead, he latched on to two of her statements.

He was important. Words he'd wanted to hear from people his entire life. Words that held more weight when they came from Bones. Why had she gone to Maluku if she hadn't been leaving him? Why had she been willing to walk away from everything they'd had together?

She said she wouldn't leave. He'd given her plenty of reasons to since she'd returned, but she hadn't. In fact, she had fought him tooth and nail every time he'd tried to push her away. Their conversation...fight...would have had her tearing across the globe in the past. But she stayed.

Had things really changed? The flare of hope he'd had last night was getting stronger. They had so much more to talk about, but he needed time to think about everything and she had clearly reached her limit. Thank God he could see her face now.

He looked at her hands, folded in her lap and reached out to place his fingers over them before looking back up at her. He wasn't sure his next statement was completely true, but it was more true than it had ever been before. "I trust you, Bones. If you were going to leave, you'd have done it a long time ago." The corner of his mouth cocked up in half a smile. "I haven't made it easy on you."

He licked his lip before continuing. "We've got a lot to talk about still, but this was a good start. We've got time."

He lifted one of her hands curling their fingers together. "Thank you for trusting me with your letters. Thank you for not letting me be the consummate jackass and scaring you away. You have no idea how much it means to me that you've been here for me. You have no idea how important you are. How special you are." He watched her blush and look down. She really had no idea how much she meant to him.

He reached out to tip her chin up. "You're one in a million, Bones."

They sat looking at each other, neither one wanting to break the moment.

Booth smiled. "This was a great place to come today. I say we call it 'our spot'. What do you think?"

Brennan was grateful for the change in subject and grinned, "This is the only place we've been outside the boundaries of Fort Hood, Booth. How do you know there aren't better places?"

She watched his charm smile widen. If only she had a smile that could get her whatever she wanted like he did. "Because I know you, Bones." He shook his head. "Nope. There's nothing better. This is it. Our spot!"

He held his hands out wide and yelled loud enough for anyone in shouting distance to hear. "I hereby declare this The Booth and Bones Spot!"

Brennan laughed. "You made an error in that statement!"

She watched as Booth, in an overly dramatic fashion, smacked his hand to his chest and looked at her as if he were sorely offended. "What? There was _not_ an error in that statement." He grinned again, then winked. "That was fact, baby!"

Brennan rolled her eyes, ignoring his blatant attempt to rile her. "If you wanted to state it correctly, you would have said it was The Bones and Booth Spot."

Booth let out an exasperated breath. "No way! Booth comes before Bones. It just sounds better. It rolls off the tongue. Booth and Bones. See? Way better!"

Laughing, she stood up and walked around to the back of his chair and began pushing him. "I believe anyone you ask would say otherwise. Besides, Bones comes before Booth alphabetically."

Booth threw his hands out. "You can't go all technical like that! You gotta go with what sounds better!"

She began her counter argument as they made their way down the path, enjoying one of the constants they had. They kept bickering about what to call their spot as they continued along the water's edge. He was right...they'd had a good start...and she hoped, in time, they'd have more.


	32. With Or Without You

**A/N: Power failure aside, I'm finally posting this chapter! These past two weeks have been an exercise in finding strength. I got knocked pretty soundly off of my horse, but I think I've managed to find my way back to the saddle. I'll say I hate cancer and leave it at that. Thank you so much for your patience as real life gets in the way of my hobby. I appreciate all the support everyone has shown for this story.**

**Sophia...this story is what it is because you take such great care in helping me. Thank you.**

With Or Without You

* * *

Booth came to a stop on the patio outside the house. He thought about how easy it was to adopt a comfort with new places despite missing home. He had memories here now. He had therapists he chatted with, who pushed him both physically and mentally. Shawn felt just as familiar to him now as the squinterns back at the lab. Even this patio held memories of a night that Bones had faith in him.

He looked up at the stars, barely visible due to all the light that surrounded him. They were a little brighter than they were in DC, but not by much this close to the hospital. He realized just how much he wanted to get away from perpetual daylight. It would be nice to look up without the haze. To see the night sky unencumbered like he had when he'd gone camping with Pops and Jared as a kid.

He took a deep breath. He was nervous. He'd had moments of stress since he'd returned to the states, but this was so much more. There was a beacon resting in his backpack, calling his name, but one he was afraid of answering. He and Bones had both ignored its implication throughout the rest of the day. They'd talked and explored, ate at the deli Shawn had recommended and just enjoyed each other's presence.

Bones had gone to their room when they'd arrived back the house, saying she had a phone call to make. He knew it was an excuse to give him some privacy, which he appreciated. He had bypassed their room, deciding the solitude of the patio was what he needed. He reached around and pulled his backpack into his lap. The letters barely weighed more than a feather, but...

He straightened the sides out flat. Toyed with the zipper. Traced his finger over the logo patch. His mind wandered as he continued to stare at it. Bones really seemed to think all the answers were inside. She kept telling him he'd understand once he knew her thoughts. Would he? Would he find answers? Would he understand? What would happen if he didn't?

Choices. That's what it came down to. All anyone could hope to do in life was make the right choices. Had he made wrong ones? Yes. Ones he would have to live with the rest of his life. But...if people gave up and didn't try again, what would life be worth? Every day, every hour, every second...he had to make choices and pray they were the right ones. To have faith that everything worked out as it should.

His bag came back into focus and he made a choice.

He lifted it up and pulled the zipper open. Reaching in, he found the three letters Bones had placed there earlier. He looked at the postmarks on two of them and realized the one he needed to read first was on top. Bones had explained he should read the one without a postmark last. That she had left Maluku before she could mail it.

He took a deep breath and just stared at them. It was quite possible that his entire future rested on what he found in those letters. He knew there were times in life that people came to a crossroad. One decision could have disastrous results. Another could change lives in ways never imagined. This was one of those times. He felt it. He knew it. He made his choice and opened the first letter.

_Dear Booth,_

_As you discovered when you opened this letter, I've included some pictures I've taken here. I keep wondering where you are, what you are doing, who you are with. I thought you might find it comforting, especially given your protective nature, to know the same things about me and my location. I've written names on the back so you'll know who I'm talking about should I mention anyone in future letters. I particularly like the one of Dr. Hasani and me sitting by the fire. Daisy wished to capture those moments and unbeknownst to me, she took a picture with my camera. I didn't discover it until I went to have the pictures printed. She is apparently a talented photographer as I have been unsuccessful in taking any pictures at night. When I questioned her about her motive, she said the picture would allow me to relive pleasant memories one day. I believe she is correct. I will miss Dr. Hasani when I leave. However, I am very much looking forward to returning home._

_I'm quite happy to tell you we've discovered more hominid remains. In fact, preliminary analysis has lead us to believe they may be the remains of a family. There are bones from at least four different individuals. It is generally understood that small tribes of people all lived in a communal setting during this time period. Now it seems they may have broken off into distinct units within the tribe. If our findings are validated, they indicate the separation of nuclear families may have begun much earlier than previously thought. It is very exciting to finally utilize my expertise for the purpose for which I am here. I chose this project over others because of the lasting nature of its potential discoveries. It seems I may have chosen the correct project to align myself with. We could change history, Booth. I'm very excited about the prospect of learning a new truth here._

_The facts surrounding our discovery have caused me to consider how much things have changed since the time these people were alive. I've been thinking more about families and about the definition of family. Taking my own situation into account, I wonder what assumptions future anthropologists would make about me if they were to discover my remains in a similar fashion. I live alone, but I have a family. Living with a group of people does not necessarily mean they are a family. The time I spent in foster care is a perfect example. Our bodies may have been discovered together and yet I maintained no ties with those people. The people I consider family now would not be found any where near my body, unless we happened to be together at our time of death. They wouldn't necessarily find you and I together for instance and yet I feel closer to you than anyone else in my life._

_I used to think because Dad and Russ weren't around, that I didn't get to have a family. You are the one who taught me there are different definitions and I consider you a part of my family as well. I care very deeply for you, Booth. I hope you know that. My decision to spend so much time away from you was difficult to make. There are several reasons why I came here, but one of the main ones is that I needed to be able to gain some objectivity. You know how you say people can't see the forest for all of the trees? While I didn't completely understand that concept in the way you described, even after you explained it, I think I do now. I think that's how I felt before I left. I needed to be able to step back to see the forest. Of course I'm not talking of a literal forest, but referring to my life. It's easier to analyze situations when I'm detached from them. The facts and evidence become more clear._

_I anticipated needing much of the entire year to be able to get the perspective I needed. A month falls far short of that time frame, but I believe I've made considerable progress in discovering things about myself. Angela says I 'run away' from my life, when in fact, the opposite is true. I'm not running away, I'm running toward something. My trips have always allowed me to move toward new discoveries of who I am and how I fit in the world. I ran toward that knowledge this time as well. Because the issues in my life were so very overwhelming, I thought I would need more time. It seems I may have been incorrect since I have been able to make certain important conclusions already, ones I would very much like to discuss with you._

_Did you know Daisy researched possible employment opportunities for Sweets should he decide to follow her here? The choices she made were ridiculous and far beneath Sweets' education level, almost demeaning. Sweets obviously decided not to accompany her. She is very bothered by the fact he indicated he wouldn't wait for her and that she shouldn't wait for him either. I know this because she has mentioned it several times despite my asking her to stay focused on our tasks. However, I have begun to think about what she said. Like Sweets, I feel you shouldn't wait for me, but I find that I am waiting for you. I don't fully understand these feelings though. What am I waiting for? What would you not be waiting for? You aren't here and I have no outlet for discussing things of this nature. I am so very frustrated by our inability to communicate. Are you getting my letters and choosing not to answer them? If that is the case, would you let me know you don't wish to receive them? I'm starting to worry about this as well as your safety now. I don't like worrying all the time. My constant worry at home was one of the reasons I involved myself with this project. Despite knowing I was leaving for good reasons, I still haven't managed to escape these anxious feelings._

_I have arrived at the point in time where normally I'd be making my arrangements to return home. Four weeks has been the typical length of the projects I've allowed myself to become involved with. However, I still have 48 weeks before I will return home. Though the time I'm here gets shorter each day, the perception is that it's getting longer. Why is that? Perhaps because I've come to understand things about myself more quickly than I had anticipated. I wish you were here. I miss being able to talk with you. You always have somewhat unique and often ludicrous ideas about these subjects, but somehow they make sense. You help me understand things. I miss being able to call you no matter the time of day to discuss my thoughts. I am very much looking forward to the time where that is possible again._

_Until then, please stay safe._

_Your friend,_

_Bones_

Booth read the letter twice before he let it rest in his lap. How could he have so many feelings after reading her letters? Every one of them tied his emotions in knots. What was she trying to tell him? How would these letters change things between them?

He looked through the pictures. Some of the dig site. A couple of Daisy and the woman she noted as Dr. Marshall. The one of her and Dr. Hasani by the fire. She looked so happy...so relaxed. She had a smile on her face and even though it was dark in the picture, he could see that her eyes had lit up at something she had been saying. He wondered what they had been talking about when the moment was captured.

His eyes strayed back to the letter. He placed the pictures on his lap so he could look at the paper instead. As excited as she had been about the findings at the site, her letter had focused more on home. He read her thoughts about running toward answers. He had resented her for running away. For leaving him. For leaving what they had together, even if it wasn't everything he had wanted. Had he been wrong all these years? Had he been even more wrong this last time? Had she actually been running toward him?

He had wanted so much from her. He had pushed when he shouldn't have. He knew that afterward. He'd seen a glimmer of hope that night outside the Hoover. They had become so close over the years. He'd really believed they had a chance at something even more special than what they'd already had. He'd hoped that she might finally be ready to admit that she...what? Needed him? Loved him? He'd only wanted a shot...to show her that life didn't have to be different between them. That it could be more.

Had she actually started to think it was possible? Had she just taken a different route to get to the same place he had been that night? Had she needed to leave to figure that out? Did she have to have time away from him to understand that her feelings were real? Did she even have feelings? Her letters were beginning to sound that way. He was terrified of reading too much into them. He'd been destroyed that night. More than he'd ever shown her. But now she seemed certain that the letters would tell him how she felt. And what they seemed to be saying was that she cared more for him than he had realized.

He hated that he'd caused her...for even one minute...to think he didn't care enough to respond to her. That he wouldn't welcome her every thought. If only he could have answered her. How would things have turned out differently had they had the opportunity to talk these things out with each other?

He looked up into the night sky again, feeling overwhelmed. He had worried since she'd shown up in his hospital room that she had only come home out of a sense of guilt. He could see now that she had wanted to come home. That she had come home to him when he'd needed her. That she had been willing to leave everything behind...for him.

The need to read the last two letters was overwhelming. He folded the paper and placed it back in the envelope. He looked one more time at the night picture of Bones before placing the photos in the envelope as well. He tucked it into his backpack , turned the next letter over and tugged at the corner to gently rip it open. This one obviously had something in the envelope with the letter as well.

The sound of the door to the patio opening distracted him from his goal. He turned and saw Bones slowly walking toward him. He'd seen a lot of faces like hers...usually after traumatic events. He immediately forgot about the envelope in his hand, dropping it to his lap and turning his wheelchair toward her.

"Bones. What's wrong? What happened?" he demanded as he rolled toward her.

Her blank shell shocked expression gained focus when she heard his questions. She pursed her lips then looked over at one of the patio chairs before pulling it out and sitting down next to one of the tables. Her silence was killing him. He pushed his wheelchair to sit in front of her, reached out and took her hands in his own, but she just looked down at the ground.

She was scaring him. "Bones. Please. Talk to me."

Her eyes were just as confused as they were sad when she finally looked up. "I'm sorry for interrupting..."

He waved his hand to the side and shook his head to stop her apology. "Tell me what's wrong."

She hesitated. "My father."

Booth rushed to try to comfort her, leaning closer. "Oh God, Bones. What happened?"

She took a deep breath and sighed. "He's fine. Or...I think he'll be fine. I suppose I can't be sure. He had a heart attack. He's in the hospital."

Booth held tightly to her hands. "I'm so sorry. Where is he? Does he have good doctors? How did you find out?"

She smiled at his rapid fire questions. "I just spoke with his physician. It was quite severe, but from what he said, they seem to be taking all the appropriate measures."

The sad, confused look returned to her face and Booth wanted to wipe it away. "I'm sure he'll be okay. You know your dad is a fighter. He'll be fine. Right?"

She just nodded. He could tell she was bothered by something she couldn't define. He felt it. "What's wrong? There's something else."

Brennan looked at him, marveling at how he always knew when there were things she hadn't told him. She wanted to talk to him because she was sure he would know how to help her understand what she was feeling. "I'm confused."

"Confused?" he asked. "About what?"

"Well, he seems to be in acceptable health, considering. And he's being taken care of by the professionals he requires, but..." She didn't know how to say what she was feeling.

"But you need to be with him. You need to be the one taking care of him," he stated for her.

Relief flooded her. She knew Booth would be able to help her. "Yes. But I can't do anything. My presence wouldn't change anything about his care."

Booth smiled. "Bones, that's not what your being there will do. You _should _be with him. He needs you. And...you need him." He thought about the things she'd written in regards to family in her letter. She was beginning to understand what it all meant. She may not have all the facts figured out and cataloged in her head, yet, but she was getting there.

"I can't go, Booth," she stated emphatically.

It was his turn to be confused. "Why not?"

"I gave you my word that I would stay with you no matter what." She seemed to think that was all she needed to say about the subject.

"That's just crazy," he blurted out before thinking.

Her hurt expression let him know he needed to be more careful with his words. "What I mean is that I understand you said you would stay, but your dad needs you right now, Bones. More than I do."

Her brows scrunched up in distress. "But I want to stay with you too, Booth. And I can't do both. And since I told _you_ I would stay and not my father, my place is here."

Booth smiled. "That means a lot to me. It really does. But I promise you, I understand. Please, Bones. Please go take care of your dad. That's what family does...and family...it's the trump card."

"Booth..." she started.

He automatically started to explain. "It means that family is the most important thing we have in life. We have to take care of each other. No matter what. Okay?"

She dropped her head, looking down at their clasped hands. Booth strained to hear her next statement. "You're my family too."

Booth quickly pulled from her grasp and picked up everything up from his lap, placing it all on the table. He turned back and tugged on her hands. "Hey, come here."

She dropped her shoulders as she looked up at him. "I can't keep sitting in your lap, Booth."

He grinned. "Oh? Why not? You need a hug and this damn chair is in the way." He pulled her up and she reluctantly slid over into his lap.

He reached around to hold her tightly, comforted by the fact she returned his hug just as fiercely. They sat that way for several seconds before he responded to her. "We are family, Bones. You and I? We always will be. I know that. And...I know you know it too."

He paused, rubbing his thumb across her back. He unconsciously stopped moving when he began again, "I read the first letter. And...I get it. I didn't before. And I feel...I'm sorry that I didn't understand why you had to go to Maluku. But I do now."

She pulled back to look at him and he could swear he saw hope in her eyes. He wanted to believe that more than anything. He continued earnestly, "You mean the world to me...no matter what. I'm incredibly thankful you came home. That you're here with me. But your dad needs you now. This is something you know you should do. It's the right thing. I can tell that you feel it. Go to him. Be with him. Give him the same gift you've given me."

He could tell she was going to argue with him and he spoke before she could. "Bones? Your letter?"

He waited for her to acknowledge him, watching the fear creep into her eyes. She slowly nodded, prompting him to continue. "I _will_ wait. Okay?"

Booth felt like an anvil was sitting on his chest at his admission, but her letter had allowed him a boldness he hadn't felt in months. He hoped she understood what he was really trying to say. "I'll wait for you. No matter how long it takes."


	33. A Different Outcome

**A/N: Thank you for continuing this journey with me. Thank you so much for your comments. I **_**will**_** get caught up on responses! Eventually! (Funny how that word always pops up around Bones!)**

**Sophia...you are the best beta a writer could ever ask for! I love that you are a perfectionist!**

_**A Different Outcome**_

* * *

Brennan was just finishing up packing the last items to go in her suitcase. She had felt Booth's eyes on her the whole time and was worried that leaving was a mistake. She turned to face him. "Booth..."

"Yes. I'm sure." His grin at her irritation that he'd known what she was thinking was infectious. She couldn't help but return it.

She raised her eyebrow at him. "You realize I very much dislike when you do that. You don't always know what I'm thinking."

"Maybe not. But I do most of the time. I have to. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to keep up with that genius mind of yours," he shot back.

She looked at the man she knew now she loved. Their time in Texas had only solidified the knowledge she had gained in Maluku. She hoped it wasn't too late for them to salvage a relationship, that he still felt the way he had. They continued to stare at each other and she decided to put his boast to the test. "Oh? If you're so good at knowing what I'm thinking...what am I thinking now?"

She chanted her love for him over and over in her mind, screaming it silently, regretting that they didn't have more time to explore the things they had told each other. She watched his eyes darken. His head dropped to the side as he studied her. She wished she shared his same ability to instinctively know people's thoughts. She longed to know what was going through his mind.

He took in a deep breath and she knew she was about to find out if it had worked or not. "Um...Bones? You know how much you mean to me, right? And we're going to get our time together, but taking care of your dad is exactly what you need to do."

She nodded, disappointed that he hadn't read her mind this time. "Booth, I am not cold and unfeeling. I know he would benefit from my presence, much like you have."

Booth smiled reassuringly, "Hey. Hey. I know you're not cold, okay? I told you before. You're Iceland. Cool to the touch, but volcano underneath. I know how much you care. I know how much you love him. And I'm proud of you for going."

Brennan exhaled in surprise in hearing the words she had written. Her jaw dropped as she stared at him.

"What?" he asked, confused about her reaction. "It's true. You have a bigger heart than you give yourself credit for. You just have to let people see it, Bones."

She hesitated before deciding she had to be honest with him. "Booth, that...what you just...you never said that. It's something I wrote in a novel I deleted. It's something I read to you...when you were in your coma."

Booth looked at her like she'd lost her mind. "What? No. I remember. I said it...we were in the...car. I was driving."

They had been driving. He knew it. Where had they been going? He racked his brain trying to remember. Why was it so hard to remember? "Why was I driving your car? We were...we talked to... I said we were Bonnie and Clyde! And we talked to Caroline and Max...about..."

He tried with all his might to remember what they had talked about. He could remember what he'd said to Bones, but he couldn't remember the rest. He started to doubt himself. "We were going to...a bar? Bones?"

Brennan wanted to fall apart. Watching his confusion was painful and she knew this couldn't possibly turn into a positive situation. She knew she had to be strong for the man sitting in front of her, though, and braced herself for his reaction. "Booth, that was part of your dream. The dream you had because I was reading to you. I was reading the novel I was writing."

He pursed his lips and shook his head. "No. No."

Brennan walked over to him. She had to find the right words to help him. "You're still suffering some side effects from your heatstroke. They aren't going to go away overnight. It's perfectly understandable that your memories could get confused like this. That dream was very real to you, Booth. It makes sense that anything you'd remember from it would seem real to you now."

Booth couldn't believe what she was saying. He refused. "No. What you're saying is that not only have I lost memory, but now I can't tell the difference between what's real and what's a dream? Bones, I can't live like that."

She reached out to touch his shoulder. "Yes, you can. You're going to improve over time, Booth. You have to let your body heal. An injury to the brain, like the one you sustained, can cause symptoms like these. It takes time."

Booth turned his head to the side, glaring at the floor. "You know what? I'm tired of everyone saying it takes time. I really am. I hate this. I hate everything about it."

Brennan wanted so much to make everything better for him. "Booth?"

She sat on the bed so she could be eye level with him and waited for him to look at her. "You are the one who says everything happens for a reason. I may not believe that the way you do, but I do believe in cause and effect. Consider this: We are here, together, because circumstances have brought us to this point. Otherwise, I would still be in Maluku and you would be in Afghanistan. You could have died there and I...I would have had a very difficult time recovering from...your death. Instead, you are alive and I have witnessed you make progress far more quickly than most people would have. I am thankful for the time we have had with each other."

She wanted him to understand just how much their time together meant to her. "Had this not happened, we would've spent a year apart. That seemed acceptable to me once. It doesn't any more. Realistically we would never have taken vacations from our careers that would have allowed us this same opportunity. This is...and I don't mean this to sound bad...but this is a gift, Booth."

He nodded his head, but he still seemed upset. She tried once more. "I understand that you are the one who has to recover. I know that it's difficult for you. But I will help you. As soon as I know my father will be okay, I'll come back and we'll continue to work through this together. Before long, we'll be back home doing what we've always done. Booth..."

Booth rubbed his forehead with his fingertips before dropping his hand to his lap. "I know. I know. It's just frustrating sometimes, ya know?"

"I can see how much it bothers you," she said quietly.

Booth changed the subject, eager to talk about anything but his memory. "Look, it's getting late. We're not going to make it for your flight if we don't hustle up."

She hesitated, before standing and returning to her tasks. "I wish we had more time to talk."

"Me too. But I've got two more letters to read and trust me...they are the first thing on my list after you go." He moved his wheelchair where he could see her better.

She watched a serious expression grow on his face as he continued. "And when we're together again, I'm going to hold you to our agreement to talk...about...everything."

She knelt on the floor in front of him. "Maybe you should just read them now. Before I leave."

He chuckled. "Look at you. You've gone from hiding them to practically begging me to read them!"

She couldn't conceal her blush and looked down at the floor. She expected he'd force her to look up at him and wasn't surprised to feel his hand on her chin.

His face was serious. "You're important. The letters are important. I refuse to fly through them. They deserve my full attention and right now, my attention is on you. I want to spend this last little bit of time with you. And when we talk...it's not going to be rushed."

Her chest felt like it was expanding. Sometimes he took her by surprise. She felt tears starting to gather and refused to let them fall. She would be glad when things were normal again. Living with Booth and watching him try to heal on a daily basis was emotional enough. Her father's situation and the fact she had to leave Booth was just making it worse.

"Bones. I'm going to miss you." He paused and she found it impossible to say anything. "So much."

She finally found her voice. "I'm going to miss you too, Booth."

He laughed a little. "Besides, I've gotten used to your snoring now."

"I do not snore. However, you snore like a...a..." she looked around as she tried to remember the words she needed.

"Expression is 'freight train'. And no I don't!" he retorted, indignantly, unable to keep from laughing.

She laughed along with him. "Oh yes you do!"

Their laughter died out and they continued to look at each other. Booth was the first to break the silence. "We're gonna be okay."

She smiled. "Better than okay was what you said once before."

She couldn't get enough of his smile. It even reached his eyes as he answered, "You paid attention."

"Of course I did. I always do. I just don't always agree with you." She suddenly felt unsure of herself, but continued as bravely as she could. "But this time I do."

"Listen, Bones. You know that people in hospitals aren't always the easiest to get along with." At her sarcastic look, he rolled his eyes. "Yes, I know, I was one of those people. What I'm getting at is that your father...don't let him get you down. You stayed strong and you fought with me and look where we are now. You might have to do the same with your dad. Don't let him beat you. Stay strong. He'll be happy to see you, but he's not known for following the rules. And be careful while you're flying. There's a bunch of crazies out there. Pay attention..."

She interrupted him. "I'll be fine, Booth. I'm a grown woman."

"I know you are, but..." he shrugged his shoulders up as he tried to figure out how to tell her it was important to him that she was safe.

She knew he was just as worried about her time with her father as he was her safety. "I told you, I've learned a lot about myself. About what's important to me. And this is important. I just don't like that this situation requires me to leave you."

He nodded his head. "I don't either, but I'm glad you're going."

He didn't try to keep the sadness from his smile. "C'mon. Shawn's waiting on us."

* * *

Booth was glad Shawn waited in the van. It gave him a few more minutes alone with Bones. Well, alone with an airport full of people, but it was better than nothing. He watched as she finished getting her bag checked and knew it was time for her to go through security.

His heart was about to pound out of his chest, but he couldn't let her leave without talking about something first. When she reached his side, he motioned with his head for her to follow him. He led them to some seats away from everyone and waited for her to sit down in front of him.

He took a deep breath. "I know you don't have much time, but I can't let you go just yet."

He held his hand up, silently asking for patience when the questioning look rose on her face. "That night, in the cemetery, we said some things in anger. If I could go back and erase it, I would. Not what we said, but how we said it."

Damn, he was nervous. "I know we haven't talked about it and I know I still have more to read about in your letters, but..."

He swallowed, wondering what in the hell had possessed him to bring this up. "Bones...you know that I...? I mean..."

They both turned as they heard the overhead boarding announcement for her flight. She still had to make it through security and the line wasn't short. There was no time for him to talk to her. Why the hell had he even started down this road?

She reached out to squeeze his hand as she stood up. "I have to go, Booth. I'll call you. I promise."

He nodded. "Be careful."

"I will." She started to turn away from him and he already missed her. At the last second, she turned back, hesitated for just moment and seemingly made a decision. With a rush, she leaned down and hugged him tightly. He held on to her, trying to etch the memory into his mind. He knew he'd use it to get him through the days she'd be gone. She pulled back and brushed the softest kiss across his lips before turning and quickly making her way toward security.

He sat in stunned silence, unable to process what had just happened. He waited for her to turn, to acknowledge him in some way, but she didn't. He couldn't believe she had just left like that. He couldn't believe she had just kissed him. On the mouth.

He watched her progress until he lost sight of her, hoping she would turn around just once, but she never did. He waited to see her on the escalator that would take her to the next floor. It would be the last time he got to lay eyes on her and he wanted every moment he could get.

After a few minutes, she appeared and he watched her slow ascent. At the last second, she turned and waved to him before he lost sight of her completely.

* * *

The drive back to the house had felt like an eternity. He had tried to keep the easy going conversation with Shawn alive, but his mind could think of nothing but Bones. Most especially her kiss. It had been so gentle and she'd barely touched him, yet he could still feel her lips as if they were still pressed to his.

He wished he'd taken the time to read her other two letters last night or even this morning while she was getting ready. He'd chosen to spend the time with her rather than trying to figure out the meaning of her words. He didn't regret the time they'd spent talking and laughing together, but he felt like things might have been different if he'd read the letters first.

He was finally putting the key card into the door to their room. He couldn't wait to get his hands on the envelopes he had left there. He opened the door and wheeled in. "Hiya Pig," he hollered in habit before remembering Bones had taken her figurines with her. Suddenly he missed the pig that he had come to hate. No, what he missed was Bones.

He still had her letters to read though. He still had something of her here with him. He had that same reassuring feeling he'd had when he'd gotten her first letter in Afghanistan. The excitement he felt earlier returned as he moved over to the drawers where he had put them and yanked out the next one. He quickly moved over to the table for more light.

He could feel there was something inside the envelope with the letter and turned it over to let the item fall to the table. He heard the clink of a small chain and something more solid hit the table and moved the envelope out of the way to see what had made the noise. It was a little key chain that had a clear container attached to it with what looked like dirt in it. Confused, he opened the paper to see what she had written.

_Dear Booth,_

_I hope you like the gift I enclosed with this letter. Daisy wanted to send souvenirs home to her family, so we went to one of the more touristy towns to do some shopping. I picked up some things for my_ _family (both literal and extended) as well. While the key chain is a typical kind of souvenir which probably held dirt from a location no where near these islands, I was able to make a modification. I opened it and replaced the contents with ancient volcanic ash from the site where I'm working. There are no restrictions about any of the areas at the dig, but we typically work in one specific location. When we're able to focus our attention in one place, we are able to note variances that might be overlooked by someone else. So the ash in the vial is from the small 10x10 foot area I have been focused on. It is where I spend most of my working hours._

Booth put the letter down and picked up the key chain. He held it under the light, studying its contents. Sure, it was just dirt, but it was something that Bones had touched. Had gone out of her way to collect for him. He twisted it back and forth, looking at the particles contained in the small plastic tube. In the blink of an eye, it had gone from being a curiosity to one of his most prized possessions. He smiled as he placed it gently on the table and picked up the letter to continue reading.

_Before I left, Dr. Hodgins gave me a flip chart of various creatures that could be detrimental to my health. I told him I loved him too, which seemed to take him by surprise if I read his body language correctly. I explained to him how you told me the proffering of overly solicited advice is indicative of love. Thinking back on our time together, you have always been guilty of doing the same for me. You frequently offer advice I have not sought out. While I understand it is a way of showing you love me, I question what kind of love that is. What is the definition? At the airport, when we talked, were we partaking in a ritualistic parting or giving each other overly solicited advice? I am unaccustomed to having such a large group of people around when I leave. Maybe those sentiments are typical?_

That day had been anything but typical to him. He still felt the pain of it like it was yesterday. It had torn his heart in two to leave her. To know she was leaving him. To think they may never again have the partnership they'd had before. He'd been so scared he was walking away from the best thing in his life and that he'd never have it again. The torture of pulling his hand from hers and turning away washed over him. Yeah...anything but typical. He sighed. He was going to have to explain to Bones that parting like that was not the norm. He looked back down at the letter in his hand.

_Leaving you at the airport was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do. I was terrified it could possibly be the last time I ever saw you. That thought still fills me with physical manifestations of an emotion I'm reluctant to label. I think when I saw you in your uniform, the reality of what you were about to do and where you were going finally became concrete. (Did I say that correctly? I find it amusing that since I've met you I use far more metaphors than I ever did in the past.)_

_Th__ere was a flag hanging from the ceiling in the airport. I couldn't help but think of images of flag draped coffins of soldiers who are killed in combat. The realization that the next time I was near you could be in that situation was more disturbing to me than I have words to describe. I know what it's like to think you're_ _dead. I had those same feelings when I was confronted once more with the possibility of your death._

Booth sat in amazement. She had felt the same way at the airport? That look of pain on her face as she turned to look at him the last time had always confused him. He was beginning to understand it now. Why? Why had they left each other? If they hadn't left, though, would they be where they were today? Once again he realized he would have to rely on faith that everything worked out as it should. He still believed in fate.

_As I said in my last letter, one of the reasons I decided to leave for this project was my constant worry. I was concerned for your safety. I told you I was having frequent nightmares. Most of the cases we work don't involve any threat to our safety, but some do. I don't think I could ever forgive myself if I were the reason you died. What if there were something I could do to prevent it and was somehow unable to? Even worse, what if you put your own life in jeopardy to save mine? You've demonstrated that propensity in the past. _

_I've only been in one_ _situation where someone's death had such a profound effect on me._ _I know I would survive if something were to happen to you and eventually be able to move on, but I think it would color_ _the rest of my life. How would I be able to visit your grave to talk with you and not be consumed by guilt? _

_Yet, removing myself from that possibility hasn't_ _helped. I am even more worried something might happen to you than I was before I left. My worry that I might not prevent your death during a case has been surpassed by the thought that there is_ _absolutely nothing I could do to prevent it now. There is no way for me to protect you when we're so far apart._ _I think I now understand and can even relate to your overprotective tendencies._

Booth swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. She finally understood him. Understood why he did the things he did to protect her. How caring for someone, loving someone, drove people to untold lengths to ensure their safety. He hated being the cause of so much of her stress though. He huffed as he shook his head. She'd been just as doomed to worry about him as he had been about her. Their lives had become so intertwined they couldn't turn off what they had even though they'd moved so far apart.

_Another concern I had prior to leaving was the nature of our partnership. So many events have taken place over the years that allowed our relationship with each other to evolve. When we say we're partners, what does that mean? I know most people assume we're simply talking about the partnership the FBI and the Jeffersonian have through their employees. However, when I use that word, it means so much more to me. Yes, you are my partner in that we work together to solve crimes, but you are also my friend, my confidant, the person I share my life with more than any other. By definition, that makes our lives intimate and one of the definitions of partner is a person with whom one shares an intimate relationship. Many times the definition of intimacy implies some form of love. I once told you I loved you in a professional 'atta boy' kind of way. My love for you is deeper than that and yet, I still have trouble defining it despite the availability of a wide variety of definitions for that word. Why, with so many definitions at hand, am I unable to define our partnership?_

Booth read the paragraph again. This is what she had meant when she'd said he'd understand after the letters. All that time ago...continents away...she really had begun to understand that she felt something more deeply for him. That...she loved him. God, why did she have to be on a plane leaving him again? He wanted to talk to her. He needed to talk to her. Why the hell hadn't he read these letters last night so they could have had that chance?

_Before we left, you said you don't cope well with change and indicated that I am the same. I believe you said pyramids were better at change than I am. I was slightly offended at the time, but I believe you may have been correct. I'm having a more difficult time being away from home than I had anticipated. _

_Later though, when I told you we could come back in a year and pick up where we left off, you said things have to change. What exactly did you mean by that? How will they change? Were you simply referring to the constant evolution of our relationship_? _Or were you telling me we had come to the end of our partnership? My time here has allowed me to come to conclusions about myself. I don't understand why I discover even more questions as I find the answers I sought._

_Once again, I regret that we are unable to have this conversation in person so you could help me work through my confusion. Are you okay? Are we okay? We've always said the center must hold and yet I feel like it may be coming apart._ _Please let me know things are alright. That we'll hold until we return home._

_Until then, please stay safe._

_Love,_

_Bones_

Booth's heart was racing. He couldn't believe what he was holding in his hands. She loved him. She really loved him. She'd even written it at the end of her letter. Sure, she was confused about it. Didn't really understand it. But he did. He knew her.

He knew what her words meant. He was amazed at how she had really put herself on the line in these letters. How she was being more honest with him than she'd ever been. And she'd done it without the benefit of a response from him, which made it even more significant.

When she'd asked him earlier what she was thinking, he'd read love on her face. He'd been afraid to say it outright. Still afraid of crossing that 'line' again. Especially since they hadn't had time to talk about it. What if he had told her what he had seen? How would she have reacted? But because they hadn't had time to have a real conversation, he'd said the only thing he could...he had tried to tell her he felt the same way while reminding her they would have to wait.

He knew once he started talking with her...got her to open up like she had in her letters...he was never going to want to quit. He would never have been able to let her get on that plane if they'd started down that road before she left. He knew he'd made the right decision, but he was still filled with regret.

He thought back to something Pops had told him when he was younger, shortly before he'd enlisted in the Army. He had said there were three kinds of people...ones who didn't have dreams, ones who had dreams but didn't chase them, and ones that went out and grabbed onto their dreams for dear life. Once again he was faced with a choice. Which of those people was he going to be? He thought back to something Pops had said more recently. He'd told him the answers were all in his heart, he just had to listen.

He sat there thinking about the life he and Bones had been living together. He had one more letter to read. His gut was screaming that he already knew what it said. After he found out whether he was right or not, he was going to figure out how to make his dream a reality.


	34. Personal Revolutions

**A/N: I always listen to instrumental music when I'm writing/editing. It just stirs my emotions and reaches into the depths of my heart and soul, no joke. (sorry for waxing poetic!) This chapter's song was Heart of Courage by Two Steps From Hell. It's an amazing song if you ever care to look it up. **

**Thank you, Readers. I can't describe how wonderful it is to be able to do something I love and know that people respond to it. I appreciate each and every one of you.**

**Sophia...this chapter is a 110% better because of your help. (Yes, I know there's nothing more than 100%!) Thank you.**

_**Personal Revolutions**_

* * *

Jared picked up his phone much like he had so many times before. He scrolled to the number he wanted to call and stared at it. How many times had he done this now? Definitely too many. He felt like a coward. He'd felt like that for a long time and was tired of it. He made his decision and tapped his screen to begin the call.

She picked up on the third ring. "Jared. This is a surprise. How are you doing?"

He hesitated before trying to tell her the truth. "Oh, you know. Okay and not okay." He paused one more time before seeking out the information he really wanted. "Have you heard from him, Cam?"

She did a double take at his question. "You haven't talked to him since he left?"

She heard his sigh. "No. I haven't. Things weren't really good before he left. I went to see him a couple of times after Tempe and I had that big fight in front of him, but..."

"Wait. What fight?" she asked.

He didn't bother to hide his surprise. "You didn't hear about it? I thought for sure you would've known."

Cam shook her head. "No. They never mentioned a fight. I saw her a few times before they left. I kept expecting some fallout for keeping her in the dark until she landed, but she never said a word to me."

"To be honest, Cam, I don't think she blames anyone but me. And I understand it. I do. But I still think I did the right thing by Seeley. And...if I had it to do over again, I would do it the same." He let out a short chuckle. "As for the fight? She was just pissed I hadn't told her. I wish we hadn't fought right in front of Seeley. We kinda blind sided him on that and I could tell it bothered him a lot."

"Well, Booth cares about the people he loves and you know how much he hates conflict," she attempted to reassure him.

"Yeah. I know. I just hate that they can't see I've...grown up, I guess. It's like they still expect the worst of me and I'm not that guy any more." He let the statement hang in the line between them.

Cam didn't know what to say to make the situation any better. She cared about Jared and wished she could help, but this was something he was going to have to do on his own.

Jared moved ahead in the conversation. "So, I just wanted to know how he's doing? How's Tempe doing? Did going to Texas help?"

Cam could help him out in this topic and readily volunteered information. She updated him on Booth's condition and how much he'd improved. She didn't have a lot of details since communication had been through short text messages with Dr. Brennan. "I found out today from Angela that Dr. Brennan is on her way back home for a couple of weeks, though, so Booth will have to be on his own for a while. Maybe you could try to visit him?"

Jared knew immediately that wasn't a great idea. "Uh...no, think I'll wait. He went to Texas to get away from all of us, Cam. I'm not gonna screw that up for him. I'll give him the space he needs. Why is Tempe coming back?"

Cam thought about whether or not to tell Jared the circumstances, but decided there would be little consequence. Besides, it was common knowledge now. "Her father had a heart attack. She's coming back to stay with him."

"Geez. How bad was it?" he asked.

"From what I understand, it was quite severe, but he's doing okay now. She should be back tomorrow. Maybe you should look her up instead? Maybe iron things out before you see your brother again? I know Seeley would like that." She hoped he'd do something to mend some of the broken fences.

Jared wasn't sold. "Yeah. Not sure that's a great idea either, but I'll think about it. Look, I gotta go. I just wanted to check in. Are you doing okay? I know this has been just as hard on you."

She smiled. The Booth boys always took care of their own when it mattered. "I'm doing fine, Jared. I'll be happy when we have them both back where they belong."

"I hear that." After exchanging good byes, Jared hung up the phone, thinking about the things Cam had told him and the things she'd left him to think about. He knew he needed to repair the damage he'd done, but he had time before he had to confront those issues.

* * *

Brennan was tired and frustrated, but happy to finally be stepping off the plane in the town she now called home. She walked to the carousel to retrieve her suitcase and went in search of a cab. First stop, her apartment. She didn't want to lug her belongings around the hospital. Once she was seated in the vehicle, she sent a quick text to Booth to let him know she had arrived safely.

She sat back in the seat, watching familiar sights go by. The thoughts that had plagued her entire trip home came back in a rush. While she had been as reassuring to Booth as she could be, she still worried about his memory problems. She hoped she wasn't wrong and that he would continue to improve in those areas the same way he'd progressed with his physical limitations. She loved the sentiment behind his comparison of her persona and Iceland, but it had been unnerving. They hadn't been his words. His thoughts. They'd been hers. It felt wrong that she'd somehow managed to imprint something so small, so insignificant, yet, important just the same.

Booth was right. She knew...she...felt...that her desire to be with her father was a normal reaction. But leaving Booth after the progress they'd made together had been difficult.

What had he been about to say at the airport? In looking through the past of their relationship, it seemed as though timing was...off kilter. So many occasions had different outcomes because of timing. She still didn't believe in fate and knew that circumstances weren't guided by some unseen force. Sometimes though, she wondered...if...there was some purpose in the world. Sometimes it would be nice to know things didn't just happen because of coincidence.

The feel of his lips against hers broke her concentration once again. What had come over her? Why had she reacted so emotionally? She hadn't wanted to leave Booth. She needed the comfort his hugs provided. It hadn't been a 'guy hug' for her though. The way he'd returned the embrace, she was sure it hadn't been for him either. But what had she been thinking when she'd kissed him?

She'd known that if she let him continue what he'd been trying to say, there wouldn't have been a flight to DC. She knew once they started talking, the metaphorical dam she'd been working so hard to keep intact would have crashed. The thought was both exciting and terrifying. She was sure she'd never be rid of the doubts that bombarded her constantly, but Booth...he'd said he wouldn't take back what they'd talked about in the cemetery. They'd been fighting, but...they'd also told each other they loved each other. Had he really been about to tell her again? Had he actually come to realize how she felt about him without the benefit of reading her letters? The thought had her heart racing. Maybe he had, because he'd brought the topic up at the airport and he hadn't finished reading them. She wanted, so very much, for him to come to that determination without the firsthand knowledge he would gain from them. If only they'd had more time.

The trip to her apartment didn't take long and soon she was forcing the thoughts from her mind as she paid the driver. She made her way up and stood in front of her door, shoving the key into the lock. She pulled her bag behind her as she took her first steps inside. It was quiet. Still. It had an air of desertion to it. She hadn't really spent much time here, even when she'd been back while Booth had been in the hospital. It felt peculiar to stand amongst her belongings and feel like a stranger.

She shook her head and went about the tasks she needed to complete. She'd unpack later, so she left her case sitting in the living room. She went to the bathroom to splash some water on her face and ran a brush through her hair. Then she grabbed her keys and headed for the parking garage.

* * *

Now that she was walking the corridor of the hospital, Brennan was actually even more anxious to see her father. The overwhelming desire to help him that she'd had in Texas came back with a fury. Her pace quickened as she made her way to his room.

She stood outside his door, which was ajar, and knocked softly. It reminded her of the night she'd done the same thing outside Booth's hospital room. She was sure this reunion with her father would be far better than the one she'd had with Booth.

She heard the sound of laughter before the muffled reply, "Come in."

She opened the door and walked into the room. The shock she had at the sight that greeted her nearly knocked the breath out of her. "What are you doing here?" she demanded at the same time Max exclaimed, "Tempe!"

Jared whipped around and stood up, nearly knocking his chair over. "Temperance. What are _you _doing here? I thought you weren't supposed to be here until tomorrow."

Max laid in his bed, watching in amusement. This was a show he was going to enjoy no matter what the outcome was. Especially after talking to Booth's brother, a man he was pretty sure was no match for his daughter.

Brennan frowned at him. "I was able to rearrange my flights to arrive earlier. Now please explain your presence in my father's room."

Jared let out large sigh and hung his head as he shook it. He chuckled at the irony before looking back up. "I just came to visit. I...thought Max might like some company until you got here."

She continued to look at him for a moment. "Well, I'm here now. You may leave."

Jared nodded and turned to Max. "It was nice meeting you, Max. I hope you get better soon."

He turned to leave when Max finally spoke up. "Wait. You're just going to leave?" He'd known Tempe held quite the sway over people, but seriously...the man caved way too fast. And maybe...just maybe...if he forced the situation, his daughter would do what she needed to do and finally have it out with Jared. He'd read between the lines of Jared's carefully worded explanation of events. He'd known the kid couldn't be too bad a guy since he'd done everything to protect his daughter and justify her reactions to him.

Jared's eyes rolled around the room in confusion. Of course he was going to leave. "Uh, yeah?"

Max shook his head. "No. You can stay."

Brennan looked at her father in shock. "Dad." She really didn't need this right now. She'd come to stay with her father, not to deal with Jared.

Max turned to his daughter. "Tempe, Jared was nice enough to come and visit me so I wouldn't be alone." He looked at Jared and winked. "We've been swapping stories."

Jared huffed nervously, and Max looked back at his daughter. "From the sounds of it, you two have some things to discuss."

Brennan wasn't pleased about Jared sharing details of their fight with her father. "I'm here for you, Dad, not a discussion with Jared."

Jared spoke up, "It's okay. I don't want to cause trouble. I'll just leave."

Max smiled, ignoring Jared, "Honey, the best thing you can do for me right now is talk to Booth's brother." She started to interrupt, but he continued. "_And_..." he said, stressing the word, "listen to what he has to say. Walk a mile in his shoes. Okay?"

The last person she wanted to talk to was Jared. She tried one last time, "I have no desire to walk a mile in shoes that don't fit properly." She knew her feigned ignorance was a lost cause as soon as her father raised his eyebrows. They both knew what he was talking about. They'd listened to an Elvis song on the radio in the car when she'd been small and she'd asked her father why someone would want people to walk in their shoes. He'd explained the words weren't literal and that it meant to think about different perspectives. She understood her father's request and couldn't deny him no matter how much she wanted to. Maybe it was for the best that she had a chance to get this over with while Booth wasn't present. Besides, if she just got Jared out of the room, he'd probably leave without wanting to talk anyway. She finally nodded in agreement.

"I'll be right back, Dad." She turned and headed down the hallway, not waiting to see if Jared joined her. She didn't stop until she got to the waiting room, which was thankfully deserted. She turned on her heel to see if he'd followed her, half expecting him to slink to one of the other exits. She was mildly surprised to see him standing right in front of her.

He didn't give her a chance to say anything and jumped in as soon as she turned around. "Look. I wasn't trying to upset you. Believe it or not, I was trying to do something to help."

Brennan just stood there, looking at him. She was still trying to figure out why he'd come to see her father. Exactly how was he helping?

Jared considered her for a moment. "You know? The easiest thing in the world for me would be to leave you alone and walk away. That's probably what I would have done in the past. Not this time, though, Tempe."

Brennan was surprised. She agreed that he would have avoided an adult conversation with her in the past and found it interesting that he was willing to stay and face her now. She wondered what had happened to bring about this different reaction. At the same time, she wasn't sure she wanted to hear what he had to say.

She crossed her arms in what Jared recognized as a defense mechanism, but he continued talking. "Let me ask you a question. What if you had been the first to hear about Seeley's heatstroke and had learned of the condition he was in? How he couldn't do anything and was hell bent keeping everyone away. How he couldn't bear the thought of anyone being around him...knowing how proud he is. What if you had been his first contact and he had asked, no, _ordered_, you to keep quiet about it? Had threatened to cut all ties to everyone if you didn't comply. What would you have done?"

Brennan remembered the state of mind Booth had been in when she'd first seen him. He hadn't wanted her there in the hospital. He'd been so angry with her and it had broken her heart. That was after he'd made four weeks worth of progress in Germany. She could only imagine what he'd been like right after he'd regained consciousness.

Jared paused, waiting for her to respond. When she didn't, he asked another question. "Tell me how you would have done it differently. Would you have told me if he'd asked you not to? Would you have told anyone?"

Her face relaxed as she considered his words, but she said nothing. Her lack of response was discouraging, but at least she wasn't yelling at him. Jared tried again to tell her his reasoning for his actions. "I did what Seeley asked me to do. I did it because I thought it was the best thing I could do for him. I love him, Tempe. He's my brother. And...I'm sorry if this hurts you, but I am not going to apologize for my decisions. I did the best I could and I'd do it all the same again. I even tricked the poor bastard and told you the minute he left Germany."

Brennan listened to Jared explain himself. She'd heard him say as much before, but she'd been so angry at not knowing. At not being able to take care of Booth. Neither man had known how she felt. How she'd changed. She and Booth still hadn't talked about it even after the events in Texas. Would she have done the same thing Jared had done? Would she have honored Booth's request? She knew in the recesses of her mind that she would have. She probably wouldn't even have told anyone once he'd come back to the states.

Jared smiled sadly, figuring she'd never intended to talk to him and had only complied with her father's request to get him to leave. She had other things she needed to concentrate on anyway. The sooner he left, the sooner she could be with her father. "You're here for your dad. We don't need to talk about this right now. Go. Tell him we talked, okay? You know he's really happy you decided to come home to be with him. He told me you shouldn't have, but I could tell...he's happy."

He turned to leave and Brennan spoke up for the first time. "Jared, wait."

When he turned back to her, she asked a question. "Why did you come here?"

Jared looked away for a moment and swallowed before facing her again. "I knew how much I hurt you, Tempe. I thought...I just thought this was something I could do for you. Take care of your dad until you got home and could do it yourself."

She nodded. "How did you know?"

Jared chuckled. "Short story is I called Cam and she told me what Angela had told her. I did a little calling around and found him here. I used to have a job in intelligence, remember?. It wasn't that hard."

Brennan looked down at the floor while she thought about Jared's actions. Listening to what he had to say though...she could understand him. She didn't want to, but she did. She would have done the same thing he had done in regards to Booth and he'd gone out of his way to be kind to her father.

She looked up at him, still not trusting him completely. "Did you think I'd forgive you because you did something nice for my father?"

She saw the genuine look of disappointment cross his face. He huffed a little and shook his head before giving a small smile and turning to leave. He walked over to the elevators and pressed the down button.

Jared stood there, waiting for the elevator door to open. He supposed he deserved that question, but it still hurt. People were always going to remember the ways he'd screwed up. The old him would have gotten self-righteously pissed and yelled, but he really wasn't that person any more. One day he'd be able to prove himself. He was so deep in his thoughts that he jumped when he felt the hand on his arm. He turned back around to see what she wanted this time.

"I understand, Jared," she stated quietly. She paused and he could tell it was difficult for her. "I would have done the same thing."

Brennan stood there trying to figure out what else she could say to him. She wanted to tell him she loved his brother as much as he did, but she couldn't. She had no other words to offer the man standing in front of her.

Jared had been around Temperance and had heard his brother talk about her enough that he knew her statement was a pretty big concession on her part. He also knew that was probably all she'd ever say about the matter.

She continued hesitantly. "You may continue to visit my father...if you wish." She could hear how distant she sounded, but she never knew what to say to people. Booth seemed to be the only person she could really talk to. She even had trouble with Angela sometimes. She knew there was no way to communicate her feelings to Jared.

The elevator door dinged its arrival. Jared put his hand out to hold it open, but turned back to her. "Thank you, Tempe." He walked into the elevator and pressed the lobby floor. "I'll see you around."

Brennan watched the doors close in front of her. Maybe Jared was changing the same way she had allowed herself to change. She couldn't tell for sure, but she was willing to wait and see if the rest of his actions demonstrated as much. For now, she needed to be with her father, so she turned and walked back toward his room.

* * *

Booth laid in bed toying with the key chain Bones had sent him. Even though it was late, he had the television on, but he wasn't really paying any attention to it. He was still reeling from the letters he'd read...and making plans. The room felt empty without her there. She'd left some of her things, so he felt like he still had a part of her with him, but it wasn't the same.

He was just about to give up on hoping she'd call when his phone rang beside him. He quickly grabbed it and as soon as he confirmed the caller ID, he flipped it open. "Bones!" He heard her laugh on the other end of the line and wondered how it was possible for it to bring him so much joy.

"Hi, Booth. How are you doing?" she asked. She knew Booth would have read the last two letters by now and was unsure of how to proceed.

He could hear the nervousness in her voice. He should have expected that. He finally knew things had changed between them and didn't want this forced time away to send them back to square one so he made sure he sounded as normal as possible, chipper even. "Doing just fine. How was your flight? How's your dad?"

Brennan breathed a short sigh of relief that Booth didn't sound upset with her...or uncomfortable. "My flight was acceptable and Dad is doing better than I had expected. It's still nice to be here with him though. Thank you for understanding."

This was one reason he hated phones, he couldn't see her face, but he was sure he still heard a distance in her voice, like she was trying to protect herself. "Hey. I totally get it. If anything happened to Pops, I'd be on the first flight out."

"Yes. I know you would." She paused, debating on how much to tell Booth. "Jared was here too."

"What?" He groaned into the phone. No wonder she sounded out of sorts. "I'm gonna...

Brennan quickly tried to calm his fears. "It's okay, Booth. We talked."

"Yeah?" he asked, slightly dumbfounded.

"Yes. I believe I understand the reasoning behind his actions. I can even hypothesize that I would have made the same decisions he did." She had refused to tell her father, only telling him she and Jared had talked. This was the first time she was saying the words out loud to anyone but Jared.

Booth shook his head almost imperceptibly. "Wow. I don't know what to say." It was amazing to hear Bones say she understood, but he really regretted placing two people he loved in that situation. "I really screwed up, didn't I?"

"What? Why?" That was not the direction she'd expected the conversation to go.

How was he going to explain this without sounding like he was throwing a pity party? "If, God forbid, anything like this ever happened to you...I'd wring your neck and tell you to go fly a kite if you asked me to stay away."

Now she was really confused. "I don't think I would be capable of flying a kite in a similar state of impairment."

Booth chuckled. "It's an expression, Bones. What I mean is that I wouldn't listen either. I was so angry when you showed up. I really was. I didn't want you anywhere near me."

She was silent on the other end of the line and Booth hurried to make sure he hadn't upset her. "But I wasn't thinking clearly. You have no idea how happy I am that you didn't listen to me. You know that, don't you?"

Her silence had him in a panic and he tried to figure out what to say to make her understand. Finally she answered, "Yes, I think I do."

Booth hung his head and didn't bother to hide the huge sigh of relief he let go. "Good. Because it's true. But...I really did a number on Jared too. It wasn't fair to put him in that position. I threatened him, Bones. I did...and it was wrong. I should never have done that."

"Booth..."

"Bones, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't let Jared tell you." Booth struggled to find the right words. "I...I didn't feel like a man. It felt like it would be impossible to ever get better. It was a shock. I fell asleep on the training field in Afghanistan and woke up in a hospital in Germany...with a body that wasn't mine."

Before she could speak, he continued. "I didn't want anyone around. I didn't want anyone to know. I know this is gonna sound strange, but I was ashamed. Not only because I realized I could have made a different choice, but...you remember what it was like. I couldn't talk. Walk. Do anything. I had to have help with everything. _Everything_, Bones. It was humiliating."

She'd witnessed as much, but it still hurt that he'd wanted to block everyone out. "It wasn't your fault. There was no need to feel that way."

"I appreciate that. I do. But..." He paused, trying to find the right words.

Brennan took advantage of the break in his statement and interrupted. "But nothing, Booth. You are lucky to be alive. Don't think about the negative aspects. You're alive. You're getting better every day. Jared will understand. I understand. And...he and I? We'll be fine."

She paused before speaking again. "Things are going to continue to get better, Booth. You and I have learned from this experience. We've gained new insight into each other. While I regret that it took an event as significant as this, I don't regret anything we've done that has brought us to this point."

On one hand, Booth couldn't believe what he was hearing. The other? He'd always known this side of Bones. "Wow." How many times was she going to shock him into saying that word? It was hard to have such a heart to heart like this over the phone. He couldn't help himself. He had to lighten the mood a little. "When did you become a glass is half full kinda girl, Bones?"

She smiled sadly, "I have always perceived the positives in life. That people don't understand that about me is regretful."

Oh how he loved her. He wanted to tell her. So badly. The phone was not the right situation though. Instead, he nodded. "You're right. Their loss. But I know the real you. I see it all the time, Bones."

Even through the phone, Booth could hear the shyness in her voice when she answered, "Thank you."

"So," he said, changing the subject, "how's your dad?"

They continued talking. She told him about her visit with her father. How he was already giving the nurses a hard time when he wasn't flirting with them and was anxious to get out of the hospital. How he was worried about being on the grid where any government agency could track him down. She laughed as she told Booth she'd reminded him he'd done nothing to warrant a government agency looking for him or at least hoped he hadn't.

They talked about everything. About nothing. Carefully avoiding any discussion about 'them'. The second time Bones yawned, Booth told her it was time for bed. He knew she was tired when she didn't argue with him for telling her what to do.

"Bones?" he asked into the silence.

"Mmm?" She was so sleepy, but she didn't want to break this connection she had with Booth.

"Take care of yourself," he instructed quietly.

She grinned with half closed eyes. "I always do."

Booth unknowingly returned her grin. "If you say so."

She knew they needed sleep and was the first to start their nightly ritual. "Good night, Booth."

He sighed, loving the fact that she'd continued their tradition despite being so far apart. He hated to let her go, but knew he had to. "Good night, Bones."

Booth closed his phone and stared at it. He'd never been one to talk on the phone much. He usually took care of business and hung up. The last thing he wanted was to have some little box plastered to the side of his face. Tonight? Tonight had been different. Tonight had been the one thread that kept him tied to Bones. Kept him closer. He could have talked all night if she hadn't been falling asleep.

He turned and put his phone on the charger before placing it on the table next to his bed. The room seemed so quiet. He laid back and automatically turned his head over to look at the place she'd slept the night before. It seemed strange that it was empty. He closed his eyes and thought about the plans he needed to put in place. He wasn't sure he'd be able to do exactly what he wanted, but he was going to make damn sure he gave it his best.

Even though he'd already said it on the phone, he couldn't resist saying it one more time, already waiting for the day he'd be able to tell her in person again.

"Good night, Bones."


	35. However Far Away

**A/N: Every human action meets a human need. That's my father's favorite saying and mine too. I have a need to write. That you guys read my story is a reward for me. It's kind of symbiotic. I appreciate you setting aside time just to read this. It's humbling actually. Thank you.**

**Sophia...you know this is a better chapter because of your guidance. Thank you. Doc & Janet...I appreciate your advice!**

_**However Far Away**_

* * *

Brennan's first conscious thought upon waking was to wonder what the time was. She looked over to the left side of her bed at the alarm clock. The lamp on the table was different which confused her at first. Then she remembered she was in her own bed, her own room, her own apartment...not with Booth in Texas. Her eyes traveled a little further to where Booth's bed would be had she not come home. Nothing but wall. A feeling of disappointment stole over her. She closed her eyes and pictured the scene she'd woken up to so many days previously.

She fought the urge to call Booth to tell him good morning. It was interesting how quickly habits developed. She'd spent every day for almost two months with Booth, including his time in the hospital. It shouldn't have been a surprise that she'd develop new routines. It was just after 7:00, though, so that meant it was 6:00 for him. She knew he wouldn't be getting up until later. She snuggled into her sheets, enjoying the fact they were far more luxurious than the stock sheets she'd gotten used to in the time she'd been at the Fisher House.

She thought about all the time she'd spent with Booth lately and everything they'd been through together since she'd returned from Maluku. She'd been consumed by her emotional reaction to him. Part of her was happy she had the next two weeks to step back and analyze the events and how she felt about them. To make sure that she wasn't just reacting to what would have been an intense situation even without her newly discovered feelings. She needed to know that she was using her brain as well as her metaphorical heart.

An overwhelming part of her wanted to be back with him. She felt like she was on the cusp of getting what she'd always envied in other people...the ability to throw themselves into a relationship. She wanted that. She still craved the intimacy of it. They were so close. She wanted to return to Texas...to him...and allow herself to be carried away.

She had a nagging fear that this time apart would change things between them. How could she stop herself from falling into her usual patterns? She didn't want to lose the progress they'd made. Would Booth realize that he didn't need her? Would he discover he was happier alone? Would he...change his mind?

This was exactly the reason she'd avoided these situations in the past. Maintaining superficial ties to people allowed her the benefit of distance. It had never really mattered too much when people walked away. It stung initially, but she quickly recovered. She knew that wouldn't happen if Booth decided he didn't want to be with her. Recovery...yes. Quickly...no.

It seemed like the last few months of her life had been dictated by worry. Why couldn't she escape or at least quell the questions she was inundated with? She didn't care for the feelings of loneliness she was suddenly facing. She'd managed to ward off these entanglements in the past. Was love worth it? Was Booth worth it?

She atypically forced the extraneous thoughts from her mind and focused on how she'd felt with Booth. She was going to hold on to that as if her life depended on it. She refused to allow fear to dominate her actions.

Usually she would have quite a list of things to accomplish, but today she didn't. She only had three...meet Angela for lunch, visit her father and call Booth. She wished she had more tasks to keep her mind occupied. She wasn't looking forward to having such distracting thoughts while she was here. She decided to get up and check emails. With any luck, Dr. Hasani would have a question or two that would keep her busy for a while.

* * *

Booth rolled out of the bathroom having finished his bath and moved to the closet. He opened the door and pulled the extender rod out that Bones had given him. He stopped moving and stared at the shiny metal. Only Bones would think of a gift like that. When she'd first given it to him, it had felt like a neon sign announcing his disability and he'd resented the hell out of it. Somehow he'd gotten used to it and had even started to appreciate it. Now it served as yet another reminder of her continued presence in the room.

His lips twitched up in a smile as he sighed. Two weeks. He had two weeks to get everything in place. How could a couple of weeks seem so long and yet so short at the same time?

He reached up with the rod and retrieved his outfit for the day. Yeah...it really was nice to have clothes that weren't wrinkled from being folded in drawers. He laid the outfit down on the bed closest to him...the one that had been hers. He simply couldn't stop thinking about her. He stowed the rod back in the closet and closed the door. Today was the day he'd be talking to his therapists. He got more excited each minute he thought about it and got dressed with a grin on his face.

* * *

Brennan walked down the sidewalk toward the diner. She was incredibly happy to be able to spend time with Angela...for two reasons. It would be nice to see her friend, but she also knew her mind would stop whirling while she was with her.

She pulled open the door and looked around. Angela didn't seem to have arrived yet. She debated only a moment before choosing 'their' table. He wasn't there, but she knew she'd feel a little closer to him by sitting in their usual place. She decided to sit in 'his' seat, telling herself it was so she could see the door and know when Angela arrived.

"Dr. Brennan!" The waitress walked up next to the table, startling her out of her thoughts. She was horrible with names and struggled to remember that of the woman beside her. Booth would have known it. The waitress continued, "Will you be having your usual? Is your usual still the same?"

She couldn't help but chuckle a little. "Yes, my usual choice has not changed and that will be fine." She nonchalantly looked at the woman's badge, "Thank you, Maggie." Yes, now she remembered. Didn't she have a couple of grown children?

Maggie smiled, obviously surprised. She turned to walk away, but Brennan called out, "Could you add an order of fries as well, please?"

Maggie nodded. "Oh good! Agent Booth is back too!"

Brennan shook her head. "No. That order is for myself."

"Oh. Well, it'll be nice to see him back too." Maggie didn't say anything else as she walked back behind the counter.

Brennan found it fascinating that the woman was able to remember the preferences of so many of the patrons. Then again, she, herself, remembered a great number of facts. She supposed it was no different.

The bell over the door chimed and she looked over to see her friend walk through door. Angela quickly rushed to the table to give Brennan a hug. "Bren! I am so happy to see you!"

She laughed as she returned the hug. Angela let go and flopped into the chair opposite her. She scanned the diner, nodding her head. "This is great. I was worried I wouldn't think so once we got back, but I was wrong. I still like it here!"

Brennan looked at her in confusion. "Why wouldn't you?"

Angela finally turned to look her in the eye. "Well, living in Paris was perfect, ya know? I wasn't sure I'd like being home again. But I do. And that's a good thing."

Brennan nodded. "Why _did_ you come back? I thought you were planning on staying a year."

She smiled. "Well...two reasons, actually. One...Paris is perfect and I wanted it to stay that way. Once we got there, I realized that if we stayed the whole year, I'd never want to come home and I've got too many important people here that I need to see on a daily basis!" She looked pointedly at Brennan. "So I figured the best way to solve that was to come back home. Jack...he's perfect too. He'll do whatever I want. I love having a man like that!" She winked at Brennan, who had to laugh.

"You indicated there were two reasons. Is your assertion that Dr. Hodgins is perfect the second?" Brennan asked.

Angela laughed. "No! Although it should be, so I amend my statement. I have three reasons now!"

Brennan rolled her eyes. "What other factor was involved in your decision?"

Angela eagerly leaned forward. "Well...I'd love to make you guess, but I'm sure you wouldn't and I'm too excited to play twenty questions with you."

Maggie walked up with Brennan's order and placed it in front of her. "There you go, dear." She turned to Angela, "What will you be having today?"

Angela studied Brennan's plate for a second. "That salad looks great. I'll have one of those. And...some water, please."

Maggie smiled. "Coming right up," she said before leaving once again.

Brennan took a bite of her salad before reminding Angela, "You still haven't told me."

"I'm pregnant!" She practically squealed her news and had one of the biggest smiles Brennan had ever seen.

"Angela!" She immediately got up and moved to hug her friend. "I'm very happy for you."

She sat back down and Angela continued talking as she reached over for one of the fries. "Thank you!" she grinned. "So that's my second reason. I figured I could get all the baby shopping done and the nursery ready before I'm too big to walk."

Brennan frowned, her brows knitted seriously. "Angela, if you follow the prescribed plan, your body will adjust normally. Unless circumstances dictate bed rest, you should have no trouble walking. Women..."

She knew she'd made a mistake when Angela rolled her eyes, "Sweetie. It's just a saying. I didn't mean it."

"Oh." Brennan wished she recognized moments like these before she started speaking. Booth had often told her she sometimes took things too literally.

Then Angela brought up a subject that had her mind whirling once again. "So, tell me. How's Booth?"

She decided to keep her reply simple. "He's doing well."

"That's it? I need details, Bren."

Of course she should have known that Angela would probe. She knew she cared for Booth. Maybe not as much as she herself did, but still, she deserved more explanation. "He seems to be adjusting to his condition. He's making progress daily."

Maggie returned with the second order and placed it on the table before walking away again. Angela grabbed her fork , immediately took a bite and spoke around the mouthful of food, "That's great! Are you going back to stay with him again?"

Brennan sighed, deciding to be honest. "Yes. I wish I could now."

Brennan didn't understand why Angela's expression looked more like she was sad than happy. What had Booth called it? A sad puppy dog look? Maybe that wasn't the expression. "Aww. You guys have gotten really close, Sweetie. That's normal."

Despite Angela's expression, her words were true. "Yes. We have. We expressed our love for each other. I find that being away from him without having fully discussed our admissions causes a stress reaction that I hadn't anticipated."

Angela stopped with her fork midway between her plate and mouth. "I'm sorry. What did you just say?"

"I was trying to indicate that I'm looking forward to returning to Texas." Had she not used plain language when she'd spoken before? Maybe Angela's pregnancy was interfering with her ability to hear? She'd never heard of those kinds of symptoms, though.

Angela put her uneaten bite back down on her plate. "No. That is _not_ what you said. You said you expressed your love for each other?"

"Yes. Although we were fighting at the time." Thinking of the fight again was slightly unpleasant despite the outcome.

Angela threw her hands up in front of her. "Whoa. Um...stop. No. Don't stop. I need details. Now."

"There isn't much to say, Angela. As I indicated, Booth and I have not fully discussed it yet."

Angela's jaw dropped. "You can't just drop a bomb like that and not talk about it Bren."

"Angela, I don't have a bomb. What are you referring to?"

Angela crossed her arms, resting back in her chair. "Don't play dumb with me. You know exactly what I'm talking about. Now spill it." She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Were these two love-birds finally coming to their senses?

Brennan thought about whether or not to confide in Angela. She finally decided that maybe she could help with some of the worry she'd been feeling since returning to DC. She launched into a brief explanation of the events that had happened since she'd come back from Maluku. When she was done, she sat back and waited for her friend to say something.

"Wow. Just...wow. I don't know what to say."

Brennan frowned. "That's just it, Angela. I was hoping you could explain why I'm worried."

She smiled as her eyes lit up. "Don't worry about it. Just go for it. I've been telling you that for years and now the cows have finally come home."

"But, Angela..."

"No. Don't think about it, Bren. Just do it. I'm not kidding."

Brennan picked up a fry, mildly disappointed in Angela's lack of specific advice. She almost wished she hadn't said anything.

"You're thinking, Sweetie."

"I'm always thinking, Angela."

"Well, don't this time. Okay?"

"I don't wish to discuss this any further." She picked up her glass, taking a drink of water.

Angela knew when to back off and leave Brennan alone. They ate as she shared some of her plans for a nursery and talked of life in Paris. Eventually they said good bye with promises to see each other again while Brennan was still in town. Angela crossed her fingers as she walked away, hoping that her wish for Bren was finally about to come true. She couldn't wait to get home and tell Jack.

* * *

Booth wheeled into the physical therapy department ready to conquer the world. He'd been working with a whole team of therapists, but it was Sara and John who walked up to him today. He rolled to a stop in front of them and grabbed his backpack.

"Hey guys." He smiled when they both returned his greeting.

He yanked his gloves out and returned his backpack. "I've come up with a plan and I need your help with it."

They both looked at each other then back at Booth. Sara was the first to ask. "Okay. What have you got in mind?"

Booth spoke while he put his gloves on. "Well, you know the surprise I've been working on for Bones? I need to step it up a notch and I've got two weeks to get it done."

They both raised their eyebrows and made a silent 'O' with their mouths. John looked at Sara, then at Booth again, "That's a tall order, but I think if anyone can do it, you can, Booth." Sara nodded her agreement. John smiled, "So...let's get to work."

Booth grinned like he'd just opened the best present on Christmas day. He clapped his hands together and wheeled over to their work area with John and Sara trailing behind him.

Booth scooted forward in his chair so John could wrap the safety belt around him and Sara brought over the walker he'd been using. Booth grabbed the sides of it and pulled himself to a standing position. He'd been doing this for days and knew the routine.

They chatted as he did his normal set of laps back and forth. He figured it was almost like the 'therapy' he had with Sweets back home. He'd shared more of his life with these people than he did with many of his friends. They were safe. He knew one day he'd leave and they would probably forget he ever existed. He was frustrated with how slow he was moving, but happy he was getting stronger. The exhaustion he felt after exercising never failed to surprise him though.

Once he'd completed the set and rested, they moved over to the parallel bars so he could practice walking some more. He was bound and determined to be able to walk by the time Bones returned to Texas. He held on tightly to the bars as he made his first run down the path between them. John and Sara were encouraging, but he wanted to push himself harder.

Booth turned around to face the opposite direction at the end. "Guys, I wanna try this without my hands."

Sara was standing in front of him now. "Booth, I'm not sure you're ready for that just yet. We've got to get your leg stronger first."

He had to make her understand. "Look. I know you've had more practice with this kind of thing than I have, but I'm ready. I am. I want to do this."

Sara studied him for a few seconds, finally nodding her head. "John?"

"I'm ready if you are," he said from his position behind Booth.

Sara smiled, "Alright then. It's on you, Booth. You know the drill. We're here when you need us."

Booth nodded and took a deep breath. This was going to be a true test of how much progress he'd made. Walking with the walker and the bars was one thing. Not holding on to anything was something else altogether and he was nervous as hell. He rested his weight on his right leg and slowly moved his left foot forward, planting it. That was the easy part. Making sure that same leg held his weight as he moved his right foot up was the hard part. He took another deep breath, holding his hands out for balance.

He transferred his weight and hopped his leg up, planting his right foot next to the left. He couldn't help himself and started to laugh excitedly, grabbing the bars for support. "Hey! Look at that! I just took my first step! Well, the first since I walked on the plane anyway."

John looked over Booth's back at Sara with a question in his eye. She voiced voiced what they were both wondering. "You walked on the plane?"

Booth concentrated on the path in front of him, not really paying attention to what he was saying. "Yeah. Well, it was more hopping than walking, but Bones was upset. I had to get to her."

John spoke up then, "You really care about her, don't you?"

Booth nodded absentmindedly. "Yeah. I'd do anything for her."

He was ready to take his next step...knowing each one got him closer to walking on his own. "Okay. Let's get this show on the road!"

He lifted his hands and put his left foot forward again. It gave out when he lifted his right foot this time. He grabbed the bars to keep himself from falling at the same time Sara and John reached out to steady him.

Sara was the first to speak, "Booth, this might not be a good idea. We can work on strengthening your leg some more first."

Booth shook his head. "No. I can do this. I know I can. I just wasn't concentrating enough." She nodded her head and stepped back to let him continue.

Booth paused for moment. He'd allowed falters like this to overwhelm him in the days since his heatstroke. He'd gotten frustrated and angry every single time he'd failed at anything. He refused to let it stop him this time.

No use crying over spilled milk. He had to keep pushing. He had a goal and he was bound and determined to make sure he met it. Bones would be back soon and he was damn sure going to be ready.

* * *

Booth was more worn out than he'd been since he'd started therapy, but he still couldn't wait for Bones to call. He missed getting to talk to her as soon as he returned from the hospital. He missed having dinner with her. He missed everything that had become normal. He turned on the television and watched a game while he waited.

When his phone finally rang, he grabbed it from his lap. "Bones!"

She laughed. "Are you going to answer the phone that way all the time from now on?"

He chuckled, not the slightest bit embarrassed. "I just might."

"How was therapy today?" she asked.

"Oh, you know. Same old stuff." He neglected to add 'plus some' to his statement. He wanted to get her mind off the topic. "Hey, Bones?"

"Yes?"

He finally broached a subject that had been bothering him, even more so since she'd left. "Tell me about the pig. Jasper. Why'd I give him to you?"

When she didn't say anything, he wondered what was wrong. "Bones?"

"Booth, I'm not sure that's the best idea."

"What? Why?"

Brennan wasn't sure how to phrase what she wanted to say and sighed. "The last time you triggered memories, you suffered a migraine."

He let some of his irritation color his response. "I won't. And if I do, I've got those pills the doc gave me."

Brennan knew he wasn't happy with her answer and she continued hesitantly. "I don't want to contribute to any circumstances that would cause you to have such a severe side effect again."

Booth had an instantaneous reaction to her statement. He hated knowing he wasn't back to normal yet and this was just another reminder. One he didn't need from her. "Bones, I'll be fine. I want to know. I need to fill in some of the gaps I'm missing."

"I'll tell you when I get back. When I can be there to help you if you suffer the same symptoms again." She thought that would be a good compromise and was happy with herself for thinking of it.

Booth gritted his teeth. "I'm not some baby you need to coddle, Bones. I'm a man. A man who can make his own decisions."

"Booth..."

He tersely interrupted. "No, Bones. Tell me."

Brennan fired back, "Please don't ask me to do that. Do you realize how difficult it would be to know that I caused you to have a migraine when there's nothing I could do to help you? Don't ask me, Booth, because the answer is no."

He sat on his bed, fuming. Would people ever treat him the way they once had? Would he ever have the respect he'd commanded before? He didn't like feeling like less of a man and this had set him right back to his now normal responses to these situations. He was beginning to hate these knee jerk reactions he had. He didn't feel like he was in control and didn't want to be 'that guy'. He knew what Bones had said made sense. He knew how he'd feel if their roles were reversed.

He punched the bed beside him to let out his frustration before loudly sighing. He continued calmly, "I'm sorry, Bones. I shouldn't have asked. You're right. We can talk about it later." He'd said the words he knew he needed to say, but he felt defeated. He didn't like being held back and it seemed like every time he turned around, that's exactly what happened.

Her next statement broke what he knew was a pity party. "Angela is pregnant."

He did a double take. "Yeah? A baby?" He couldn't think of two people who would make better parents. Angela and Hodgins were well suited for each other.

"Yes! She's quite excited about it. In fact, they've moved back home from Paris. They're going to live here instead." He could hear how happy Bones was and it helped relieve his anger.

He pushed the last of his irritation away, concentrating on her instead. "From what you said before you left yesterday, I thought they were just visiting and were going to go back to Paris."

"That was my impression. However, Angela indicated they would rather get their home ready while she could still walk. I informed her she shouldn't have any trouble with that, but she's going to stay anyway."

He smiled, imagining how that conversation went. "Well, that's great. I know they're going to be happy. They'll be great parents."

"I agree. It'll be nice when we're all home again. I'm looking forward to that," she stated wistfully.

"Well, it won't be long. My therapy is going really good, right?" He hesitated a moment, a little nervous at her tone. "You know, you don't have to come back. I can do this on my own now."

Brennan wasn't sure what to think. She'd already been worrying all day and his statement hadn't helped any. "Do you not want me to come back to Texas?"

Booth rushed to answer. "Of course I do. I was just saying...you know...if you didn't want to...or felt like you couldn't...I'd understand."

He barely heard her quiet voice. "I _do_ want to come back, Booth."

Her answer made him more happy than it should have. "Great! I mean...you know...uh...yeah. So, tell me about your day. How was the rest of your visit with Angela? How's your dad?"

He listened as she relayed the events of her day and a sense of contentment started to make its way through him. He settled back into the pillows as she kept talking. He'd almost screwed up...big time. He knew he was going to have to let go of the anger he felt about his health. At least he'd managed to bite it down tonight. Focus. That's what he needed. He had his goal...he couldn't forget about that. And he couldn't wait to shock the life out of Bones.

He looked at the time after they hung up. It wasn't too late. He debated for a moment before flipping his phone open again. He hadn't had any contact with his friends or family since he'd come to Ft. Hood. Maybe it was time to take another step back into his life. He needed to start sometime and this was definitely a good reason. He typed his text to Angela and hit send. _"Heard the news! Congratulations!"_


	36. Trust the Unexpected

**A/N: You guys continue to shock the life out of me with your comments and alerts. Thank you so much for sticking with this story! I'd hug you all if I could!**

**Sophia...Thank you for always managing to make me feel confident enough to post these chapters!**

_**Trust the Unexpected**_

* * *

Brennan looked around the small apartment she'd set up for her father while she waited on him to complete his inspection. She had reminded him that she'd be returning to Texas and her place would be empty soon, but he wanted to stay in DC for a while and didn't want to have to move again when she returned. The location she'd found for him was close enough to hers that getting back and forth wouldn't be a problem, but far enough away to afford them a sense of privacy.

Max shuffled out of the kitchenette into the living room where she stood. "Looks good, honey. I like it."

"I'm glad. You should sit and rest now. I'll make us something to eat later." She waited for him to comply with her suggestion.

He grinned at her. "Just don't go making any of that rabbit food stuff, K?"

She scowled slightly. "I'll make the dinner your physician recommended."

Max mirrored her expression, "You know you don't have to follow _all_ the rules. I thought I taught you better than that."

Brennan hesitated as she decided on whether or not to have that discussion, but decided against it. He'd just had a heart attack and she didn't want to do anything that might cause a setback to his health.

"Just sit down, Dad," she said as she sat on the couch. She picked up the television remote and began flicking through the stations.

**B&B&B&B&B**

Brennan looked over at her father at the end of the old movie they'd been watching. She was frankly surprised at the situation. She would never have guessed they would be sitting like this, laughing together and watching tv...just sharing their lives again. So many things had changed. She was only here now because Booth had prodded her all that time ago. She owed so many things in her life to him.

Thoughts of Booth caused her to look at her watch. "I need to get going."

"Why? C'mon. The Mummy is coming on next. It's your favorite!" Max whined.

She shook her head. "I have to call Booth."

"So call him here. Then we can watch the movie."

"Our conversations are sometimes quite long," she said as an explanation. "I'll see you tomorrow. Don't stay up too late. Your physician said you needed plenty of rest."

Max narrowed his eyes as he listened to her. "Tempe, what's going on between you and Booth?"

She hesitated long enough that he knew whatever she was about to say wouldn't be the whole truth. "He's still recovering from his heatstroke. I'm merely assisting in that process. I've told you this before."

He smiled, knowing there was nothing 'merely' about those two. "Tempe, you were never good at lying. It's one of the things I've always loved about you. Although the talent can be quite handy sometimes."

She rolled her eyes and looked down at her watch. "I really have to go. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Okay, okay. Goodnight. Drive carefully, honey."

She smiled as she walked to the door. "Goodnight."

* * *

Brennan had avoided talking to her father about Booth other than superficially for days. The more he pressed, the more she resisted. How could he possibly help with the worries she'd been having? He couldn't.

They had developed a routine and she spent most of her day with him. Making sure he ate properly. Making sure he took his medications at the prescribed times. Making sure he didn't push himself too hard. She knew full well, he could handle all of his care on his own now, but it gave her a sense of satisfaction to be able to be there for him. They'd grown quite close in the days they'd had together.

The end of yet another movie scrolled on the screen in front of them. She stood up, reaching to clean up the remnants of the game they'd played earlier. "It's time for your medication."

"Oh, uh, it's in the bedroom. I moved it earlier. Didn't like seeing it every time I walked into the kitchen. Top drawer," he said, waving his hand in the general direction of his room.

She nodded as she picked up the Scrabble box and walked over to set it on top of the Monopoly game they'd played the day before. She smiled as she thought about their antics over the last few days. Arguing over words and consulting the dictionary earlier. Using cut throat tactics to gain the most properties the night before. Neither had let the other slide in any of the games they'd played. It was nice.

She walked into the bedroom and over to the dresser. What she saw took her breath away. Where had he been keeping the picture? How had she not noticed it before? She picked it up, running her fingers across the surface. Across the the smiling faces of her mother and father. They looked so happy. They _had_ been happy.

Memories of a life lived long ago flooded her mind. Until they had disappeared from her life, she'd lead what she thought was a typical suburban existence. She had envied the love her parents shared and had always hoped she'd one day have that same kind of relationship. Was she close to getting it now? She studied their eyes, the way they were gazing at each other. She knew that they shared an unspoken communication just like she and Booth did. This picture showed all the love she knew they had for each other. The love he obviously still felt.

She gently placed the frame back down before grabbing the medication from the top drawer and walking out to her father. She doled out the proper quantities of each and then placed the bottles on the coffee table. Turning to face him, she watched as he downed the pills with one swig of his drink.

"Dad? Were you and Mom happy?"

Max realized the time had finally come for his daughter to spill the beans. He'd been able to tell something had been bothering her since she'd arrived home. He'd pressed just enough to let her know he was willing to talk with her, but not enough that she'd close down. Now he was about to find out what had been on her mind. He knew he had to tread carefully. "She made me happier than I've ever been. I'd like to think I did the same for her."

Brennan nodded, still remembering the past. All the smiles and laughter. The hugs and kisses she'd witnessed. "You seemed very compatible."

Max had nothing but time and was content to wait for her to continue when she was ready.

"When did you know she was the person you wanted to spend your life with?"

"Well, I had an inkling at the beginning. Just one of those times where you recognize that there was the possibility of something special. But if I'm honest, it wasn't until later. About six months in."

He could tell he'd piqued her interest. "We had a fight." He laughed at the memory. "It was more than a fight. Your mother...she was a spitfire when she wanted to be. You kids didn't get to see that side of her, but what a woman she was!"

Max glanced away and chuckled as he paused, then looked back at her. "It was Thanksgiving and we were visiting her parents. Your grandmother really knew how to do Thanksgiving right! She had the best spread in town." He smiled at the memory. "You remember how we used to put the Christmas tree up Thanksgiving night every year?"

Brennan nodded, wondering where he was going with this story. Listening to him talk about a life she missed, one that she'd wished she'd been able to continue, was hard. She was happy with who she was now and knew that her circumstances contributed greatly to that. But sometimes she couldn't resist wondering what their lives would have been like had they not been ripped apart.

Max smiled again, "Well, we did that because your grandparents always did it. We kept that tradition and put the tree up that night every year until..." He stopped mid-sentence. That wasn't the point of what he was trying to tell his daughter, so he moved on. "We had some time between dinner and the tree, so your mom and I decided to go see a movie. Afterward, we went for a drive..." he winked, "my suggestion."

Brennan laughed at the twinkle in his eye and grin on his face. She watched his eyes lose focus as he went back into his memories. "We had parked on this road out of town just to look up at the night sky. The stars were so bright that night. One of the most beautiful night skies I've ever seen." He rushed to clarify. "We didn't do anything. I was a different man than I am now. I treated your mother with respect."

Brennan chuckled at his defensive statement and he grinned. "Anyway, when we got back in the car, it wouldn't start. I got under the hood to fiddle with the wires and your mother got out to hold the flashlight. The longer it took me, the angrier she got. Told me I'd done it on purpose and that her parents were never going to believe we had car trouble. Boy there were fireworks. Both of us standing on the side of the road yelling at each other. That's when I knew."

Brennan frowned. "That doesn't make sense. You knew because you had a fight?"

Max laughed. "No, it wasn't because we had a fight. It's what we were fighting about."

Brennan was more confused than ever. "Dad..."

"You see, honey, she loved her parents. She respected them enough to follow the rules even though she was an adult who could do her own thing. I knew then that if we ever had kids, she'd be just as fiercely protective of them. I knew that we saw eye to eye on what family meant."

She considered his statement. "What if you hadn't seen eye to eye on things?"

Max looked at her seriously. "You and Booth don't have to see eye to eye on everything, Tempe."

Brennan jerked her head back, "What? I wasn't referring to Booth. I was talking about you and Mom."

"You think I don't see what's going on? You think I don't notice how you look at your watch every few minutes when the evening rolls around? You think I'm not listening when you talk about Booth all the time? You don't realize just how often he pops up when you're talking. I can see how you feel about him and I know damn well how he feels about you."

Brennan lost her concentration and couldn't hide her stress any more. "How could you possibly know that? You can't," she said, flustered.

Max smiled. "It's written all over your faces. It's in everything you say and everything you do. And that man loves you just as much as you love him, Tempe."

Having listened to him talk about her mother and happier times had taken an emotional toll on her. The sudden, unexpected turn their conversation took was enough to bring tears to her eyes and cause a tightness in her chest. "He did tell me he loves me," she said quietly, pausing to blink away the moisture. "And I told him too," she whispered.

She waited for him to respond, but he didn't. "You don't have anything to say?"

"I'm waiting for you to tell me what you're worried about."

She looked down at her lap and fiddled with her fingers. "What if he changes his mind? What if I change _my _mind? What if things don't work out? He's become far more important to me than I realized. It was going to Maluku that allowed me to gain perspective. Allowed me realize...that the only definition I can find to describe my feelings is love."

"Love is a risk, Tempe. You never know for sure if things will work out. You gotta think of what you'll miss out on if you don't take that risk though. You can't know what's going to happen 20 or 30 years down the road, but you gotta think about what you're missing out on if you don't take a chance. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. But the trip is worth taking, honey."

She continued to look down at her fingers, finding it ironic that her father had expressed almost the same words Booth once had but with an entirely different connotation. Why did the men in her life insist on thinking so far into the future? It was precisely that uncertainty that had her so worried. But doing what her father suggested, what Booth had suggested? Taking that chance? It was terrifying. "Angela told me not to worry. Not to think about it. But...I can't do that."

Max chuckled. "I like Angela and I'm glad you have a friend like her, but she's wrong. You have every right to worry. But don't you see? That's a good thing."

"How can that possibly be a good thing, Dad?"

"People who don't worry a little, don't care as much. If you're worried, it means you care. It means you're going to put effort into making things work out. And every relationship takes work. Every single one. And the way that man of yours has danced around you the last few years, I know he'll make the effort too."

She looked up at him, tears still fresh in her eyes. "But we were fighting when we expressed our feelings. I'm not sure he still feels the same way."

Max smiled. "You know what happened after your mom and I had that fight?" She shook her head and he continued. "We went back to her parents house and we helped put up the tree. We had a great night."

Her brow wrinkled in confusion. "I don't see how that's relevant."

"Life went on, Tempe. We had a fight, but it wasn't the end. Life goes on. There will be good times and bad times. The bad ones don't mean you give up. They don't mean it's not worth it. You have to fight for the important things and you can't give up."

"Booth is important to me," she said quietly.

"Then don't give up. Talk to him. Tell him how you feel."

"We said we'd talk after he read all the letters."

Max furrowed his brow, "What letters?"

"I wrote him letters while I was in Maluku. I explained some of the revelations I had regarding our relationship."

"And he didn't get to read them because of his heatstroke," he stated, already knowing the answer. "So why hasn't he read them by now?"

"I only gave the last of them to him before I left to come here. There wasn't time for him to finish them. I'm sure he's read them, but every night I wait for him to say something and he doesn't."

Max smiled, reaching over to pat her knee. "There are some things that men have to do in person, honey. It's a guy thing. If you two are talking for hours every night, he hasn't changed his mind. Take it from me. He's waiting until you get back there."

She studied her father, hoping he was right, worried he was wrong. "You think so?"

He winked at her. "Oh, I know so."

Brennan looked down for a moment, realizing she'd been wrong to think he couldn't help her. "You were far better at this than Angela was." She looked up at her father, thankful for the man he'd become in her life.

Max had worried he'd never get to have a conversation like this with her. He choked up knowing that she thought his advice was better than her best friend's. He was at a loss for words. He watched her smile, knowing it was for him and his chest swelled with pride.

"Thank you, Dad."

"I love you, Tempe," he said with the heartfelt emotions that were welling inside him.

She hesitated a moment. "I love you too."

He smacked his hands together. "Now, what are you waiting for? Get back to Texas! I can take care of myself." He placed his hand over his heart. "I even promise to follow all the doctor's rules."

She laughed, thankful that he'd lightened the moment. "It's Friday night. I have some things to take care of tomorrow and Angela is coming over for a girls' night before I leave on Sunday. I have no intention of changing my plans."

"You can have a girls' night any time. You need to fly back to that man and have that talk."

She shook her head, laughing. "You're incorrigible! I'm flying back on Sunday."

He grinned. "Fine. You still need to get on outta here. You haven't looked at your watch."

At his statement, she did just that. "Oh. Yes. I need to go. You'll be okay? Don't worry about putting anything away. I'll come by tomorrow and do that."

He laughed. "Go, already. I'm fine!"

Brennan leaned over and hugged her father. "Thanks, Dad."

Max squeezed his daughter in return, memorizing every second of the night. When she pulled back, he waved his arms at her. "Now go. You can't keep him waiting all night long!"

* * *

Booth locked the wheels of his chair as he came to a stop in front of the headstones he'd visited all those nights ago. Once again he looked over the names of the people who were buried in front of him. So much had happened since then.

His thoughts turned to Fish. To the man who'd driven him here in the first place. He still regretted the decisions he'd made. He didn't think he would ever be able to let go of that. He knew he couldn't change anything. He knew he couldn't go back and undo his actions. He hadn't wanted any of the soldiers he'd worked with to sacrifice their lives but he'd also known it was unlikely that every one of them would survive. That it was Fish who hadn't made it home was a weight on his soul.

Booth knew that one day he'd be in front of another grave like this. Fish probably wouldn't be buried anywhere near Parker, but they'd still be together at Arlington. The pain of that knowledge rested in his chest. The thought that their mother had lost both her sons to war. Life didn't seem fair sometimes. He had faith that God's plan was in place even though he had no idea what it was. Why had both boys had to die? He wasn't sure he'd ever have the answer to that question.

He unlocked the brakes and turned his chair around, searching out the spot where Bones had stood. Right there in front of him. It was funny how time had given him perspective. He'd lamented the fact they'd been fighting. Now, it didn't seem as important. Her words were what mattered. She loved him. He couldn't help but laugh into the silence surrounding him now. She'd really said it. He felt like yelling it to the world but still couldn't manage to believe it was true. He had to keep reading her letters over and over to convince himself. He wheeled to where she'd been standing and felt closer to her. It didn't matter that she wasn't here. He felt her.

He closed his eyes, remembering how they'd fought. Remembering the care she'd taken when she'd bandaged his hands. The quiet conversation about Fish afterward. The way he'd wanted to kiss her and almost had.

She'd come back from Maluku to stay with him. She'd walked away from it all and brought the most precious gift in the world with her.

He couldn't wait to see her again. It wouldn't be long now. He'd made as much progress as he could in the time she'd been gone and he was anxious to share it with her.

But the thing he was most looking forward to was finally getting to talk with her. He was worried he'd do something to screw it up. He was worried he'd scare her again. There was so much at stake. He'd rather have her as a friend and partner than lose her forever. Sometimes though, the risks were worth it. Sometimes the uncertainty of one thing was better than the promise of another. And this time...he had hope they'd get that different outcome he'd asked for before.

He looked down at his watch. He had just enough time to make it back to the house before her call. He looked over his shoulder, saying a mental goodbye to the family resting there. He hoped the living members knew how special their loved ones were even they'd never know the impact they'd had on him.

He turned back around and began the slow trek back to the house...back to Bones.


	37. Lights Will Guide You Home

**A/N: Just wanted to give you guys a heads up. Going on a little vacation. Gonna be hanging with some of my dear Bones friends and hopefully my son as well! I wanted to get the next chapter done before I left, but I don't want to rush it. This story is my baby and I don't want to short change it. So, it may be a couple of weeks before 38 gets posted. Thank you for sticking with me all this time! You've no idea how special that is!**

**Sophia...You know how much I appreciate you, but I'm saying it anyway! Thank you!**

_**Lights Will Guide You Home**_

* * *

Brennan eagerly slid her security card through the reader, allowing her access to the lab. She'd felt its pull and hadn't been able to resist visiting before she went back to Texas. The sliding doors automatically whooshed open as she neared them. She slowly stepped into the wide open area. As she looked around, an overwhelming sense of comfort infused its way through her. Her eyes immediately traveled to the heart of the room, to the platform where she worked to solve murders with people who had become so important to her. She'd expected it to be somewhat quiet since it was Saturday morning, but it was deserted.

Her lips lifted at the corners in a smile as her gaze wandered across the smooth metal surfaces and instruments. She took in a deep breath and closed her eyes. The peaceful feeling started in her chest but slowly stole throughout the rest of her body. She knew. She was home.

When she opened her eyes, she was grinning. Her gaze traveled up toward the skylight. Across the framework of the building. The catwalk that overlooked the floor below. There were so many memories associated with this building. So many important events had taken place here. She knew it was merely a construction of various materials, but...it felt like more than that. She had the same feeling walking in here as she'd often had walking into her parents house as a young child. It was a place she belonged. A place that gave her life meaning. The coolness at the corner of her eye surprised her. She reached up to wipe the tear away, not realizing until that moment just how overwhelmed with happiness she was.

She turned toward her office, feeling much like she did when opening presents on her birthday. She looked around to make sure she was alone and then gave in to her excitement. She took two quick steps before breaking into a run. She was laughing by the time she made it to her door and pushed it open. She ran again, skidding to a stop in the middle of her office, holding her arms wide and turning in a circle. Slightly embarrassed at letting go of her emotions, she dropped her arms and walked over to turn her lamp on. The soft light filled the room allowing her to clearly see her true destination.

She looked at the shelves behind her desk. At the artifacts she'd collected over the years. She turned in a much slower circle, looking at her artwork, her chairs, her bookshelf. Her eyes came to rest on the couch. Their couch. When had she come to think of it that way? Her gaze traveled the length of its surface as memory after memory flashed in her mind. How many times had they sat in that very spot? It felt odd knowing it would be quite some time before they'd return to eat take out and talk about a case. Or talk about...all the other things they discussed. She was sure they'd have those moments once again...eventually. Booth had made so many strides toward regaining his health. She knew he'd make it back no matter how long it took.

Her eyes skimmed around the items she'd decorated her office with. So often she had wistfully looked at them, wishing she could be on a dig in some remote location of the world. Now they reminded her of home and how much she truly loved being here. She smiled at the irony as she walked over to turn the lamp off. She quietly left her office and let the door close behind her. She headed around the platform, reluctant to leave, but knowing she had just enough time to get things done. A movement caught her eye, causing her to a stop in surprise.

Dr. Hodgins stood in the open area in front of the platform looking up toward the skylight just like she had. He had that same smile she'd worn earlier. She knew exactly how he felt. She stood there debating on what she should do and decided to let him have his moment. She turned to walk out another way.

"Dr. B?"

Brennan turned back around and smiled. "Hello, Dr. Hodgins."

He grinned, walking toward her. "Hey! Welcome back!"

She continued around toward him, returning his hug when he reached out for her. "I could same the same to you." She pulled back. "Angela told me the two of you were planning on staying."

"Yeah," he said, glancing around. "It'll be good to be home. Don't get me wrong. I loved Paris. Especially with Angie. But...this is where we're meant to be."

Brennan nodded. "I believe I understand what you mean."

"So? Ange says you're going back to Texas tomorrow? And that Booth is a lot better. Is he? Really?"

Her lips pursed in a flat smile. "He is. Of course, he's not back to...100%." Her eyes darted to the side for a second as she remembered another time Booth had worked to return to their partnership. "But he's made significant progress."

"Good. I kinda miss the guy. I've missed all of you. We both have." His eyes twinkled as his grin widened. "It's really good to see you."

"Thank you. I have to go actually. I have to check on my father and get some things done before Angela comes over tonight."

Hodgins slowly nodded his head. "Right," he said, "I gotta get back to Ange too. She wants to go baby shopping today."

"Yes! Congratulations. I'm sure you and Angela will be excellent parents."

He laughed. "It's going to be fun. I can't imagine being a dad with anyone else."

She smiled, unsure of the appropriate response. "Yes, well, I have to go. I look forward to the day we're working together again." She hesitated for a second, "Bye, Hodgins."

"Me too. See ya, Dr. B." She wasn't sure what his chuckle meant.

* * *

Booth found himself in the same situation he'd been in so many times since Bones had left. He looked down at the letter in his hand. The last of the ones Bones had given him. He'd lost count of how often he'd read it and didn't even care that he felt just a little like a sap. He'd missed her even more than he thought he would. He couldn't wait to see her and when he read her letters he felt like she was there with him. He rolled his eyes once at his sentimentality, then, unable to stop himself, started reading.

_Dear Booth, _

_It's been a little over two weeks since we discovered the hominid bones and we have yet to locate any more. I had forgotten about the slow nature of these projects. Not for the first time since my arrival, I wish I were home. Our lives there have a much faster pace that, until now, I had not realized I enjoyed. We are constantly working to solve our cases, so much so that I have trouble finding time to devote to the remains in Bone Storage. If we aren't questioning suspects, we are tracking down leads, or I'm studying the bones from the case. We are always progressing toward what we hope is a final resolution. Once we reach that point, we usually have another case soon after. _

_Because of the sheer number of cases, I began to feel like my involvement there wasn't as valuable as it is here. I now know I was wrong. We put murderers behind bars. We change the world of the living in more profound ways than any discovery of ancient remains does. Will any murders take place this year that wouldn't have had we both been available to solve a case? It is impossible to know the answer to that question, but I feel it may be yes. We make quite a formidable team as our solve rate demonstrates. The potential victims we're not there to save will most likely not care about how humans evolved. At some point in my life, our work together became more important to me than discovering new truths about the nature of human evolution. I didn't realize that until I came here._

_As surprising as this may sound, Daisy and I have talked several times regarding things of a personal nature. She told me about the circumstances surrounding her telling Sweets of her own desires to come here. She explained to him this was the opportunity of a lifetime and she is correct in that assessment. However, she told me she left her life and Sweets because she wanted to mimic what she thought my decision would be. She indicated her career meant more to her than anything else and that she chose that focus because of me. I'm not sure I like the thought that people think my career is more important to me than they are. While it is very important, I value my friends and family far more. Do you think they know that? Do __you__ know that? Daisy didn't, which must mean others don't. I never used to worry how people perceived my actions, but I'm stressed in thinking you may not have known that my career isn't as important to me as you are. _

_Do you realize that despite my anticipation of this project, the decision to come here was difficult? I regret not being the first to inform you of my intentions. I wish Daisy had not discussed it with Sweets. It bothers me that you assumed I had already accepted the position before I talked with you about it. I would never make a decision that would affect our professional lives so dramatically without discussing it with you. I appreciated your telling me I didn't need your permission, and while that's true, I still wanted your input. I rely on you and your opinions more and more as time passes. I truly value your thoughts on a wide range of subjects. Everything really. I find it interesting how much we've changed, how much I have changed, in the time we've known each other. I was never consciously aware of coming to rely on you so heavily. I suppose that's what evolution is though...a slow change. _

_That night outside the Hoover, after we informed Sweets of the error in his book, I told you I couldn't change. In coming here, I've discovered I was wrong. I have changed. It's not something I actively sought to do. It just happened. Our lives evolve when they become intermingled with the people around us. You weren't asking me to change that night though, were you? You already knew I had because of the time we spend together. As have you for the same reason. I don't have to force an evolution because it is a natural progression as we interact with each other. You already knew that, didn't you? _

_You took a huge gamble in telling me your feelings. I understand that now. I understand you were willing to risk our partnership for something more. Do you still feel that way? Or have you moved on as you indicated you would? There was a part of me that wanted to give myself over to those feelings that night. To lose myself in them like most people do. But I'm not like everyone else, Booth. I wasn't being a coward when I told you I was trying to protect you from me. I meant it. I don't know if I know how to be like other people. But if you aren't asking me to change, as I now suspect, I don't have to be someone I'm not in order to be with you, do I?_

_Booth, I know I hurt you that night. I've learned a lot about body language from you, but all of it was unnecessary because I could clearly see your pain. I was so afraid you'd leave me. That you would no longer have any desire to be my partner. Despite how much that would hurt, I still thought my decision was the best one for you. The safest. The time you took to answer me felt much longer than the few seconds it actually was. I was very happy you chose to keep our partnership intact, but I understood your need to find someone else. I really did. I even hoped you would because you deserve to be happy. I find that I no longer have that desire though. It would hurt more than I care to admit to see you with someone else at this point. What does that mean, Booth? _

_You said when you talk to couples who've been in love for 50 years, it is the guy who says he knew. You used the words 'in love'. Were you in love with me? Are you still? Is that simple ambiguous phrase the definition I've been looking for? Am I in love with you? I told you in my last letter I was reluctant to label my emotions, but I think that is the only label I can use at this point. I can look back on our lives together, from this perspective, and know that I care more deeply for you than I have for anyone else. However, I'm still unable to clearly state, either in this letter or in my own mind, my feelings for you. It's almost as if they are too large for any words that exist. _

_I suppose I have unconsciously tried to find words to explain how I feel, how I've felt for longer than I realized. It's amazing how the subconscious mind works, although I still conclude that Psychology is a soft science. Do you remember the dream you had during your coma? I wrote that story to pass the time. I knew I wouldn't be able to focus on one of my novels while my thoughts were so preoccupied with your recovery. I had trouble just sitting by your bed and waiting though. I thought writing would be an outlet for stress relief. _

_We've never really talked about that story or your dream. I know it was as real for you as it was for me. I saw the events so clearly in my mind that I became Bren while I sat next to your bed. It was very difficult to maintain the line between the story and reality when you first woke up and thought we were married. I was happy in my story. Not that I'm not happy with reality, but the story showed me I could live a different life and it wouldn't necessarily be one I didn't desire. It was painful to see your confusion, not knowing if I was Bren or Bones. I wanted to be both for you. I thought that was impossible. It's not though, is it? I could be both of those people...with you. That is, if you still feel the way you did a few months ago._

_This time apart is more difficult than I had imagined it would be. I don't like that we are so very far away from each other. I want to be able to talk with you. I want to discuss all of the revelations I seem to be having. I want to ask you my questions and I want the immediate answers I receive when we're together. I've been pouring my metaphorical heart onto these pages and I've not once heard from you. I'm getting more nervous each day that passes. I've received letters from many people, but the one I keep looking for is never there. Where are you? Are you safe? Are you angry with me? Are you angry because I left? I left with the right intentions, Booth, and I was correct. I have found the answers I've been looking for even though I found more questions as well. Please write. Tell me what you're thinking. Even if it's only to tell me it's too late. I will accept your answer no matter what it is._

_I am looking forward to going home more each day and have even considered finding a way to make that happen sooner rather than later. I could still consult on the project, but I've concluded that my expertise is needed at home more than it is here. It wouldn't be the same there without you, but as I said earlier in my letter, helping the living has become more important to me than discovering the secrets of the ancient dead. I miss you, Booth. I look forward to the day when we can be together again, regardless of the structure of our relationship._

_Until then, please stay safe._

_Love,_

_Bones_

Booth folded the letter and placed it back in the envelope, unable to wipe the grin off his face. He still couldn't believe how open and honest she had been with him. It was amazing. He wondered if a day would ever come that he wouldn't be floored each time he read it. He breathed deeply, letting his happiness wind its way through his body.

So many times he had wished he could have read this letter before she'd left. He wished they'd had the chance to talk about it. Two weeks wasn't really that long in the grand scheme, but with this bombshell of hers, it had felt like an eternity.

He was incredibly thankful she'd explained that she had wanted to come home. That she was willing to consult on her project rather than remaining in Maluku. When he'd seen how excited she had been when she'd read her emails, he'd been ashamed that he'd given into his own desires and allowed her to come with him. He had so many things he felt guilty about. Pulling her away was no longer on his list.

She had willingly come back and given him a goal. A target. He'd focused all his energy on his objective...on getting better. He knew it would be a while before he got there, but every day he improved. With her letters, she'd given him yet another sense of purpose. He had to do everything in his power to become a field agent again. She wanted to work. With him. And he wanted to work with her again too. He had to make it happen.

* * *

Brennan locked her door behind her, then walked further into her apartment, going straight to the kitchen and placing the bags she carried on the counter. She'd spent more time with her father than she'd intended, but didn't regret it. She valued the time they spent together now. As a consequence of the length of her visit, she was running behind. Angela would be arriving for their girls' night soon. She needed to hurry to get things in place.

She took her jacket off as she walked back to her bedroom and tossed it on her bed. She'd planned to take a shower, but knew she didn't have time now. She walked to her closet and grabbed some comfortable clothes for the evening. Angela had once told her girls' night was all about comfort. She quickly undressed and put on some yoga leggings and an over-sized cotton shirt. She couldn't think of anything more comfortable than that. She looked at her sock selection and decided to wear the striped ones Angela had purchased for her last Christmas. She laughed as she remembered her friend's suggestive statement that she'd get to have Booth with her whenever she wore them. She'd scoffed at the time, but welcomed the idea tonight. Besides, it would please Angela to see her wearing them.

She pulled her hair into a pony tail as she walked back out and hit the play button on her stereo. The strains of the song she'd been listening to before she'd left for Maluku hit her ears. Her chest constricted as she remembered the pain of those days. She'd purchased the Coldplay cd quite some time ago when Jason had invited her to a concert. The song that floated through the air now had struck a chord with her...with the stress she'd had at the time.

She stood there, listening to the first lines.

_When you try your best, but you don't succeed  
When you get what you want, but not what you need  
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep  
Stuck in reverse  
_

Those very feelings had threatened to consume her before she'd left. She'd been working so hard for something that had seemed infinite. Every day had become more difficult. She'd felt suffocated by what she'd thought was an inability to make a difference in the world. The thoughts about Booth's safety had begun to take over both her waking hours as well as her dreams. Her nightmares had increased to a point where the lack of sleep had been interfering with her life. She hit the repeat button, then turned and walked toward the kitchen as she listened to the next refrain.

_And the tears come streaming down your face  
When you lose something you can't replace  
When you love someone, but it goes to waste  
Could it be worse?  
_

She had tried to move on from what she now recognized as feelings she'd had for Booth. The way he'd seemed to move on from his feelings for her. She'd felt like she'd lost him even though she'd never had him in the first place. After a while, it had seemed as if that night had never happened. Their mutual abilities to compartmentalize had driven it from existence. She'd known if she didn't do something to make sense of her thoughts, they'd end up right back there again one night, having the same conversation. The last thing she had wanted to do was repeat her mistakes. She'd known that getting away was her only option.

_Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
And I will try to fix you_

She began taking the groceries out of the bags and placing them on the counter. She remembered how she'd felt when she'd listened to this song the last time. She had been investigating digs throughout the world when the Maluku discovery and subsequent offer had been presented. She'd been sitting on her couch, listening to this very phrase when the email notice showed up. She didn't believe in signs, but found the coincidence interesting. She'd always thought of her expeditions as her true home and she'd known she was making the right decision in pursuing involvement with the Maluku project.

_And high up above or down below_  
_When you're too in love to let it go_  
_But if you never try you'll never know_  
_Just what you're worth_

She smiled as she placed items in the refrigerator. She hadn't been able to drive her feelings for Booth away. Now she no longer had a desire to let go of them. Maluku really had been a remarkable opportunity. She'd learned so many things about herself there. She would forever be thankful that the project had asked for her assistance. She listened to the line of the song that was so similar to what her father had said a couple of days ago. She knew she'd go back to Texas. She knew she would talk to Booth. She knew she would never know until she tried. The thought frightened her, but she'd finally reached a point where her eagerness for a different life overrode her fears.

Once again, perspective was all important. This song had been a tuning fork for the confusion and fear she'd felt before she left. Now, having come to understand some of her feelings and having spent so much time with Booth, it felt like a song of hope. Before, she'd cried while listening to the words. Now, they brought a smile to her face. She'd just put the last of the groceries away when she heard Angela knock on her door.

_Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
_

She flipped the stereo off as she walked by. The song had become personal. She shared a great number of things with Angela, but this one was special. It was hers.

Brennan padded over to the door and unlocked it. With a ghost of a smile remaining, she pulled the door open. In an instant, she felt as if all the air in the room was sucked into the hallway before her.

"Booth?"


	38. Would You Go With Me

**A/N: A few people have asked to be warned when the end was nigh. We're at chapter 38. Peas is gonna end up with 40 chapters. So...we're getting close. And I hate that. Selfishly, I don't want to say good bye to it! This story has been a big part of my life for so long now and I dearly love it. It will always have a special place in my heart. I've met so many wonderful people through writing it. Most especially you, who have taken the time to read and comment. I can't even begin to tell you how much that has meant to me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!**

**Sophia...I sincerely hope you realize just how much I appreciate your help. Thank you.**

_**Would You Go With Me**_

* * *

"_Booth?"_

Brennan was frozen in place. Her eyes went wide and she felt like the air had been knocked out of her lungs. There he was. Right in front of her. Standing! He was standing! Looking like he always had in the past. Blue jeans, Flyers t-shirt and leather jacket.

She couldn't believe her eyes. The familiar sight caused an emotional reaction she had definitely not been expecting. She gasped deeply when she realized she'd forgotten to breathe.

He chuckled, "Surprise!"

"Oh my god." She rushed toward him.

Brennan slammed into the wall of his chest, wrapping her arms around him. After a couple of seconds, she started laughing. "Booth! I can't believe...you're here...you're standing!" She felt like her brain had ceased functioning. Was she dreaming? She squeezed with all her might and felt his arms tighten around her. There were few times in her life she'd been happier.

Booth had physically braced himself for what he'd assumed, or at least hoped, would be her reaction and she hadn't disappointed him. He leaned into her for support as he held on and just enjoyed being with her again. Feeling her in his arms. He'd missed her so much and now he was back where he belonged. All his hard work had paid off. He hadn't been this ecstatic since...well, it had been a long time. Not even his milestones could measure up to this moment.

Brennan had quit laughing and was content to stand there holding him, resting her cheek on his shoulder. It hadn't been that long ago that she'd stood beside his hospital bed wondering if they'd ever get to do this again. If he'd ever be able to walk again. And here he was, standing in her doorway. Oh...her doorway. "I'm sorry Booth, come in!"

Booth rested his weight on his stronger leg as she pulled away from him. She walked to the door and held the handle, ready to close it once he entered. Now came the hard part. He had to let her know he still wasn't able to do this entirely on his own yet. He reached out and grabbed the handle of his cane where he'd propped it against the wall. He let his lips slide into an embarrassed grin and slowly stepped forward, heavily using his cane for support. He'd only quit using his walker a couple of days ago and didn't want to embarrass himself by falling like he had in therapy.

He didn't look at her as he walked into her living room. He simply concentrated on moving forward. He stood there waiting while she closed the door behind him, a little anxious about her reaction to his cane. When she returned to stand in front of him, her face was still...glowing. He couldn't believe it but he should have known. She really was the most beautiful woman he'd ever laid eyes on. Both inside and out. She had one of the biggest grins he'd ever seen on her face. Her bright blue eyes sparkled with excitement. He'd been thrilled just to be in her building. Her welcome was nothing short of elating.

Brennan walked over to the couch. "Come. Sit down. How did you get here? When did you get in? I...I'm so...I think I might be speechless!" she laughed.

He had to laugh too. "Wow. The great Dr. Temperance Brennan? Speechless? I'm certainly going to write this one down on the calendar."

He slowly made his way to the couch and carefully sat down, making sure he kept his balance. When he hit the cushions of the sofa, he allowed himself to breathe a sigh of relief. He'd done it. He was having a hard time with his confidence and kept waiting to make a wrong move. But walking, even slowly, was far better than the wheelchair he'd spent so much time in. Although he'd gotten pretty fast with his chair, he was looking forward to getting used to this new pace...to walking again. He nodded slightly as he smiled at the thought.

Brennan was so proud of the man before her. She couldn't take her eyes off him. Rather than sitting at the other end of the couch, she chose to sit right next to him. She tucked her leg under her and sat sideways so she could see him better. After a couple of moments, she reached out to lay her hand on his leg. It was silly, she knew, but she needed the physical contact to remind herself this was really happening. Her cheeks were beginning to hurt, but she couldn't stop smiling.

"How did you get here, Booth?"

Booth was getting hammered with emotions and his chest filled with all of them. He was thrilled to see Bones, but he was nervous as hell for many reasons. Her touch on his thigh was a lifeline he couldn't resist. He slowly reached out and placed his hand over hers, simply drinking in the sight for a second before responding.

He grinned mischievously as his gaze traveled back to her. "Well, I got here like you did, Bones. I flew."

He loved the way her smile stayed even though she rolled her eyes and shook her head. He chuckled, "I had some help. Shawn, the airline staff, a couple other people."

Brennan shook her head, her face showing all the joy she was feeling. "I can't believe you didn't tell me." She couldn't help herself and leaned over, touching her forehead to his shoulder. "Booth, I'm so happy to see you." When she pulled back, her watch snagged and dug into her wrist. The feeling reminded her of her plans for the evening and she looked to see what time it was.

Booth watched her face fall when she glanced at her watch. "Bones? What is it?"

Brennan didn't bother to hide her disappointment. "I arranged a girls' night with Angela. She'll be here any minute. Actually, I thought it was her at the door when you arrived. As much as I enjoy spending time with her, I'd rather spend it with you right now."

Booth nodded. "Maybe she won't show?"

"Of course she will. She'll probably be late though, so we may still have some time."

Booth scrunched his face a little and shook his head. "She won't come."

"We made arrangements, Booth." She paused as an idea came to her. "I could call her. Explain. Yes. I'll just tell her we'll have to have a girls' night some other time."

She started to stand up when Booth reached out to grab her hand. "Just sit here with me."

"I will in a minute."

"Bones! Ask me how I got here."

Her question was written in her expression. "I already did. You indicated you flew, although I assumed you most likely traveled by taxi from the airport since I do not have a runway outside my door."

He grinned as he shook his head, enjoying knowing something she didn't. "Nope. No taxi."

"Then...how?"

"A couple of friends picked me up." She frowned in confusion and he decided to explain. "You know when you told me about Angela being pregnant? Well, I decided to send her a text...ya know, just congratulating her and Hodgins. We started texting back and forth and I let her in on my plan to try to be able to walk by the time you got back. But when I talked with you every night, you sounded really happy to be home...so I decided to come back too. Angela planned the girlie thing to make sure you'd be here when I showed up. She and Hodgins were the ones who picked me up at the airport."

"But...I saw Hodgins earlier today. And I've frequently talked to Angela. They didn't give me any indication they'd had any contact with you."

"Well, they weren't going to let the cat out of the bag, now, were they? I told them it was a surprise. They were only too happy to help me out." He grimaced slightly, "Especially Angela. She can be..."

Her eyebrows shot up as she nodded, "Overwhelming." Her expression told him she knew exactly what he was talking about.

His eyes crinkled in amusement. "Yes. Overwhelming. Good word." He paused, his grin widening, "Admit it, Bones. We got one over on you!"

She chuckled, shaking her head. "It would seem you did. But I can't say I'm disappointed. It was a good surprise, although I will seriously question my ability to trust those two in the future."

"Eh, they were just helping me out when I needed it. They're good people."

She smiled shyly. "I still can't believe you're here, Booth. Are you home for good? Do we need to go back to Texas to continue your therapy?"

"Nope. We're back baby!" he grinned before shifting his head to the side and sighing a little. "Well, back in DC. Got discharged from therapy at Ft. Hood. I still gotta keep it up though. Not out of the woods yet, but at least I can see the treeline now."

She nodded, unsure of herself. Talking of Texas reminded her of the letters. She knew he had to have read them, but he still hadn't said anything during any of the conversations they'd had since she'd left and she didn't know how to bring the subject up. Maybe he wasn't ready to talk about them yet. "Would you like a drink? I have the makings for strawberry margaritas, hot chocolate...water...I could make some tea or coffee. I'm afraid I don't have any of your beer here."

He chuckled, "Strawberry margaritas? That's what you and Angela drink on your girlie nights? You don't like foo foo drinks."

"You're correct, I don't," she said, clearly showing her distaste. "But Angela does. I usually drink wine."

He nodded, happy there was at least one thing he was sure of tonight. "If you've got the makings for margaritas, you've got tequila."

"Um, no. Angela's pregnant and refused alcohol. I told her light alcohol consumption would not hurt the fetus, but she said she didn't want to take any chances."

"Ahh." He settled back, studying her as he decided what to drink. "You got those little marshmallows?"

She grinned, realizing what he was saying. "I do! I'll be right back."

Booth watched her walk away. Once she disappeared around the corner, he took a deep breath and let his lungs empty as he pursed his lips. He'd been so excited, but now he was here, he wasn't really sure what to do. The life that had become normal to him in Texas seemed so far away now and his last few memories of DC hadn't been all that great. It felt strange to feel a little awkward with Bones. He knew they needed to talk, but he didn't know how to start that conversation. As anxious as he was to discuss the things she'd said in her letters, he wasn't sure his first night back was the best time.

He looked around the apartment. Everything was just as he remembered it. But sitting on the couch, waiting for her to come back with a drink...it felt formal. Maybe what they needed was a taste of the way things used to be. He grabbed his cane and pulled himself up. He shrugged his jacket off, threw it across one of the chairs and slowly made his way to the kitchen. He took advantage of the fact she was facing away and just watched her for a few seconds. He started forward again just as she turned his direction.

"Booth, I would have brought the drinks back."

"Yeah, I know. Just got lonely," he smiled. "Anything I can do to help?"

"You could get the hot chocolate ready while I get some of the snacks? Since I thought Angela was coming over, I have what she suggested...and not much else. I didn't stock anything because I was planning on flying back to Texas tomorrow," she grinned.

"No need for that now, is there?" He paused, "You're okay with staying, right?"

"What? Of course I am. As long as it doesn't hinder your progress. Though the reasons we left didn't really have anything to do with your therapy."

His eyes darted to the side and he felt a little guilty. "Yeah. Not really." He knew he didn't have to explain any of those reasons to her. She had known he needed to get away. She, more than anyone else, would understand that. He looked back. "I'm good now. I'm...okay with everything. Let go of a lot of the anger."

Brennan nodded. He had seemed to be more tolerant of the reactions of strangers and acquaintances in Texas. She hoped it would hold true with his friends and family as well. The excitement she'd felt at being able to stay home was tinged with a small amount of trepidation. Not only for Booth's mental well being, but for the way they might frame whatever relationship they had now.

She brought mugs and the hot chocolate ingredients over to the bar where Booth could sit on a stool. She turned back toward the cupboards as he sat down. Halfway there, she stopped.

Booth looked up from the bar when he saw her quit walking. "Forget something, Bones?"

Brennan slowly turned back. She had avoided the subject for so long now. She was tired of the questions. The worry. She was tired of playing it safe. She looked at Booth as she made her decision and knew the second he realized she was ready to talk about something more serious than hot chocolate...his eyes told her everything. His face relaxed into a sober expression. But she could tell he was just as nervous as she was, which bolstered her confidence.

Her question came out like a statement, "You read my letters?"

Booth's eyes were glued to hers. His chest clenched as he swallowed nervously. "Yeah," he whispered.

Brennan nodded, waiting...for something...she had no idea what.

Booth could get lost in her eyes. "You...you had a lot to say, Bones. They're part of the reason I'm here...why I came home."

Her silence made him even more nervous. He wanted to look away, to gather his thoughts. He thought he'd have more time. Trust Bones to knock his feet out from under him. She had quite the knack for it. All the carefully planned statements he'd outlined in his mind on the plane vanished in an instant. But at least it was out there...and he adored her for starting down this path.

The idea of opening up to her was both exciting and nerve wracking. "Your letters? They really helped me understand. Made me realize a lot of things. You shared so much of yourself with me, in a way nobody ever has. I hope you know...well, let's just say those letters are...they're a gift I'll treasure the rest of my life." He watched her eyes dart down before her chin followed. They both took a deep breath before she looked back up.

He unconsciously tapped his fingertips against the bar. "Back before we left? I didn't..." He sighed, hating that he always bumbled these kinds of conversations. "I...I've always had trouble with the way you take off and go on these digs. I always thought you were running away. Burying your feelings. Escaping things that upset you." He paused. "I was wrong. I get it now. I didn't before, but I do now. I'll never be able to thank you enough for understanding when I needed to get away. The thing is, though...I never realized that when you left, you were...like you said in your letters...running _toward_ what scared you. I wish I could say the same thing about myself," he shook his head, "but I can't."

He pursed his lips into a frown and he shifted on the stool. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you. I'm sorry I didn't look deeper. That I didn't have more faith in you. If I had, things might've been different. Maybe not. I don't know. What I do know is that I can't change the past. I just reacted. Afghanistan? I was scared too, Bones. I took your leaving as a sign that you didn't want to be around me any more. And...it hurt."

Brennan had stayed quiet, giving Booth time to say what he needed to say, but she couldn't let him go on thinking he wasn't important. She walked to stand next to him. "Booth, I never felt that way. I value our partnership and our friendship too much to simply leave you." She looked down as she toyed with the edge of the bar. "I never meant to hurt you. I was too close to everything. I needed some space. To be able to think. To be able to rationalize. I was confused. I realize now that in trying to protect you, I also caused pain in a way I never intended."

She looked up into his eyes. "You've taken the time to get to know me better than anyone else ever has. You did look deeper. You did have faith. I...I didn't actively ignore my feelings, I just didn't understand them. If I wasn't sure about what I felt, how could you possibly expect to know? Although...I believe you realized before I did."

The whistle sounded on the kettle. After staring at each other a few seconds longer, Brennan turned to the stove to take it off the heating element. She turned to bring it back to the bar when Booth stopped her, "Leave it, Bones. We can fix the drinks later."

She nodded, placing it on the cool surface of the stove.

Booth braced his arm on the bar to stand up before reaching out for her hand. "C'mon. Let's go sit down." He grabbed his cane and slowly lead her back to the living room. He let go of her and sat back down on the couch, waiting for her to join him. He loved the way she sat sideways and scooted closer to him again. They were as close as they could be without him dragging her onto his lap, which was more tempting than he would ever tell her.

He shifted around to face her, studying her for a few seconds. "Bones, I don't think anyone can know you better than you know yourself. Even me. What I thought I saw was the potential for something more for us. I never wanted you to change. I fell in love with who you are, who we are together...not some idea of who I wanted you to be. It's you. Just the way you are. Do we get things wrong sometimes? Sure. But who doesn't? Nobody's perfect. Nobody. What matters is not giving up."

His words brought back the conversation she'd had with her father. He'd said the same thing. "I didn't give up, Booth. I needed perspective."

He reached out for her hand again. "Yeah, I know that now. And...I needed it too. I just didn't realize it until it was time to leave. But before that...when you first decided to go? I thought you were giving up. On our work together. On our partnership. On us." He pursed his lips, trying to figure out what to say.

After a brief pause, he continued. "You know, after _that_ night, I had a hard time for a while. It hurt when I realized you didn't want to be with me the same way I wanted. I didn't have anything else to offer besides being your partner...and I would never abandon you. But working with you every day...I tried to move on. I did. It didn't work though. And we sorta fell back into our same pattern after a while. We were '_us_'. And I was fine with that. I could have gone on that way...probably forever if you wanna know the truth."

He looked down. It felt so right to be holding her hand and it gave him strength. His eyes traveled back up to hers. "I knew that even if we didn't have what I really wanted, I at least had you as a friend and partner. After a while, I decided that was enough for me. But as soon as I heard about that project, and how big a deal it was...I knew I didn't stand a chance. I saw the signs before we left. I knew you were getting run down. I knew you'd want to be involved. I knew it was a great opportunity for you. Who was I to stand in your way? I couldn't. But I couldn't stick around, doing the same job in the same town...without you. That would have hurt more than going to Afghanistan did."

Brennan smiled sadly, her voice low and quiet. "Booth. I'm sorry. I'm sorry it took leaving for me to understand things. I'm sorry I hurt you." She looked down at her lap. "I still wish you hadn't decided to go there. You've had such a difficult recovery from your heatstroke."

He reached out to tilt her chin back up. "Hey. We've talked about this. You believe in cause and effect. I believe in God. Either way, we're in the same place. We ended up here because of all the events that happened up to this point. All those causes resulted in these effects. Maluku? Afghanistan? They happened for a reason. Do you think we'd be sitting here right now, having _this_ discussion, if we hadn't left? What I'm trying to tell you is that as much as I've hated some of the things that brought us here, I wouldn't go back and change any of them. I wouldn't want to be anywhere but here...with you...in this moment. And I think, deep down, right here," he pointed to her heart, "you know that too."

Brennan was trying to absorb his every word, every expression. She didn't want to miss anything. "I can't regret going to Maluku. I regret some of the consequences of my decision, but my time there _was_ well spent. I didn't leave because I wanted to get away from you. It wasn't because I didn't care about you. In fact, the opposite is true. It's almost as though I cared too much...and I didn't know how to deal with that. I told you in my letters...I learned things about myself. Some were unexpected. I thought I needed to gain perspective on my career and on our intermingled lives. I needed to understand why I was so preoccupied with you, with us. I didn't expect to discover..." She paused, trying to find the words to explain what she was feeling. "That what I feel for you is so much more than I thought. That..." she sighed, slouching as she looked up at him.

Booth squeezed her hand. "That you love me?" he asked hopefully.

She hesitated, her eyes darting back and forth between his. "That...I love you."

Booth's heart leapt into his throat. He had hoped for that answer for so long, but it still shocked him to hear her say it so openly.

Brennan's eyes opened wide, amazed to finally be talking about what she'd longed to discuss for so many months. They weren't fighting. They were sharing their thoughts. Honestly. She huffed out a laugh in surprise. "I do. I'm not sure how it happened, or when. My father says he knew the exact moment when he fell in love with my mother, but I can't point to anything so specific. However, I know that what I feel for you goes beyond friendship. Booth, I struggled with those emotions." Her brow furrowed as she remembered the confusion she had felt and her desperation to get away. "I couldn't make sense of them and the only person I knew who could help was you. But I couldn't talk to you about...you. And in Maluku, I was so afraid. Both for your safety and of your reaction to what I had been saying in my letters to you. I've continued to be worried since I started giving them to you. I thought maybe I had come to my conclusion too late. Or that it was too much for you to absorb given your physical condition. Or that you didn't feel..."

"Bones. No." He reached up to run the back of his fingers down her cheek. "You are one of the bravest people I know. If nothing else I've seen over the years had proven it, those letters did."

She grimaced. "I'm not sure I agree with your assessment. I didn't feel very brave. I felt like..." She paused as she tried to voice what she'd been feeling. "I was just as confused when I figured things out as I was before I left."

Booth leaned forward. "Hey. You wrote those letters without getting any answers in return. You were honest. More honest than anyone has ever been with me. I don't think you realize just how special that is. That took guts, Bones."

The side of her mouth lifted in half a smile. "Your grandfather told me something the day we took him back to the retirement facility. He told me not to be scared. That I shouldn't live with regrets. I know that if I hadn't told you what I learned about myself, I would regret it one day. He was right. I don't want to live that way. I was scared...I still am...but...I'm ready to face those fears. With you, Booth."

She looked at the hope in his eyes and felt it herself. Her heart was pounding. She felt like she was struggling to breathe fast enough to keep up with its pace. She hoped he understood what she was trying to say. "I won't be perfect. I'll undoubtedly make mistakes. I will still need both time and space occasionally. It's who I am and I can't be anyone else. But...it won't mean I'm leaving you or that my feelings have changed." She paused as she looked into his eyes. "While I value what we've had together, and would gladly accept that kind of relationship if it were my only option, I know I want more now. I've told you before, I can't promise forever. We don't know what the future holds. But I can promise you that I will give you...everything I have to give."

The air Booth had in his lungs raced out of his body. She'd just given him all he'd ever wanted. The words he'd ached to hear from her...for years. His arm darted out and wrapped around her, pulling her closer. He held on as tightly as he dared and buried his head against hers, overwhelmed with emotion. Her grip on him strengthened and he squeezed a little more tightly. He never wanted to let her go. "Bones, you just made me the happiest man on the planet. And before you say anything...yes, I do know that for a fact."

"Bones...Temperance..." He pulled back, the need to see her face overwhelming. "I love you." He was inundated with so many thoughts and emotions, he struggled to make sure he said the right things, because he was in serious danger of babbling. "I will do everything in my power to make sure you always know that. And I know you'll need time and space sometimes. I won't stand in your way because I know you'll come back. And we'll screw up sometimes. You're right, we won't be perfect. I know we'll fight..." he grinned as he winked, "because we're so damn good at it." Then he looked at her seriously. "But it will never mean I don't love you. It will never mean I want to give up. I'm in this. _All in_. And I'm not going anywhere. For as long as we have...I will love you."

He suddenly realized the magnitude of what he was saying. He pulled a little further back, nervous that he might be overwhelming her. The rapid rising and falling of her chest and the way her brow was scrunched gave him every indication he had.

But then she smiled and his heart soared.

Even after talking to Booth and listening to what he had to say in return, Brennan still worried about what life would be like with him. What she felt, over and above that, was hope and excitement. "So we're...?"

Booth's face lit up and she marveled at the way his eyes shined so brightly when he started nodding. "Yeah...we are."

Brennan was fascinated with the way the nerves throughout her entire body began tingling. She needed to have him closer to her again, to feel the joy that welled up between them. She gave the slightest hint of a squeeze, which was apparently all the indication he needed to pull her to him again. She lost track of how long they spent in that position. For the first time in her life, she knew what people meant when they said time didn't matter. That a few seconds could feel like an eternity. That when you were in the arms of the person you loved, time was irrelevant. She was quite sure she could stay this way forever even though the notion was preposterous.

Booth had never been so happy...so euphoric. It was intoxicating and he didn't think he'd ever get enough...that he'd always crave this feeling. With Bones, he was complete. He pulled back again, unable to deny the draw her eyes held for him. They had always been the window he'd used to really see her. He'd begun to think he'd never see the message he saw now. When he looked into them, he saw his future. His future with Bones. It was the most beautiful and precious journey he could ever have imagined.

As though they were linked, they simultaneously leaned closer together. Booth watched her eyes grow larger as her face neared. He knew what was coming. After all this time, it was finally inevitable. It wasn't passion fueled desire. It wasn't an obligation or something born of desperation. He loved her. And Holy Mary, Mother of God...she loved him too.

Her eyes fluttered shut and his closed automatically.

Booth's lungs quit working at the first soft caress of their lips. He relished every single sensation as they hovered, slowly brushing against each other. He drew in as much life sustaining air as he could when he finally closed his lips around hers. She applied the slightest pressure as she timidly pulled on his mouth. He was sure he'd died and gone to heaven. He couldn't resist any more and gently pressed his lips against hers, swallowed in feel of her touch. Never had a kiss so tender caused such monumental emotions in him.

Brennan felt light headed as she explored Booth's lips with her own. She etched every single sensation in her memory, knowing she'd never forget this moment. She'd thought her heart had already been beating fast, but it was nothing to the way it pounded when their kiss deepened and Booth's hand slipped into her hair. Everything she wanted to say but didn't know how was poured into the physical message she was sending to him. She wanted him to know that she mirrored everything he felt.

Brennan slid her hand up Booth's back to grip his shoulder. She relished the warmth and affection she felt in his kiss. She'd kissed many men before, but she'd never felt...loved. Cherished. There wasn't another place in the world she wanted to be. She had begun to believe she would never experience the feelings that most people took for granted. But here she was, in the arms of someone who was arguably the most special man she'd ever known...and he loved her for who she was. She knew...and she felt it too.

Booth let his hand slide out of her hair and gently cupped her neck. He began to pull back, but lightly kissed her upper lip before brushing down meld his mouth against the swell of her lower lip. He slowly leaned back and opened his eyes to the best view in the world. He watched as Bones opened her eyes. She looked almost dazed...and he'd been the one to put that expression on her face. He wouldn't forget it for the rest of his days. Her smile brightened the room and he smiled in return.

When she spoke, she sounded both surprised and elated...as though she was testing the freedom of using the phrase. "I love you, Booth."

He wondered if his heart would ever not skip when she said those words. "I love you too, Bones." He could see the wheels turning in her head, and despite the way things had turned out, it still made him a little nervous.

"Booth?"

"Yeah?"

"You kiss very well."

He chuckled in relief, his expression alerting her to the incredible understatement of what he was about to say. "You do too, Bones."

"Will you be writing this on your calendar also?"

His smile, his eyes, seeing how happy he looked now they'd talked...and kissed...it was quite a potent combination for her. One she was very much looking forward to exploring. She wanted to see this look on his face every day of her life.

Booth raised his eyebrows in question. "That kiss? Yeah...it just might be too much for a calendar. I'm thinking a bill board might be more appropriate!"

She laughed. "You're exaggerating. That was funny." She paused to enjoy the feeling of contentment that stole through her. "Would you like to make hot chocolate now?"

"Yep. After this," he said as he pulled her toward him again. He looked into her eyes, his mouth turning up in a slight smile. He was looking forward to kissing her whenever he felt like it. Starting now.

Brennan watched Booth's mouth descend until her eyes slipped closed of their own volition. She relished the firmness of his kiss. Her mind swam as his tongue slipped across her lower lip. He cupped her face gently and she felt him shift to get a slightly better angle. She sighed, melting into him as he broke away. She opened her eyes just as he leaned his forehead against hers and smiled, "Okay, now I'm ready for some marshmallowy goodness!"


	39. Two Peas in a Bucket

**A/N: Well, folks. We're almost done. Only one more chapter after this one. Thank you so much for going on this journey with me. I've enjoyed every single moment!**

**If you aren't reading Rankor01's stories, you're doing yourself a disservice. He's a phenomenal writer and his opinions and suggestions made this a much better chapter. As did Mali Bear's Buddy's who also had great ideas on how to enhance it. Thank you both so much for your help. It really means a lot to me. **

**And thank you to bookwormlady! I think you'll know what I mean when you read it! ;)  
**

_**Two Peas in a Bucket**_

* * *

Booth sat on the couch, shaking his head in amazement. His arm loosened from its position around her shoulders. "What? You've never eaten a fried twinkie?" He pulled his head back to see her face.

Brennan laughed at his reaction, enjoying their latest round of bickering. "No and I don't care to. Frying an already unhealthy food seems rather foolish. I'm quite sure I wouldn't like it."

"Well, you have to try one at least one time. It's just like I tell Parker when he doesn't want to eat vegetables. You have to have three bites before you're allowed to say you don't like it." Booth tucked her back under his arm, holding her a little more tightly.

"Those are vegetables, Booth. They're healthy and it's good that you tell Parker he should eat them." She leaned her head back on Booth's arm, enjoying the added physical closeness they had.

"Yeah? Well, consider fried twinkies your new vegetable. Three bites, Bones. Three. _Then_ tell me you don't like them." He gave a firm nod to emphasize his statement.

"Booth..."

"Nope. Three bites, Bones."

She grinned as she thought of a way to distract him from his train of thought. "There's something else I would like three of."

"What's that?"

She leaned up from the couch to face him, testing the boundaries of their new relationship. She smirked at his confused expression before leaning in and quickly kissing him once...twice...

Booth was automatically wary at the gleam he'd seen in her eyes. She obviously thought she was going to get away with trying to shock him and he took the opportunity to retaliate. Just as she moved to place a third quick kiss, he tugged her close for a much firmer kiss. He pulled away, turning to grab his cane and stand up.

He looked down at her surprised expression. "Be right back," he said as he nodded in the general direction of the bathroom. As he walked, he couldn't help but relive that moment. It was going to take some getting used to. This new side of Bones. One that seemed to be both more confident and more skittish. She was a complicated combination of emotions and actions and he was looking forward to finding out even more about her than he already knew.

Brennan watched from the couch as Booth used his cane to walk toward the bathroom. Once he was out of sight, she turned to look at the coffee table. Their hot chocolate had disappeared quite some time ago along with a couple of cups of coffee each. The snacks had been devoured mindlessly while they'd been talking. It was comfortable and reminiscent of the way things used to be. Only now it was different. Just like any other new thing she encountered, she was curious and excited to explore this new freedom.

She thought about the way Booth had just walked from the room and marveled at the notion that people could feel opposing emotions at the same time. She hated knowing that he needed assistance for something most people took for granted. But she couldn't help but be incredibly impressed with seeing him walk with a cane when he'd relied on a wheelchair only two weeks ago. One of the things she'd learned quickly after meeting Booth was that when it came to things like this, the man knew no bounds. He could, and would, do whatever he set his mind to.

She stood up to begin cleaning the remnants of the 'junk food' Angela had suggested for their girls' night. She was definitely going to be talking to her friend about her role in the deception Booth had planned. She couldn't bring herself to be upset, though. Opening her door to find him standing on the other side had been a very welcome surprise. She was actually impressed that Angela had been able to keep the secret. As she carried empty packages to her trash can, she replayed the events of the evening in her mind.

In the past, Brennan had occasionally allowed herself to wonder what being in a relationship with Booth would be like. She'd envisioned the overly romantic and sappy movies that she'd watched as a child. But she'd also imagined them not getting along and fighting. Most often she'd considered that they'd never make it as a couple and would eventually part ways.

Her fear had been one of the major factors in her decision to say no to him all those months ago. She'd been afraid she had nothing to offer the man she knew had the heart of a lion. She smiled as she remembered what Avalon had said during that ridiculous tarot card reading. While she knew the cards the woman had turned over had been a coincidence, she had liked that particular description of Booth.

For all the thought she had put into potential outcomes, she still didn't know what they would be like as a couple. Or what the future would hold for them. What she found comforting was that despite sharing their feelings with each other, the night had progressed much the same as any other night they'd spent with each other. They'd talked about everything and nothing. They'd bickered. They'd laughed. Outside of their first kiss and the ones she'd just initiated, it was all the same. And somehow, that was reassuring.

Her thoughts continued to wander as she mindlessly moved to the sink to clean their mugs. She and Booth had always been comfortable around each other. Since the beginning of their partnership when she'd blackmailed him into letting her into the field. Even during their first case, before the fight and year long separation. Their level of comfort had grown in the years they'd spent working together.

The time they'd spent in Texas had only deepened those feelings and she knew Booth felt the same way. That they'd automatically slipped into that same pattern tonight, after discussing their desire to enter into a relationship, had alleviated some of her fears for what the future held. She knew that the perfect, happily-ever-after end she'd watched in movies was not what life had in store for them. But she now realized that this night was where those movies usually ended. Tonight was not their end, though. It was a new beginning.

Brennan knew it would be impossible to maintain a monogamous relationship without hardships. She'd seen enough evidence both in her anthropological studies and in the lives of the people around her. What she was thankful for, more than he realized, was that Booth acknowledged that fact as well. He'd told her he knew things wouldn't always be easy. That they'd have arguments and wouldn't always have the same opinions regarding things.

But he'd also shared his expectations...that they'd have to work together and compromise. To be open to change and to be honest. He hadn't spewed unrealistic visions of an ideal life. He hadn't brushed aside her concerns. He shared those same fears. Because of that, she knew he was truly her partner in this added layer of their relationship, the same as he'd been all along.

She had finished putting everything away and walked back to the living room just as Booth returned. His automatic smile drew the same reaction from her. She'd often seen glimpses of the look he had on his face now and had wondered what it meant. She was beginning to realize that he'd cared about her as more than a friend or partner for longer than she'd known. His expression was one she couldn't define, but she knew that it made her feel special...important.

He glanced down at his watch and was the first to break the silence. "Well, I guess I should let you get to sleep. It's been a long day."

She nodded, realizing for the first time that night that they had talked in generalities. They hadn't discussed the specifics of how they would proceed. "I assume you took your things to your place before you came here?"

Booth chuckled with obvious embarrassment. "Uh, no. I was a little anxious to get here. Hodgins brought them in for me and left them at the desk downstairs. You wanna help me get 'em out to a cab?"

"Don't be ridiculous. I can take you home." She paused before continuing uncertainly, "If that's what you wish. Or you could stay here?"

Booth's smile faded a little. "Uh...I guess we didn't really talk about this, did we?" Damn, he was nervous. He tried to second guess what she'd want him to say for a couple of seconds and then realized his mistake. This would never work if they weren't always up front with each other. "Bones, I love you and I've wanted this for a long time now. But I want to do it right. I don't want this to be like every other relationship we've ever had."

She looked at him with genuine confusion. "I don't know what that means."

Inwardly, he was amused by her predictability. Outwardly, he remained serious. "I don't want to rush things. I...look, we both know I'm attracted to you physically. And since we're gonna be honest with each other, I'll admit I've thought about what making love with you would be like more times than I can count. And as good as I know it will be, I want us to feel secure in this before we make that leap."

While that was his main reason for wanting to wait, he shared another of his concerns. "I know we all have those biological imperatives you talk about, but I want more. I want to break the laws of physics," he smiled then shrugged, "and right now, I'm just not up to it. Well...I mean...my leg. As for sex, yeah, I can do that. And trust me, there were times in Texas where I was happy I had our room to myself. But there are still a lot of things I can't do. My leg still isn't very strong and the last thing I want is for our first time to be clumsy...which is exactly what it would be."

Booth's stomach sank when her eyes traveled away from him. "How do _you_ see things going here, Bones?" he asked quietly.

Brennan took a moment to gather her thoughts. "Well, since we're being honest with each other," she smiled, nodding her head in acknowledgment of what he'd said, "I've often thought about what sleeping with you would be like as well. I always assumed we'd be very compatible."

Relief flooded Booth when he realized he hadn't opened his mouth and inserted his foot. As hard as he tried, he couldn't keep the smug grin off his face. "Yeah?"

Brennan's eyes lit up as she smiled, "Yes. I believe making love will be quite satisfying."

Booth knew someone could take a sledge hammer to his head right then and he'd go down with a shit eating grin on his face. "I know, right?"

Brennan nodded agreement. "As for your physical limitations, there are several positions that would accommodate the weakened state of your leg. I'm quite adventurous and unhampered by the limitations of puritanical sexual practices."

Booth chuckled a little nervously, having a hard time believing they were actually having this conversation, "Good to know."

Brennan stepped forward. "However, I agree that it would be prudent to let things evolve more slowly. I've given this a great deal of thought Booth. I don't want to do anything that might jeopardize this change in our relationship. Given our histories, I think we'd be wise to let things progress naturally rather than forcing a preconceived time line."

Booth nodded. "I think we're on the same page, Bones."

Brennan tilted her head to the side as she voiced another thought. "I wasn't actually asking you to sleep in my bed when I offered to let you stay here though. I have a spare bedroom you can use."

Booth groaned. "Oh God, I'm sorry, Bones. I didn't..."

"No, Booth, it's not that." She paused, looking down at the floor for a second, before meeting his eyes again and continuing softly. "I've missed you. I got used to living with you in Texas. It would be nice to...have you stay here. To get up and have breakfast together like we've been doing. To just..."

Booth nodded and finished her statement, "To just hang out. I get it, Bones." He smiled, happy that she'd missed their time together as much as he had. He flung his free hand in the direction of the door as he made his decision. "In that case, let's go get my bags."

He followed her out the door and felt a familiar sense of self consciousness return when it took so long to walk to the elevator. Bones didn't seem to care though and just asked questions about how his therapy had been going the whole way to the lobby. The night watchman looked up as they neared his desk.

"Dr. Brennan!" he smiled. "What can I do for you?"

"We'd like to get Booth's luggage, please."

"Sure thing," he said as he turned to the room behind him. When he returned, he placed Booth's large duffle bag on the floor next to the small suitcase he'd wheeled out. "You need help with those?"

"Thank you, Bruce, but we can manage them." Brennan waited for Booth to decide which bag he'd take. She worried the duffle bag might be too much for him to handle with his cane, but didn't want to embarrass him by taking the larger item. As she'd suspected, he'd automatically grabbed his duffle and slung it over his shoulder like the seasoned soldier he was.

As they walked back to the elevator, Booth nodded toward the suitcase Bones had grabbed. "That's got some of my things in it, but it's mostly the stuff you left behind. I couldn't fit everything in this one, so Shawn went out and got that case for me."

Booth stood to the side to let Bones step into the elevator first. His stomach was doing somersaults all over the place just thinking about the monumental change that had taken place since his arrival a few hours ago. Staying here, overnight, even in another room, felt like a big deal. It was a big deal. He kept his eyes on the lights indicating their location as they traveled in silence. When the bell sounded their arrival, he nervously glanced over to Bones. The fact that she wore the same expression made him feel a little easier and went a long way to calming him down. It was apparently the same for her because as soon as they looked at each other, they both laughed.

It didn't take long for Booth to get settled into 'his' room. He pulled on some sweatpants and a t-shirt before grabbing his toiletry bag and heading to the guest bathroom. He had to keep pinching himself to believe they'd really started down this road. More than once he simply looked in the mirror, shaking his head in wonder. When he was done, he left his bag at the back corner of the sink and walked to the living room. Bones was already there and still wearing the same outfit. Somehow she looked even more attractive than she had earlier.

Brennan heard Booth enter and stood up from the couch to face him. "I trust you found everything you needed?"

Booth smiled, "Yep, all done. Thanks, Bones."

Brennan walked over to where he stood and smiled thinly unsure how to proceed. This really was going to be different than her previous relationships. She'd never felt so awkward.

Booth seemed to sense her thoughts. "Hey. This part isn't going to last forever. We're gonna figure things out. Okay?"

"I find it odd that I'm so nervous about something I'm sure I want to do."

"It's like that for everyone, Bones."

"I haven't felt this way before, Booth, and I've had several relationships."

He smiled. "Yeah, but this one? This isn't a take it or leave it kinda thing. We're both afraid of screwing up because we know how easy it would be. And neither of us wants that to happen." He shrugged his shoulders, "So we're a little nervous...it's normal. It's because it's important to us. We'll get over it though. We will. Okay?"

Brennan sighed in relief. This is one of the things she had missed so much during her stay in Maluku. The moment she got confused about something, he was there to explain things to her. And despite some of his over simplifications, she took comfort in what he had to say. She trusted him. She closed the distance between them, grateful that he pulled her into a hug.

Booth rested his cheek against the top of her head. He was just as nervous as she was and if he was honest with himself, he knew he'd be looking for signs that he was scaring her for a while. But when she just accepted what he had to say and even seemed relieved by it, he had to admit that it made him feel like a man. A man who was taking care of the woman he loved. He pulled back to look at her again. "You ready to hit the sack?"

Brennan grinned, marveling at how quickly she felt comfortable again. "I am."

He leaned down and planted a short kiss on her lips as though it were the most natural thing in the world to do with her. Because suddenly it was. "Let's go."

They slowly walked the short distance to the bedrooms. Brennan paused by her door as Booth took the last few steps to his, further down the hall. She waited, knowing he would turn to look at her and finish their nightly ritual. When he did, she smiled. "Good night, Booth."

He grinned, "Good night, Bones."

* * *

Booth rolled onto his back, waking in small increments. He finally opened his eyes and looked around the room. A room in Bones' apartment. The gentle curve of his lips soon turned into a wide grin. It wasn't quite the same as waking up and seeing Bones in the bed next to his, but it was just as special. He pushed himself up to sit on the edge. The coolness of the floor against one of his feet made him realize he'd forgotten to take his socks off the night before. Somewhere along the line, he'd lost one in the sheets. Rather than digging for it, he slipped the other one off before grabbing his cane and heading out of the bedroom.

After making a quick pit stop, he walked out to figure out where Bones was. He heard a rustle of paper and headed toward the kitchen. "Mornin', Bones."

Brennan looked up from her newspaper and grinned. "Good morning. Did you sleep well? How's your back?"

"Best night's rest I've had in a long time. That's a great bed you got there. I could get used to it." His eyes darted to the side as he realized his words might have sounded like an implication he hadn't intended. He barreled through before she could say anything, "Coffee smells great."

Brennan set the paper down and stood up from her stool. "Sit. I'll get you a cup." She picked up the mug she'd set aside for him earlier. "I stepped out this morning and bought donuts and some beverages. I'll run out later and restock the kitchen."

Booth sat down and leaned his cane against the bar before reaching for the bakery box. "Donuts and coffee. You're singing my song. How long have you been up?"

"I've always been an early riser. You should know that by now," she smiled.

He grinned. "Yeah, I do. Sorry I slept so late. Guess yesterday wiped me out a little more than I thought it would," he said before taking a bite of the donut he'd picked out.

"I surmised as much, which is why I didn't wake you. Besides, it's not even ten o'clock, Booth." She finished preparing his coffee and brought it over to him. "It's hot," she warned.

He grabbed the mug and took a careful sip. "So, whatcha got planned today besides shopping?"

She sat on the stool next to him. "Nothing, really. Of course, I always have things to do, but I have no definite plans."

Booth nodded. "I talked to Rebecca yesterday."

Brennan bobbed her head in surprise. "You did?"

"Yeah. Told her I was coming home. Asked if I could take Parker out today. She thought it was a great idea. You wanna come along?"

"Wouldn't you rather spend time alone with him? It's been quite a while since you've seen him." Neither of them acknowledged the reason behind his extended absence from his son's life.

"He misses you too, Bones."

When she hesitated, Booth continued. "I'm not avoiding being alone with him. I'm going to talk with him. Explain everything. He's a kid, Bones. A smart kid. They roll with the punches a lot better than we do. Once we talk, he's gonna be all about having fun. And he loves spending time with you. As much as he does me probably."

Brennan stood there thinking about what he'd said. Spending a day with the both of them would be rather enjoyable. She still thought Booth should have time alone with his son, though. "Might I suggest a compromise? Like you indicated last night?"

"Yeah, of course. What is it, Bones?" Booth felt a little lift in his chest. He knew Bones had a steep learning curve, but he still felt happy that she was already adapting.

"What if we go together to pick Parker up. We could go somewhere the two of you could spend some time alone. Then I could rejoin you."

Booth smiled, reaching out to place his hand on her forearm. "Sounds perfect." He stared into her eyes for a couple of seconds and then pulled his hand back to take another bite of his donut. Without turning his head, his eyes slid back to glance at her. "Thanks, Bones."

Brennan smiled, incredibly pleased with the outcome of their discussion. "You're welcome."

* * *

Booth sat on the bench in the park and watched Parker process everything he'd just explained to him, waiting to see what his reaction would be. He'd tried to make sure his son knew that he was important and that he loved him. He'd tried to explain why he'd gone to Texas. He'd been honest about how he'd been angry and scared. He thought it was just as important to equip his son with knowledge about why people did the things they did as it was for him to gain the education he received in school.

Parker let his head fall to the side a bit. "So you're back for good now? You won't be in the Army any more?"

Booth nodded, trying to keep his explanation simple. "Yep. I'm staying here. I won't be going back because I got hurt while I was gone."

He watched the wheels turn in his son's mind. "Did you save lives while you were there?"

Booth's stomach sank as thoughts of Fish grabbed him, but he forced them away to concentrate on Parker. "Well, buddy, I wasn't there very long. I did my best to teach the men I worked with. Hopefully they can use that knowledge to help save people." Booth leaned his head down to make sure he had Parker's attention. "It's always important to try your best no matter what the outcome is. Okay?"

Parker nodded. "I tried my best on my science test, but I didn't do so good. You think Bones would help me?"

Booth chuckled, "I'm sure she'd help you. She's really good at science."

Parker grinned, "She is! If she helped me, I know I'd do good." He adopted a serious look. "You gonna catch bad guys again?"

Booth sighed. "I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet. I still have to get better. But as soon as I know, I'm going to tell you. Deal?"

"Deal."

"You got any more questions for me, bud? Anything else you wanna know? Anything you're confused about?"

Parker turned his head and looked up while he thought about it. Once he'd made up his mind he looked back at Booth. "Nope. That's it." He paused for a moment. "Wait. I do have one more question," he said, grinning.

Booth nodded. "Shoot."

"Can we go get ice cream with Bones now?"

Booth laughed, "Sounds good to me. C'mon." He put his fist out and bumped it with his son's before reaching for his cane and standing up. They started walking toward Bones, who was reading a book on another bench down the pathway.

"Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"Does your leg hurt?"

Booth shook his head even though Parker wasn't looking at him. "Nope. It's just not very strong yet."

"Can I try your cane?"

He chuckled, "Maybe later. I need it right now."

"Will we ever get to race again? Or play football? Or baseball?"

Booth stopped walking, reaching for Parker's shoulder to stop him. "Hey. Even if I didn't get better, we'd figure out a way to do those things. We can't ever give up. But I'm going to get better. And the minute I do, I'm totally gonna beat you in a race!"

Parker grinned. "Nuh uh. Mom got me these new sneakers that help me run faster. I'll beat you."

Booth laughed as they started toward Bones again. They continued bickering over who would be faster.

Parker was the first to speak when she looked up. "Bones, Dad thinks he will beat me in a race when he can run again. I told him I had new faster sneakers. Who do you think will win?"

Brennan smiled and put her book away as she considered his question. "That is an interesting question, Parker."

She stood up and they started walking toward the ice cream stand. "There are several variables that would factor into the outcome of a race. For instance, what is the distance of the race? What surface would you be running on? Like you pointed out, what footwear would each of you have? And there are physical differences as well. Your father has longer legs, but you are much younger."

Booth grinned at Bones while his son nodded and answered her, "I hadn't thought about all those things."

"I bet there's something else you didn't think of."

Parker frowned, obviously trying to figure out what he'd missed, "What?"

Brennan looked down at him confidently as they walked. "That I would beat you both!"

She laughed as both of them simultaneously exclaimed, "No way!"

* * *

Without planning it, Booth found himself sitting on the couch in Bones' apartment again that night. After dropping Parker off, they'd gone shopping for groceries. He'd helped carry everything up, but she had insisted he sit and rest while she put everything away. He was more than a little worn out from all the activity and reluctantly agreed.

Brennan poured herself a glass of wine then grabbed a beer for Booth. She walked back out to the living room and stopped. Booth had his legs propped on the coffee table and was resting against the back of the couch with his eyes closed. She smiled, enjoying the knowledge that she'd see this sight quite often from now on.

She walked closer and quietly said his name, "Booth?"

Booth jerked his head up, "Yeah?"

"I was trying to ascertain whether or not you were awake."

"Yep. I'm awake. Just relaxing a bit," he smiled. He reached for the beer she handed him and sat back to take a drink as she sat next to him and sipped her wine.

"Bones?"

"Hmm?"

"Will you tell me about Jasper now?"

Brennan tensed immediately and Booth rushed to stall her argument. "I've got those pain pills in bathroom. If I start to get a migraine, we can stop. It's just...I want those memories back, Bones, and I need your help."

Booth watched the way her lips pursed and then moved around as she made up her mind. He knew he'd have to accept her answer if she said no, but he was really hoping to get this behind him. When she took a deep breath, he waited to see what she'd say.

"Do you realize this is the second time you've said Jasper? I never told you what we named the pig."

Booth looked down at his lap. He _had_ called it Jasper. Why couldn't he remember anything else about it? How could he remember the name and nothing else? It had to be there. The memory. That meant he hadn't lost it all...he just had to find it. "No, I hadn't realized that."

"You remember Howard Epps?" she asked.

Booth nodded nervously. "Not everything, but yeah, I remember him."

"He'd enlisted the aid of a man named Gil Lappin. Do you remember him?"

Booth racked his brain, trying to place the name. "Name sorta rings a bell, but not really." He sighed, disappointed, figuring his answer would cause Bones to stop telling him anything.

"At the beginning of the case, Lappin lead us to the bones of the first victim. He used walking his dog as his ruse. The dog was guarding the remains and while we were trying to figure out how to get it to leave, you asked me if I'd ever had a dog. I told you I'd always wanted a pig. Do you remember any of this?"

Booth pushed himself to remember. "I do remember a dog. Mean one. It growled at me, right?"

Brennan smiled. "Yes, it didn't seem to like you despite your claim that dogs love you. Later in the case you asked me what I'd name a pig and I told you Jasper." She paused, looking down, before continuing quietly, "My mother read a story to me when I was little about a girl who had a pet pig named Jasper. I really liked it."

Booth put his beer down on the coffee table and reached out to hold her hand.

Brennan looked back up at Booth. "Hodgins gave us the information we needed to track down where Lappin was holding his next victim. When we got there, you gave me your spare gun. I didn't even have to ask you for it. That's when I realized just how dangerous the situation was. We found Helen, the girl he'd abducted, and you told me to stay with her while you went to find Lappin."

Booth squeezed her hand to let her know he was fine...and to offer comfort. He hated that he couldn't remember something that obviously still caused her stress. She had to have been scared, but he knew, even without remembering, that she'd handled it like a pro.

"I was worried about you going alone, so I helped Helen hide and then followed you." She swallowed deeply. "By the time I found you, Lappin was attacking you with a pipe. I thought he was going to kill you."

Booth could see that she was fighting against her pent up emotions. "Hey. If this is too much, you don't have to tell me. I don't need to know that bad."

Brennan pursed her lips together and shook her head. "I'm fine, Booth." She looked away and took a few seconds to get composed. Then she met his eyes. "I killed him. I had to."

Booth's eyes widened in surprise. "Oh, God, Bones. I...I'm sorry. I..." How could he not remember this?

Brennan smiled. "I would do it again, Booth. Your life is more valuable than his was. But my actions weren't without repercussions. Epps won. He wanted us to kill Lappin and I did."

"Bones, no. You did what you had to do. You did what I would have done in a heart beat."

"Yes, you helped me understand that. I know I did the right thing."

Booth nodded, relieved to find out he'd helped her. "Good. That's good, Bones."

"You gave me the pig that night. You remembered the name I had told you. You called it Jasper. Nobody had ever done anything like that for me. Nobody had cared so much before. And your simple gesture allowed me to realize that what you said was true...you told me I'd be okay, Booth. And I have been."

Booth was breathing deeply at hearing such a shocking story. He'd never suspected that the small plastic toy had such a history. Knowing Bones, he should have figured it out. He should have realized that she wasn't really the type to keep things like that so close to her and that if she did, they were important. His brow scrunched up with all the regret he was feeling. He pulled her close and tucked her under his arm, resting his cheek against the top of her head. "Bones, I'm sorry I don't remember. I wish I did."

"It's okay that you don't. Maybe one day you will. Until then, I'll remember for the both of us," she smiled.

Brennan let the memory play through her mind again. She heard the shot ring out and watched Lappin turn to her before falling to the ground. She rested her cheek on Booth's chest and felt it rising and falling as he breathed. Felt the warmth of him next to her. There had been so many times she could have lost him. The memories of the last few months flashed through her mind. She knew she'd made the right choices. "I would do anything to ensure your safety, Booth."

Booth gave her a gentle squeeze. "And I'll always do everything in my power to make sure you're safe too, Bones."

She smiled and looked up at him. "I guess that makes us two peas in a bucket."

Booth chuckled, "It's two peas in a _pod_, Bones."

Brennan let her eyes travel around the room as she considered his statement. "That would imply we are alone, but we have so many people around us...all of our friends and family. I like my metaphor better. It's far more appropriate." She looked up with a twinkle in her eye, daring him to argue.

Booth grinned. "You know what? You're right. I like it. We're two peas in a bucket!"


	40. Long Road Home

**A/N: I apologize now for the incredibly lengthy a/n, but I must give credit where credit is due. **

**A/N - Story: Here we are. The end of Two Peas in a Bucket. It's going to be incredibly hard for me to say good bye to this story. I cried when I typed the last word and I promise you there are tears as I'm posting this chapter. I started Peas when my son joined the Marines and left for Boot Camp. I'm finishing it just as he's finishing his training and moving into the fleet. This past year has been an emotional journey for both of us. **

**Mali Bear's Buddy and MiseryMaker have been incredible mentors and this story is much better because they were kind enough to teach me. I will never be able to express just how much I've appreciated their help and their friendship. **

**This story exists because Thnx4theGum, GCatsPjs and sirenizzed gave me the courage to write. Without them, I'm not sure I would ever have decided to write fiction. I treasure their support and friendship so very much. My life is different...better...because they took the time to convince me I could do this.**

**Rankor01 has been gracious enough to endure my questions regarding the male perspective and the inner workings of the military. I followed a prompt from him for this chapter and once again, the story was improved as a result. I value both his friendship and his input.**

**I have many friends who took time to offer thoughts, suggestions, support...it would take at least half a page to list everyone and I'd still miss someone! You know who you are. Thank you so much for caring enough to help me.**

**You, the readers, have meant more to me than you'll ever know. Your encouragement with your alerts and comments throughout this story has been amazing. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you. Thank you for taking the time to read this. For taking the time to think about what you read. For taking the time out of your busy lives to comment. You are wonderful.**

**A/N - Chapter: Thanks for the seafood laugh jbird! Thank you anteaternurse and ****ihmbookworm for the technical help. And thank you lysaleelee and thevaliumsofa for making me laugh when I wanted to cry.**

**And now, I leave you with this final chapter of Peas.**

**Thank you.**

_**Long Road Home**_

* * *

_Three Months Later..._

Booth stepped through the door and onto the sidewalk. He heard various sounds of the city in the darkness around him. A car horn honked in the distance. A siren blared a little further away. A truck drove by, spraying the remnants of the rain from the middle of the night.

He looked around, surveying his surroundings, a habit he'd never lost. The streets were fairly empty even though it was early morning. When the sun came up later, people would come out and activity would increase. But for now, he was blessed with almost complete solitude.

He lifted his left foot behind him, pulling it up to stretch the muscles one more time. He let it fall to the ground and repeated the action with his right foot. As he stood there, he thought about the plans he and Bones had for the day and felt the weight of the past as clearly as if he were carrying it. He knew the next several hours were going to be difficult. It was time to focus.

He turned to his left and started walking, thankful he'd fully warmed up in the apartment. His pace was relatively slow, but soon increased in momentum. Each step carrying him forward. It didn't take long for his stride to widen, turning first into a jog and then a run.

Booth felt his heart beating in his chest as the pavement flew by. He listened to the sound of each breath he took. He felt the muscles in his legs alternate between flexion and extension. The muscles in his arm doing the same as they pumped forward and backward. The combined rhythms brought him comfort.

He listened to the cadence of his steps until his mind wandered. He thought back to the days before he and Bones had left DC. How desperate he'd been to hold on to what they'd had. He would have given anything to keep her from leaving for Maluku. But he'd known in the airport, when he'd held onto her hand...he'd had that gut feeling. He'd known that leaving was going to change his life. He hadn't wanted what he thought that future held for him, but he'd walked into it just the same.

He thought about the soldiers he'd met in Afghanistan. About Fish. He, like all the other men, had prepared to do their best. Their duty. He admired the courage they'd demonstrated at such a young age.

Memories of when he woke up in the hospital in Germany flooded through. The panic he'd felt. The sheer terror that life as he'd known it was over. He welcomed the burn he felt in his legs now. A reminder that he'd not only survived, but had regained the physical abilities he'd worried he'd lost forever.

He hadn't wanted anyone to see him that way. Even once he'd returned home. Especially Bones. But she'd been as stubborn as ever and hadn't given up. She'd barged her way into his life whether he'd wanted it or not.

A small quick smile broke through as he ran. He'd been so angry with her...and it had lasted only minutes. She just had this way about her. No matter what, she'd always have his heart and he'd always be powerless to stop her.

Booth paused at a street, jogging in place while he waited for the light to turn. Once the sign flashed the all clear, he proceeded to run, thinking about how Bones had followed him to Texas. She really was the bravest and most stubborn woman he'd ever met. And he wouldn't change a thing about her.

He passed by the familiar sights of home, thankful he was here to enjoy seeing them. Things could have turned out so differently. The life he had now was even more important and precious than any other time he'd had a brush with death. He'd always had a lot to live for and treated life with respect, but Bones had given him more. It was amazing how things turned out sometimes.

He continued running a while longer before choosing a path that would lead him home. He still had things to do before he could finish the rest of his day. He slowed his pace to cool down as he neared the apartment. Once he walked in the building, he slowly took the stairs as the last step to bring his heart rate down.

Booth immediately went to the bathroom for a quick shower. Once he was finished, he ran a little gel through his hair before parting it and combing it to the side. He had to look good today. He moved to the bedroom and pulled out one of his best charcoal gray suits. He grabbed a more sedate pair of socks and his dress shoes. He took extra care with each item of clothing, making sure everything was squared away and in place.

When he was dressed, he stepped in front of the full length mirror for inspection. He looked over his reflection, from the top of his head to his shoes. His eyes traveled back up and he stared at the face he saw before him, willing his nerves away. This was a day to be strong.

His gaze broke away and he looked down at his watch. Nearly time to leave. He walked over and squatted down to pull out the bottom drawer of the dresser. He reached for the two small wooden boxes he needed, but his eyes were automatically drawn to the notebooks resting there. His hand bypassed the boxes and picked up the top notebook instead. He smiled as he ran his hand over its surface.

He opened it to the first page and read the line at the top. _Cam explained you had difficulty talking. I thought this might be a more satisfactory way to converse._ He ran the tip of his finger across the words written there. Then down to the next line, _Do you know who I am?_ He allowed himself to smile as he started flipping through the pages. Remembering. So many conversations. Bones had never given up on him. Never. She'd pulled him out of his self imposed shell and had broken down every wall he'd constructed. She was amazing.

As if summoned, he felt her hands slide against his back. Her hair cascaded over his shoulder and her palms slid down to his chest as she leaned over to see what he was looking at. She reached down, resting her fingers over his on the page. "You were so angry back then," she said quietly.

"Yeah, I was."

"And now?"

"Now?" he paused, turning slightly to look at her. "Now I'm happy. I'm content. I have my life back. A better life. I have you." He closed the notebook and put it back on top of the other ones. He pulled out the boxes and stood up with her. "What more could a man ask for?"

Booth gently placed one box on the dresser and opened the other one. He held it out so they could look at its contents. He looked at Bones with the hint of worry on his face. "Do you think she'll like them?"

"They're beautiful, Booth. She will appreciate the effort you've made to honor her sons. And as a Catholic, she will understand the meaning behind your gift."

Booth's throat constricted against the emotion he was feeling as they looked down at the black cocoa wood rosary resting on a white satin cloth. They were nestled inside a box made from the wood of a purple heart tree. He'd had them made especially for this occasion. He slowly closed the lid and looked at the design engraved on the front. Specialist Christopher Williams. His name was flanked on one side by the Army seal and on the other by his rank insignia.

He picked up the second one and held it so they could read the name: Corporal Edward Parker. Booth stared at the names for a few seconds, thinking about the men they represented. He felt the tears start to well up and immediately held his head higher, gathering strength and refusing to let them fall.

He looked over at Bones, asking the first question that came to mind. Anything to take his mind off Parker and Fish. "You think I should explain the significance of the purple heart wood, or does it matter?"

Brennan smiled, gently, "I think you should follow your instincts, Booth. You will find the right words when the time comes."

He nodded. "You get everything finished at the lab you wanted to get done?"

Brennan reached out to touch his arm. "I did, but I believe you're only asking because you wish to delay our departure a few more minutes. We'll make it through today the same as every other day, Booth. I'll be with you." She pulled her arm away and turned for her suitcase. "It's time to go."

Their visit to Mrs. Williams was bringing the grief he'd managed to subdue back to the surface. Booth knew this was something he had to do. It was his duty. To Fish. To Parker. In a way, to all the men he'd known who had fallen.

He turned to grab his own suitcase and followed Bones out of the apartment.

* * *

Booth's movements were more precise, his military training high on his mind. He was here to honor Fish's last request of him. He looked over at Bones as they made their way up the ramp leading from the plane. He was sure he would never, as long as he lived, be able to convey to her how much it meant to him that she accompanied him on this trip. Her eyes met and held his own as they walked. Maybe she did understand.

They strolled out into the busy airport, looking for the baggage claim signs. Booth scanned the sea of people around him. They were smiling, talking on phones, rushing as they pulled bags behind them. They had no idea why he was here. They had no idea he had come to pay respect to two soldiers who'd given their lives for them. He wanted to stop each one of them and tell them the story of the two young men. He wanted, just for one moment, for people to stop and be conscious of the lives they were leading. To understand that all the hustle and bustle was unimportant.

He was in no hurry, but he kept a steady pace. Bones comfortably matched his stride and it wasn't long before they reached the escalators that would carry them down. They were among the last to arrive at the squeaky band, winding around with the contents of the cargo hold. They each had one bag and stood among the other travelers, waiting patiently for their belongings.

Booth's came first and he leaned over to grab his case from the conveyor. A couple of minutes later and Bones' bag came around the bend. He ignored his instincts to get it for her as well as the instructions Pops had always given him and allowed her to pull her own suitcase from the belt.

She glanced up and he nodded. He was thankful for her small smile.

The plane ride had been short but the car rental line had been hellishly long. They'd agreed before leaving that they'd drive straight to Mrs. William's house before checking in at their hotel. As soon as he'd programmed the GPS, they were on their way.

Booth sat up straight behind the wheel as they approached the house. His chin held a little higher. He pulled into the driveway and turned off the car, resting his hands in his lap. Closing his eyes, he relived memories of Parker and Fish. The brothers had touched his life in so many ways. He mourned the loss of the two brave men.

He took a second to find his resolve and traveled back in time. He laughed with Parker at the end of the day as they joked and talked about life back home. He remembered the hours they spent waiting in hiding to complete a mission. He ran until he thought his lungs would burst, trying to save the boy draped over his shoulder.

He looked up as Fish hesitantly handed him a plain envelope. He leaned over to show him an important part of the map during training. He sat in his room as the young soldier told him of wanting to follow in the footsteps of men he admired.

They were gone. There was nothing he could do about it. Nothing he could change. But he could honor the request to visit their mother. To let her know she should be proud. That he had personally known of their bravery.

The soft touch as Bones laid her hand on his arm provided a comfort he couldn't describe. He opened his eyes and turned to her. He knew she didn't expect anything from him. She was only letting him know she was there. His gaze traveled over her features. So much had changed between them. His guilt would stay with him forever in small ways, but he was finally thankful he'd survived. He allowed himself to remember the good things of the past.

He smiled and took a deep breath, laying his other hand over hers. Later he would tell her. He would thank her and try to relay his gratitude. For now, he had to save his words for another woman. One who waited inside the house.

He undid his seatbelt, briefly wondering how he'd let Bones convince him to wear it all the time. Opening the door, he carefully picked up the boxes and got out to stand in the sun. He supposed it was fitting that it was a bright sunny day. Birds were chirping in the trees. Butterflies danced around the flowers that surrounded the house. He felt aware of every sight and every sound around him.

He smoothed the lines of his suit as he stood to his full height. He had no need to fix the hair he'd trimmed to regulation length. In his hands he carried the rosary boxes to give their mother.

He looked over at Bones as she walked up beside him. His best friend. His partner in every way.

She gently raised her hand and placed it in the crook of his elbow as they walked up the sidewalk to meet Mrs. Williams.

Booth raised his hand to press the doorbell, but paused, his finger hovered over the button. He took one last deep breath and pushed. He listened to the footsteps on the other side of the door. Watched as the door handle turned and raised his eyes to greet the woman standing there.

As soon as he saw Mrs. Williams, he knew where Parker and Fish had gotten their looks. She had the same blonde hair even though it had streaks of gray. The hint of freckles covered by makeup. And the same light in her eyes. She was definitely their mother.

"Mrs. Williams?" he needlessly verified.

She smiled, "I've stressed over what to call you. The boys always referred to you as Booth or used your rank, and I'm sorry I don't remember your rank," she nervously laughed.

Booth quietly returned her laugh, realizing 'the boys' had also learned to speak their minds from her as well. "Booth is fine, ma'am. And this is Dr. Temperance Brennan, my..." What did he call her now?

Brennan rushed to fill his uncomfortable pause. "I'm his partner and his girlfriend. It's a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Williams," she said, holding out her hand.

Booth tried to hide his double take, but he knew Bones had seen it.

"Won't you please come in?" she said as she stood aside to let them enter. "Would you like some lemonade? Or coffee?"

Booth finally found his voice. "None for me, thank you."

She looked at Brennan who answered, "No, thank you."

Mrs. Williams lead them to the living room, gesturing to the couch. She chose a chair opposite them and immediately began fiddle with her fingers. Each of them was silent, unwilling to broach the true reason for the visit.

Booth spoke first, coming straight to the point. If he hadn't been so nervous, he might have remembered the pleasantries. "Mrs. Williams, I want you to know it was an honor to know your sons. Parker was one of the best partners I've ever had. I didn't have much time to get to know Fish, uh, Williams, better, but I knew him well enough to know he was just as good a soldier as Parker. You raised two very fine men."

Mrs. Williams eyes teared up immediately and she pursed her lips in a smile to fight back against the emotions she was feeling. She reached for a tissue she had in her pocket and waved it in the air before touching it to her eyes. "I knew I'd need this," she chuckled self consciously. "It's strange to hear you call them that. They were always Eddie and Chris to me. But once they joined, they used everyone's last names. You think I'd be used to it by now."

A wistful smile stayed for a moment. "Did Chris ever tell you why they called him Fish?"

Booth shook his head, "No ma'am."

Her smile widened slightly and her eyes became distant. "It was during Basic Training, before I knew to be more careful in what I said to him. I wrote him a letter telling him how his younger cousin was taking swimming lessons and wanted to be a fish, just like him." She chuckled. "One of his friends got hold of the letter somehow and called him Fish. It just stuck. All his friends called him that. He always acted like it was horrible and told me to watch what I wrote, but I could tell...he liked it. It made him feel like he belonged."

She paused, her eyes traveling down to look at the floor as the memories played through her mind. A tear slowly made its way down her cheek as she whispered, "My little fish. He was such a great swimmer." She smiled through her tears. "Did you know that?"

Each moment he spent watching her pain became more difficult. He swallowed against his own pain, "No ma'am, I didn't."

"They both loved you to death. It was always Booth this and Booth that. They wanted to be just like you. It was all Chris talked about after Eddie's funeral. He was going to grow up and..."she choked up, "...be just like his brother and just like you."

Booth couldn't fight the tears any more as they welled up in his eyes. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't save them. If I could go back and change everything, I would."

She shook her head, her chin quivering. "They were soldiers. They died doing what they thought was right. They died doing what they wanted to do, Booth, and I'm very proud of them. You have no blame. I know you did everything you could. My boys were smart. They would never have chosen you as their role model if you weren't worthy of the distinction."

Booth had worried for so long about how Mrs. Williams would feel about him. Would she be angry? Would she blame him? To find out that neither of those was the case was a relief that he couldn't describe. But it was still incredibly difficult to sit in front of her...a survivor...when she'd lost both her sons.

Brennan reached out to place her hand on Booth's leg. She wanted to do something, anything to make these two people feel better, but she had no idea how. She could only sit and listen and hope that Booth knew she supported him.

Booth looked down at her hand and reached out to squeeze it in thanks as he looked back up at her. He loved her for her encouraging smile even though her worry was clearly written on her face. He turned his attention back to Mrs. Williams as he reached for the boxes beside him on the couch. "I wanted to give you something. Hopefully they'll bring you..." he shrugged, "...some comfort."

He stood up and walked over to sit in the chair next to hers. He held out Parker's box for her to take while he held Fish's out for her to see as well.

Mrs. Williams looked down at the engraving and quit fighting her tears. She gently traced her thumb over her son's name. Closing her eyes, she sniffled in a deep breath and held it. Once she could, she turned her head to the side and opened the lid with trembling fingers to look inside. When she saw the rosary, she lost whatever strength she'd gathered and broke down crying. She lifted her hand to cover her face while she struggled to regain control of her emotions.

Booth couldn't bear to see her in such pain. He knelt down in front of her and pulled her into an embrace. He tightened his arms around her when she leaned her head on his shoulder. He was fighting his own demons and it was all he could do to keep from joining her. He tried to support her the only way he could while her shoulders bobbed in rhythm with her tears.

Mrs. Williams hiccuped in a couple of deep breaths, then leaned back, fiddling with her tissue to find a dry spot. She dabbed at her eyes before closing it over her nose. "I'm sorry. I promised myself I wouldn't do this. That didn't work out so well, did it?" she sadly smiled.

Booth rested back on his legs in front of her and placed his hand on her knee, allowing his lips to raise in a small curve. "It's okay. I know how I'd feel if I lost my son. You're doing a lot better than I would be."

"You're too kind, but thank you." She wiped at the corners of her eyes again. "You have a son?"

Booth's stomach sank. Why hadn't he thought about what he was saying before he'd said it. He glanced back at Bones. She didn't always understand things, but he could tell she realized how upset he was with himself. He turned back to Mrs. Williams. "Uh, yeah. He's going to be ten soon."

"Oh, that's such a great age. Next time you visit..." she leaned her head down to look him in the eye, "...and you _will_ visit again, right?"

Booth smiled and nodded, "Yes, ma'am."

She smiled, "Good. Well, when you come, you should bring him. And I'll try not to be so emotional next time." She patted his hand. "I'd love to meet him. Do you have a picture?"

"Yeah, I do," Booth said as he reached for his back pocket, only to find it empty. "Oh, I left my wallet in the car."

Brennan reached down for her purse. "I have one, Booth." She pulled her wallet out and flipped it open before passing it to him.

Booth grinned as he looked at her. He remembered giving her one of Parker's school pictures, but hadn't realized she carried it with her until now. He couldn't help the little jump of his heart when he took her wallet. "Thanks, Bones," he said quietly, holding her eyes for a moment, hoping she knew he was thanking her for more than the picture. He turned back and held the wallet out for Mrs. Williams to see.

"What a lovely boy. He looks so much like you. What's his name?"

This was the question that Booth had been dreading from the moment he'd mentioned his son. He pulled his bottom lip between his teeth as he looked down at the picture. He let out a sigh and looked back up at her expectant expression. He hated that he was going to rip open a wound and upset her again. "His name is Parker," he said quietly.

Her eyes raised in surprise as she huffed out a breath. She looked at him with both a question and a hint of hope. "Parker," she whispered.

Booth nodded. "I gave him your son's name."

Tears shone in her eyes once again, but her smile was one of happiness. "I don't know what to say. Thank you."

Booth smiled, "I wanted my son to have an honorable name and your son was one of the most honorable men I had known. A true friend."

She reached out to place her hand on his shoulder. "Thank you, Booth. And thank you for the rosaries. They're beautiful."

Booth stood up and placed the other box in her hands. She looked down at their names again. "I have just the place to put these." She stood up, "Come with me."

Booth stood up just as Mrs. Williams turned to Brennan, "You too, Temperance," she smiled.

Brennan returned her smile and stood next to Booth. As they followed Mrs. Williams from the room, Booth put his arm around her shoulders and leaned over to kiss the top of her head. They walked down a short hallway and into a family room. Against the wall was a small shelf, holding the official Army pictures of both Parker and Fish. Next to them rested their ceremonial service flags in their triangular display cases.

Brennan had been able to remain relatively detached from everything she'd witnessed to that point. When she saw the flags, just like the one she could so easily have seen for Booth, she felt the loss this woman had suffered. She watched as Mrs. Williams reverently placed Booth's gifts next to the pictures.

Once she stepped back, Brennan looked at the finished shrine to the lives and deaths of the two young men. She turned to look up at the curve of Booth's face as he studied the display. She felt the warmth of his hand in hers. She took in a deep breath and could smell the hint of soap he'd used in the shower that morning. He was alive. He was here. And the boys in the pictures weren't.

She'd been thankful that he'd survived from the minute Jared had told her all those months ago. She had taken the time to appreciate the moments that she knew could have been non-existent. But she hadn't truly felt the weight of how easy it would have been for things to turn out differently until she saw the flags and the pictures of the young men they represented. After seeing the grief of their mother, she knew her life would have been changed had Booth not lived. She knew she would have been in just as much grief.

Brennan turned to the woman, who was looking at the display with a smile. She understood. She had looked at pictures of her mother with what she assumed was the same expression. "It's a beautiful display, Mrs. Williams."

"Thank you. And please, call me Julie." She turned back to look at the pictures again. "If we take time to remember them, a little part of them is still here. I even talk to them sometimes."

Booth looked at Bones nervously, hoping like crazy she wouldn't talk about the impossibility of them hearing her.

Brennan took a step forward to stand closer to the woman. "I occasionally go to the cemetery to visit my mother's grave. I admit, I didn't understand the benefit of talking to the dead at first, but Booth explained it would bring comfort when I needed it." She paused to look at him and smiled. "He was right."

Booth's eyes met and held hers. He had never wanted her to change. Had never expected it. But the ways that she had were breathtaking.

He glanced back over at the pictures. "Hm," he huffed as he smiled at a memory. "Parker played a great joke on me once." He looked up to see both women looking at him expectantly. "We'd just come back from a mission and I was beat. We hadn't had much sleep. So I laid down on my rack in one of the tents we set up at base camp. I was out cold the second I was horizontal. Next thing I know, it sounds like there's an explosion right under me. Well, there was actually. Parker had snuck an MRE bomb under the edge of the tent and managed to get it right under my rack. Damn thing hit me in the ass when it went off," he laughed. He realized what he'd just said and zipped his head over to Mrs. Williams who was already laughing. "I apologize, Mrs. Williams."

"No, no! Don't apologize. I've been the only woman in a family of men for a long time now, Booth. You think I haven't heard language like that before? Please! And I told you, it's Julie," she smiled. "Eddie did the same thing to Chip, my husband, one time, only he was out in the garage working on the fuse box! I heard his yell all the way in the house!"

Brennan looked back and forth at the two of them while they laughed at what was apparently a joke. "I don't understand. What's an MRE bomb?"

Booth grinned. "There's a chemical packet in MRE's that's used to heat up the food. You cut open the packet, dump the chemicals in a canteen or a plastic bottle, mix in some water, slap on the cap and presto...automatic prank bomb."

Brennan grinned. "Ahh! I see. Adding the water to the magnesium and iron causes the oxidation-reduction reaction and the addition of the sodium chloride accelerates the exothermic reaction which would quickly breech the tolerance levels of the container."

Booth looked at her in confusion. "Well, the gas makes the bottle expand until it can't and it just blows up."

"Yes, that's what I said. It's quite funny, actually," she said as she laughed.

"Well, I didn't think it was so funny at first. I scrambled off my rack and had my sidearm out in two seconds flat. Then I heard Parker laughing on the other side of the tent."

Julie started laughing again. "That sounds exactly like something he'd do. He was always a jokester. From the time he was little."

Booth grinned, happy they were able to remember the good times. "Yeah, if the guys ever needed an idea for a prank, he was the one to go to."

* * *

Booth looked over at Bones and smiled as they walked down the hallway toward their hotel room. He was thankful that she'd allowed him time to think about the day instead of pulling him into a conversation. Neither of them had said a word since they'd left Julie's house outside of checking in. He inserted the key card into door and opened it, allowing her to go in first.

As soon as the door shut behind him, he let go of his suitcase and stopped. He didn't have to ask, she already knew what he needed and walked toward him. As soon as she was within reach, he pulled her to his chest and wrapped his arms around her. This was what he needed more than anything else in the world.

He stood there, quietly holding Bones as his mind drifted over the events of the day. More than once, he'd almost talked himself out of coming out so soon after returning to DC. He had wanted to put off what he knew was going to be a difficult meeting. But Julie had seemed like a great person and he'd really enjoyed the visit, even promising to continue visiting her in the future. They'd spent longer there than he thought they would. As good as it had been, though, he was quite happy to be alone with Bones.

He pulled back to look at her. "I know you researched places to eat, but would you mind if we just ordered room service and stayed in tonight? We've got the whole weekend to go to some of the restaurants you picked out."

She smiled, "I think that is an excellent suggestion."

"Great," he said as he let go of her, grinning like a kid and clapping his hands together. "Then I'm gonna get into my pj's."

"You brought pajamas? You never wear them when we're home. Why would you do so now?"

He flashed his usual charm smile and winked. "I never said I was keeping them on all night."

"Ahhhh. You want to be fully clothed when dinner arrives."

"You got it, Bones!"

Booth quickly unpacked his bag and changed into sweatpants and a t-shirt, before letting Bones have the bathroom. He'd placed their order and was sitting on the end of the bed flipping through the channels when he heard her open the door. He looked up and his jaw hit the floor when he saw her walk out in a silky little one piece nightie that barely covered anything.

"I will most definitely be answering the door when our food arrives," he said as his eyes traveled over her gorgeous figure.

She chuckled. "I am perfectly decent, Booth."

"Yeah? Well, I don't want some pimply faced teeny bopper gawking at my girlfriend."

She raised her eyebrows, showing her obvious displeasure at his statement.

"What? You were the one who used that word today with Julie."

"I was merely covering your hesitation with a descriptive term that would be readily understood."

"Sooo...you're not my girlfriend?"

"I don't particularly care for that term. It seems rather childish."

"So, what are you then?"

"We can discuss that another time. I need..."

A knock at the door interrupted anything else she might have said. Booth jumped from the bed and yanked the covers back. He grabbed her by the shoulders and backed her up until she fell onto the bed, amused at her surprised expression. He yanked the covers over her and pointed his finger at her with a grin on his face. "Stay there."

Brennan laughed, "You're being silly, Booth."

"I don't care," he threw over his shoulder as he went to answer the door.

* * *

A few hours later, Booth grabbed the food tray and put it outside their door. After locking it back he walked back over to the bed. Bones was lying on her side and looked to be very much asleep. He grinned. Things had changed so much between them and he couldn't have been happier.

He stripped down to his boxers and grabbed the remote to turn the tv off. He sat on the bed and reached out to turn off the lamp. The room was bathed in darkness as he finished climbing into bed. He rolled over and snuggled into his usual position behind her, wrapping his arm around her waist. He sighed as he closed his eyes.

"Booth?"

"I thought you were asleep, Bones."

"No. I was just thinking."

"What about?"

"About today."

He'd been half asleep until she'd said that. "Oh?"

"My life would be very different if you hadn't survived your heatstroke." She paused. "I learned at a young age to simply accept the various circumstances of life. There are both positive and negative situations and I react to them like others do. But I choose to focus on the future rather than dwelling on the past."

"That's a good thing, Bones."

"I agree. However, I'm not sure I would have been able to maintain that outlook if you had died." She pulled his arm around her a little more tightly. "Seeing those service flags today reminded me of the day I left for Maluku. There was a large flag hanging in the airport. It was then that I recognized the fact that you could possibly return in a casket. That your flag would be in one of those cases like the ones Julie had."

"But I didn't. I survived. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere." He gently squeezed her to prove it.

She lifted his arm and rolled over to face him. He could barely see her face in the dim glow filtering in through the window.

"I knew, Booth." She moved her hand to his chest. "Angela told me she hoped I found something that would change the entire notion of what it means to be human. And I did. My time in Maluku allowed me to understand and accept my feelings for you. But in the airport? When I realized what I was leaving? That I might never see you again? I knew."

Booth's heart jumped into his throat as he listened to her. She took a deep breath and continued, "I once told you I didn't have your kind of open heart. That the definition of insanity was doing something over and over again and expecting a different outcome. And you said we should try for a different outcome. Do you remember?"

Booth briefly closed his eyes and said a prayer of thanks that God had seen fit to allow him to remember exactly what she was talking about. "Yeah, I remember."

"I'm glad you're alive and that we had the opportunity to choose a different outcome." She snuggled a little closer. "I love you, Booth."

"I love you too, Bones. More than you'll ever know." He leaned forward to softly kiss her forehead.

Brennan turned her face up and gently kissed his lips. There were still things to learn, but she had made significant progress. And she knew that Booth would be by her side, helping her just as he'd always done. That they'd learn together. Partners...in everything.

She smiled as she rested her head on his chest. "Good night, Booth."

Booth pulled her close, knowing in his heart that they had a fantastic future ahead of them.

"Good night, Bones."


End file.
